I didn’t think I understood the saying, “Life comes at you quickly,” until I experienced the summer of 2024.
What I thought would be a normal hot girl summer with the friendships I’ve cultivated in Atlanta since moving here in 2019 to pursue my dreams of becoming a journalist turned into a very humbling situation – the luxury one-bedroom apartment I’d been living in since 2021 was no more.
Do you know that one story where God literally strips everything away from Job? That is what the start of my summer of ‘24 felt like. While everyone was enjoying Juneteenth celebrations, I had to rally the troops to pack up and move all the items in my apartment and accept my new normal, sleeping on my friend’s couch while I looked to figure things out and get back on my feet.
Firstly, I don’t know what I would do without the community I’ve built here in Atlanta. Secondly, I had to learn to humble myself and ask for help, a sentiment foreign to me as the first-born daughter and the one that folks usually rely on for help, advice, or simply a listening ear.
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Maybe I should back up and tell you how I got here.
In second grade, I discovered my love for writing, and my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Joyce Simmons, planted the seed that a career in the field could be in my future. I’ve always loved the way writing makes me feel. It’s something about putting my thoughts down on paper that really gets me going. By the time my senior year in high school rolled around, that love for writing had developed into a love for storytelling. Before I knew it, I was headed to Virginia Commonwealth University to pursue a degree in broadcast journalism.
Fast-forward to 2019, after losing my maternal grandmother in November 2018, I didn’t want to sit around any longer, waiting for life to happen. After a spiritual fast at the top of the year, I gained clarity and set my sights on moving to Atlanta to become the journalist I have always felt I was destined to be.
A few more leaps of faith and betting on myself later, I fully immersed myself in the world of freelancing. While life as a creative entrepreneur (something that I never anticipated) looked promising, things took a turn for the worse as events like the Hollywood Strike took place, budgets at outlets began diminishing, and the bills never ceased amid it all.
When I had to choose either to continue to struggle to try to make rent at my luxury apartment in Atlanta’s Vinings neighborhood or accept my friend’s offer to sleep on her couch until I figured things out, I had no choice but to choose the latter.
While it didn’t seem like it at first, this turned out to be a life-altering decision in the absolute best way, leading me to my very own Eat, Pray, Love summer visiting friends back home in Richmond, Virginia, the DMV, and rounding out the last few weeks of the season with my childhood best friend of 20+ years in Columbus, Ohio.
Here’s what it taught me about community, faith in God, and learning to let go of material things.
You Cannot Do It Alone.
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While social media often promotes isolation and “me against the world” think pieces, one of the biggest lessons this summer taught me is the importance of sisterhood. Without my girls, I would not have made it through this rough patch, period. Whether it was catching up over cocktails or poolside deep dives, my friends gave me all of the TLC that I never knew I needed over the course of the nearly 100 days that make up the summer season.
God Will Speak To You Through Others If You Take The Time To Listen.
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I turned in the keys to my apartment on Friday, June 21, 2024, the very first day of summer. Feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, and downright sad, I drove away and completely forgot my meal at Chick-fil-A as I headed to my new temporary home with my friend, Damoneke.
What’s more, I scheduled an interview for a story that day, which is absolutely insane in hindsight, but as a freelancer, there is no such thing as PTO, and I needed the money. Late to the call, due to leaving my food at the drive-thru window and Atlanta traffic, I rushed onto the Zoom call, and what transpired moved me in a way that I still can’t fully understand.
The conversation went like any other interview, but at the end, the talent, The Voice season 12 winner Chris Blue, asked me to stop the recording because he “wanted to share something that God had put on his heart to tell me.”
Keep in mind that this was an audio-only Zoom call, so he could not see my face. Blue told me that God sent him a vision while we were on the call, and it was one of me lying on a couch with boulders on my shoulders.
“God is telling you to let it go,” he said. I was frozen in my chair because how would Chris Blue, whom I’d never met or spoken to, know that I had just transitioned from my apartment to my friend’s couch?
After I burst into tears because I didn’t have 24 hours to allow what had just happened to sink in fully, he continued to pour into me before ending with, “God also told me to tell you not to be afraid to dream again.”
It was then that I decided to live my life unapologetically for the rest of the summer, going where the love was and garnering inspiration to make my love for writing fun again.
Material Things Are Cool, But Lived Experiences Are Even Better
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From whirlwind (and short-lived) summer romances, including riding on a stranger’s motorcycle in a foreign city (sorry, mom), to becoming the middle-school-aged version of myself again during the weeks spent in Ohio with my bestie Courtney, having a night out with my siblings, followed by matching tattoos with my sister, attending a cowboy-themed party with my mommy and more, I quickly learned that life is much more than material things.
At the start of this journey, I was so sad and distraught, and if I’m being honest, embarrassed that I no longer had my own space. Now that summer has come to a close, I’m dreaming again. My writing is healing me. I’m reconciling my relationship with my father, and I feel more grounded (and still free) than ever before despite still navigating this nomadic journey.
My biggest lesson this season is that life’s circumstances do not have to define me. Yes, the economy still feels horrific. Yes, I still have a few overdue bills, but overall, I am slowly but surely learning that sometimes freedom isn’t something that you find. Sometimes, you’re forced into it, and that’s okay.
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Now as far as how “common” it is, I’m not exactly sure. However, what I will say is that whenever I happen to share this concept with other individuals (clients included), 8 times outta 10, I basically get the same type of response. First, they look at me like I’m crazy, then they pause and reflect and then their mouth opens wide as if in shock that my sex-ex just may be onto something…BIG.
Now before we get into all of this, I’ll let you know, off the rip, that I can’t find an exact science to back his theory up specifically.
At the same time, though, there is other types of data surrounding the topic of sex and what it does to our minds that could cause you to believe that he’s not totally off base in thinking that a “sex clock” just might be an actual thing; that it’s something that hell, he should at do a Ted Talk — or YouTube video or Instagram Live — about so that more folks won’t think that they are going low-key insane should it happen to them.
Ah, sex clocks. Let me explain further.
This Is How Sex Affects Your Memory
GiphyIn order to lay some foundation here, let’s first talk about how sex affects your memory, in general. For starters, did you know that vagina-penis intercourse has actually been proven to improve both your learning capabilities as well as your memory (it also decreases anxiety and depression)? Probably the easiest way to explain how and why is when you engage in this type of sexual intimacy, it strengthens your hippocampus which is the part of your brain that is not only responsible for learning and memory but how you process emotions too. Okay, so intercourse between a man and a woman boosts memory power and also taps into one’s emotions. Bookmark that.
HuffPost published an article several years back entitled, “Sex And The Memory of Sexual Experience.” Two things that the article said was “Researchers are seeing that certain areas of the brain light up depending on the thoughts, actions and experiences of a person” and “The rush of 'love' chemicals; dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, opiates and other neurotransmitters, fill our body and brain quickly to produce the incredible feelings of love and attachment…” to the point where, if the action (in this case sex) happens several times, it can actually “codify” (makes plans or arrangements) your brain — and stays there.
Once that transpires, “our memories dictate how we will feel about a similar situation because our brain and body is coded from past experience.”
Now, if your brain can “code” the experience, don’t you think that it can also “code” the time when you were first introduced to the experience? Let’s keep going.
The Impact That Nostalgia Has on Your Sex Life
GiphyAh, nostalgia. If there’s one thing that is underestimated, far more than it ever should be when it comes to relationships, it’s that. In fact, I was recently in a counseling session with an engaged couple who happen to be each other’s first love.
What they are working through right now is if the potency of being each other’s first love is enough to get them through just how much they’ve changed since they first dated one another (chile, I totally get it; check out “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”). A part of the reason why it’s hard for them to process all of this clearly is because of the power of what nostalgia can actually do to a person.
Case in point. Although nostalgia — you know, reflecting on the past — can create warm fuzzies (if what happened in the past is good), it’s also the ultimate “editor” in the sense that, if you’re not careful, it can put you intoa state of denial about the entire experience. Not only that butnostalgia can get you to idealize situations too.
I totally get this because the guy who introduced me to the whole sex clock idea, although sex with him was pretty good (at least most of the time) and he actually was my first as far as certain types of sexual…umm…things…LOL, overall, he kind of was an ass yet because my memories of him would go to how he made me feel sexually first, whenever those texts would come, that would be the initial thing that I would think about — and if I did indulge him, it wasn’t until after a couple of weeks (or months) of copulation, with him, AGAIN, that I’d realize…”Ohhh, this is why I stopped sleeping with your ass…because you are an ass.” (Not mean or anything like that, just…selfish AF.)
Anyway, if you can relate on any level to what I’m saying here, just like the nostalgic memories of Thanksgiving or Christmas can do a real number on you every time the holiday season rolls around, why couldn’t the same thing happen if you recall the time of year when you had some amazing sex with someone and that month or season creeps back around too?
Yep. Bookmark all of this as well as we keep on going.Yes, Other Factors Play a Role in Your Peak Desires for Sex
GiphyIf you add to all of what I’ve already stated, the power of sexual chemistry — whew, chile. Definitely a part of the reason why some people tend to have a bigger sexual impact on us than others typically starts with sexual chemistry because that is all about the immediate physical attraction that you feel towards someone else — and that can’t be faked nor does it happen with just anyone.
Shoot, even when I reflect on my sexual past now, although I had pretty satisfying sex with about 75 percent of my partners, there are some who, to this day, are able to bring a certain smile to my face that others do not — and it’s because of the magnetic connection we shared and yes, having a deep mutual attraction definitely played a huge role in that.
If you then factor in the hormone levels/sex drive that you had at the time of engaging someone who you had a strong sexual connection with (for instance, if it’s someone from your 20s when most folks’ hormones are absolutely raging), the type of relationship that you had with that individual (for example, even if you weren’t officially together, they still made you laugh or feel safe or impacted you in a way that others didn’t or haven’t) and even if you take into account some of the other monumental things that may have been transpiring in your life at the time when you were being intimate with them.
Again, doesn’t it make sense that around the time when they first entered your world, sexually, your mind, body, and spirit may go back there and relive it all on some level, every time that time of year rolls around? Even if it’s just for a brief moment?
At Least Consider the Idea of a “Sex Clock” Before Taking Action
GiphyHmph. With all that has been covered, suddenly a “sex clock” makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean, even I will say that what’s truly wild about all of this is? Y’all, although the guy who brought it into my own psyche and I are pretty cool to this day, it’s been over two decades since we’ve messed around, and yet — a part of what caused me to even pitch this topic is because I thought about fall, how October is my favorite month of the year and yep, for a moment, he came to mind. Why? Because we started having sex in October. That damn sex clock.
So, when it comes to your own sex clock, just what should you do with this kind of information? I mean, you know how the saying goes: an ounce of prevention is certainly worth a pound of cure. Keeping that in mind, if you consider that memories, nostalgia, sexual chemistry, and your hormones are all science-based reasons to “crave” a blast from your past (pun intended and not intended), then when…whoever he is comes to your mind, now there is no need to overthink it or stress out about it. Maybe it’s just your sex clock alarm going off.
Acknowledge it. Woosah through it. And really ponder if replying to that text or DM is actually worth it.
Because sometimes alarms remind us to do something.
Other times? They warn us to wake up.
Especially when a (so-called) sex clock is involved, chile.
Feel me? Now, more than ever…I bet you do.
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