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I Do's And Dont's: A Wedding Planner Emailed Outrageous Guest Demands & The Internet Went Crazy
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I Do's And Dont's: A Wedding Planner Emailed Outrageous Guest Demands & The Internet Went Crazy

Human Interest

Ah, weddings: some love to attend them and some love to hate them. From black tie to completely casual, we've all attended at least one wedding and typically have a good understanding of proper wedding guest etiquette. Most of the time we leave relatively unscathed: basking in the love of the bride and groom, bellies full, perhaps a little (or a lot) tipsy, and ready to take off our high heels.

But what happens when you get invited to a wedding with a list of "demands" outside of the typical "please arrive early" or "child free reception" request? You might have heard of the "Unplugged Wedding" where guest we not allowed to take pictures with their devices. This pales in comparison to the bride who cancelled her wedding four days before the date when she didn't receive $1500 in cash from each guest to fund her "Kardashian-style" nuptials.

In another recent story that screams "Team Too Much", a Reddit user uploaded a "list" of demands from a wedding planner—which has now gone viral—that dragged the bride-to-be's outrageous requests.

The email screenshot—which has been upvoted nearly 11,000 times and has almost 1,300 comments and counting—starts off relatively mundane, with a call for a final head count.

Reddit

"Good morning, my name is [REDACTED] and I am the wedding coordinator for [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. I am reaching out to all confirmed guest to do a final head count and go over some rules and regulations of the wedding day."

But as you read on, the list goes from completely understandable—please arrive 15-30 minutes early—to utterly over the top—hairstyle demands and admission price included. Check out this list if you needed a good LOL today:

VOGUE

Rules and regulations:

  1. Please arrive 15-30 minutes early.
  2. Please DO NOT wear white, cream or ivory.
  3. Please do not wear anything other than a basic bob or ponytail.
  4. Please do not have a full face of makeup.
  5. Do not record during the seramony.
  6. Do not check in on FB until instructed.
  7. Use #[REDACTED] when posting all pictures.
  8. DO NOT TALK TO THE BRIDE AT ALL.
  9. Everyone will toast with Rémy. No acceptance.
  10. Lastly must come with gift 75$ or more or you want be admitted.

"First of all" no white, cream or ivory attire: cool. But a bob or ponytail? So you want me to not only find a dress, shoes, accessories and transportation to your wedding, but I need to get a new wig, too? Oh, okay. And what exactly do you mean by a face full of makeup? Like, I don't even go to the grocery store without foundation, mascara and a lip, but you need me at your wedding barefaced doing the #NoMakeupChallenge? And what even is a "seramony"?

GIPHY

The one that really took me all the way out was the "DO NOT TALK TO THE BRIDE AT ALL" part. Does this include everyone or just the email recipients, because I'm gonna need for you to make this make sense. As one Reddit poster put it, this overzealous wedding coordinator is liable to do the absolute most:

@HelloTiredImDad: And do you Mrs. Smith take...

Wedding coordinator: HEY! I SAID NOBODY TALKS TO THE WIFE! NOW GET OUT!

GIPHY

It is understandable that as a wedding coordinator you want to make sure that all ducks are in a row and that there will be no upstaging the bride.

However, this "rules and regulations" list sounds like it's either coming from a delusional and petty bride herself, or the wedding coordinator is secretly living out her own "dream" wedding scenario, quickly turning it into everyone else's nightmare. I'm not the only one that thinks it might be bridezilla gone full dragon, as LadyBarclay points out:

"I can't believe any wedding coordinator - meaning a professional one - would be so rude, tacky, or in such poor command of the English language. That this post is instead from the bride, or a close friend she roped into helping her, thinking she sneakily found a way to dictate how her guests will behave/perform without being labelled a bridezilla? THAT sounds more likely."

Had I received this email, I would have quickly thrown my invitation AND the friendship in the trash. It's one thing to ensure a head count or to even kindly request a cash gift, but to tell me what to give, how to present myself and exactly what to drink is too much. You don't know what my financial status is nor are you privy to whether or not I have an allergy to your drink of choice or if I'm even drinking at all.

I admit, I had a Bridezilla experience at my own wedding. I was completely frustrated when my own family hijacked my plans of getting eloped with just a few guests and turned it into a full-on party with over 30 people, none of whom we had invited. I was fuming!

But ladies, this long list of unreasonable demands is on a whole new level.

What's the craziest wedding request you've heard of or made yourself? Let us know in the comments.

Featured image by Shutterstock

Black Women, We Deserve More

When the NYT posted an article this week about the recent marriage of a Black woman VP of a multi-billion-dollar company and a Black man who took her on a first date at the parking lot of a Popeyes, the reaction on social media was swift and polarizing. The two met on Hinge and had their parking lot rendezvous after he’d canceled their first two dates. When the groom posted a photo from their wedding on social media, he bragged about how he never had “pressure” to take her on “any fancy dates or expensive restaurants.”

It’s worth reading on your own to get the full breadth of all the foolery that transpired. But the Twitter discourse it inspired on what could lead a successful Black woman to accept lower than bare minimum in pursuit of a relationship and marriage, made me think of the years of messaging that Black women receive about how our standards are too high and what we have to “bring to the table” in order to be "worthy" of what society has deemed is the ultimate showing of our worth: a marriage to a man.

That's right, the first pandemic I lived through was not Covid, but the pandemic of the Black male relationship expert. I was young – thirteen to be exact – when Steve Harvey published his best-selling book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Though he was still just a stand-up comedian, oversized suit hoarder, and man on his third marriage at the time, his relationship advice was taken as the gospel truth.

The 2000s were a particularly bleak time to be a single Black woman. Much of the messaging –created by men – that surrounded Black women at the time blamed their desire for a successful career and for a partner that matched their drive and ambition for the lack of romance in their life. Statistics about Black women’s marriageability were always wielded against Black women as evidence of our lack of desirability.

It’s no wonder then that a man that donned a box cut well into the 2000s was able to convince women across the nation to not have sex for the first three months of a relationship. Or that a slew of other Black men had their go at telling Black women that they’re not good enough and why their book, seminar, or show will be the thing that makes them worthy of a Good Man™.

This is how we end up marrying men who cancel twice before taking us on a “date” in the Popeyes parking lot, or husbands writing social media posts about how their Black wife is not “the most beautiful” or “the most intelligent” or the latest season of trauma dumping known as Black Love on OWN.

Now that I’ve reached my late twenties, many things about how Black women approach dating and relationships have changed and many things have remained the same. For many Black women, the idea of chronic singleness is not the threat that it used to be. Wanting romance doesn’t exist in a way that threatens to undermine the other relationships we have with our friends, family, and ourselves as it once did, or at least once was presented to us. There is a version of life many of us are embracing where a man not wanting us, is not the end of what could still be fruitful and vibrant life.

There are still Black women out there however who have yet to unlearn the toxic ideals that have been projected onto us about our worthiness in relation to our intimate lives. I see it all the time online. The absolute humiliation and disrespect some Black women are willing to stomach in the name of being partnered. The hoops that some Black women are willing to jump through just to receive whatever lies beneath the bare minimum.

It's worth remembering that there are different forces at play that gather to make Black women feast off the scraps we are given. A world saturated by colorism, fatphobia, anti-Blackness, ableism, and classism will always punish Black women who demand more for themselves. Dismantling these systems also means divesting from any and everything that makes us question our worth.

Because truth be told, Black women are more than worthy of having a love that is built on mutual respect and admiration. A love that is honey sweet and radiates a light that rivals the sun. A love that is a steadying calming force that doesn’t bring confusion or anxiety. Black women deserve a love that is worthy of the prize that we are.

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Featured image: Getty Images

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