15 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Own Vagina
Let's all pretend for a sec that we're in anatomy class again. Remember when you first learned what your vagina actually is? It wasn't your lips (those are your labia majora and labia minora). It wasn't your clitoris (did you know that the only known purpose of a clit is so you can climax easier?). It wasn't your vulva—the external part of your genitalia. No, your vagina is the internal tube that connects your vulva to your cervix (the lower part of your uterus). Babies come out of it and things like penises, vibrators, tampons and menstrual cups go into it.
Why is all of this relevant? Because, in preparation for sharing some things with you that you may or may not know about what's going on down below, technically, I'll be covering your vulva (the part of your genitalia that you do see) and your vagina (the part of your genitalia that you don't). I'm hoping that, with these 15 following facts in tow, you'll love your vagina more than you already do.
Because you already show your vagina (and your vulva) lots and lots of love…right?
Your Vagina Smells Differently Throughout the Day
If it seems like, scent-wise, your vagina keeps switching up on you throughout the day, don't stress it; that's totally normal. When you get out of the shower, you may smell nothing but once you exercise, your sweat glands may cause you to smell a little musty down there. If you're on your period, it might smell like iron, after sex it might smell a little like bleach (due to how your fluids interact with the smell of semen) and, if you have an infection of some sort, it might smell like yeast or fish.
While we're parked on this particular point, something else that can alter the smell of your va-jay-jay is your diet. The foods that can make it smell less than pleasant are onions, garlic, curry, alcohol and coffee. Oh, and due to a new partner's distinctive semen, switching up partners can change how "she" smells too.
The Shape of Your Lips Have a Lot to Do with Your Orgasms
In the article "10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm", I shared that when a woman's clitoris is about an inch apart from her vaginal opening, it's much easier for her to have a vaginal orgasm. You know what else helps? The way her lips are made. I'm dead serious.
One study revealed that women who have prominent tubercles (which is basically an elevation of extra skin on the upper part of the lips) of her vagina also gave her a far greater chance of experiencing vaginal orgasms. So, if you're one of those women who feels insecure in a bathing suit because you've got what some folks call a "fatty", don't be. You are that much closer to having what reportedly over 70 percent of women don't—a vaginal orgasm!
You’d Be Amazed How “Big” Your Vagina Can Get
Although your vagina is only 3-4 inches long, its stretching capacity is absolutely amazing! So much, in fact, that it can stretch up to 200 percent (which is how babies can come through it). It's able to do this because your vagina is lined with muscular ridges all throughout it.
What this boils down to is you can handle the size of just about any man; at the same time, in order to initially get into the swing of things, you may need to use a vaginal dilator in order to gradually and comfortably stretch the walls of your vagina in order to, umm, accommodate him.
Discharge and Lubricant Aren’t Exactly the Same Things
This point is pretty fascinating. Did you know that there's a difference between discharge and lubricant? Discharge (which is made up of saltwater, mucus and cells) is what helps to rid your body of bacteria. If your vagina is healthy, the discharge should be a clear, white or off-white color, non-clumpy or irritating and you should only produce around 1-2 teaspoons per day. Lubricant is what comes out, only when you are sexually stimulated.
While discharge comes directly out of your actual vagina, lubrication comes out of two pea-sized glands (called Bartholin's Glands) that are located on the outer sides of your vaginal opening.
There’s More to Your Clitoris than Meets the Eye
When babies are first conceived, they all have the same genetic material. Once they are around 12 weeks, that's when either a penis or a labia begins to form. The reason why you might have heard that clitorises are "little penises" is because, like a penises, they have glans, erectile tissue, a tiny shaft and even foreskin (hence, your clitoral hood). They also get erect and expand whenever you're sexually aroused.
Some other fun facts about your clitoris is it contains 8,000 nerve endings (approximately double what a man has in his penis); it's able to create between 3-16 contractions that are able to last 10-30 seconds long; it grows over the course of your lifetime (it's 2.5 times bigger when you're going through menopause vs. when you were an adolescent) and, it's bigger than you probably think that it is (four inches). It's just that three-fourths of your clitoris is located on the inside of your body.
A Healthy Vagina Is Literally Like Fine Wine
One way to know whether or not your vagina is healthy is to check its pH balance (click here if you want a kit that will let you test it from home). If it's in good shape, your pH will be between 3.8-4.5. If it's higher than that, bacterial vaginosis may be the culprit. If it's lower, it could be indicative of a yeast infection (check with your doctor, just to be sure).
Anyway, since a healthy vagina's pH is around a 4 (which means that it's slightly acidic), I thought you might be curious about what else is—tomatoes, beer and yes, wine. This means that if you wanted to compare your vagina to the best of wines, you wouldn't be lying. That is literally the complete and total truth.
A Vaginal Fart Isn’t a Fart at All
TMI? Maybe. I remember the first time I "queefed" with a partner. I was so embarrassed that I picked a fight and we didn't speak for two days. When we finally did discuss how ridiculous I was being, he said, "It just caught me off guard but it's no big deal."
It really isn't. For one thing, queefing is completely normal. Secondly, all that's coming out when your vagina makes a "fart sound" is air; not waste or gas like real fart has in it. It doesn't smell either, so the next time it happens to you, laugh don't freak out. It's all good.
Nothing Can Get “Lost” in There
Your vagina is not a black hole; it does have an end to it (for the most part, your cervix). The reason why it can sometimes be hard to retrieve a broken condom or a tampon that lost its string is because the item is lodged towards the backside of your vagina. Don't worry, though. If you can't get what's stuck out, your physician most certainly can.
While we're on this topic, my great-grandfather used to say (and I quote), "If you wear short skirts in the wintertime, you're gonna catch a cold in your p—sy." Yeah, that's not exactly true. Your vagina is not a gaping hole that's constantly open. In fact, its walls are actually collapsed on top of each other. They expand when they need to and remain closed when they don't. So, please ignore my grandpa's pearls of wisdom. If they were on Snopes, they would be marked as being "false".
Your Pubic Hair Serves Three (Main) Purposes
Something that I personally found to be a plum trip is the fact that pubic hair has a pretty short shelf life. While the hair on our head can last for up to seven years, the hair on our vagina only lasts for three weeks or so. This is why it can only get but so long or bushy.
As far as the purpose that pubic hair serves, for the most part, it's a three-way combo. First, it protects your vagina from debris. Second, it helps to prevent small abrasions from arising on your vulva due to sexual friction (the less small cuts, the less STD risks you have to worry about). Third, so long as you keep your vagina clean, its natural scent gets trapped into your pubic hair, creating pheromones that turns your partner all the way on. Bonus—a lot of my male friends are huge fans of (well-manicured) pubic hair. They say it's because it makes them feel like they are having sex with a grown woman (which co-signs on a study that says the older we get, the less interested we are in removing our pubic hair anyway). Just something to think about.
Your Vagina Doesn’t Need Douching or Steaming
You've probably known for a while now that, because your vagina is self-cleaning, you absolutely do not need to douche it for any reason. Ultimately, all that does is upset the pH balance in your vagina which can cause all sorts of infections up the road. But what you might not know is you shouldn't steam (translation—go somewhere and sit over a hot pot of herbs in hopes to cleanse and tighten your vagina) either. Aside from the fact that you run the risk of burning your vagina (ouch), there isn't really a lot of evidence to support that it does any real cleansing or tightening. You'd be better off using a DIY cleanse and applying it to your vulva (only) instead.
Vulvas Sag over Time
Something that our body produces less of over time is collagen. When this happens, our skin begins to sag, including when it comes to our vulva. It's nothing to feel bad or embarrassed about (men love vulvas and vaginas regardless), but if you do want to give your vulva a bit of a facelift (so to speak), take a collagen supplement and do some kegels regularly. That should do the trick.
Food in Your Vagina IS NOT a Good Idea
Years back, I told a few of my girlfriends a story I heard about a woman who got maggots in her vagina. No one believed me. I can't wait to forward this to them because there is a documented case of a 79-year-old woman who experienced just that (the technical term for it is vaginal myiasis). Although it is rare, I did look for some medical insight on how to insure that it never happens to you. The best way to avoid vaginal maggots (eww…just eww) is to keep food (dark chocolate, frozen bananas and whatever else your creative mind comes up with) OUT of your actual vagina. Vulva (outside) is fine. Vagina (inside) is not.
Multiple Partners Doesn’t Make It Looser. Abstinence Doesn’t Make It Tighter.
Chile, I ain't had sex in so long that I can only hope this point is true! If you are sexually active and you worry that it's "stretching you out", remember, we are able to birth babies through our vagina and still master the vaginal snapback. Ain't no penis able to match a baby's head. You're good. On the flip side, being abstinent for a long period of time is not gonna make your vagina any tighter either (are you surprised?)
According to many medical professionals, the initial discomfort after a dry spell is probably due to not being aroused enough, needing more lubrication upon entry or your partner not knowing what the heck he's doing; not because going months (or even years) without got you "tight and right".
There goes granny's theory about what makes a va-jay-jay looser or tighter. I can't wait to hear what she says when you tell her.
You Can Get an STD. Even with a Condom.
Finally, if you want or need another reason to make sure that you get tested on a regular basis and that you should require to see a new partner's bill of health before doing the do, I've got one. Even if "he" wears a condom, you can still get an STD.
How is that? It's because if he happens to have warts, a herpes flare-up, or pubic lice, your vulva has the ability to come into contact with his scrotum, and—BAM! You could end up sharing more than a good time. Just one more reminder that a condom is not Teflon, so make sure to choose your partners wisely. For you and your vagina's (and vulva's) sake.
There Is No Such Thing as a “Normal Vulva”
Finally, your vulva is a lot like your fingerprint in the sense that no two are exactly alike. The reason why I said "vulva" and not "vagina" is because most of our vaginas are basically the same. But, as far as the genitalia that we can see, there are different colors, shapes and sizes and they're all beautiful.
So, don't spend a lot of time worrying if some extra skin is hanging or your clitoris is on the larger size. God made it that way by design. The right partner will agree—and then some.
Featured image by Getty Images
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
"What's In There?" An Owner's Manual For Your Vagina
Take Better Care Of Your Vagina With These Tips
10 Things Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often
What I've Learned About My Vagina Since Getting Married
Originally published on June 19, 2019
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
GiphyAbout five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
GiphySociety is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
GiphyThe reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
Giphy“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
GiphyOkay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
GiphyAs we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Getty Images