I Tried Masturbating For 7 Days As An Act Of Self-Care - Here’s How It Went
Some people find joy and peace in cooking at night. Some find it in hitting the gym. I can find it in those things but above all I find, it in my vulva via orgasm, or so I thought.
When I first discovered the beauty of masturbation via the bullet -- I was hooked. Much like an eighth grade boy who has discovered the force behind a five-finger fist pump on his penis, I would "do it" every change that I got. Oh, and that one time during this gloriously dark period when I accidentally washed my favorite bullet along with my sheets -- well, we won't even go there today. I say all of this to highlight a time in my life where I thought my self-sex drive was untouchably vigorous and would remain this way until the end of time.
Suffice to say, this was never going to be the case and I see that in the way that I can no longer hang. Still, I'm almost positive that I was under the impression that I still had it when I set out to orgasm everyday via masturbation for seven days. You know? As an act of self-care or whatever.
For perspective, my seven days began three weeks ago. The thing is, I thought you all deserved better than seven days of half-assed, forgotten f*cks so went back to start and put some respek on my "TLC" time. Here's how that went! (Spoiler alert: I forgot the last two days).
Day 1
I decided to treat myself to my favorite toy and a little play time after checking one task of my list of twenty. I turned Alexa up and requested the best of Trey Songz, this playlist allowed me to take my time in ways I've never cared much to do. I spent time playing with vibrations and orgasm denial until the time felt right. I lasted anywhere from 35 to 40 minutes and I'm positive that's record breaking for me. As I've mentioned before: I like to get in and get out. But in all fairness, I'm not so sure grade A horndog counts as self-care or at least not when you're bunny f*cking yourself each time. As I played with speed and pulse, I changed positions and toys. My all-time fave is f*cking myself "face down, ass up."
As I was taken back to the soothing sounds of the Trey Day album, I decide now was the time to set myself up for my orgasm and so I did.
Day 2
By Tuesday, I was already feeling as though there was more week than bandwidth in the bedroom. After a long delay, I put off my untimely pleasure until the eleventh hour. Totally unrelated to setting the mood or tone, I decided to take some sexy pictures. I had just chopped my hair off for the second time and as such, this might serve as a separate act of self-love.
Day 3-5
There was a literal lifelessness to me and unenthusiasm that wouldn't allow me to enjoy a full out masturbation session. Now don't get me wrong, I can do lazy sex with myself each day...like literally go through the motions of masturbation just to fall asleep or to wake myself up, but during this trial, I've been so overwhelmed and sleepy in my life that there's been no real need to masturbate for melatonin (not literally).
Day 6
*crickets*
Day 7
There was a lot of edging going on by day 7, but it felt good after a two-day hiatus. I could actually enjoy it without it feeling like a chore.
All in all, I will say that masturbation can't serve as an act of self care when you're forcing it. Exactly like sex, that shit means nothing if you're not in the mood for it. But, those days like the first and the last, where the sensation of self-pleasure hadn't been saturated, I felt euphoric in the day after, and it showed to the outside world.
So, what I will say is that when you do masturbate at your own will, make sure that you are putting some TLC into it and treating it as if it is an act of self-care because it truly is one when you go into it that way. Don't be a lazy f*ck. Unlike the gym, it's not something you want to constantly push yourself to do even when you're not in the mood.
How you go into something, anything--well, that's how you leave it. That is the tone you set for the rest of your intentions.
That said, it's in our best interest to make it good, nasty, and orgasmic every single time we're f*cking ourselves.
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Making Love to Self: The Benefits of Masturbation - Read More
All images by Getty Images
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage