I prayed for the moment when I could call up the bank rep and confirm my final credit card payment. "$1,884.28." That’s what she told me after I said this would be the last payment that would make me debt-free. I would’ve paid it online, but I wanted to make sure that the last of the interest was accounted for. I wanted to see that account balance at zero when it was all said and done. I wanted to truly be free.
Over three years, I paid off a total of $46,217.24—eight credit cards, one personal loan, and a pesky bill from the dentist. It wasn’t just a financial accomplishment but a personal victory that taught me invaluable lessons about perseverance, sacrifice, and financial discipline. This journey wasn’t easy—it was filled with setbacks, emotional roadblocks, and countless hours of hard work.
The truth about money is that it’s more of a mental game than anything. You have to believe you deserve better and that you’re capable of living a life that others only dream about. Then, you have to put in the work to bring that dream to fruition.
Here’s how I paid off my debt and five essential takeaways that can help you on your path to becoming debt-free.
Takeaway 1: Start Small, but Start
My journey began in October 2017 when I was living in a tiny bedroom in Los Angeles, sharing a house with six strangers. Despite juggling multiple jobs, including freelance writing and catering, I found myself drowning financially. I had tried to get out of debt before, but without a clear strategy, I never made much progress. That’s when I discovered Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover, which introduced me to the concept of “baby steps.” I quickly saved $1,000 and began paying off my debts from smallest to largest. The progress felt encouraging, but the reality of my situation would soon hit hard.
One of the most significant challenges in tackling debt is simply getting started. Begin with small steps, like saving an emergency fund or paying off the smallest debt first. The momentum you build from these small victories will keep you motivated as you tackle larger debts.
mapodile/Getty ImagesTakeaway 2: Prepare for Setbacks
As the winter season approached in Los Angeles, my catering gigs dried up, leaving me financially vulnerable. I worked through the holidays, sacrificing time with family to earn extra money. But by January, after multiple job rejections and no income in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S., I decided to move back to Atlanta. The transition wasn’t easy—months of unemployment, draining my savings, and relying on the generosity of my grandparents took an emotional toll. Despite these challenges, I remained focused on my goal.
Life is unpredictable, and setbacks are inevitable. Whether it’s an unexpected job loss, a medical emergency, or a family crisis, having a plan to navigate these challenges is crucial. Build a safety net that can help you stay on track even when things don’t go as planned.
Takeaway 3: Sacrifice for Your Future Self
In July 2018, I resumed my debt-free journey with renewed determination. I took on side hustles like Uber Eats and freelance work in addition to my 9-to-5 job to increase my income. I drastically cut my expenses, forgoing luxuries like hair and nail appointments, dining out, and vacations. Every extra dollar went toward my debt.
By 2019, I sold my leased car to eliminate the burden of car payments, insurance, and gas. At the time, I lived within walking distance of my job and was in a walkable part of the city, so while it wasn’t optimal, it wasn’t a huge inconvenience to not have transportation. The journey was long, and at times, I felt isolated, especially when friends and family continued living lives that seemed carefree in comparison. But one thing I learned was that a lot of people can’t truly afford the lifestyle they share on social media. I often had to remind myself that short-term fun wasn’t worth long-term strain.
Paying off debt requires sacrifices. Whether it’s cutting back on dining out, skipping vacations, or taking on extra work, these sacrifices are temporary. The freedom you gain from being debt-free is worth far more than the short-term pleasures you might give up while on your journey.
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Takeaway 4: Focus on Your "Why"
As I paid off more debt, I faced emotional exhaustion. I lived in a noisy apartment that made it hard to sleep, couldn’t afford to move, and felt the strain of watching others enjoy luxuries I couldn’t.
However, I reminded myself that my sacrifices were paving the way for a better future. I wanted a life where I could buy things and go places without worrying about a bill waiting for me when the dust settled. I wanted to have the freedom to do work that I cared about without worrying about how quickly the money would come back to me. I wanted to be in the position to take care of my mom and grandparents—pay off their homes and ensure they have the best care so that they could actually enjoy their later years.
I wanted to build wealth for myself and my future family so that one day my kids could live a life and choose careers that they really wanted, not just random jobs for a paycheck. I wanted to be able to give and invest without wondering how I was going to be able to provide for myself, to support my church, my people, and my community.
In short, I wanted to live a life that many people never lived, and I didn’t want to wait until I was near my 70s and retired to live it.
When the journey gets tough, and it will, remind yourself why you started. Whether it’s to provide a better future for your family, achieve financial independence, or live a life free from the stress of debt, keep your “why” front and center. It will help you stay committed even when the road seems never-ending.
Takeaway 5: Celebrate Your Wins
In the last six months of my journey, I allowed myself to enjoy some small luxuries again, like moving into a better apartment and taking a couple of trips—paid in cash, of course. While I might have paid off my debt sooner without these indulgences, they were essential for maintaining my mental health. On July 15, 2020, I made my final payment and crossed the finish line as a debt-free champion.
As you make progress, don’t forget to celebrate your wins, big or small. Whether it’s paying off a credit card, saving an emergency fund, or finally becoming debt-free, acknowledging your achievements is important. It reinforces your progress and keeps you motivated for the next goal.
Paying off $46,000 in debt was one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences of my life. The journey taught me discipline, resilience, and the importance of staying focused on my long-term goals.
Recently, I was asked for my advice to someone who is on a similar journey. My answer: Stay prayed up. Stay focused. Surround yourself with people who support you and don’t drain you. And if you don’t have anyone, find them in other communities—your church, Facebook groups, YouTube, etc. Know that you’re not alone on your journey. And when times really get hard, remember why you started. You’ll be grateful that you didn’t quit once you’re on the other side.
Want to read more about my debt-free journey? Check out the original post on Write On Kiah for the full story and share your own experience in the comments!
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Now, while it’s another message for another time that if this type of sex-related craving feels impulsive or out of one’s control, it could be a sign of someone who is leaning into some level of sex addiction; however, that is not what we’re going to unpack today. Today, we’re going to look into what could be going on with you if it seems like, lately, you’ve been having a greater desire for sex, and you can’t quite pinpoint why.
Because, just like, say, a craving for a particular type of food oftentimes reveals something that is going on with you physically or mentally — sex cravings tend to bring certain things to light in those same areas, too.
Let’s dig in…
Hormonal Shifts
GiphyAlthough I don’t have social media accounts, I do tiptoe out there to see what’s going on — and boy, do I roll my eyes whenever I hear folks act like being over 40 is old. SMDH. It’s especially annoying when I hear about it in the context of sex because, believe it or not, there are a lot of late perimenopausal and menopausal women who are “gettin’ theirs” more than some of these 20 and 30-year-olds are (just ask them).
One reason is that the fear of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, for many, is now in their rearview mirror. Another is because some are taking a form of hormone therapy to treat the changes that their system is going through — and when you’re getting more estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone into your body (in order to level things out) — HUNNAY.
For other women, even consuming phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) like peaches, garlic, berries, spinach, and cabbage can make them want sex more than when those aren’t a part of their diet. Bottom line here, a shift in your sexual hormones can definitely cause you to desire sex more than you have before (or have in a while).
Ovulation
GiphyBack when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, something that I used to tell “my daughters” all of the time is when you know that you’re ovulating, that’s when you need to be hypervigilant about using wisdom when it comes to the sex-related decisions that you make. I’m thinking that most of you get why: your body was designed to feel its horniest when you’re able to get pregnant — and that is during your time of ovulation.
That’s why it really is a good idea to keep up with your cycle and, if a baby is not something that is on your priority list right now, you either avoid having sex during that time of the month or make sure to use some form of birth control. Chile, even women with low libidos can find themselves wanting to hang off of a chandelier or two when they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way.
A Healthy Diet
GiphyIf you happen to be someone with a sluggish sex drive and you know that you spend most of your time in a drive-thru, there is probably a direct correlation there. No joke. There is plenty of research out in cyberspace to support the fact that a wack diet and low sex drive have a lot in common. While processed foods and unhealthy fats can throw your (sex) hormones off, foods that are filled with zinc, vitamins B12 and D, and iron can ramp up your desire for intimacy.
This is why many people who decide to make a lifestyle change as far as their eating habits are concerned are oftentimes surprised by how much sex is on their minds and how much easier it is for them to orgasm because of it. While a part of it can be due to a boost in their sexual confidence, a lot of it has to do with consuming foods that will literally feed their libido (in a healthy way).
More Exercise
GiphyPlainly put, exercise makes you hornier. Not only does it boost your testosterone levels, (consistently) working out also lowers your stress levels and gives you a boost in the self-esteem department. On top of that, exercise makes you more flexible, builds up endurance, and increases blood circulation which can turn around and intensify your climaxes as a direct result. In fact, this is oftentimes why people will want to have sex right after a workout session.
While we’re here, let me also share that too much of a good thing can end up being counterproductive. What I mean by that is, that although it is wise to exercise on a regular basis, make sure to not overdo it. Something known as overtraining syndrome can result in fatigue, insomnia, and irritability; no one can really have amazing sex when all of that is going on.
Being a Certain Age
GiphyWhile it used to be said that the sexual peak for men is in their teens and for women, it’s in their 30s (some believe it’s because after 35, it’s more challenging for women to get pregnant and so our biological clock plays a role in it all), some research believes that coming to that conclusion isn’t fair because aging affects people differently. For instance, while on one hand, people in their 40s tend to see a dip in their sex hormones, as we’ve already discussed, hormone therapy (for both men and women) can level some of those issues out, if not increase some people’s sex drives altogether.
Adding to that, it should also go on record that some studies indicate that women between the ages of 27-45 actually have a stronger desire — or craving — for sex than women between the ages of 18-26. So honestly, there goes the myth that being younger (automatically) means that you’re hornier. #Elmoshrug
Certain Medications
GiphyIf you used to have a higher sex drive and you’re currently on an antidepressant, that could be why your desire for copulation has decreased. Some studies say that as much as 40 percent of people who are on these types of medication end up having a lower libido (by the way, antihistamines and beta-blockers can have this effect, too).
On the other hand, if you’ve been taking a prescribed drug to increase your sex drive (perhaps like Vyleesi or Addyi), then it would make sense that you may have an increased libido level. Other meds that may have a similar effect include birth control pills (since they alter your hormones), medications that help to treat Parkinson’s disease, along with dopamine-related drugs.
Less Stress
GiphyIf, on the days when you don’t seem to have a care in the world, you also desire sex more than usual, that’s not a coincidence either. Thing is, when you’re all stressed out, that can cause the stress hormone known as cortisol to work overtime and, when that happens, that can end up suppressing your sex hormones which can deplete you of sexual urges. Ironically, there is a flip side to this because when you engage in sexual activity, that actually elevates feel-good (and bonding) hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which can also de-stress you.
So basically, if you’re craving sex, you probably aren’t very stressed out (right now), and if you want to stop being stressed out, you probably should have some sex (some protected sex, if you don’t want to be stressed later up the road…if you know what I mean).
Having an Amazing Sex Life
GiphyTo me, this one right here should be a given because when something is both good to and for you, why wouldn’t you want more of it? So yeah, if you have a great sex life with someone, it’s common sense that you’d want to engage in that act with them as much as possible. Hey, not to mention the fact that orgasms activate your brain in a way similar to a drug high does.
So, if while reading this, you’re thinking about sexting your bae to make arrangements to — eh hem — satisfy your craving, I say go for it! To “greatly want” to connect with your partner in order to have some fulfilling and satisfying sex? What in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! Not a damn thing.
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