

He Said Yes! We Asked Men How They Feel About Women Proposing
Shows like Married At First Sight and 90-Day Fiance prove that matrimony looks a little different than it did when our mother and grandmothers said their vows. Wedding traditions like jumping the broom and losing your virginity on your wedding night seem like a thing of the past, but there are some customs that seem like they will never go out of style.
For example, it is tradition that a man get down on one knee and propose to his wife-to-be, but with feminism on the rise causing a number of gender norms to be thrown out the window, it may soon become socially acceptable for a woman to ask for her man's hand in marriage.
Over the past few weeks, I've seen a number of videos where a woman gets down on one knee, followed with a slew of negative comments echoing the sentiment that it's a man's responsibility to propose. Some people have even used the Bible as a reference to support their argument, quoting a scripture I'm sure we're all familiar with:
"He that findeth a good woman, findeth a good thing; and of the Lord he shall draw up mirth (and he receiveth favour from the Lord)." (Proverbs 18:22-24)
Mind you, that description technically has nothing to do with a marriage proposal. The debate surrounding role reversal in marriage proposals has split the internet down the middle, so to get down to the bottom of this argument, I did a little bit of research. First, let's talk a little about how this ritual came to be in the first place.
In the past, marriage was symbolic of a business agreement between two families. Historically, marriage was a ritual that ensured that children were legitimately conceived. Many of these marriages were arranged and contrary to popular belief had little-to-nothing to do with love or religion. While the first documented marriage dates back to 2350 B.C., in Mesopotamia, other cultures like the Hebrews, Romans, and Greeks adopted the custom over the next hundred years and applied their own traditions. Marriage between two people didn't officially become associated with the Roman Catholic church until the eighth century, and marriage for love didn't become a concept until the middle ages.
Around the 18th century, it became more of a custom that people choose their own spouses, but still, women often played a muted role in this process. Whether their spouses were arranged or chosen by their own initiative, it has always been tradition that a man ask a woman (or her father) for her hand in marriage.
In a nutshell, there is no biblical or historical reason why a woman shouldn't propose. Getting down on one knee isn't necessarily reserved for one gender. If you love someone, and they love you, why shouldn't a woman feel comfortable enough with her man to propose? Because... double standards. That's why.
This male-dominated language of courtship has continued for centuries, but now, a number of women have taken it into their own hands to take their relationships into the next level. Before writing this article, I could not fathom getting down on one knee to propose to a potential suitor, but after reading other women's reasons for doing it, I can't help but think that asking for a man's hand in marriage is feminist and progressive AF.
Still wary of the concept, I took it to the streets and asked a few of my guy friends what they thought about a woman proposing. Here's what they had to say:
Clif Cooper, 27
Do you want to get married one day?: Yes
How would you feel if a woman proposed to you?: If a woman decided to propose to me, I think I would naturally feel awkward. Also, if the proposal of her asking me were to happen in a public setting, I would for sure feel nervous. I understand that progression exists and certain things change, but sometimes, it's OK to stick with tradition. Personally, I would want to be the one to put myself out there and ask for her hand in marriage.
Bryant Albert, 26
Do you want to get married one day?: Yes
How would you feel if a woman proposed to you?: I would feel like I haven't done my part as a man to make her feel wanted and secure enough to trust me to propose. Especially because that would be something I expressed in my relationship. I would take a great deal of pride in making her feel like the most special woman in the world. So, if she were to propose, I would have to assume that I gave her no other option.
Jordan Gray, 29
Do you want to get married one day?: Yes
How would you feel if a woman proposed to you?: If a woman proposed to me I would feel flattered. I'd feel flattered that someone found me worthy enough to want to marry me without me asking them. However, I would just feel uneasy because in my mind proposing to the spouse is the man's role. I feel like it has to do with masculinity in the relationship and my masculinity would have decreased.
Although time has passed, and marriage is no longer thought of as a business negotiation, it is still a formal agreement. One that, with discussion and planning, can be proposed by either party in the relationship. But before giving your man the chance to tell his family, "She went to Jared," take these things into consideration:
- Have you two discussed your thoughts and expectations of marriage to one another?
- Is he someone who would be flattered or insulted by such a grand gesture?
- What does it mean for your relationship if he says no?
- ASK HIM how he feels about the idea of a woman proposing.
I'm no marriage counselor, but the consensus of my friends' statements make it a "nah" for me dawg. It seems like proposing to their dream girl is a pretty big deal for men, and I would never want to rob my soon-to-be husband of that opportunity. But, I also know that every relationship is different, and some women say that proposing to their man took a lot of a pressure off of him and don't regret their decision one bit.
After gathering this information, I see that the reasons a lot of people don't agree with gender reversed proposals are rooted in a somewhat patriarchal ideology. After this survey, I also will admit that I will never, ever get down on one knee, but, knowing the historical background of marriage proposals makes me think twice about judging the next woman who decides to.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
From Cardi B To Mary J. Blige, Meet The Woman Behind Your Favorite Celebrity's Glam Team
What would you do if you just got laid off from your corporate job and you had a serendipitous encounter with someone who gave you the opportunity of a lifetime? Tamara Taylor was faced with that decision in 2013 after she was let go from her sales profit and operations coach job in the restaurant industry and met a then-up-and-coming stylist, Law Roach, on a flight to L.A. She and Roach struck up a conversation, and he shared how he was looking for someone to run his business and was impressed by her skills. While she took his business card, she was unsure if it would lead to anything. But, boy, was she wrong. Two weeks later, after packing up her home to move back to her hometown of Chicago, she called Roach; he asked if they could meet the following day, and the rest is herstory.
Taylor founded Mastermind MGMT, an agency that represents some of Hollywood’s best “image architects” like Roach, Kellon Deryck, and Kollin Carter, who are responsible for creating unforgettable style and beauty moments for celebrities like Zendaya, Megan Thee Stallion, Taraji P. Henson, and more. Taylor and her company possess an array of functions, but her biggest role is to be her client’s advocate. We hear endless stories about how creatives aren’t paid or underpaid in the entertainment industry, but Taylor ensures that her clients get their piece of the pie. The entrepreneur opened up about her company and her non-profit, Mastermind Matters, in an exclusive interview with xoNecole.
“I always say that I'm an artist advocate first, deal closer second. So my primary focus is to just make sure that the artist is getting everything that they deserve, whether it's compensation or, you know, certain accommodations, but just making sure that they have everything that they need to be able to show up and provide the best service that they're hired for,” she explained.
“So you know, in the beginning, it was hard because I didn't have any experience, and the artists who I was working with at the time–we were learning together, meaning neither of us had assisted anyone. We didn't have mentors in our specific fields. So every deal was like a new learning experience for us from the styling side and also from the business side, and so it took, you know, doing some research, using some very creative tactics, to find out information in the industry and just starting to request accommodations that I knew other artists were granted, who maybe didn't look like my artists.”
Photo courtesy of Tamara Taylor
Ten years later, there’s still not many people who are doing what Taylor is doing. However, things have gotten easier thanks to the research and connections she made in the beginning. During Mastermind MGMT’s ten-year anniversary celebration, she announced her non-profit, Mastermind Matters, which is a 501(c)(3) non-profit that focuses on helping young entrepreneurs through a 12-week program. The program is divided into “two routes.” The first route is for aspiring creative artists who want to start a business from their talent and all the things they need to learn about business, such as taxes, life insurance, etc. The second route is for practicing creative artists who are already in the industry but need resources such as how to plan for retirement or how to sustain themselves if they can’t work for a short amount of time, i.e., the pandemic.
“I just feel that I'm able to have a business and be successful because of their art as well. And so there are things that I know, I tried to teach it to them but understanding that I can only do so much because I'm not a subject matter expert in those fields,” she said. “So I at least want to be able to provide the resources, and then if they make their grown decision not to do it, then that's on them. But you know, I could be guilt-free and taking advantage of the resources that I'm also providing to them.”
Taylor continues to be an innovator in her industry by always pushing the boundaries of creativity and thinking one step ahead of everyone else. The Chicago-bred businesswoman is moving into the tech space thanks to a new invention created with her clients in mind, and she is looking forward to bigger collaborations in the future. Follow Mastermind MGMT on Instagram @mastermind_mgmt for more information.
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Feature image courtesy of Tamara Taylor