7 Solid Reasons To Strongly Consider Eloping
Ever since I was a toddler, I've been a Nashville girl. That's why it brought a smile to my face when I recently read the headline "Couples from Around the World Visit Middle Tennessee to Elope." Cool. Very cool.
Since I'm a marriage life coach, I oftentimes get asked what I think about eloping. Honestly, if I were to ever jump a broom, I'd probably be the rent-a-vacation-home-and-have-a-really-small-wedding-there kind of gal. But when it comes to big weddings vs. eloping, let me just say that I personally believe eloping sometimes gets a bad rap; specially since a lot of people think that it's some sort of consolation prize rather than a well-thought-out plan.
You might be shocked about how much of the hype surrounding throwing a big wedding is rooted in debt and superstition. The diamond engagement ring? It came out of DeBeers going broke and then convincing us that it's a symbol of love in order to keep their doors open. Big white wedding dresses? In the Bible, women wore colorful attire; it's actually Queen Victoria back in the 1800s who started the white dress, long veil, and ridiculous huge wedding cake thing. Bridesmaids all looking alike? Supposedly, that's to confuse evil spirits (so is being carried over the threshold).
So yeah, whenever I hear that a couple is taking the "No thanks, we'll pass" approach to the idea of having a huge ceremony and reception (or even not wanting folks present), I don't look at eloping as being cheap or not thinking things through. For (at least) the following seven reasons, I find it to be quite smart, financially-savvy, and a wise approach to marriage overall.
7 Reasons To Consider Eloping
1.Eloping Is MUCH Cheaper
The average wedding right now? It runs somewhere around $33,340. I promise you, if there's one thing I still can't manage to figure out is how a couple comes up with that kind of cash when monthly bills have the potential to take us all out sometimes.
Anyway, the cost to elope? If you went the City Hall route, based on where you live, you're looking to spend no more than about a hundred bucks. If you decided to have a super intimate affair in your home or a friend's house, you could pull that off for $1,000-3,000 easily.
Just think about the kind of down payment you could put on your starter home or the amount of student loan debt you could pay off if you went this route. Isn't the savings alone just a little bit tempting?
2.It Leaves Room for All Sorts of Other Possibilities
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No one said that just because you're not going the traditional route that you're forced to see the Justice of the Peace. The true definition of elope is "to run off secretly to be married," so what immediately comes to my mind is having a destination wedding. The two of you can go to Hawaii or you and a few of your closest friends can head off to a resort in Colorado (there are some really nice ones during the fall and winter seasons).
Or, if it's time for you or your beloved to get a new vehicle or you want to start a company together, the thousands that would've went to one day can now go to something that will last even longer.
3.You Can Have the Honeymoon of Your Dreams
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Here's something else that's pretty interesting. There are studies that indicate that big wedding marriages actually increase a couple's odds of ending in divorce. Meanwhile, going on a honeymoon improves a couple's chances of staying together.
I get that too. While weddings are (or at least should be) a public declaration of two people's decision to commit their lives to one another as their loved ones celebrate that fact along with them, the honeymoon is all about just the two of them. It's about building intimacy and making quality time a top priority.
Keeping all of this in mind, did you know that only 1 in 4 married couples say they had the honeymoon of their dreams? If you elope, you don't have to be this kind of statistic. The Bahamas, Italy, Greece, Belize—these are just some of the fantasy spots you can actually afford to visit because you've got more money in your pocket (Google "affordable dream honeymoons" for more info on how).
4.It’s Virtually Stress-Less
Another article that I checked out on this topic is "Stressed-Out Americans Embrace Elopement." Although it's several years old, since eloping is actually a current wedding trend, it still holds relevance.
A lot of marriage therapists and couple counselors believe that if there are two things that can really test an engaged couple, it's a road trip and planning their wedding. On the wedding planning tip, it makes sense why they would say that. If you want to really see how someone handles money, pressure, family, and expectations, watch them in the months leading up to their nuptials.
Why choose to be stressed out if it can be avoided? Marriage is going to come with enough challenges without volunteering to put some on your plate. If you want to enter into your union cool, calm, and collected, this is another reason why eloping may be the best thing to do.
5.You Don’t Have to Worry About Naysayers
Now, I'll be the first person to say that if the 10 people closest to you are looking at you like you are absolutely crazy for getting married, it would behoove you to ask them why. Like I said in another article, until you're officially a man's wife, you're not. This means that until you say, "I do," YOU are your top priority. You need to make decisions that are best for YOU alone. If the ones who truly care about you see red flags, pause and look into them.
But then there are just haters. Folks who are being critical, just because that's how they are. That said, what you don't have to do (ever) is get someone's permission to get married. Blessings are nice, but you are grown and so is your beloved. With all of the energy that you might be tempted to spend while trying to get everyone on board with your decision, the two of you could already be married and done with it—and by "it," I mean the (potential) drama.
6.It Frees Up Romantic Space
Some of y'all remember when Beyonce played the love interest in Case's music video "Happily Ever After" (that song is still the jam!). That marriage proposal was dope! I was the bridesmaid in a wedding where the husband did something very similar for his own bride, including having a car pick her up from work with her outfit awaiting her.
Why am I bringing this up? I can't tell you how many wives I've talked to who have hindsight regrets as they've run down the list of concessions they ended up making when it came to their wedding, all because something wasn't in the budget or they felt pressured to please—and by that, I mean appease—a picky or dissatisfied family member. I also can't tell you the amount of husbands who've said they wish they could've done some extra-special things for their bride but they didn't feel like their voice was being heard during the wedding planning process.
When two people elope, since it's just them, not only does it keep the background noise down to a minimum, it frees up cash to be all kinds of romantic and extravagant. With no budget worries or regrets.
7.It’s Just About You and Yours
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Why is this article bringing all sorts of slow jams to my mind? Somebody please cue in "Just Me and You" by Tony Toni Tone because out of all of the reasons why I am Team Elope, this is probably the biggest one. I say that because, honestly, probably one of my favorite things about eloping is it puts the focus right where it's supposed to be—on two people who are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. No more, no less.
They don't need an audience. They're not caught up in a lot of extras. So long as they've got together, it's all good. And you know what? It really is.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
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But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
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When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED