So many of us know the struggle of being a woman of color in a male-dominated workplace. We must be soft as to not be attitudinal, but not too soft as to still be a boss. We must be kind, as to not be a "b*tch", but not too kind as to not be a pushover. We're constantly faced with having to tone down our strength and assertiveness, but not too much because we still need to be effective leaders. For some, there's a constant battle of diminishing who you are to fit a standard of 'professionalism' the workplace demands — a standard that was not created for us or by us. This is a challenging reality to face and even more challenging to manage.
But all is not lost. Though we might have to play the game a little, we deserve to be here and that's become increasingly evident. Women are rising to the occasion and creating organizational shifts that only we can. But getting here was not easy, and staying here won't be either.
The following gems are provided by #GirlBosses who own their womanhood and femininity and still thrive in their respective industries. These tips come from women in medicine, finance, higher education, law enforcement, and politics. Though this list is not all-inclusive, it will certainly help you cement your footing toward promotion and tackle the day-to-day struggles of being a woman in a man's working world.
Trust Your Instincts & Skill-set.
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When operating in a male-dominated space one of the most important things is confidence. Understand that you were hired for a reason. Your specific skill-set and knowledge base is an asset to the company, and you must trust that. So often, we question our decisions based on the opposition of a co-worker. Instead, stand tall in what you know, and trust that what you feel is right is actually right. Recognize the value you bring to the company, and honor it by speaking up and sharing your expertise. You know more than you think you do.
"The confidence that you have in your work ethic and knowledge should never waiver. Sometimes in this environment silence is interpreted as a deficiency in knowledge or lack of conviction. Speak up and be confident in yourself." — Huiam Mubarak, MD, Neurology
"Trusting my instincts meant doing what felt right in the moment. Whether it be inquiring about an oddity in existing processes or simply relying on my intuition, I learned to trust my gut feeling as I navigate through my career. It's not enough just to listen to your gut feeling... you have to actually trust it." — Daena A. Barnes, Programming Supervisor/Build Engineer, Financial Technology
Stop Trying to be Nice.
Business woman showing she means business
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Playing nice — which is often considered as timid in the workplace — will not guarantee you professional growth. By the time the Chief of Police taught me this lesson, I'd been working in the office for about a year. The lesson came after a very steamy meeting with him and a few lieutenants — some of them women. He left the meeting feeling accomplished and stopped at my desk to exclaim how being nice doesn't get you far in a man's world. I held onto that as I began navigating various male-dominant workspaces.
Being nice alone doesn't get you many places. I've watched women and men alike, get chewed up and spit out because they thought their niceness would open doors. Alternatively, I've watched the biggest jerks get the best promotions, not because they were jerks, but because at the end of their poor behavior was a mind (and results) that couldn't be ignored.
The truth is, business is business, and that's what people are most concerned about. So yes, be kind, but at the forefront of that kindness should be business. Nice does not win you likes if your work is lacking — especially not if it's lacking because you were too busy being nice. Stop apologizing for being assertive because you'd rather be 'nice' instead. Stop saying sorry for "bothering" a colleague when you want a question answered, or being okay with unmet deadlines and excessive excuses.
Be business-minded and firm — and don't apologize for it.
Play the “Boy’s Game.”
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Though it may suck, some industries require us to play the game. The easiest, most authentic way to do this is by simply making the decision-makers feel comfortable. Making them feel comfortable opens a door of closeness that may be required for being invited to the table. Don't compromise your morals to do so, but when possible, show them that you can hang too. Make witty jokes, participate in the conversation, partner with them on projects, and allow them to let their guard down around you. Show them that you can participate in the game, and promotion will surely follow.
"As I progress in my career, there are less women around at management and senior management meetings. Sure, there are women doing the every day work, but it's majority of men calling the hard shots. There are 7 levels above me to get to the CEO and only 1 level is occupied by a woman. This means, I have to play the 'boys game' and ensure I make the men feel comfortable around me. They are the ones that make the decisions regarding who gets the new clients and the big high profile opportunities. If they are not comfortable with you on a personal level, it is harder for them to want to give you the opportunity when it is their neck on the line." — C. Felicita Castro, Vice President, Finance Industry
Honor Your Lived Experiences.
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As women — particularly women of color — we have specific lived experiences that set us apart from many of our counterparts. Dr. Huiam Mubarak believes in the importance of utilizing these experiences in the work we do, no matter what that work is. Being able to connect our own experiences to our work allows us to fulfill our roles more passionately — a trait that inspires us to thrive even when no one else is looking. It also helps us form deeper connections to the work and the people we serve, create a larger impact, and provide a diverse lens for which things should be considered. All of which makes our output unique to the company.
"You should always remember that your life experiences are invaluable in the care that you provide to your patients. Don't ever forget where you came from and who you are. Be proud of the things that others may consider a weakness and use it to your advantage." — Huiam Mubarak, MD, Neurology
Utilize Your Compassion.
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Though compassion is innate and doesn't necessarily differ between men and women, the ways in which compassion is expressed does. Women, in general, experience more compassion in their lives than men. Officer Jill Knox, Victim Support Specialist, encourages women to use this to their advantage:
"The key for me has been the gift of talking and being familiar with so many people in my community. Sympathizing and being aware of what's going on with people helps me conquer as a Black woman."
Jill suggests that her ability to connect with the community where she works, positions her to accomplish more than her male counterparts. "People trust me," she says. And this trust helps Jill better serve her community. By utilizing her natural compassion, Jill has been able to successfully serve and form connections that keep her in the very position she worked hard to obtain. This is particularly useful for those working in fields that encourage community and client input for hiring and promotion decisions.
Establish a Firm Sister Circle.
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Finding women in the workplace — and in your industry — is critical for ensuring you survive all that comes with being in a man's working world. Just like having sister-friends for your personal life, establishing a professional sister circle can serve as a support base, as mentorship, and as a means to remain level-headed when things get real. Contrary to your normal group of friends, your professional sister circle understands what it's like to do your work and be in the field. Because of this, they're able to offer specific insight to help you conquer within your respective industry and/or workplace. A professional sister circle will push you to greater heights professionally and will serve as a shoulder to cry on during your hardest days.
"From being the only woman of color in my classes to teaching students emboldened to call me out my name, the journey to becoming Dr. Yancy has taken more than given. To counter these feelings and experiences, some key people like my mom, my sister-circle, Dr. Kimberle Crenshaw, Dr. Melissa Harris-Perry, and Dr. Shayla Nunnally, provided me with tools for radical self-care. From daily affirmations to creating space for myself and other sisters to speak truth to power and celebrate the complexity of being our full selves [in and out of this work] I now have the tools to use my voice, promote Black women's intellectualism, and ensure Black women are seated at the table."
— Brittney Yancy, Assistant Professor at Goodwin College, Doctoral Candidate at the University of Connecticut, and Ambassador to the United States of Women.
Are there any other tips that you learned that has helped you navigate yourself in a man's working world? Share them below!
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RELATED
Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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