

I like hearing men's perspectives on things. So, while watching a video on their hot take on relationships, as I read the comments, I noticed one that said, "There are only three reasons for a man to get married: You hate sex. You hate your money. You hate peace." Ouch.
While I don't agree with that particular hot take (because I know some husbands who truly love being married), it's not like this mentality is coming totally out of the blue. I counsel many couples who are in sexless marriages. It always fascinates me that the majority of divorces are filed by women (somewhere around 80 percent) and a lot of those wives do end up receiving alimony. And when husbands tell me their number one pet peeve in their marital union, nagging always tops the list (there are Scriptures in the Bible to back that up; ones like Proverbs 21:9). So yeah, I get why some men are gun-shy about making a long-term commitment. I really do.
When I ran this guy's resolve up the flagpole of some of the men featured in this article, it was interesting what most of them said. To paraphrase everyone's point, "A lot of this is because many marriages start off on the wrong foot. Couples aren't friends. People don't really get what they are signing up for. And a lot of men feel pressured to get married, so they're not really ready when they do it."
Yeah, this point hasn't escaped me either. I actually know several men who said they got married because they were given an ultimatum and/or they proposed but then the wedding date was put on the fast track and/or they loved their significant other but marriage was all that she talked about and so they did it to satisfy (and sometimes pacify) her.
Listen, some of y'all aren't gonna like this piece. A big part of that is because oftentimes, we'd rather decide how a man thinks (or should think) or berate him if it's not what we wanna hear. Yet you'd be amazed by how much bullshishery you can avoid if you'd simply listen to them. You don't have to agree. You don't have to enjoy what you hear either. Still, if you listen to what men are saying, it can give you a different outlook than your girlfriends have which can spare you a lot of frustration and disillusionment. It can also help you to better understand why sometimes we're on one side of the fence and men are totally on another when it comes to certain matters. There's nothing wrong with that. We're designed to be different, and therefore bring about a balance, for a reason.
So, when it comes to jumping the broom and the pressure that some men feel comes with doing that, here are what 10 different men had to say about feeling pressured to get married. Try and avoid going on the defensive. Just hear 'em out, okay?
*Middle names have been used to protect the men's identity. Folks tend to be more candid this way.*
Craig. 28. In a Serious Relationship.
"Some ladies won't want to hear this, but I don't think a lot of men see it as 'pressure' so much as manipulation. Like that saying, 'The man is the head and the woman is the neck that can turn the head however she wishes?' WTF is that? If you grow up thinking that it's your role to manipulate men, then you will believe that includes marriage. If a man wants to spend the rest of his life with you, trust me, you won't need to 'twist his neck'. He will come to that conclusion all on his own. He will make it very clear without your help too."
Frederick. 46. Married for 20 Years.
"I hate ultimatums. They're futile. If you are out here telling some guy that unless he marries you, you're out, you best leave because if he falls for that power play, he's going to always resent you on some level and you're always going to wonder if he truly wanted you to begin with. What men want, they will strive for. Marriage is no exception."
"I married my wife when I was ready and she never brought marriage up once. Sure, we discussed goals and desires but that whole, 'So, how long before you propose?' stuff? I never heard it and that was really attractive to me. I was clear that she didn't want to date forever but I wasn't pressured into moving at a faster speed than we were going. I chose her. I wasn't pressured. We both have no regrets to this day."
Lavell. 35. Single.
"What's crazy is all of my boys got pressured into marriage. Not one of them has told me that they got married because they decided on their own that they wanted to be with their wife. There were ultimatums or engagement ring pictures that were laying around or pregnancies that happened and their baby's mom saying, 'I don't want to be a single parent'—something along those lines. It's like women assume that the only way a man will marry them is if they push them into it. Why is that?"
Stanton. 33. Narrowing His Options Down.
"I know that I'm considered to still be somewhat young, but I dated a lot in my 20s and it's crazy how much marriage came up even then. I definitely didn't bring the conversation up. A lot of the ladies I dated seemed to almost be programmed to get married. Like it's not something that they necessarily wanted to do but it was expected of them. Now that I'm in my 30s, I've had some time to see what I want and don't want…what I like and don't like. There is one woman, in particular, who I am strongly considering becoming exclusive with. One thing that I really like about her is she's really confident. She has told me that she wants to get married one day, but in the meantime, her life is full and good. That is the kind of woman that men are drawn to—a lady who knows what she wants and also knows she'll get it, whether it's you or not. 'She' is never lacking in men who consider her to be wife material."
Jago. 40. Twice Divorced.
"My first wife, I was totally into her. Long story short, we didn't work out because we were too young. If anything, I pressured her to marry me. My second wife, she had just come out of a long-term relationship and was on this 'I date to marry' tip, so everything was on the fast track. Clearly, I cared about her because I married her, but in her mind, she couldn't be loved without a wedding ring and so the focus was so much in having to prove things to her rather than allowing things to naturally evolve. Marriage ended up being her end goal, so once it happened, she didn't know what to do next. We separated on our fourth wedding anniversary. She's on her third marriage now. I was her first."
Benson. 39. Dating.
"If you bring marriage up on the first three dates, I'm already checking out. Women like that sound like they are more interested in saying they've got a husband than getting to know a man for himself."
"At this age, it can get super crazy because women in their mid-30s who want children are really trying to fast track it. Then, when you're like 'slow down', they try and act like you've got some kind of unresolved issues when really, they come off as needy and desperate. Let us get to know you as a person first. Damn."
Alexander. 24. Single.
"This topic is comedy to me because can you really pressure a man into doing something he doesn't want to do? If he decides to go ahead, for whatever the reason, he must've wanted to on some level, right? Maybe that's just me."
Nathan. 30. Married for Two Years.
"This is what I'd like women to consider—please stop with all of the 'God told me you are my husband' stuff. Do you know how many celebrities say that and are on their umpteenth marriage? You make God look crazy out here. Besides, if he told you, he will also tell the guy. That's how it works. Spiritual manipulation is also a form of marital pressure. It's the worst kind too."
Donovan. 33. Single.
"This topic. Why is it that when an accomplished woman in her 30s or 40s is still single, it's some form of liberation and when a guy, especially a Black man, is in the same boat, somehow we must be defective or commitment-phobes? A lot of the men in my circle aren't afraid to get married. We just don't want to get a divorce. So, if it takes longer to find 'her', it's all good. The one who is the quick turn-off, though? The woman who tries and emasculate us by making us feel like if we're not with someone then something is wrong with us. No one wants to be shamed into marriage."
Luke. 42. Engaged.
"Remember when you showed me that article you wrote about a man being marriage material is a man who wants to get married? That really is the bottom line. If a woman wants to get married, she needs to get involved with men who are on the same page. Don't wait until you are so emotionally invested that you feel like you've got to drag a guy down the aisle because you have put so much of yourself into it. Men who are ready for marriage are gonna act like it. They won't need to be pressured. They are already in that head and heart space."
Again, some of this may not have been your favorite thing to hear yet it is directly from the mouths of men. And if you were paying attention, pressure isn't beneficial—to them and, in the long run, for us either. Bottom line, a man who is ready for marriage embraces it. A man who isn't—while he might respond to pressure, it ultimately isn't the wisest approach. Choose wisely, y'all.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
A Single Woman's Guide To A Fabulous Valentine's Day Staycation
Aight single ladies: even if there is a part of you that isn’t all that thrilled about Valentine’s Day (for whatever the reason), I promise you that there is an extra special reason to get excited this year — it falls on a Friday which means that you can turn it into a staycation and it can be one that’s filled with nothing but plans for how to celebrate your own damn self. And yes, sis, that is a good thing.
As an ambivert, I must admit that I constantly live in a state of staycations (LOL) because I enjoy my space and spending time with myself just that much. And, even though I’m personally not a “holidays person,” I must say that for those who do observe them, I think that taking staycations (vacations at home or in your city) during those days can be cool because you can center them around a theme — and what better theme can there be than love? Including self-love.
I’m telling you, devoting an entire weekend to rest, recharge, and holistic pampering, I’m not sure if life gets any better than that. So, why not seize the moment this Valentine’s Day weekend by incorporating (at least some of) the following 10 tips?
1. Get Yourself a Body Pillow
As a doula, I’ve gotta admit that the only time a body pillow really comes to mind is when I’m talking to a client about how she can make her second and/or third trimester more comfortable as far as sleep is concerned. However, when I was recently talking to a single woman about how she hates that her king-size bed feels so empty yet she’s not ready to put a warm body in it, “Get yourself a body pillow” came out of my mouth.
The truth is body pillows are great, in general, when it comes to supporting great posture, helping you to sleep better (if you happen to be a side sleeper), improving blood circulation, reducing snoring, helping you to toss and turn less throughout the night and even soothing aching muscles and joints. Plus, it gives you something to cuddle with. So, if you want to treat yourself to something unique that’s super practical at the same time, get a body pillow this Valentine’s Day. It’ll be one of the best investments that you’ve made in quite some time.
2. Buy Some Sexy/Comfy PJs Too
Unless you sleep in the nude, it’s a good idea toswap out your pajamas every 4-5 days or so. That way, between all of the dead skin cell shedding and sweating, you can be proactive about taking care of your skin as well as your bedding. Okay, but how often should you purchase a new pair of PJs? Well, when you stop to think about the fact that you are in them for 5-8 hours every night, every 6-9 months is probably a good idea. That said, if it’s been a couple of years longer than that since you’ve invested in some, Valentine’s Day is just as good of a time as any, wouldn’t you say?
And don’t get those granny-looking ones either. Just because you’re single, that doesn’t mean that all you have are dated moo-moos (although I’ve had some husbands sing the praises of those before — LOL) and oversized flannels in your near future. Pajamas that are made out of cotton are good so that your skin can breathe; however, try and go for something sexy like a baby doll set or a tank and some boy shorts. Science backs up the fact that how we choose to dress impacts our self-esteem — why would you think that only applies to how you look while you are outside of the house?
3. Put Some Flowers in Your Room
Personally, I adore fresh flowers. Yet if you happen to be someone who doesn’t see the point in them, thinks they are a waste of money, and/or feels like it’s kinda-sorta ridiculous to get your own self a bouquet — let me just say that there is plenty of research out here to support the fact that flowers help to put you in a better mood, decrease stress, reduce indoor air pollution, lower blood pressure and even make you more attentive.
Know what else is interesting? Red and yellow flowers can help you to feel more comfortable, cheerful, and calm. Red roses are pretty much the signature flower for Valentine’s Day — and now you’ve got some really solid reason to get yourself a dozen of ‘em.
4. Have Your Favorite Meal Delivered
If I were to ever have a social media platform or podcast, one thing that you will never hear outta me is that I am not Team Cooking. Cooking is healthier for you and (before this guy because POTUS) it’s significantly cheaper too. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a DoorDash account, though — and I am absolutely not afraid to use it! Sometimes, ordering a meal can feel indulgent because, not only are you letting someone else prepare what you enjoy eating, it is being hand-delivered to you too.
Since everything that we’re talking about today is how to set the stage for a bomb-sss staycation, definitely get food sent to you. No dishes to clean up is a very necessary step when it comes to chilling out and relaxing all Valentine’s Day (weekend).
5. Take Yourself on a Date
Again, since Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday this year, this gives you the entire weekend to date yourself. Go to your local farmers’ market. Enjoy an indoor picnic. Check out an indie concert. Stop by a coffee shop, write yourself some love letters (check out “Every Woman Should Write A Love Letter To Themselves”), and then mail them to your house on the way home. Be a tourist in your own city. Go ice or roller skating. Schedule a photo shoot (for yourself).
Take yourself shopping. Read at least three chapters of a book or watch an entire movie while in the bathtub. Spend the night at a swanky hotel. Remember, at the end of the day, a date is a way of spending quality time with someone. Since Valentine’s Day is a day that celebrates love, why not spend quality time with who should be your favorite person: YOURSELF.
6. Or Go on a Virtual Tour
And what if what I just suggested sounds great in theory; however, you’re really just not in the mood? Well, another way that you can still “date yourself” is to open up your laptop and go on a virtual tour. For instance, if you’ve always wanted to go to Greece, Peru, or Ireland or you’re curious about Antarctica or the Amazon Rainforest, you can click here to check these places out up close and personally. Wanna learn more about Africa? There are several virtual tours available here.
To tell you the truth, these days, there are virtual tours that cover just about any place that you can think of. Personally, I think that this is a cool thing to do on a staycation because you can “be somewhere” from the comfort and convenience of your own home, and/or it’s a proactive way to put a plan together so that you and/or some friends can go on a trip before the year is out.
7. Give Yourself a Scalp and Foot Massage
If you’ve “got it like that,” something else that can make this a really special single girl’s Valentine’s Day staycation event is to have a massage therapist give you a massage (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”) at your home. However, if coins are tight, you can still pamper yourself by engaging in a DIY scalp and foot massage. Both reduce stress. Both release tension. Both make for an amazing night’s sleep.
Tips for how to give yourself a stellar scalp massage can be found here. Tips for how to give yourself a wonderful foot massage can be found here. And definitely don’t forget to incorporate some soothing essential oils. I’ve got a list of some for you right here.
8. Start a Self-Love Scrapbook or Journal
Question: What tangible memories do you have of how you love yourself? Weird question, right? Still, that doesn’t make it an invalid one. I can only imagine how much better we’d all feel about ourselves if we actually had a self-love scrapbook to refer to — one that consisted of receipts from pampering days, self-love quotes that we enjoy, some of our favorite pictures of ourselves, written down memories of some ah-ha moments of transformation that particularly standout…anything that reminds us of loving ourselves (that can fit into a scrapbook).
If you like the idea and yet need some inspiration, check out Skillshare’s “40 Beautiful Scrapbooking Ideas to Try.” Or you can use this as an opportunity to get a fresh journal — one that is dedicated to nothing but mantras, quotes, song lyrics, and thoughts pertaining to how to love yourself more and better. Make sure to put the dates and times of your entries in. There’s nothing like seeing actual documentation of your own self-love journey and growth.
9. Turn It into a Sleepover with Your Friends
Just because you’re single, that doesn’t mean you have to spend Valentine’s Day alone — if you don’t want to. One woman I know, she hosts a Valentine’s Day party for the single men and women in her life every year. Another one? She has an old-school sleepover where her girlfriends wear heart PJs, watch throwback rom-coms, and eat every form of junk food known to man (and woman). Definitely one of the reasons why Valentine’s Day feels lonely for some people is because they think that love only means romantic love and that absolutely could not be further from the truth.
If the idea of using this coming Valentine’s Day weekend to fall off the grid to mankind isn’t your idea of a good time, you can always call a friend or two to spend the night with you. Or, you can have a virtual sleepover with homies who live elsewhere. You can learn more about how to execute one of those here and here.
10. SLEEP. IN.
If you don’t have to work this Valentine’s Day weekend, why not sleep in? When you stop to think about the fact that sleep reduces stress, improves your mental health, reduces your blood sugar levels, helps you to maintain a healthy weight, and strengthens your heart — how could putting your phone on DND (Do Not Disturb) and not setting your alarm NOT be an act of self-love? The world will still be waiting for you once you roll out of bed.
In honor of a phenomenal single woman’s Valentine’s Day staycation, let it wait. Sis, I’m pretty sure you’ve earned it. SLEEP. IN. (Yay!)
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