“Ma'am… What you are paying will barely cover your interest."
Those were the words that the customer service rep at Sallie Mae told me over the phone. I could hear it in her voice that I was setting myself up for failure.
However, I just needed to make sure I was not one of the many post-college adults on their weekly hit list due to my mounting student loan debt with them. You know, the list where they call you weekly for their money, and if you're really behind, DAILY.
I'll be honest.
When I was in college, I did not think about paying back my student loans. I did know that I had borrowed money, but at the time, I did not understand interest rates, or what it meant to have subsidized and unsubsidized loans. I just knew that I was going to college and because my scholarships didn't cover all of my needs, I needed to take out an additional loan.
After graduation, I knew I had six months of freedom before Sallie Mae would hit me up. Oh, and when she did, SHE was ready.
She had all her dollars and cents together and wanted to know how I was going to give it to her. After researching more about paying loans, I learned that it takes the average person 10 years to pay off their student loans.
TEN YEARS??!!
This is of course if they have a stable, well-paying job, no other debts, and I guess…no kids.
Fast forward to a few years later, I meet the love of my life, got married, and Sallie Mae becomes Navient (new name, same devil).
My husband and I both decided to take Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace course before we got married, because we both had debt and wanted to get serious about paying it off. After we tied the knot, my husband and I started tackling small debts. By this time, we both were in good, middle class jobs and seeing as we both wanted to be free from our lenders, we jumped in head first tackling them.
I'll never forget December 31, 2014. I was writing out my goals for 2015, when I felt in my Spirit that I was leaving one goal off.
Everything that I had written down previously were goals that I KNEW I could take care of by myself. I did not have one goal that stretched my faith. At that moment, and for the rest of that night, the Lord really spoke to me about having a goal of paying off my student loans.
To me, this seemed utterly impossible to do in one or two years. Again, it takes the average person 10 years to pay off a loan. “God, are you sure about this?" I wondered.
That is when I remembered the message my pastor, Joel Sims, preached. 10 Years into 1. God can make what would need to happen in 10 years, take place in just one.
I decided to trust God, be obedient, and change my thinking.
So I wrote it down and got TO IT!
Every penny outside of utilities and essentials was used to pay down my student loans. I left a little play money for myself that could be used on food, clothes, or beauty. Since it was not much, I had to become resourceful. I stopped going to the beautician and found a family member to flat iron my hair at a lower rate. I stopped my monthly shopping habits (I LOVED shoes) and I learned how to do more beauty regimens myself. I packed my own lunch to avoid spending excessive money out. I rented movies at Redbox, instead of always going to the movie theater. Any way we could save money, we did it.
The only thing we didn't give up, was giving our tithes (something I definitely feel helped boost us in the right direction). A lot of DIY's and balancing checkbooks later, we were really seeing a dent in my student loans. I was soooo excited when I paid off the first of six loans I had. I felt like I was floating on air and could conquer the world. My husband was happy too!
We started to get excited because every time one was paid off, we started to see how much money we had left over. We were on a roll!
Finally, we paid off the last one, and I literally wanted to cry. I asked Navient to send me a letter in the mail showing I was PAID IN FULL. And when it came in the mail, y'all, I looked like Chester the Cat.
The biggest lesson I learned from paying off my student loan debt?
My God is a Mighty God.
What would have happened if I had thought that it was impossible? What would have happened if I would have talked myself out of my blessing? What would have happened if I had given up, because it made me uncomfortable?
Coupled with the grace of God and a handful of tips and tricks, my husband and I paid off close to $25,000 in student loan in less than two years! If you're interested in doing the same, here is how to begin:
- Understand what is a true necessity, and what is just a want.You need water, heat, electricity, and food in your fridge. You don't need a fill-in for your nails, to eat out with your friends at that expensive steak house, and you don't need to take a big trip this year. Find other economically friendly ways to serve as your fun outlet. You'll be surprised what you can do for under $50 or $25.
- Don't be concerned with what everyone else is doing. During this whole time of paying off debt, my husband and I did not go on a vacation. Sure, we wanted to go on one. We even had friends and family that were doing great things. But, we knew what our end goal was, and when you set a goal, stand by it. Honor and remember the promise you made to yourself. There is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel.
- Create an emergency fund. If you're single, Dave Ramsey says you should have $1000 saved up in an account. If you're married, $2000. That way, if anything comes up while you are paying off debt, it won't hurt or stop your progress. Don't worry, you can always build more, once you're debt free.
- BUDGET, BUDGET, BUDGET. You should know every penny coming in and out of your bank account. That way, you can know how much you can allocate to paying off debt, while still keeping the house running.
- TRUST IN GOD.Though I put it last, it is certainly not least. This endeavor requires BIG faith, but know that if He will lead you to it, he will lead you through it. My husband and I continued to give to the church in tithes, and found any way possible to be a blessing to others. We did not have all the answers, but we knew who did. Trust that and trust Him.
I'll be really real with you for a moment. I was around people who were going on amazing trips, buying luxury items, living it up, and enjoying their life. It was incredibly tempting to stray from my path from time to time because of what I saw. But, at the end of the day, I knew that to get to where I wanted, I would have to do some things I had never done. There is ALWAYS a temporary level of discomfort when going to the next level. There were a few unexpected expenses on the way. Our washer and dryer needed to be replaced, an unexpected bill, etc., but we stuck to our goal, refreshed ourselves on the FPU course we took, and kept moving.
If you want to get serious, you want to tackle your Goliath…get started right now! Hear my podcast episode dedicated to conquering your debts and Sallie Mae - “Throwing Them Deuces at Sallie Mae"
What are some steps you're taking to pay down your debts more efficiently and effectively? Let me know in the comments below!
Shaina is a singer-songwriter that creates songs and podcasts for young women, that are uplifting, inspiring, fun, or just the plain truth. Hear more from her at www.shainasonline.com and follow her podcast, Sisterly Love. Follow Shaina on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram: @ShainasOnline
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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