

How This Couple Learned That Love Is About Figuring It Out Together
In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
When it comes to finding your life partner, the best time to find love is when you least expect it. You can either question how the universe has brought you two together or take it and run with it. For married couple Ray and Roslyn Singleton, they have been running with it since the day they met. The two fell in love with each other at first sight while attending a local all-black party.
Conversation and food after would ensue and tell the pair all they needed to know about each other and all of it began and ended with love. "Ros was so different from any girl I have ever met before in my life. She was gorgeous, she had a short haircut, tatted up, and it was just something about her," Ray recalled for xoNecole. "After talking with her and realizing getting to know her would be more of a challenge, I just fell in love with her. There is nothing more beyond that."
Even with a seven-year age difference, Ray and Roslyn vibed so well with each other, that there was no denying it. "The day after we met, I blocked everyone else I was talking to. I was good. I have only known him for eight hours, but I'm good. This is it," Roslyn recalled. Who knew that one evening at a local party would just so happen to be the right place at the right time for the both of them? Together, they have been figuring out this thing called life ever since.
For this installment of xoNecole's Our First Year, learn more about Ray and Roslyn Singleton, a couple who have worked together towards a successful marriage by going with the flow and letting love lead the way.
The One
Roslyn: We met in November 2016 and Ray proposed May 6th the following year. But I knew immediately that I wanted to marry Ray. The day after we met, I blocked everyone else I was talking to. I was good. I have only known him for eight hours, but I'm good. This is it. I'm not going to say that we haven't had our bumps in the road like every couple does, but we found our way to get through. Ray was different. He was the youngest man I have ever considered dating, let alone marry. Having that transition to dating someone that's seven years younger, I learned he was such an old soul. He loved God, his family, and I could tell he cared about me from day one. I also like to say sarcastic jokes and he throws them back at me. So the comedy between us makes me love him even more.
Ray: From the very beginning, we just clicked. I moved into her apartment four days after we met. But I think ultimately it was the amount of time we could laugh together. Whatever the time of day it was, it didn't matter because it was just her and I. I think that's how we clicked so fast. We feel like we have been together 15 or more years. She was that other part of my soul that I was able to find.
"I knew immediately that I wanted to marry Ray. The day after we met, I blocked everyone else I was talking to. I was good. I have only known him for eight hours, but I'm good. This is it. I'm not going to say that we haven't had our bumps in the road like every couple does, but we found our way to get through. Ray was different."
Tying The Knot
Roslyn: One thing I remember about our wedding day is, when I turned the corner at the venue and I first saw Ray, he looked so good. He was crying and that was just a key moment for me. I also remember the very end of the wedding. It was nothing extravagant. We both got into Ray's car, we packed up all the food, went back to our hotel, and had burgers and chicken wings for our wedding night. It was literally the best, most chill thing ever.
Ray: I remember 15 minutes before the ceremony was about to start, it was pouring down raining. It was hot and chaotic. My dad pulled me to the side and asked if I was ready. I said, "Yep." And when I saw her, I knew. It was one of the greatest things in my life.
Deepest Fears
Ray: My biggest fear walking into marriage was having the concern of what does the rest of my life look like. I understand how serious marriage is and the idea of marriage. It was just the fear of the unknown. It was never about if I was going to be in love with her for the rest of my life, that was unquestionable. But the more time I spent with her and thought about her, I knew our connection wasn't something that I could break. Staying in the moment allowed me to let go of that fear.
Roslyn: I would say my biggest fear was trying to live up to something instead of making marriage my own. I come from an upbringing where my parents had been married for 30+ years. I always had this image of what marriage looked like from my parents. So for me, I never wanted to fail him as a wife or fail as the example of what marriage should be. From what they showed me, I try to give that to Ray. What I learned to get through that is to communicate better to Ray and tell him how much I appreciate him a lot.
"My biggest fear walking into marriage was having the concern of what does the rest of my life look like. I understand how serious marriage is and the idea of marriage. It was just the fear of the unknown. It was never about if I was going to be in love with her for the rest of my life, that was unquestionable."
Early Challenges
Ray: Communication. We didn't know how to talk to each other. We didn't know how to talk about problems, our feelings, or how if someone said something how the other person received it. Honestly, there would be times where we were not foolin' with each other. One thing I had to unlearn is not communicating my expectations to her. I had this idea of what a husband and wife should be and assumed everyone thought the same way I did. But it was nothing but the love we had for each other that kept us coming back. So even though we are light years from where we started, communication is something we are still working on till this day.
Roslyn: You know when you have that conversation and you're like, "GIRL, LISTEN." I have been there. Luckily, I have those friends that talked me off the ledge and encouraged me to just have a conversation with him. Ray is an amazing person and he brought his life experiences into the relationship just like I did. So I had to unlearn not to nitpick at those differences to Ray. I had to be aware of when I may do those things and apologize. I never want to be someone that points out his flaws because I genuinely want to be supportive to him.
Love Lessons
Ray: I can love harder than I thought I could. Before Ros, I was independent and knew how to focus on myself. Now I know that it's possible that you could love so much when being involved with someone else. As a guy, you hear about it. But you're not really thinking about it because you're living your life.
Roslyn: The most important lesson for me is being appreciative of the love I've received from Ray. Even when I had brain surgery, it made me more appreciative because I know women who have had a similar situation as me and their husbands left them. It really blows my mind because my mother had a ton of health issues and my dad was right there for her. So when my health stuff came around, I didn't second-guess what Ray's role was in my life, because that was what I knew. But now understanding that that type of support is not what a lot of people get.
"I can love harder than I thought I could. Before Ros, I was independent and knew how to focus on myself. Now I know that it's possible that you could love so much when being involved with someone else."
Marriage Counsel
Roslyn: I have my sister/best friend and I talk to her because she was married for over 10 years. I know she will give me an unbiased opinion about marriage that is in the best interest of Ray and I. I know she can give me that marriage perspective and understand things better that I may be missing. I also have my other best friend who is single. She is a more philosophical thinker. So she expounds and looks at every possible angle to give me great advice. Both of them are very transparent and they remind me that marrying Ray is what I wanted to do. So I have to figure it out.
Ray: None of my friends are qualified to give me advice (laughs). I talk to my pastor and God a lot. It is a lot of introspective work that I do for understanding. I truly do self-reflection and try to put myself in her shoes when we are dealing with an issue. When I do talk to my friends, they talk me off the ledge too. But for advice, it's mainly my pastor.
The Best Advice
Ray: Listen to advice from others, but you have to live with her every day. You can take advice from all these gurus and stuff. But at the end of the day, you have to live with her. So figure it out. Also work together as a team. Fellas, use the word "we" and understand that you two are a unit.
Roslyn: The best advice I've gotten was from my dad. He told me that problems are going to happen. There is nothing you can do about it, you just have to talk about it. It is important to remember that everyone is their own individual person and on the road, you have to learn to love the parts of a person that you don't understand. Even on days that you may not not like that person, in the long run, you are going to love everything about that person. It's worth it.
For more of Ray and Roslyn, follow them on Instagram @willie_qool and @iamrosroyal. Also check out their new clothing line that commemorates their marriage here.
Featured image via Ray Singleton/Instagram
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'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Journaling
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Meditating
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an Orgasm
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for You
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
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At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
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