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We Asked 10 Men What Makes A Woman “Wife Material”

Marriage

There are a billion times 10 reasons why I think it's important for women to have men as friends. One of them is because, if you really want to know how a man thinks, although everyone is an individual, other men are gonna give you a much more realistic (and reliable) perspective than other women will. This includes when it comes to the topic of marriage.


Now before you roll your eyes and say the last thing (most) men want to think about, let alone discuss, is marriage, I've done some (statistical) digging around. From what I've found, that's simply not true. Men tend to fall in love at first sight far more than women do. Men crave romance far more than they are given credit for. And, once a marital union actually does come to an end, guess who ends it first, the most? Women (70 percent of all divorces are filed by women). Since some studies reveal that married men live longer, make more money and have better sex than single fellas do, that alone explains why they're not so quick to call it quits.

But after reading a feature on Today's site about what makes men want to marry certain women and not others, I decided to conduct a personal study of my own. I hit up a few single, married and divorced men—all handsome, all successful and all good guys—to share with me what life, love and the pursuit of marital bliss (or at least relational contentment) has taught them about what truly makes a woman someone they want to wife up.

Christopher, 48, Married

"Something that's really attractive to me is a woman who carries herself well in public. I'm not just talking about her appearance; a lot of women are great at that. I mean, someone who knows when to put her game face on. Whatever transpired at home or even on the way to where we're going, she doesn't feel the need to share it with others—whether it's with her words, her facial expressions or her energy."

"Men feel safe when the woman they love knows that their business is their business."

Stephen, 35, Single

"I'm looking for someone who's on the same vibration as me. I used to be the kind of person who thought that so long as I was attracted to someone and she was attracted to me that it was a true connection. Now I realize that we need to agree on certain things—ethics, values, faith. It's also important to be open to growth and to be able to receive new information without putting up a wall. I am always pursuing growth. Marriage material, to me, is a woman who can complement that because she's pursuing her own evolution too."

Marcus, 52, Divorced

"People really underestimate the power of interdependence. I'm drawn to a woman who knows that our relationship exists because we need to be able to lean and depend on one another. But, at the same time, she's still self-aware enough to be able to stand on her own."

Stephen, 46, Married

"A woman who takes on personal accountability for her actions is really attractive to me. I once heard my pastor say that a lot of us have a tendency to rationa-LIE our way out of things instead of taking ownership for what we do wrong. We'll deflect, shift blame, manipulate—do anything but say 'I was wrong. I apologize.' A lot of precious time can be spared if when you know you made a mistake or even did something that you knew was going to cause conflict that you just…own it. Otherwise, I start to wonder if there is some sneakiness or deception going on. And that leads to a breakdown in trust."

Jay, 50, Married

"Something that I didn't really consider before getting married is how important it is to be with a woman who truly believes in you. I don't just mean when it comes to supporting your dreams and goals."

"I mean someone who can look past your flaws and imperfections and still have your back. My wife does that and it's a real confidence-builder and super-empowering for me."

Aaron, 36, Married

"It's important for a woman to see sex and affection as more than just a desire; those are things that she needs to need just as much as I do. Some women use sex as nothing more than a bargaining chip and that is something a man can sense from a mile away. Marriage is too much of a long-term and serious commitment to be with someone who isn't as into intimacy as you are—or isn't at least willing to explore getting there."

Javis, 30, Single

"It's beautiful when a woman is really strong in her faith. Once you get married, so many things will test your love in your partner, sometimes even your faith in God. When a woman isn't swayed by trials or even her emotions during the hard times because she is unwavering in her faith, she is priceless."

"A woman who isn't enslaved by her feelings is golden."

Bryant, 28, Single

"I think a woman who encompasses peace is major marriage material. I think it's a misconception that men are afraid of commitment. What we're actually 'afraid' of is getting with someone who is going to bring anxiety and stress into our space—a woman who will make us feel like life was sooo much better when we were single. When we know that a woman is secure in herself and she thinks that 'home' should be synonymous with relational tranquility, we'll put a ring on her finger in a heartbeat!"

Wyman, 32, Married

"A woman who is sexy and knows it is marriage material to me. Sexiness isn't about looking like a cover model, being a size 0 or having long hair or a big butt. Sexiness is knowing what makes you different from everyone else and wanting to show that off, in and out of the bedroom. You can't be sexy and not be confident at the same time. Sexy women have sex with the lights on. Sexy women always have something spontaneous and a little mysterious up under their sleeve. Sexy women can draw you in with their eyes alone."

"Never underestimate the power of a truly sexy woman and how she can satisfy you in a marriage."

Donte', 39, Divorced

"Someone who embraces her femininity and respects my masculinity is fire. In my first marriage, it started to become more and more apparent that my wife wasn't looking for a man. She was looking for a woman who had male genitalia. Men and women are designed by God to have different approaches and feelings about, pretty much everything. Embracing that is what creates our balance. A woman who doesn't fight against that is one in a million."

This is some good stuff worth pondering. So, the next time you and your girlfriends are having a wine down and the topic of marriage material comes up, use this article to bring up some thinking points or FaceTime some of the men in your life. What they say just might surprise you. At the very least, you can trust it because it's coming from the male's perspective.

Featured image by Getty Images

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Before she was Amira Unplugged, rapper, singer, and a Becoming a Popstar contestant on MTV, she was Amira Daughtery, a twenty-five year-old Georgian, with aspirations of becoming a lawyer. “I thought my career path was going to lead me to law because that’s the way I thought I would help people,” Amira tells xoNecole. “[But] I always came back to music.”

A music lover since childhood, Amira grew up in an artistic household where passion for music was emphasized. “My dad has always been my huge inspiration for music because he’s a musician himself and is so passionate about the history of music.” Amira’s also dealt with deafness in one ear since she was a toddler, a condition which she says only makes her more “intentional” about the music she makes, to ensure that what she hears inside her head can translate the way she wants it to for audiences.

“The loss of hearing means a person can’t experience music in the conventional way,” she says. “I’ve always responded to bigger, bolder anthemic songs because I can feel them [the vibrations] in my body, and I want to be sure my music does this for deaf/HOH people and everyone.”

A Black woman wearing a black hijab and black and gold dress stands in between two men who are both wearing black pants and colorful jackets and necklaces

Amira Unplugged and other contestants on Becoming a Popstar

Amira Unplugged / MTV

In order to lift people’s spirits at the beginning of the pandemic, Amira began posting videos on TikTok of herself singing and using sign language so her music could reach her deaf fans as well. She was surprised by how quickly she was able to amass a large audience. It was through her videos that she caught the attention of a talent scout for MTV’s new music competition show for rising TikTok singers, Becoming a Popstar. After a three-month process, Amira was one of those picked to be a contestant on the show.

Becoming a Popstar, as Amira describes, is different from other music competition shows we’ve all come to know over the years. “Well, first of all, it’s all original music. There’s not a single cover,” she says. “We have to write these songs in like a day or two and then meet with our producers, meet with our directors. Every week, we are producing a full project for people to vote on and decide if they’d listen to it on the radio.”

To make sure her deaf/HOH audiences can feel her songs, she makes sure to “add more bass, guitar, and violin in unique patterns.” She also incorporates “higher pitch sounds with like chimes, bells, and piccolo,” because, she says, they’re easier to feel. “But it’s less about the kind of instrument and more about how I arrange the pattern of the song. Everything I do is to create an atmosphere, a sensation, to make my music a multi-sensory experience.”

She says that working alongside the judges–pop stars Joe Jonas and Becky G, and choreographer Sean Bankhead – has helped expand her artistry. “Joe was really more about the vocal quality and the timber and Becky was really about the passion of [the song] and being convinced this was something you believed in,” she says. “And what was really great about [our choreographer] Sean is that obviously he’s a choreographer to the stars – Lil Nas X, Normani – but he didn’t only focus on choreo, he focused on stage presence, he focused on the overall message of the song. And I think all those critiques week to week helped us hone in on what we wanted to be saying with our next song.”

As her star rises, it’s been both her Muslim faith and her friends, whom she calls “The Glasses Gang” (“because none of us can see!”), that continue to ground her. “The Muslim and the Muslima community have really gone hard [supporting me] and all these people have come together and I truly appreciate them,” Amira says. “I have just been flooded with DMs and emails and texts from [young muslim kids] people who have just been so inspired,” she says. “People who have said they have never seen anything like this, that I embody a lot of the style that they wanted to see and that the message hit them, which is really the most important thing to me.”

A Black woman wears a long, salmon pink hijab, black outfit and pink boots, smiling down at the camera with her arm outstretched to it.

Amira Unplugged

Amira Unplugged / MTV

Throughout the show’s production, she was able to continue to uphold her faith practices with the help of the crew, such as making sure her food was halal, having time to pray, dressing modestly, and working with female choreographers. “If people can accept this, can learn, and can grow, and bring more people into the fold of this industry, then I’m making a real difference,” she says.

Though she didn’t win the competition, this is only the beginning for Amira. Whether it’s on Becoming a Popstar or her videos online, Amira has made it clear she has no plans on going anywhere but up. “I’m so excited that I’ve gotten this opportunity because this is really, truly what I think I’m meant to do.”

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