Recently, I read an article about a couple who've been engaged for—count 'em—11 years. Not months, y'all. Years. While the current average of how long an engagement lasts is close to 14 months, for many, engagements aren't seen as simply the time it takes to plan a wedding. These days, a lot of couples are using it as no more than a way of publicly declaring that their relationship is a little more than the standard boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic.
Personally, if a man were to ask me to marry him and I said "yes," I'm not interested in waiting longer than a year (two, tops and that's really pushing it). I'm not really into big weddings, I'd rather put all of that money towards the down payment on a home or car.
So rather than planning a big ceremony, I'd want to read some books, maybe attend a couple's retreat or two, and get into some counseling—oh, and go through the checklist that I share with the couples I give premarital counseling to: "276 Questions to Ask Before You Marry." Yeah, I know that's a lot but if you're intending to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should know as much as possible about what you're signing up for…right?
Actually, before even getting into all of that, I'd want to ask my own self a few questions because before I can be good for someone else, I need to really know who I am and what I would be bringing to the table. This is essential because something I'm a firm believer of is, marriage is like a mirror and a magnifying glass. Nothing shows you the good, bad, and straight-up ugly about yourself quite like a spouse does.
So, what are the questions I think that every woman (myself included) should ask themselves before getting a ring on their finger?
5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Engaged
1.What Kind of “Baggage” Are You Bringing into Your Future Marriage?
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A few years ago, I wrote "10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce." Since my "specialty" when it comes to marriage life coaching is reconciling divorced couples, I have seen infidelity, financial issues, and the lack of intimacy (of every kind) come up. But if there's one overlooked reason why so many couples quit, it's because they brought a ton of baggage into their union. Sometimes without even realizing it.
Baggage like what? Unresolved issues with exes. Boatloads of financial debt. Childhood trauma. Things that not only weigh them mentally, emotionally, and spiritually down but also things that they expect their spouse to fix. That's not only unfair; it's unrealistic.
If there is a person or even a memory that, when they or it comes to mind, you wince, do yourself, your beloved, and your future marriage a big favor and try and address that before saying "I do."
A spouse is designed to be a life partner. Not our personal savior.
2.Are You Ready for Daily Acts of Compromise for the Rest of Your Life?
I know some people who are married but honestly should've stayed single. I say that because they are selfish. Super selfish. Some of them buy things that totally blow the family budget on a whim. Others keep issues in their marriage going for weeks on end because they would rather hold a grudge than apologize. Then there are those who don't make decisions that are best for their marriage as a whole; they only think about what is best for them. And yes, that is the textbook definition of selfishness because to be selfish is to be self-consumed.
If you know you're not a good listener; if you know that you have an "It's my way or the highway" kind of attitude; if you suck at empathizing; if prioritizing needs vs. wants is way over your head and/or if you'd rather "win" than keep harmony and peace in your relationship—not only are you bad at compromising but you are about to make you and your future spouse absolutely miserable.
There's not one marriage on the planet that doesn't require daily acts of compromise. If the thought of doing that makes your stomach turn, again…do everyone involved a favor and stay single.
3.Have You Done Everything That’s Not Up for Compromise/Negotiation?
Tenor
Speaking of compromise, something that my mother used to always say that is a big pearl of wisdom is "Do everything you can't compromise before marriage." I like that bit of advice for a couple of different reasons.
For one thing, it's a reminder that being single is just as much of a blessing as being married. There are things that I can do that my married friends can't because they have to take someone else into consideration. I also like this insight because I know far too many wives that, when they were single, they were so obsessed with getting married that they didn't even stop to think about what they would be giving up.
Getting married doesn't mean you lose yourself. It does mean that you signed up to make a major life transition, though. The things on your bucket list that you know would be easier to do without having a spouse, do those now. Your time and money will not be quite as freed up once you become a Mrs.
4.What About Your Current Life Will You Be Giving Up?
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This one is a biggie. Unfortunately, a lot of times, as single women (I'm speaking of the ones who actually desire to be married), we're so focused on what marriage would bring to our lives that we overlook what we'd be losing once it happens.
One wife has told me that she misses sleeping in the weekends. Another wife has told me that she misses talking on the phone all hours of the night with her girls. Still another wife has told me that she misses being able to spend every Thanksgiving and Christmas with her family.
There's no doubt about it. Marriage isn't just about daily compromise. It's also about making certain types of concessions. If you're not someone who does well with sacrifice and change—at the very least wait. It's not fair to you or yours to get married if you're not prepared to give up some things.
5.Aside from Being in Love, Why Are You Considering Marriage?
Something I'm notorious for is folks saying to me, "I'm getting married!" and me following up with "Why?" I'm not being a hater. I honestly want to hear the response. More times than not, I get blank looks or something along the lines of "Because I'm in love."
Love is good. But, believe it or not, there are a lot of divorced people who love their ex. Like? Compatibility? True partnership? That's something totally different.
I remember asking one of my once newly engaged male friends why, after watching him make dating look like an Olympic sport, was he ready to jump the broom. His answer has always stayed with me. "She's my best friend, totally incomparable and I know that we're specifically customized to take each other to the next level in life." Yeah. That's some good stuff right there.
Disney and rom-coms have done a real number on us. It's programmed a lot of us into thinking that marriage is going to be like a scripted film rather than a lot of work. Fun, sex, and companionship? Yes. But also a daily concerted effort to provide what is needed in order to make a marriage last. And that, is not always a cakewalk.
When you pull back attraction, sex, idealistic views of marriage and your wedding day, whatever is left, that is what will reveal what your relationship is truly made of. If it's solid, awesome. If it's not, it's OK to not get engaged just yet.
While you are single, you are your top priority. Love yourself enough to be self-aware enough to know if it's truly time to prepare for a wedding or if you need a little more time to work on you.
If it's meant to be, he'll not only wait but give you mad props for pumping the brakes.
If it's not, still consider yourself blessed. You just dodged a bullet. The fact that it may have come in the form of a diamond ring is totally irrelevant. Trust me on that.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Manifestation is the act of making something real that was once an idea or thought. We are doing it constantly through the thoughts we are thinking the most, whether we are conscious about it or not, and it makes up our entire existence. Being intentional about your thoughts and what you are focusing on, and therefore what you are manifesting into your life, is critical when it comes to what you want to see in your world.
Manifesting tools and ways of enhancing your own personal magic in life will be different for everyone, and that’s where Astrology comes in.
Some people, like Mercury-ruled Virgo and Gemini, work best when they can write down their thoughts and manifest their dreams in that way. Others like Venus-ruled Taurus and Libra love a good visual and creating vision boards and aesthetics that match what they want to manifest for themselves tends to work best for them. Manifestation is a power we all have, but we all also have the ability to use it and enhance it in different ways.
Manifest Your Dream Life Through Astrology
In Astrology, there are a few key places you can look to discover your strengths in creating your dream life. Your 11th House, which rules your hopes, dreams, manifestations, and community. Your 10th House, which rules your achievements, goals, social stature, and successes. As well as your 1st House, which is the House that represents your sense of self, your personal goals and life path, and your self-identity.
All of these areas in Astrology align us with our dreams and inspire us to take action on them and to be more intentional about what we are creating in our world.
To manifest your dream life, you need to first ask yourself what you want. Get to the bottom of what it is you desire, know yourself, and discover what potential mental blocks may be limiting you from receiving it.
Are you an Aries who loves the idea and the initiative of manifesting something, but when it comes to needing more patience and trusting the divine timing of it all, do you self-sabotage and jump ship? Being Mars-ruled, Aries can create their dreams by balancing their proactive approach with self-trust and believing that what they are putting out will come back to them in positive ways.
How Each Zodiac Sign Should Manifest Their Dream Life
By identifying yourself, your traits, and your habits, you can find your strengths and where more of the magic is in your life and manifest the life you have always dreamed of.
Read below for your sun sign, and also look at your 11th, 10th, and 1st house signs as well to get the full picture:
ARIES
Aries would do well with studying the law of attraction. For Aries, the best way you are going to manifest for yourself is by getting out of your own way and letting things come to you. For some signs, they may need to be taking more action, taking more risks, and putting themselves out there more to manifest, but Aries doesn’t have that problem.
Aries is always taking action and taking initiative, and to manifest more, you need to take a step back and let things come to you. Trust and wholeheartedly believe that you are worthy and ready for what you are looking for; let it go and watch it manifest for you, Aries.
TAURUS
Taurus needs a good atmosphere to manifest. If you are not feeling comfortable, safe, and in tune with yourself, then it is hard for you to do anything, and you need to make sure the vibe is right first and foremost.
There is also a mystical side that not many people know or see right away, and you can create some real magic by lighting intentional candles, using flower therapy, and visualizing what you want to manifest for yourself in a luxurious bath or atmosphere.
You need to feel your manifestations, and going for a test drive in your dream car, touring your dream house, and doing the things that put you physically in the space of your manifestations works best for you, Taurus.
GEMINI
Gemini manifests best by creating and putting pen to paper. You have a lively mind and a curious spirit, and by moving around, exploring new places, and getting your energy excited, you create an opening in your life for magic. Geminis have a unique and open-minded vision and don’t need much to be in a good space to manifest.
Meditation will help you calm your mind so you can focus on one thing you want to manifest for yourself. However, you don’t want your active mind to make you feel scattered, which isn’t good for manifestation. It will also help you to communicate, talk about the things you want to happen for yourself, and put them out into the universe.
CANCER
Cancer’s gift of manifestation comes through from the heart. A lot of people associate manifestation with something your mind does, but it’s really all in the heart and feeling into where it takes you.
To create the perfect space for you to manifest your dreams, make sure you are in a place where you feel comfortable and at home and a space that makes you relax and focus on the joy and gratitude in your world.
Journaling, creating art, spending time on hobbies and passions, and doing things that put you in a space of creation and ease all serve you well. You shouldn’t try to manifest if you are not feeling emotionally well or up for it and should work on this magic when you internally feel called to, not out of fear or need of control.
LEO
Leo’s make great visualizers, and they can see and create things for themselves before they happen. Being inspired is very important when it comes to what you can manifest for yourself, and you’ll need to be in these inviting, exciting, and passionate places to do so. Getting out of your normal routine, getting a new scenery, and keeping an open mind serves you well here.
With your creative soul, you can better manifest by creating a physical vision board or making one with your favorite Pinterest pins. For you, the act of manifesting is the most important part, so get creative with it. Don’t judge your process or your way of doing things here; just create.
VIRGO
For Virgo, it’s all about being in the right headspace to manifest. Virgos can get in their head too much, which can block their blessings, so meditating, journaling, and relaxing can help you get to a good place to make your dreams come true.
Virgo is a sign that rarely gets enough rest as they are always doing and taking care of things. The challenge with this, however, is that your manifestations can’t reach you when you are always moving around, focused on the next thing you have to do.
Creating more time and space in your life to relax, rejuvenate, rest, and allow your blessings to meet you halfway is essential. Remember that taking action is just as important as making the intention, but so is letting it go and allowing it to come to you.
LIBRA
Libra is a visual manifester and manifests through positive intention, love, and creativity. Getting inspired, going to an art show, being physically around people similar to what you want to manifest for yourself, and being creative is good for your manifestation potential. Write down what you want for yourself, then look for ways to create more of it in your life right now.
Libra is a sign that mirrors others; use this gift to mirror the things you want for yourself. You can do this by dressing for the job you want, going to places you want to be in, and connecting with people there. Overall, it means acting as if it is already so for you. Your strong Venus energy makes you a magnet for your desires.
SCORPIO
Scorpio sees and feels everything in an in-depth way and does well when they can get out of their emotions and remain in the present moment. For you, Scorpio, manifesting gets easier the more you can own your power rather than fear away from it, and the more you can create from a space of divine intention rather than control.
Setting up affirmations and positive keywords for yourself serves you well. Knowing your trigger words and places can help you navigate and learn more about how you speak to yourself to make sure you are saying and doing things that will give you what you want, not what you don’t.
Write a positive affirmation that reflects what you want for yourself right now, put it on your mirror, and then read it every day before you brush your teeth.
SAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius is a master manifester. Your optimistic soul serves you well when it comes to manifesting your dreams, and you have an endless amount of them. It is not difficult for you to get inspired, but you do come across this energy more when you are traveling, learning, exploring the world, and connecting with people.
However, with your expansive mind, it can be hard to define exactly what you want for yourself and to stay focused, so journaling and writing down your intentions in an organized, concrete way will serve you well. You are ruled by Jupiter, which is the planet of good luck and manifestation; however, overall, just by being yourself, living your authentic life and truths, and being happy, you are easily able to manifest your dreams.
CAPRICORN
Capricorn is a practical soul, and this earth sign is more automatically geared to not trusting or believing in things they cannot see. You often see success as something that comes from hard work, and although this is true in a sense, it doesn’t always have to be difficult or a struggle.
For you, manifesting your dreams is going to come from realizing that it can really come to you that easily.
From thought to reality, it can all be that simple for you, Capricorn. Honoring your spirituality more, implementing a positive daily ritual or spiritual practice, and believing in the impossible will help you manifest your dreams. For you, Capricorn, it’s about trusting the universe more and believing in miracles.
AQUARIUS
Aquarius is an insightful and intuitive soul and is another sign that is naturally gifted in the art of manifestation. Aquarius is the ruler of the 11th House, which is literally the house of manifestation, so you come into this world with a gift here. For you, manifesting comes from visualization.
You are a very visual and in-tune soul, and you can create worlds from your mind alone. It’s all about defining your larger-than-life ideas and dreams and feeling how it would be to receive them. You have the mental aspect down, but implementing more heart and emotion into your manifestations and truly feeling how having your dreams come true would look like for you is essential.
PISCES
Pisces, you are ruled by Jupiter and Neptune, both planets that are key when it comes to manifestation. The Neptune side of you helps you imagine the impossible, be creative, and be inspired by your dreams. Your Jupiter side helps you have faith in it all and strengthens your connection with the universe. For you, manifesting comes from getting out of your head and into your heart.
You are often daydreaming and imagining scenarios you want to see happen, which can definitely help you manifest, but you’ll want to find a way to do so with a more grounded approach.
You can do so by creating space and preparing for something to enter your life that you have set your intentions for, and taking more action on the things that reflect your ideas and dreams.
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