"What's In There?" An Owner's Manual For Your Vagina
It seemed like yesterday when my husband and I were laughing at the episode of Orange is the New Black where Sophia explained the anatomy of a vagina to several Litchfield Prison inmates.
Long story short, they didn't know what the heck was in there. Unfortunately, they're not alone, because many women don't know what's in their love boxes, and have never, ever taken a peek under the hood.
The sad part is that there are women who would let someone slide a dong, a tongue, a toy, and sometimes vegetables, in their love cave without ever knowing what's going on downstairs. Also, it's an election year, and people who don't even have vaginas are trying to make laws about them. So yeah, you should care about what's in there.
Despite popular belief, there is no calm, warm ocean inside your love box. So here's a short owner's manual for your lady parts. After reading this article, I hope you can muster up the courage to bend over a mirror and take a look at your no-no bits, because YOLO (and it's yours).
- It's supposed to look like a deflated tube. You read that correctly. The outside of your vagina looks like a deflated tube that's 2 to 4 inches long, and Âľ of an inch wide. It connects the outer sex organs with the cervix and uterus (where the blood flows, and the baby grows).
- It's supposed to be multicolored and oddly shaped on the outside of the hood. All vaginas aren't pink, depending on your race. Your labia, clitoris, and vaginal opening can range in colors from pink to a deep reddish brown. Also, a nurse told me that the labia comes in different shapes and sizes, and has zero to do with vaginal tightness. If you thought this, you're wrong.
- The whole package is called the vulva. All of your external love box organs is called the the vulva. It consists of the outer lips (Labia Majora), the inner lips (Labia Minora), and the clitoris. You're supposed to have one of each. But if you have more than one of each, then you should call your doctor, or get into porn. Or both.
- You have a hole for peeing, and two other holes for “other stuff." You have a urethra (where your urine flows), a vaginal opening (where the penis/toys/veggies and tampon goes), and further down toward your booty is your anus (where you poo). Either way, you should know which is which.
- Bacteria grows in there. If you can go five hours without having to clean that thing out, or rinsing your panties after lusting over one of our #xomen, then you're a rare woman, and we salute you. But for the rest of us, it's a paradise for good bacteria, and that's normal. The good bacteria keeps your lady parts in check, so you don't get an infection.
- You're supposed to have discharge. Yes, your vagina is built to have stuff come out of it, and that's normal. Dr. Oz says,
If discharge is clear or milky white, that's normal. It can also look very pale yellow when it's dried. If you are seeing grey, green, yellow, pink or red, that's not. Blood-tinged mucous may be a sign of pregnancy.
- It cleans itself. My good friend, who is a lesbian, once told me that the best way to make sure you had a squeaky clean vagina was to stick a whole bar of soap in your box. After I gave her the side eye and told my doctor (who was horrified), he quickly dispelled that rumor. Turns out, vaginas are self-cleaning. According to WebMD:
If anything, you just need a mild soap or shampoo on your pubic hair and the outer vulva. Avoid rubbing with a washcloth. Don't douche or use other special cleaning products for your vagina. These can ruin the normal balance of bacteria and cause problems.
- It's best to shave it. Back in the 70s, it was cool to have a hairy bush. But with advancements in medicine, gynos today usually suggest that you “trim the hedges." By "trim the hedges," I mean keep the hair low, because doctors don't suggest you go completely bare down stairs. But if you have a partner who is old school, and likes the 1970s look, go for what you know. Just don't be surprised when your gyno shakes his or her head at you.
- Give it a rest. Some women love to use their vaginas a lot, and that's cool if that's your thing. But you should also make time to give that monkey a rest. Too much sex can lead to a urinary tract infection (which is super painful), or a sexually transmitted infection. Hopefully, the horror stories associated with urinary tract infections will be enough to convince you to put that thing on ice every now and then.
- Take your vagina to the gym. A good workout can help tighten up your box, and it can also keep your “fluids" regular during sex. Here are some tips on how to get your Kegel exercises on.
- A dude hung like a horse won't ruin it. But it probably won't stop him from trying, and it probably won't stop you from letting him. Your vagina returns back to all its glory in size after sex, so relax.
- It's not supposed to taste or smell like cupcakes and ice cream. It's supposed to taste and smell like a vagina, no matter what your partner tells you. Stop letting them gas you up, and take Dr. Shelly's advice:
A healthy vagina ranges in taste from salty to tart to sour, depending on your cycle, diet, and lifestyle habits. Your vagina sweats just like your armpits. Have you ever eaten a meal heavy with garlic and noticed that your skin reeked of a garlic-y smell for a few days afterwards? Your diet can also affect your vaginal secretions.
If you want to avoid your vaginal secretions tasting bitter, avoid coffee, excessive amounts of sugar, red meat, most dairy products, cigarettes, alcohol, and recreational drugs.
If you want your vaginal secretions to taste sweeter, eat more leafy green vegetables, black beans, yogurt, fruits (especially strawberries, watermelon and pineapples), cardamom, mint, cranberry juice, cinnamon, and lots of water.
Related Post: How To Taste Sweeter Down There
But it's not supposed to smell like fish. No matter how many times your gay bff calls you “fish," it's not supposed to smell like it. Mayo Clinic says:
It's normal for your vagina to have a slight odor. But, a strong vaginal odor — for instance, a "fishy" smell — might be abnormal and could indicate a problem.An abnormal vaginal odor is usually associated with other vaginal signs and symptoms such as itching, burning, irritation or discharge.
- It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Asking your doctor or a trained professional about your lady parts is nothing to be embarrassed about. If someone makes you feel embarrassed about a part of your body that belongs to you, then you should consider the source, and the run away from that person as far as you can.
Your vagina is your own, and it's the only one you have. So take care of it, drink plenty of water, and treat it like the awesome prize that it is.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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