
One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material

Sometimes, when I'm not able to catch a television show during its premiere, rather than watching it on On Demand, I'll put the title of it into Twitter (in hashtag form) to see what the viewers had to say (because sometimes that's far more entertaining). And bae-bay, there was a quote from a recent episode of Ready To Love that had folks wanting to pass the offering plate around…a couple of times. Drum roll, please:
"An unsure man is a dangerous man."
Let's let that sink in for a moment, shall we? When a man isn't sure — pretty much about anything, but especially when it comes to matters of the heart — he becomes dangerous. Another way to look at this is when a man is uncertain or lacks confidence in how he feels about you or the relationship that he's in with you, he's prone to risky, unstable, inconsistent, hazardous and even harmful behavior. It's not necessarily that he doesn't love you. It's that he's uncertain about what to do with how he feels. And yes, that — is — dangerous!
Now put a pin in that while I go a bit deeper…
Recently, I had a conversation with a male friend of mine who happens to be a relationship coach. Because he got married fairly late in life (when he turns 50 next year, he'll have been married for five years) and I'm a never-been-married-before marriage life coach who's currently in my mid-40s, we always have riveting conversations on why it seems like so many good women get caught up in men who are not interested in long-term relationships, let alone marriage.
During one of our latest chats, after he asked me why it seems like when we as women know what we want and a man refuses to give it to us, that we won't accept that it boils down to a man not wanting us. I shared the conclusion that I've come to — partly due to observation and partly due to my own experience:
I don't think it's that we can't tell if a man isn't interested. I think it's that we get emotionally invested before doing two things first. One, getting clear about what we want before a man even comes along and two, refusing to get involved with someone unless they want the same things that we do.
That brings me to the title of this article. How can we really determine whether a man is marriage material?
Before trying to figure out if a man complements your lifestyle, shares the same values as you do, or is the one who you want to share the rest of your life with, find out if he wants to be married (or not) FIRST.
I know it sounds simple, elementary even, but you'd be A-MA-ZED by the number of couples I've worked with who have so much contention around this one point. Again, it's not that the man doesn't love his significant other; it's that marriage is pretty much the last thing on his mind.
It's not a goal. It's not a priority. It's not even really much of a desire.
However, because this wasn't something that was discussed off the rip (meaning within the first three dates), the woman figured that because there was a mutual attraction, because they enjoy spending time together, because in many ways he was being really good to her, surely they were building a future together. Meanwhile, all he was really thinking about is how cool things are going in the present. No more, no less. And, since the topic of marriage wasn't put on the table from the beginning, it wasn't a part of his agenda now.
I know I'm gonna get some push back on this, but when a relationship plays out this way, that doesn't make "him" the bad guy. It's a heck of a reality check but just because some of us assume that a long-term relationship should ultimately end in marriage doesn't make it a hardcore fact for the people we're dating.
And that's why I say that the most obvious overlooked indication that a man is truly marriage material is probably that he actually wants to get married. By that I mean he wants to do it without any coaxing (which is usually nagging), coercing, or convincing on the part of his significant other.
What are some telling signs that a man wants to get married?
Is he dating with a purpose (with that purpose being to find a life partner)? Does he say that marriage is a part of his life plan? Is it evident that he's preparing for a wife and family? And — please get this — does he state that he wants to get married sooner than later? (Meaning within a couple of years rather than him saying something along the lines of "I mean…maybe…someday.")
If you can confidently say "yes" to these questions because you've actually asked him and you heard "yes" come out of his own mouth, then yes, he is marriage material.
I already know. If you're in a new relationship, there may be a part of you that feels like this is an uncomfortable topic of conversation to have with a guy. To that, it's my turn to push back.
When you're on a date, are you uncomfortable asking him about his life goals in general? Are you uncomfortable inquiring about where he sees his life in the next year? If you're not, asking him if marriage fits into his life agenda shouldn't bother you either because — catch it — the only kind of man who is irritated by marriage questions is a man who doesn't want to get married.
Think about it. What if you were on a first date with an attractive man and he said, "So, how do you feel about exclusivity in a relationship?" The only way that question would make you go on the defensive is if commitment is something you're not interested in (or you're cheating on your current partner but that's another conversation for another time). Otherwise, you're totally open to sharing your perspective…right?
And that's my point. When a man is ready — equipped, willing, and prepared — for marriage, he's gonna make moves towards making that happen. Like a man does with anything else he wants in his life. But hey, don't take my word for it. Sometimes, in order to really "get" something, we need to see it live and in living color.
That said, when you've got roughly 45 minutes to spare, check out this newly-married couple's story. Long story short, up until their wedding day, she was a virgin and her now-husband waited for her. He was actually so into her that they got married ahead of their wedding day (so that they could live together with a free conscience) and he still was willing to wait to have sex until their "official" wedding date, just so he could keep his word to her that he would wait until then.
MARRIAGE. MATERIAL. Because he wanted to get married and he wanted to marry her — yes, in that order.
Life's too short and you're too precious to be playing the adult version of Blue's Clues with your heart. If you want to get married and you're digging a guy, honor your time, effort, and energy enough to see if he wants to get married too.
If he does, awesome!
If he doesn't, keep it movin'.
If he's unsure, read this article all over again until it really sinks in.
Your future husband — the man who knows that he wants to marry you — will thank you for it. Trust me.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
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This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
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I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
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Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
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