

Back in 2009, I started a blog for single women who desired to be married. Actually, to be more specific, it was for women who desired to be in a marital covenant (check out "Until Death Do Us Part — For Real" to see why I believe there is a difference). Not a week went by when I didn't receive at least a handful of women who were, how do I put it, anxious beyond measure.
For them, being single wasn't something that they cherished; it was merely something that they tolerated. Yeah, I won't even get into how many of them wrote me about how they truly believed that God told them that someone was their husband whether they knew the guy or not, whether the guy was interested in them or not or whether they had already said that very thing five times before…or not (God is not the author of confusion; the Good Book says so in I Corinthians 14:33). It was like being a bride and then a wife was all-consuming in their world. Personally, I found that reality to be really…well, sad.
It's not because I don't desire to married someday myself. It's just that I think sometimes we can be so caught up in—if not flat-out obsessed with—wanting something (or someone) that we don't even really know why. It's like the desire has been a part of us so long that we don't make the time to truly process why we want it so badly in the first place.
If for you, what you want more than anything in the world is marriage, listen—marriage is a beautiful, sacred and purpose-filled thing. But if your longing for it has you totally ignoring the also beautiful, sacred and purpose-filled season of singleness, I've got a few things that I'd like you to ponder. The answers that you provide just might reveal some hard truths to you. And that? That can be a good thing—for the sake of your single present as well as your potentially-married-someday future.
Is It Because Everyone Around You Is Married (or Is Getting Married)?
At 45, I'm at a point in my life where maybe two people in my inner circle are single. I think because I deal with the topic of marriage so much and I get to see what's really going on in people's relationships, the thought of being a "third wheel" at my married friends' homes and functions doesn't bother me. As I say often, "Marriage ain't for punks", so I'm more on the tip of "kudos" to all of those who are attempting to not only make their work, but make it thrive as well. That doesn't mean that I don't know quite a few single women who aren't in the same headspace. Many have expressed to me that they are jealous of their married girlfriends, they are sick of going to weddings and they are feeling lonelier than ever.
If this is you, you have the right to feel how you feel. With that being said, I have witnessed far too many unhealthy marriages. That's why I can promise you that it's better to be single with bouts of loneliness than to get up into a union that you'll end up regretting. And so, if the main reason why you're so consumed with getting married is because you want to be like the rest of your friends, do yourself two favors. First, ask the wives in your life about the challenges that come with being married (everything has its ups and "downs"). Second, start finding more people to hang with. Single people.
When it comes to that second part, the reason why I say that is because, if all you're around is marriage, it makes sense why you would think that that is all there is to life. It's not. Singleness is what you make it. And there's some pretty dope perks that come with not having a husband. Happy, healthy and content singles can certainly vouch for that.
Maybe It’s That You Feel As If You’re Running Out of (Baby-Making) Time?
I'm pretty open about my pregnancy journey. In 1999, I had my fourth and final abortion. My period still comes on time and my health is in great shape. But unless God comes down, sits on the side of my bed and tells me to get pregnant in this season of my life, that ship has sailed. I'm at peace with that. For so many reasons.
But man, I know a lot of women between 34-45 who are in a very different space. I get it and, as much as possible, I also empathize because when there's nothing you want too much more than a child of your own (from your own womb), a ticking biological clock can be the loudest sound in the world. To that, what I'll share is this. I know a couple who just knew that they would be pregnant on their wedding night. In fact, the husband told me that was the main reason why he wanted to get married. Several years later, there's no baby. What they do have is a pretty toxic relationship, though. There's no guarantee that when you get married, conceiving will be a breeze or even possible. That's why, getting married just to have a child is NOT a good, smart or wise idea.
Yet what should you do about your longing for a little one? If you are a woman of faith, pray. Sarah (Abraham's mom) and Elizabeth (John the Baptist's mom) were not spring chickens when they got pregnant; they still did, though. Also, be open to parenting in other ways too. I've shared before that one of my all-time favorite adoption stories is about a little girl named Chloe. Sometimes the plan that we have is so much smaller than the one God has for us. He sees your desires. Trust that He knows what's best in the midst of them.
Have You Been Consumed with Being a Wife Since…Forever?
If all that you can think about is being wife, first, that's not anything to be ashamed of. It's also not something that you should bear the total weight of either. On so many levels, it's something that our upbringing, our social circles and even the Church has filled our minds and hearts with. I mean, even when Adam and Eve were handed out the consequences for eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden, one of the things that he said was, "Your desire shall be for your husband…" (Genesis 3:16—NKJV)
At the same time, you're really doing yourself a colossal disservice if you choose to live your life like being a wife is all that you have to offer—or even if it's like the best thing that you have to offer. On the biblical tip, it goes over a lot of people's head that the first thing that a wife is defined as being is a "helper" (Genesis 2:18). Men need our help. Help requires a lot of personal investing, time and hard work.
We don't come out of the womb being a wife. We come into it being a single individual. Why wouldn't you want to use your season of singleness to, ironically, help yourself? Help yourself to find your purpose. Help yourself to achieve some goals that would be so easier to reach as a single woman. Help yourself to learn more about what you like and what you want. Help yourself to becoming your best self.
An ex of mine's mom once told me that while she loves her children, in hindsight, she wishes that she had never gotten married. At a late fall stage of her life, she didn't travel as much as she wanted to, she didn't get to take the kinds of risks that she should have—her life was all about giving to her husband and her kids.
I know far too many single women who can only see being a wife. So much so that they don't even acknowledge all of the benefits that comes with being single. After getting married is an unfortunate time to have regrets. Embrace all of what you can do as a single woman now. This brings me to my fourth point.
Do You Hate Your Life As a Single Woman?
So, what's so bad about being single, anyway? Like for real, for real. I get that a husband provides companionship, support—and if he's a really good husband—protection and provision. But be completely honest with yourself—have you ever really taken the time to think about all of the benefits that come with the relational status that you currently have? Your time is ALL yours. Your resources are ALL yours. You can pretty much do what you want, when you want, without discussing it with anyone else. Shoot, you spent 18 years doing that very thing with your parents. Don't you want to enjoy at least a little more time before having to considerately run things by your life partner?
If you truly are planning on someday going into a marriage with the intentions of being with your husband for the rest of your life, I recommend looking at becoming a wife like becoming a mom. What I mean by that is once you're in, you're in. In many ways, life as you now know it will no longer exist.
One of my closest friends tells me that sometimes she envies my singleness because she isn't able to go to the bathroom alone. When I ask her if she's referring to her kids bothering her, she sighs and says, "Sometimes it's them. But girl, sometimes it's my husband." The last time I went to their house, she asked me to come into her bedroom to help her with something and I noticed that, even though she and her husband aren't the shortest people in the world, their bed was on the smaller side. When I mentioned it, she rolled her eyes again. "That ain't me. That's your friend who feels like some part of his body has to be draped all over mine, no matter how hot it gets."
My friend loves her husband. I know that, for sure. Still, I am super grateful that she is kind and vulnerable enough to tell me the real deal about marriage. A lot of stuff that she shares keeps me thankful that I can use the bathroom in peace, sleep on my entire bed and live my entire life without having to have a discussion with anyone else (except God).
How About You “Push Pause” on Wanting and Start Actually Living?
If you're not familiar with Kisses from Katie, check out Amazima Ministries sometime (it's an organization that was Katie's vision, by the way). The short version of Katie's story—which is a lot more like a testimony—is she went to Uganda at 18 for a mission's trip, returned a year later and never came back to the States (to live permanently). By the age of 23, she had adopted 13 Ugandan girls and was living her life, to the fullest, as a single woman and mom.
I really respect Katie's journey, so I tend to check out her site, every few months, just to see what she has going on. I smiled when she shared that she had met her beloved. And no, he didn't come at the time or in the way that she once thought that he would. If you watch this video, you'll see that, like a lot of single women, Katie once had the dream of a white picket fence, a husband and two kids. But God had other plans. At around the 3:00 mark, the narrator of the video says:
"As a busy mother then, dating probably wasn't Katie's highest priority. She had a huge brood to take care of, all by herself, after all. But she would find love nonetheless, when her future husband, Benji Majors, walked into her life. And, in a remarkable twist of fate, it turned out that Benji and Kate had both grown up in Franklin, TN, although the two had previously never met…It wasn't until he moved to Uganda, that he and Katie's paths finally crossed."
Chills. I'll let you watch the rest of the video to see all that happened since they met. What I will say is today, they are married and they have a son, Noah. Oh, do catch something else that the narrator said, though:
"Before her romance with Benji, however, she had never believed she'd meet a man willing to take on her and her 13 adopted children…Katie thought, 'It would be nice to be married, but I guess it's not in the cards for me."
Not here in Tennessee as a single student did Katie meet her husband. It was all the way in Uganda, with a purpose as wide as all get out, did their paths cross. At the right place and time. Not while she was pining away for a husband. But while she was living her life to the fullest! And the man that was meant to complement her life? He didn't just marry her—he is helped to raise all of her daughters.
If you want the right husband, you need to be out here doing your thing because you can best believe that a good man is going to be here doing his. You're probably not gonna run into him begging and pleading in prayer in the side of your bed. It's probably going to happen while you're in the midst of doing what you were put on this planet to do.
That's one of the biggest takeaways I've gotten from Katie's story.
Again, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be married. Nothing at all. But if you really dig deep into the whys behind it, they may reveal that your desire could be about more than just having a husband. Because just think about it—you don't want to just "get married". You want to be happily and continually married, right?
Let life do its thing while you're thriving as a single woman. If you're committed to that, no matter how it turns out, you'll have far less regrets than if you just sit around wishing for a husband all of the time. I believe Katie—and some of the married women that you personally know—can personally vouch for that. A million times over too.
So, do yourself a favor. Treat yourself to a "You've Gotta Go Through God to Get to Me" tee, and chill out. Wanting marriage is fine. Just try your best to be intentional about wanting a lot more for yourself than that. Because you are certainly worthy of more...than that. Feel me?
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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