How Periods of Isolation Can Help You Heal & Evolve
Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in prolonged periods of isolation from friends, family, and significant others. Whatever the reason for this situation, it often leads to self-discovery and hermetic reflection.
Being lonely and alone are two different things. I have been able to differentiate the two throughout my periods of being isolated from the outside world, and it all starts with finding out the essence of who you are.
Since I was young, I have always been somewhat of a loner. As the second oldest child, and the first girl of my mother's children, I had to figure out how to do a lot of things on my own. As a very inquisitive young girl who often got into trouble for asking too many questions, or telling too much business, I've always had a very strong desire to know. It didn't matter what it was, I just felt like I needed to be informed of everything there was to know about the world. As I got older, I quickly learned that asking too many questions could put you in a bad spot, namely time outs or whoopings. As I put two and two together, I grew up observing the world very closely and quietly figuring out how things worked.
I got used to depending on myself internally for everything that I needed externally.
It's a weird place to find yourself when your mind is as internally active as your mouth. As I grew into my young adulthood, I thought I was satisfied with being "not a friend person," but eventually I realized it was just my outward suit of protection for self-soothing, self-teaching, and self-validating my ego, and that I was truly unable to let anyone into my heart space, and I did not know how to connect with people whom I did not understand.
Isolation as a child stunted my ability to go within since I was always looking for answers outwardly. As a teenager and young adult, though I was a very kind and warm person, I often ran into many conflicts with people. Part of this was likely because I was an empath and didn't know it.
According to Psychology Today, "The trademark of an empath is feeling and absorbing other people's emotions and/or physical symptoms because of their high sensitivities. These people filter the world through their intuition and have a difficult time intellectualizing their feelings. The first step is to acknowledge that you are an empath." Normally, people who aren't aware of this trait become a magnet for people who reflect their internal trauma and pain in the most toxic and draining way. Often, I found myself in drama with people without really understanding how to process why I was in the situation to begin with.
Right before and after my spiritual awakening in early 2015, I started shedding friends and family left and right. This lasted for three years. Before I knew it, I barely had any friends and ended up as single as single can get. Isolated, I went through my darkest period of depression and alcohol abuse. I was in an off and on again karmic and unrequited relationship with a man who never truly reciprocated my feelings, which led to me engaging in sexual relationships with men that I really did not have deep emotional connections with. I was a hot mess and deeply wounded.
Along the process however, I realized my empathic nature. As I became more and more awake, I recognized the importance of unpacking the trauma that stemmed all the way from my childhood, to my present moment.
I had to truly look in the mirror, and see every flaw, and painstakingly untie every knot.
Isolation allowed me to perform surgery on my soul. Feelings of loneliness at one point became unbearable until I started to remove everything negative out of my life. I started getting into positive affirmations and self-care. I begin seeing my self-worth, and loving who I was on a deeper level.
After becoming a full-time nomadic, creative entrepreneur and later a freelance writer, I had never spent so much time literally by myself. It was almost as if I had to introduce my inner child to my adult self. I felt like Tom Hanks in the movie Castaway. It was during this time that I learned the difference between loneliness and being alone. I began to see my extroverted nature as a blessing, rather than a curse. I learned how to enjoy my own spirit. I learned how to be still, and explore my own mind. I began to extend my meditation practices to astral projection and lucid dreaming. I began to embody the divine feminine, and the creativity that I always possessed on a whole other level.
The difference between loneliness and being alone is that one is a void where you are detached from your spirit, imagination, and life force. The other is the realization that no matter where you are, or who you are with, that you are abundant in life, unconditional love, and universal oneness.
I mastered the art of being alone by manifesting divine joy from within myself.
Being isolated throughout my life has taught me how to tickle my own soul and connect with my mind, heart, and body in complete transparency. It also allowed me to see myself in everyone else…even in people I greatly disliked.
Ultimately, it is how I have evolved as a woman, and ascended as a spiritual being.
Featured image by Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash
Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images