10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Truly Understood
It probably comes as no shock to you that one of the top causes of divorce is poor communication. Well, as someone who has sat in many counseling sessions with couples, I believe what it means to be a poor communicator truly runs the gamut—not listening, cutting one's partner off while they are talking, rolling eyes and sucking teeth (55 percent of communication is body language), passive aggressive "I'm fines" and, a real biggie, trying to make one's spouse be just like them. What I mean by that is, watching husbands try and make their wife think/act just like they do and watching wives do the same to their husband.
There's a wise man who once said that when two people are just alike, one of them is totally unnecessary. How this applies to marriage is this—the very differences of your spouse should be what inspires you, improves you and, most of all, balances you out. But if you spend—and by that, I mean waste—time trying to get them to be a carbon copy of yourself, not only is that a super arrogant approach to your relationship, it sets you up to miss some of the life lessons that they could teach you. Ones that will ultimately make you a better individual and life partner.
OK, so with that foundation in place, let me just say that if there was ever an article where "Don't shoot the messenger" applies, this one would have to be it. I say that because the following 10 things are what husbands have told me they think their wife totally misses when it comes to communicating with them and loving them, in general.
Things that, if perhaps more wives accepted them at face value, would make their marriage A LOT easier—in good times and in bad.
Video Games Aren’t (Always) as “Childish” as You Think
I've heard my fair share of wives complaining about how childish their husbands are for playing video games. OK, it's one thing for your man to do nothing but play them or to prefer to do that more than spending quality time with you. But if it's only a couple of times a week, it's best to just leave your man be.
I say that because I've had several husbands tell me that they use that time to process things—how to cover a bill, how to handle a problem at work, how to respond to a complaint from their wife. And while you might think that sounds semi-ridiculous, there are studies to support that playing video games actually does refine motor skills, increase one's memory and can improve one's overall quality of life.
All things in moderation of course, but still.
Refusing Their Initiation of Sex Goes Deeper Than You Think
Once upon a time, I was a teen mom director for the local division of a national non-profit organization. Because I dealt with pregnant adolescents, we talked about sex a lot. Sometimes, the girls would have me meet their boyfriends. Whenever the boys would talk about how important "hittin' it" was to them, the first thing I would say is, "Come here. You need a hug."
The world isn't kind to men—and by that, I'm specifically speaking of our Black men. Even as young people, there is oftentimes so much dysfunction and so little healthy affection in their lives that sex is where they go to get some sort of intimacy (whether they realize it or not).
A lot of grown men? If there's one place where they are totally vulnerable, it's in the bedroom. Sometimes, that's also where they go to feel loved, safe and physically close; especially when that person is their wife.
When a lot of husbands initiate sex and they get abruptly rejected—you know, "Ugh. Is sex all you think about?!" or the slapping away of the hand—sometimes, they don't just feel the sting of not gettin' any, they literally feel like they are totally unwanted as individuals.
This doesn't apply to all husbands, but it's worth asking yours, just to see if he can relate. If he can, try and be gentle in how you refuse sex. Do it the way you'd want him to do it to you if the shoe was on the other foot.
When They Say They Aren’t Thinking About Anything…They Mean It
One of my male friends, who's been married for well over two decades, constantly tells me that while men are physically stronger, women, by far, are more emotionally superior. "Some of the things that y'all can come up with as far as what we're thinking or doing, we are not complicated enough to do those things." And one of those things, for a lot of men, is overthinking—something that a lot of us are Olympians at doing.
If anything in this article topped the pet peeve list for men, a wife asking her husband what he's thinking, him saying nothing and her coming back at him like, "You must be thinking something" tops it. Pretty much every man I've interacted with have said that 9 times out of 10, when they say they are thinking about nothing, they mean it.
THEY. MEAN. IT.
They Are More Tone Sensitive Than Word Sensitive
Getty Images
Again, I'm just the messenger, but did you know that there is scientific data to back up that men sometimes have a difficult time processing the tone of our voice; especially when we're upset? The actual sound waves and vibrations of our voice can make it difficult for them to make out what we're saying. That's because, in order to hear us, they have to use the part of the brain that processes music and that is more complex than the part of the brain that they use to process deeper voices (i.e., other men).
Ah. Now it makes (more) sense why they might ask us to repeat something or remind us in an argument that it's not what we say but how we say it. Their brain sometimes simply can't compute. (Deep.)
Your Husband Picked You to Be a Teammate
One of the husbands I admire most once gave me a compliment that is a favorite to this day—"Shellie, one thing that's gonna make you a good wife is you get the concept of partnership. You want to see the men in your life win."
Along these lines, if there's something that comes up in counseling sessions a lot, it's that many husbands feel like their wife does things to work against their goals, dreams and visions. They don't ask how they can help. They're not willing to use their gifts and talents to get things to the next level. Or, they simply won't give their husband the space and time to make certain plans happen.
When I work with engaged couples, one of the main things I ask is if they feel their life desires complement one another and if they are both willing to invest and make sacrifices to manifest those things. For a married couple who says "yes" and executes in this fashion, they are truly unstoppable!
They Really Wish You Would Keep Certain Things TOTALLY Private
Getty Images
I get pushback on this one all of the time, but it's fine. Personally, when any of my besties get married, I immediately demote myself from "best friend" to "good friend." The reason why is because I respect what "best" means—"of the highest quality, excellence, or standing." I don't want to get in the way of someone seeing their spouse or valuing their relationship with them in this light.
You know what? Ask any couple who has a decade or more under their belt and I'm willing to be some good money that they'll tell you that it was their friendship that kept them together more than anything else; especially spouses who see themselves as being best friends.
And best friends? There are some things that ONLY they know about. And husbands? A lot of them wish their wives would bring that kind of loyalty into their marriage. They wish that some things weren't discussed with their wife's mom, sister or even closest friend. Especially without them knowing about it—beforehand.
Any wife that doesn't like this particular point, think how you would feel if your husband was talking to his dad, brother or close friend about some of your deepest secrets, feelings and intimate issues. Now do you get the reason for sensitivity? #exactly
Even Mama’s Boys Don’t Actually Want to Sleep with Their Mother
I know some mama's boys. Frankly, I'm curious what made their wives want to marry them because when it comes to the lack of emotional boundaries, compounded by the amount of unrealistic expectations that a lot of those kinds of men have, truly blow the mind.
But that's not what I'm talking about here. What I'm addressing is there is not any holistically healthy man who wants his wife to act like his mother—telling him what to do, calling all the shots, dictating his time away from you, etc. I get why a lot of us are this way. After all, our mothers are who taught us how to be women and they taught us that by mothering us.
Still, if you're noticing that your husband is working later and later, avoids confrontation more and more and desires to have sex less and less—think about if you're pulling the "mama card" a lot. If you are, pull back on that. Sex with one's mother isn't sexy. It's incest. And if he feels like you are acting like his mother…you get where I'm going with this.
They Heard You the First Time. They Move in Their Own Time.
Not wanting to be bossed around or nagged to death isn't gender specific. I'd venture to say that's something that gets on all of our nerves. Yet ladies, let's be honest (with ourselves)—a lot of us do it. On this point, I'll just tell you what a single male friend once told me about myself. "I don't know what makes you think that leaving me three voicemails about the exact same thing is going to make me move any faster. I heard you, but I have a methodology in how I do things."
When he first told me that, it kind of pissed me off, so I asked a couple of husbands if they felt it was cool. Not only did they think he made complete and total sense, they said they are the same way. One husband even said, "Whenever my wife asks me to do something around the house and she feels like she needs to say it 10 times, I feel patronized. It's not that I didn't hear her. It's that we have a different expectation of when it should be done. Her time is not right. My time is not wrong. It's only an issue when she feels otherwise."
Just some food for thought, y'all.
Many Take “Leave and Cleave” Literally and Seriously
I love me some Black men. I am intentional about marrying a Black man. But listen here, if there is one man who could change my mind, it's the Michael Landon version of Charles Ingalls (you know, from The Little House on the Prairie). He was so fine and masculine that I even have a T-shirt with him on it!
Anyway, I bring him and his wife Caroline up in counseling quite a bit. One of the things that I'll sometimes say is, "You wanna know a part of the reason why a lot of couples back then stayed together? They got married and, due to distance and lack of funds, they never saw their parents again; this means that their parents stayed out of their business."
I have a husband friend who is currently outdone with his wife because there was something that she wanted (that cost thousands of dollars, by the way) that he didn't agree with. Since he wasn't feelin' it, she went and asked her parents to get it for her. To me, not only did this lean on the side of low down but also selfish. She's in her 40s, her parents are only getting older and I'm pretty sure that money could've gone to better things (like retirement). I also don't get why her parents didn't say, "If your husband is not on board, that's something you need to work out with him."
There is nothing attractive (or even helpful really) about having a husband while still clinging to daddy. Ask any husband you know and he'll back me up on that.
Respect Means More Than Love. Peace Means More Than Beauty.
The Bible tells wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). The Amplified Version of I Peter 3:2 tells wives how to do it. There's also a really great book that backs Scripture up entitled Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs. One of the points the book makes is, if wives want their husbands to feel loved, respecting them is how to do it.
Whenever a wife rolls her eyes at me on this, it's pretty baffling because, at the end of the day, respect is simply esteeming someone's worth and value and granting them (and only them) certain privileges (like sexual fidelity). What's the big deal about either one of those?
As far as the beauty vs. peace thing, a husband once said something to me that was profound and hilarious at the same time—"Have you ever wondered why some really handsome men have a wife who is like a creature from Jurassic Park? A man prefers 'ugly peace' over 'pretty loud' any day."
Get mad if you want to, but I recently checked out a comedy skit that totally co-signs on what he said. When the woman asked her man what he needed from her, his immediate response was, "loyalty, honesty and just be my peace." She was the exact opposite of those things and it drove him insane.
It all reminds me of what an ex once said, "Men look to their woman to be their sanctuary." A sanctuary is a place of refuge. It's not about not having an opinion or perspective. It's about knowing that you have the power to determine how the energy feels within your household. And, to many men, a woman who relishes in peace and tranquility is far more beautiful than any dime piece Coke bottle.
Ask any husband. I'll bet a billion dollars that he shakes his head from left-to-right for at least 90 seconds in approval while thinking, "She gets it. She really and truly gets it!"
Ask any husband. I'll bet a billion dollars that he shakes his head from left-to-right for at least 90 seconds in approval while thinking, "She gets it. She really and truly gets it!"
Featured image by Getty Images.
Related Articles:
What 5 Men Had To Say About Married Sex - Read More
I Discovered My Husband's Love Language ...And It Changed Everything - Read More
My Husband Was A Stranger In My House & Then He Changed - Read More
- Married Couples Dealing With Pet Peeves - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Six Things Women Wished Men Knew In Dating - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Wives Share What To Know Before Getting Married - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
- What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men | FamilyLife ... ›
- What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men - Redland ... ›
- Here's What Husbands Secretly Wish Their Wives Knew ›
- What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men ›
- Family Talk: What husbands wish their wives knew about men ›
- What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men - Kindle edition ... ›
- What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men | FamilyLife® ›
- 10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew: What Men Really Want ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by CoffeeAndMilk/Getty Images