Here's How To Keep Your Business Relationships Drama-Free
I've got a girlfriend who stays in some female relationship drama. It's like, every six months, I can almost set my watch on receiving an email full of expletives or a phone call that starts off with a deep long sigh followed by a 15-minute rant about how she and a woman in her life 1) have had a colossal misunderstanding; 2) both feel totally taken for granted by one another; 3) were close but now are two steps away from being enemies or 4) were working together on something that will probably never see the light of day.
Before going deeper, let me just say that I don't care if it's a mom and daughter, two sisters, a couple of female roommates or two women who are besties—although there is nothing more beautiful and supernatural than two women who are in relationship with one another, in many ways, there's also nothing more challenging either. Women are strong. Women are intuitive. Women are creative. Let's be honest, we also feel things very deeply and that can oftentimes cause us to take things very personally. All of these things combined can sometimes cause the perfect storm when we choose to form a business alliance with another woman (or women).
Even though what I just said should be duly noted and sistah-girl partnerships certainly pose a few risks, that doesn't mean we shouldn't explore them (even if we've been burned before). We simply need to go into them with our eyes wide open, some boundaries set and with mutual understandings put into place. I believe that if all of us do the following six things, we can very much so shake some things up in the business world, along with some of the women we know, without it turning into a Lifetime movie or World War III.
Put a Written Plan into Place
GiphyWhen one of my friends and I agree to meet up for dinner or a movie and one of us cancels at the last minute, while it's inconvenient, it's not earth-shattering or anything. All we're doing is trying to get some quality time in together. No (real) biggie. But when I was writing content for a Black female greeting card owner back in the day, although things were super-amicable between us, if I missed a deadline, it was an issue. It cost her money with her printer and sometimes affected sales. Problem is, sometimes things got lost in translation because while we would verbally discuss what needed to be done, since nothing was in writing, sometimes details would slip through the cracks.
The main takeaway I took from all of that is while with friends, it's fine to take them at their word, because a professional partnership usually has money on the line, it's always a good idea to get things down on paper.
I'll take it a step further and say that anyone who has a problem with some sort of written agreement or contract should be someone you're hesitant to do business with in the first place.
Putting plans in writing is beneficial in a lot of ways. It holds both people accountable. It prevents conversations from being taken out of context or misconstrued. It also helps you both remain focused and progressive when it comes to achieving your goals. Plus, should you decide to bring the partnership to a close at some point, everyone is crystal clear on what that means and requires. Getting things down in black and white avoids the messiness of grey areas.
Have Realistic Expectations—Personally and Professionally
GiphyThere's someone I had an unofficial partnership with once upon a time. Already, that "unofficial" part was an issue. SMH. Anyway, it basically consisted of being an unofficial model for her and her being an unofficial photographer for me. That meant when she needed a guinea pig or even just a subject for some photos, I made myself available. In exchange, when I needed to use some of the pics that I was in, I could. Usually, I paid very little for her photo time too.
But as my writing platform started to grow, the photographer began to feel some type of way if I used anyone but her. She felt like if an opportunity came up that would result in her getting a lot of exposure and recognition, it should be a given that she have it (like the cover of my first book, for instance). It's not that I didn't want her to shine (to this day, she's one of my faves); it's that we never discussed that she had sole or even first rights to work with me like that. And sometimes, either I or the publication wanted to try someone else.
What I learned the hard way was because she and I were super cool, that caused her to have "assumed expectations" and that resulted in quite a few bumps in the road. What that taught me, moving forward, is when someone offers to do something for me or if someone even suggests that we should collaborate, I ask what their expectations are out of the gate. What it also taught me is if their expectations don't gel well with my own, rather than grin and bear what they are saying or tell myself that we can deal with it later, that I should say upfront what will work for me and what won't. No apologies either.
Keep Certain Matters Totally Confidential
GiphyI can't recall where I first heard what I'm about to say, but once I started to apply it to my life, my social world became a much safer place. The pearl of wisdom was this—"If before you get ready to tell someone something, you have to preface it with 'Don't say anything', that's probably not the individual that you should be telling it to."
In my personal and professional life, I can't tell you the last time I've had to start a sentence off in that way. One reason is because I am a lot more discerning with the information that I share than I used to be. Another reason is because I surround myself with individuals that I can trust. Even through rough patches, I don't have to worry about my business being used as ammo.
A lot of great partnerships between women get real ugly, real quick because intellectual property isn't valued, plans are shared without a mutual agreement that they can be and/or when partnerships come to a close, all of the details of why are divulged.
Just like it's important to get things in writing, it's equally (if not more) imperative that you both discuss how to handle information that is exchanged. Matter of fact, if that needs to be put in writing too, so be it.
Know the Difference Between Being Friends and Being Friendly
GiphyIf you don't retain anything else in here, please try and keep this at the forefront of your mind. Just because two people get along and have certain things in common, that doesn't automatically make them besties. It takes time, commitment and mutual desire for individuals to evolve into a true friendship. Not only that, but you don't have to make it your life's mission to befriend everyone in the world that you know. Trust me, if you take friendship seriously, you don't have the time or energy to pull off that kind of feat anyway.
Keeping what I just said in mind, there is also no law that says that just because you've got great chemistry with someone and you both decide to do business together that you also need to tell one another your deepest and darkest secrets and babysit each other's kids. I have some great energy with virtually all of the women I work with, but we're not friends so much as we are friendly with another. We treat one another with respect and we get along well, but our interaction is still mostly professional.
A lot of great partnerships have come to a screeching halt because one or both individuals assumed that just because they are a part of one another's professional world that they should also be a part of each other's personal life.
There's a reason why folks are leery about doing business with family members and friends. It can make the boundary lines very blurry. If you're trying to become your business partner's BFF, that's definitely something you should think about—first.
Revisit Things on a Regular Basis
GiphyI share, as often as possible, that one of my favorite quotes is, "People change and forget to tell one another." I use it a lot in marriage life coaching sessions. It also applies to business partnerships. Unfortunately, there are a lot of partnerships that blow up, simply because one or both people involved expects the other to be just like they were in the beginning. Or, they think that whatever initial arrangement was made, it should remain that way until they decide they want to do something different.
There are a couple of people in my world who roll their eyes whenever I'm like, "Can we discuss our relationship for a sec?" To them, they're like, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" while I'm more along the lines of, "If we don't do maintenance on this thing, it will break down over time."
Everything requires maintenance.
So, no matter how great things may be going at the present moment when it comes to your business arrangement, it's healthy, wise and super proactive to hold a meeting, every three months or so, just to see if everything's cool, needs are still being met and there are no feelings that are being suppressed. This brings me to my final suggestion and point.
Be Open, Honest and Real. ALWAYS.
GiphyIf you ask just about any CEO about what they consider the keys are for a successful business relationship or partnership with someone, I'm willing to bet that their top five would be trust, mutual respect, communication, honesty and being as genuine as possible.
I've heard more than my fair share of horror stories about women who went into business together and then fell all the way out. A top cause of the drama was one or both people either not being total honest about their feelings or needs or one or both people were being passive aggressive in their communication approach.
A partnership only works effectively when both people are benefiting from it. The only way both parties can be sure that they are is if they are real with one another. Respectful, yes. But still very real.
I can't guarantee that if you do all of these things, that there won't be some rough waters from time to time. But what I will say is it will safeguard you from a lot of unnecessary foolishness. That way, you can both focus on making money and making moves. Instead of making full-on drama.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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My name is Yasmine Jameelah, and I’m a founder, journalist, freelance writer, and dog mama. Wellness is at the intersection of everything that I do.
Six years ago, I started a small wellness community on Instagram after embarking on a healing journey in my mid-twenties that I documented via a blog where I wrote about healing, therapy, celibacy, and growth after what felt like years of chaos. Six years later, that wellness community has blossomed into one of the largest online wellness platforms for Black women called Transparent Black Girl which has a reach of over five million Black women.
It still sounds crazy to say that aloud, to know that a 24-year-old girl planted the seeds of the life that this 30-year-old woman gets to live now.
While I was growing my company, because my love for writing was so strong, I went back to school and obtained my master's in journalism. I’ve worked as a freelance writer, an editor, and a frequent contributor to publications that I respect greatly, xoNecole being one of them! My journalism career has been a reflection of my passion and heart for wellness and the culture. My day-to-day is busy, but we manage to get it done, and on the days that I can’t, I give myself grace to do what I can with the time that I have.
My days consist of events, long walks with my dog, freelance pitching, and deciding what content creation and events will look like for my wellness collective, Transparent & Black.
Now, follow me on a random day in my life.
Morning
5:00 a.m.
My Goldendoodle keeps me on a schedule, so every morning, like clockwork, he wakes me up to use the bathroom and eat breakfast, at 5 a.m.! Am I usually over it first thing in the morning? 100%, but his being on a schedule challenges me to stick with mine and start the day on a productive note. He’s a wellness dog which means I feed him home-cooked meals and give him supplements daily to support his health, and he has a daily dental treat to keep his teeth healthy. Canine dental hygiene is imperative for a long life and a good smelling breath!
Today, I’m heading into the city, and I’ll be there almost all day, so when I’m gone that long, I take him to doggy daycare.
7:00 a.m.
Doggy daycare drop-off is filled with tons of barks, and my dog is practically jumping out of the car with excitement to see his friends. Now, some of y’all might be thinking, doggy daycare, sis, that’s too much for a dog! But it’s not, socialization is key for dogs, and so is keeping my house intact when I’m gone for long periods of time. Does he go daily? No, we aren’t rich (yet, we gotta manifest!), but when my dog is happy and experiencing play, and I’m happy attending events, I feel accomplished.
Having a pet is a serious responsibility, and I pride myself on knowing that I am invested in his mental and emotional health by encouraging his socialization with his friends.
7:30 a.m.
Headed to my local coffee shop to grab my go-to order. Iced coffee, a single shot of espresso, half and half, and 3 pumps of agave. Winter, spring, summer, fall, I am an iced coffee girl. I love it, especially after a workout where I’ve broken a sweat - nothing about having hot coffee after I’ve been sweating for over an hour feels good to me.
8:00 a.m.
Back home listening to Carlos King's commentary on YouTube in the shower (what can I say, commentary on reality TV drama relaxes me, don’t judge!) and prepping for the first stop on the agenda for today which is an event in the city. Without traffic, I’m about a 25-minute drive to Manhattan but it’s rush hour, so that 25 minutes is about 55 which means I have to head out soon so that I can arrive on time.
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9:00 a.m.
Headed to Manhattan for a Black History Month event with Meta, Peloton, and We The Culture. I wanted to take the train, but I ran out of time, so I hopped in an Uber because I didn’t want to be late, and I had my daily check-in with my best friend while I rode in the Uber. We talk daily and have since our early twenties to check in with each other. I'm grateful that while many aspects of my life have changed, this is still a constant. As we age, prioritizing our friendships for sure gets harder, but it’s not impossible in the least bit when both parties are invested.
9:30 a.m.
Emailing my editor from the car to ask for a deadline extension and sharing with her my ideas for pieces for the month! I’m grateful to have been on both sides of the journalism space. I’ve been a managing editor for years for publications, and I’ve also had the honor to work with managing editors, deputy editors, and editors-in-chief who have poured into me and understood how quickly my schedule can change, I’m honored at the magic we’re able to create together.
As a storyteller, from content that I share to my platform to pieces that I write, I’m having fun again in this season of my life, and I am loving it.
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10:00 a.m.
The event begins, and I can’t lie, when I host my own events, I’m not scared, but as a social anxiety girlie, events sometimes can be a little scary. I am naturally a very shy girl, but wellness events always feel like home to me. You don’t have to dress up; you can show up in workout gear because most of the time you’re experiencing some form of wellness and fitness even during the event. Moments into the panel discussion we experienced a seated meditation led by Peloton instructor Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts - talk about a way to kick the day off!
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The discussion hosted by Meta and Peleton touched on the importance of taking up space in industries and spaces where Black women and people are underrepresented, our self-care regimens, and We The Culture also shared how their work came to be. It was such a powerful event, and of course, we got the inside scoop on Peloton’s newest machines! I also spoke with some people (it’s important to me to always say hello to those who put on the event) and ended up sitting next to THE Pilates girl herself, Raven Ross. She was such a sweetheart, and we talked about our love for Pilates and the importance of community events like this.
Afternoon
2:00 p.m.
Leaving the event, I headed to Sephora to see if I could find Topicals' always sold-out Slick Salve, but to no avail, so I pulled out my phone and ordered it on their website as I walked back to the train station to head back home. I am a girl who loves to walk, so I’m always down for a long walk to the station and a walk back home when time permits, so that’s exactly what I did. I did about four miles just between walking back to Penn Station and walking back to my apartment once I got off the train!
4:30 p.m.
My phone started blowing up because the piece that Oprah Daily asked me to write was published for Black History Month, and my face was on Oprah’s website, AOL’s homepage, and the publication's Instagram page! My mama, aunties, cousins, dad, and everyone who has known me since I was a little girl were beyond proud and excited to see that and how far I’ve come.
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Evening / Night
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5:30 p.m.
I headed to my gym in my home (praise the Lord for apartment amenities) for a quick swim before I picked up my dog from daycare, and then I headed to the sauna and ran into a neighbor who is another successful Black woman killing it in her own right in the tech space. We chatted about life updates and the importance of taking time for our mental health and it felt good to ground myself with swimming. Much of my life has changed in the past few years, but swimming has remained a constant.
Whenever something amazing happens I soak it in and then immediately do what I can to ground myself to stay present, humble, grateful, and focused on what’s ahead.
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6:30 p.m.
It started raining badly and my anxiety is all over the place on the drive to pick up my dog but I practice some deep breathing and remind myself that I have had a calm day and it can end calm as well. I don’t need to rush there, I can drive at a pace that feels good to me. My mother calls to check on me because she sees the weather is terrible and asks me to let her know when I arrive safely.
7:00 p.m.
I arrived at doggy daycare, and the rain is calming down. Can y’all see why I take him?! They watch him all day! My dog is exhausted in the best way and ready to go home and sleep, and I can sit down and relax when we head back home.
9:00 p.m.
I’m back home, took a bath, ordered my favorite healthy Chinese takeout (beef and shrimp with broccoli, light sauce with brown rice), and I’m on the couch with a glass of sustainable wine from one of my favorite Black-owned brands, House of Brown watching Sistaswith a side of kimchi to enjoy with dinner. My candles are lit, I’m letting the highs of the day sit with me and stillness come over me as I prepare for bed.
10:30 p.m.
I took my dog out for a final walk, gave him his bedtime treat, and it’s lights out to prepare for another day.
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Featured image by courtesy