Getting married can be the best day of your life…and the most stressful.
I remember when my husband popped the question, our main concern after all of the dust and excitement settled was how we were going to pay for it. We joked that we wanted our wedding to look "grand" but didn't want to pay grand money. We also agreed that we didn't want to have to pay for anything or owe anyone for wedding expenses after our big day.
This was super tough because not only did we have a short engagement (about nine months), we got married in July, which is the peak of wedding season, so everything was way more expensive than if we would have gotten married earlier or later in the year. I have to say, the day after our wedding, we were so relieved that we didn't have to pay anyone else a dime. We were actually able to enjoy the moment and the day without having wedding debt hang over us. It took a lot of sacrifice, but it was just as perfect as I always dreamed. Here's how we did it:
Set A Budget
And stick with it. Seriously, you have to stick with it. If you set your budget with a little wiggle room, you won't feel like you have nowhere to go when the unexpected comes up, because it will. One of the things we did after we set our date was set an overall budget based on what we could really afford. We then divided the budget by the number of months we had left and decided to set aside that amount in our wedding fund. Of course, life happened multiple times during this process and we had to adjust. That monthly budget kept getting bigger and bigger as our wedding date got closer, but we worked it out and it paid off in a major way.
What Are You Willing To Sacrifice?
After we realized what we could really afford, we had to cut a few things short during the planning process. One of the most difficult things we had to do was lower our videographer package just a couple of months before our wedding. Our photographer was seriously the best and even threw in our engagement photos for free. This was a huge surprise because we had already planned to not take any. And they turned out amazing! But as our wedding day got closer, we realized we couldn't afford video and photos. So, we reduced our package to just photos. It was hard because who doesn't want a video of their wedding day to look back on? But it was tough choices like this that helped us stay within our budget and not get into debt.
Plus, we didn't have an unplugged wedding, so a lot of people filmed the ceremony and put it on social media. The best part about that is that we just celebrated our one-year anniversary, so all of the memories popped up and reminded us how amazing that day was. The sacrifices you'll have to make aren't going to be easy, and you might even end up crying it out, but if your goal is to have a debt free wedding, it'll be worth it.
About That Guest List…
So, you're engaged. Get ready for people to pop out of the woodworks! From family you haven't seen or spoken to in years, to childhood friends who in their minds are still your BFF, the list of people who feel like they deserve an invite to your wedding is seriously endless. If you're like me, you'll wish you could invite everyone, even people you don't know that well. But the guest list is also what makes the wedding super expensive thanks to high reception prices.
My husband and I dealt with this a couple of ways. We first decided to have an open wedding and a closed reception. A lot of people who wanted to come to the wedding made it clear they didn't care about coming to the reception, and just wanted to help us celebrate our day. This made us feel better about being able to invite more people. If you go this route, I would suggest having some sort of party favor or small gift for those who aren't invited to the reception. As for the reception, we had it offsite and only invited close family and those who played a major part in our relationship, and the people we knew would be influential for us during the ups and downs of our marriage. Sidebar: We also saved money by mailing out invitations, but instructing guests to RSVP on our website, so we wouldn't have to purchase postage.
Does It HAVE To Be On A Saturday?
Since our wedding was dead in the middle of wedding season, we decided to have it on a Friday instead of a Saturday. Thankfully, I always dreamed of having an evening wedding anyway. It also doesn't hurt that Friday weddings a popular trend right now. Listen, if you haven't checked it out, you might be shocked to know how much you can save by having your wedding on any other day than Saturday. While Fridays are cheap, Sundays are even cheaper. Let me just say this, the venue where we had our reception had a $7,000 minimum for Saturdays, and no minimum for Fridays. Even though it's a little more difficult to accommodate guests who are coming from out of town, having a wedding on a Friday or Sunday can make a huge difference. And your guests will understand.
Don't Sleep On Pinterest & Etsy
While millennials have been said to be spending whole salaries on weddings lately, this isn't the case for all of us. If you're going a little DIY with your wedding, don't be nervous! Just know that Pinterest and Etsy can be your saving grace. I found a dress for one of my flower girls and adorable floral robes for my bridesmaids on Etsy. And, I even found my own dress on Etsy! I ordered it in enough time in case there were any issues, because obviously that's a huge risk. My dress was made from an adorable woman in China, and cost less than $300, including shipping. Once I got it, it fit perfectly and didn't even need any alterations.
Please trust, there are ways to simplify your wedding, stay in your budget, and still have the day of your dreams.
- You Don't Need a Huge Budget to Plan an Amazing Wedding ›
- Yes, It's Possible to Have a Big Wedding on a Small Budget ›
- Super Affordable Wedding Planning Tips | WeddingMix ›
- 50 Wedding Budget Tips | Brides ›
- How I Threw a 100-Person Wedding for Under $4,000 ›
- Top 10 Ways to Save Money and Have a Cheap Wedding ›
- 7 Steps for an Awesome Cheap Wedding ›
- 11 Affordable Wedding Venue Ideas - NerdWallet ›
- 21 Ideas for a Frugal (Not Cheap) Wedding on a Budget - The ... ›
- Have a $50,000 Wedding on a $3,000 Budget: 8 Great Secrets to a ... ›
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Over the weekend, while headling Beautycon, the 42-year-old singer revealed to PEOPLE that her biggest beauty splurge comes in the form of LED light therapy. She told the outlet, "There's this light by Shani Darden, the LED light, and it's not cheap. But I literally sleep under it every night."
LED stands for Light Emitting Diode, and in light therapy, these little diodes emit different wavelengths of light to benefit your skin. LED light therapy has seen an uptick in popularity for its benefits, which range from acne reduction and skin rejuvenation to pain relief and a more even skin tone.
She continued, “It's like a 20 to 30-minute time limit. When I'm under there, it [has] red lights, blue lights, and other colors of light. But those are the ones that I use the most, and they are so awesome because of the simple fact that they are like killing germs and [helping with] anti-aging, which is amazing."
Kelly didn't lie when she said her go-to beauty device was a "splurge." Retailing at a whopping $1,900, the Shani Darden best-selling LED Light Therapy Mask "is clinically proven to reduce acne, pigmentation, and wrinkles." Per the website, the re-engineered "diode LEDs deliver the highest dose of red, blue and near infrared light therapy in cutting-edge wavelength combinations for smoothing, clearing and brightening benefits."
Kelly is someone who gets badder with age, and over the years, the wife and mom have been vocal about her dedication to self-care through the use of beauty products. In a 2022 interview with PEOPLE, she shared her inner beauty philosophy, "Give yourself as many compliments as you possibly can. You start with one, you can have two. You have two, you can have four."
Keep scrolling for some of Kelly Rowland's other beauty faves, including a couple of additional Shani Darden finds:
Pat McGrath Labs Sublime Perfection Foundation
Pat McGrath Labs
"For me [with foundation] it was either not enough coverage or too much coverage … Pat [McGrath] found the perfect blend of them both," Kelly told PEOPLE. "This is actually my color, and it blends in beautifully with the skin – the texture of it is just like silk. I brush it on, or, sometimes I use the little sponge and push it into the skin. It's my favorite. She just nailed it, she really nailed it."
Shani Darden Skin Care Facial Sculpting Wand
The Cut
Regarding this product, Kelly revealed to The Cut, "I go up my cheekbones, across my skin and my temples with her wand — it’s incredible."
Shani Darden Skin Care Retinol Reform
"I've been with [esthetician] Shani [Darden] for almost 10 years. I was having the toughest time with my skin after I had Titan [seven years ago]. Before she sold this, she put it in a little tube for me and told me when and how to use it–she likes to educate, which I really appreciate–and my skin changed in a matter of two weeks." - via PEOPLE
Augustinus Bader the Rich Cream
The Cut
“Sometimes I use the Rich Cream, and sometimes I just use the Cream," she explained to The Cut about her product preferences.
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Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Beautycon™
