

A couple of weeks ago, while in an interview, someone asked me one of those "pageant questions"—you know, like "What do you wish for the world?" My answer? It wasn't world peace. As someone who works with married couples, many of which who have some of the worst sex lives that I've ever seen (well, not seen but you know what I mean), I said, "I wish more people would make having a fulfilling sex life more of a priority than they tend to do." Sex, especially when you're in a long-term committed relationship, is important. It speaks volumes to the level of intimacy, connection and desire two people have for one another. It also reminds us that we were created to be sexual beings so, just like we need to be "good" in other areas of our lives, we need to be satisfied sexually as well.
That's why, there was no way that I could let 2020 arrive without at least encouraging y'all to set some sex goals for the year ahead. Things that will make you have sex more often, things that will bring you and yours closer together—things that will make you see sex as being just as important as all of the other things that you've got on your to-do list. Are you ready to make 2020 the year when you have the best sex—EVER? Let's do this.
Sex Goals You & Your Partner Need For A Better Sex Life
1. Extend the Foreplay
The late comedian Joan Rivers once said, "Women don't blink during foreplay…there's not enough time." That's funny but you know what they say—there's truth in all humor. Along these lines, another truth that should be stated is a partner who isn't into foreplay is a partner who could stand to become a better lover. Just like good food prep makes for a better meal, good foreplay makes for a far more pleasurable sexual experience.
In 2020, be intentional about turning foreplay into a real art form. Flirt over the phone and text throughout the day. Give each other sensual massages with some aphrodisiac essential oils. Do strip teases. Incorporate "sex condiments" like honey and syrup (which are even better when some sweet almond oil is mixed in and warmed up first). Set the right ambiance. Explore uncommon erogenous zones. Strongly consider saying "grace" first like model Ashley Graham and her husband do (if you consider sex to be a spiritual act, that shouldn't freak you out in the least). Tell each other your fantasies. Kiss—passionately and a lot. TAKE. YOUR. TIME. A Kinky Quotes quote that I like is, "When you go from foreplay to sex and back…over and over." Make that a mantra for your sex life this year and I promise you, there will be absolutely no regrets.
2. Start a “New Position of the Week” Private Club
According to one site that I checked out, there are approximately 245 different sex positions. This means that if you tried one position a day, it would take about nine months to knock 'em all out. According to certain studies, so long as you and yours are gettin' it in once a week, you should be all good.
My advice would be to shoot for having sex, one day a week more than you currently do. While you're in the process of doing that, at least one of those times, test out a new position.
Hey, a lot of couples say that boredom is one of their greatest sexual challenges; if you know that some never-been-attempted-before action is always on the horizon, this should curb that issue. At least a little bit.
3. Schedule Sex (If You Tend to Have It Less than Once a Week)
Whenever I'm dealing with a couple who tells me something along the lines of, "Girl, we looked up one day and realized that we haven't had any in weeks", my first question is usually, "Why?" If they tell me that the sex is good, they just don't seem to have time, my follow-up is, "Why don't you create a sex schedule?" Sometimes they'll frown at the thought of how "not romantic" that is but the way I see it, I'd rather have orgasms with a little less spontaneity than be sexually pissed because I'm waiting for some Hallmark moment to transpire.
Besides, scheduling sex is all about perspective. While on one hand, it can come off as being rigid and planned, it can also give you and yours some much-needed quality time to look forward to. Knowing that Tuesday nights (for instance) are marked on your calendar, that could be all that you need to go from being sexless to being sexually satisfied.
4. Get a New Piece of Lingerie a Month Too
It's interesting because, while a lot of women would never give someone a present that wasn't wrapped first, they don't get what the big deal is about lingerie. To me, it's the same concept. Every woman is a gift and dressing that gift up makes the sexual experience that much more exciting—to the giver and the receiver. For one thing, it encourages the art of seduction (there really is something sensual about slowing taking off your clothes or slowly having them taken off). Also, it tends to bring in the element of surprise. I really can't tell y'all how many husbands are resentful about how much effort their wives take into going out while coming to bed looking a hot mess.
One way to change that in the new year is to create your own "Lingerie of the Month" club. One month, you can purchase something, the next month, your man can purchase something for you. And what about him? I mean, what do you like to see him in? Add that to the monthly list as well. You also might want to invest in some Manscaped. Let KevOnStage tell it (here at the 20:00 mark), it's brought new life to his, umm, testicles. Clearly, it's all the rage because comedian Big Jahh recently did a skit about it too.
Something else that's cool is to get him something from Hawthorne. I learned about it from the guys over atDam Internet, You Scary (around the 21:00 mark). Apparently, your man can answer some questions on the site and get some cologne, body wash or other smell good customized for him. A good smelling man is erotic AF. Whew…let me reel it back in. Anyway, use their code DIYS and receive 10 percent off of your first order.
5. Put a Sex Bucket List Together
So, according to the website BucketList.net, there are at least 10 benefits that come from creating bucket lists; five of them include—they excite us, motivate us, makes us more interesting, keeps us active and, my personal favorite, force us to figure out what we really want. I don't know about you, but that sounds like some really good reasons to come up with a customized 2020 sex bucket list.
As far as what you should put on there, the possibilities run the gamut. Some ideas may include—going on a country-wide hotel tour; having oral sex in a public place; writing an erotic story together; being naked for an entire day (together, of course); joining the mile high club; going skinny dipping; having sex for 30 days straight; mastering multiple orgasms; seeing how many times you can have sex in one weekend, and/or taking a sensual massage class.
Again, the ideas are totally up to you, but if you want to avoid the rut of ho-hum sex, one way to do that is to come up with a list that will keep you on your toes—well, rather on your back (or him on his).
6. Get More Morning Sex In
One of the benefits of being a marriage life coach is I'm able to gain true pearls of wisdom that I probably wouldn't hear any other way. One of my favorites comes from a wife of over three decades that has her hubby's co-sign—"A little head in the morning makes everything alright. The bills don't stress you out as much. The kids are a little less on your nerves. You're just in a zen frame of mind." Again, she's been married for over 30 years at this point, so why not take what she said to heart? Whether it's oral sex or full-on intercourse, morning sex can give you more energy, make you more productive throughout the day, and definitely keep your cortisol levels down. So yeah, get your partner a blank greeting card and write in it that you are committing to participating in morning sex more often. You might be surprised by how much brighter your world becomes if/when you do.
7. Have One Sexcation a Season
There are some married people I know who haven't gone on a romantic vacation since their honeymoon. Not only that but, whether it was due to their limited budget or not being able to schedule enough time away, even that wasn't really all that they dreamed it would be. If you are someone who is shaking your head in agreement because you can totally relate, seize the day and plan some sexcations for the upcoming year. These are NOT to be mistaken for family trips where you try and sneak a quickie in before the kids get up. These are vacations that are devoted to NOTHING BUT SEX. This means you need to research a sexy hotel, Airbnb, vacation house or resort. You need to set at least a weekend aside. And you need to rest up before you go because, again, this isn't about sleeping and ordering room service the entire time. It's all about reconnecting, sexually—no more, no less.
Oh, and why not literally swing for the fences—and by that, I mean bedposts—by not scheduling just one sexcation? Instead, plan out one for each season. Hey, there are 52 weeks in a year. Surely, with some forethought and budgeting, four of those can be reserved for your sex life. If it's a priority, that is. In 2020, let's make sure that it is.
8. Affirm Each Other’s Bodies, AS IS, More Often
Earlier this year, while spending some time on one of my favorite shopping sites (Etsy), I peeped a sweatshirt that I plan on purchasing—"Start a Revolution. Stop Hating Your Body". I can't tell you how many women have told me that they hate having sex with the lights on (even though their partner loves it) because they are insecure about their body (or body type). There have also been quite a few men who've told me that they don't initiate as much as they used to because they don't feel as virile as they used to due to some of the extra poundage (weight) that they've put on over the years. If you check out the article "What Exactly Does It Mean To Be Sexually Compatible?" on our site, you'll see that the way a person looks isn't really on the list. Sexual compatibility is about energy, desire and connecting on both a mental as well as emotional level.
I agree with what Lamman Rucker's character told Jill Scott's character in Why Did I Get Married? He said, "If you don't like your body, change it." But don't cause your sex life—and ultimately your relationship—to suffer, simply because you are self-conscious about your breasts that aren't as perky as they used to be (ladies) or the love handles that may be in abundance (fellas).
And couples, if you know that your partner is not currently comfortable with their bodies, implement the Golden Rule and treat them how you'd want to be treated. Focus on what you do love—and lust. Although some of us are drawn to words of affirmation more than others, it can never hurt to receive compliments from the one we're most intimate with. Words to live by, that's for sure.
9. Openly Discuss a Sex Wound—Then Strive to Heal It
There's a woman I know who has been married for almost forty years at this point who has a less than fulfilling sex life. A big part of the reason why is because she was sexually assaulted in college yet has never told her husband. I can only imagine how freeing it would be for her and how much it would connect the dots for him if she revealed that bit of information.
My point? According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lifetime, and one in three women and one in six men will experience some type of sexual violence. As someone who has been sexually molested and assaulted, I know firsthand that if you don't process and heal the pain that is associated with these types of violations, it will have a direct reflection on your relationship—and your sex life.
If there is something that you are holding back from your partner—whether it's a childhood memory, something that happened in college or something else sexually-related that you know has caused you to build up a wall or be afraid to trust your partner fully, decide that 2020 will be the year that you will be open, honest and real with them. The best sex starts with intimacy and authentic intimacy is strong when there is a solid emotional connection at the root of it all.
10. Climax. EVERY TIME.
Uh-huh. See, this is what we ain't gonna do this year. We ain't gonna be content until as many of our readers as possible are resolved to not fake orgasms or to concede to not having orgasms at all. Orgasms release stress. Orgasms bring "feel good hormones" into your system. Orgasms make you feel closer to your partner. Orgasms are the total bomb.
If you've been struggling in this area, mere words cannot express how much we got you, starting with "This Is How You Master The Female Orgasm", "Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream" and "How To Orgasm With Your Partner At The Same Time". Then spend some time sharing with your partner how vital climaxing is to you. If he's a good man and lover, it will be just as, if not more, important to him. Setting the goal to make you cum and then for you to cum each and every time—at the very least will make you feel sexy, relished and a part of something that has your best interest at heart.
A lot of women don't orgasm every time because it's not a goal. Make it one and watch how happy your yoni becomes. Start now and watch how 2020 blows your mind. Setting and reaching sex goals always do. #wink
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Did you know that xoNecole has a podcast? Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to join us for weekly convos over cocktails (without the early morning hangover.)
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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10 Women Tell Me Why They Made The Decision To Be Estranged From Their Parent(s)
Although there are many quotes that I have used in these articles throughout the years, I’d be almost shocked if the one that hasn’t been included the most is “Adulthood is surviving childhood.”
I thought about that one, again, recently, when I checked out a BuzzFeed article entitled, “People Are Just Now Realizing They Had An 'Eggshell Parent' And The Ways It's Secretly Impacting Their Adult Lives.” If you’ve never heard of “eggshelling” before, it’s a term that is used for if you felt like you had to walk on eggshells as a kid because your parents' emotions were super erratic and hella unpredictable. SMDH.
Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
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As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
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