10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'
If you ever wanna make me happy, get me a T-shirt. As a self-professed human billboard, I can't even begin to tell you how many that I have. I adore them so much that I even wrote an article on here about how to start your own T-shirt line. Anyway, back when I was working with a porn ministry, they let me design some of the shirts for them. One of the ones that I created featured some of the words that I'm about to share with you today, along with "single" at the very bottom.
Ah, the porn ministry days. I'll be the first to say that one of the reasons why I'm currently abstinent now is because of how I was able to get a front row seat into how porn affects people in the industry. The more I saw the "darker sides of sex", the more peace I made with choosing to be abstinent until I could get my own self together and embrace my singleness without the need of a man—in any way and on any level; not because I don't want a man in my life but because I never again want to be needy for one.
Hmph. It's funny the things that you can learn, relearn or unlearn when you really put your focus on that thing. And one thing that taking a break has done is show me how to fully respect and honor the word "single". Yes, in the relational sense, it does mean that you're not in a relationship with someone (technically, it means you're not married; your taxes say that you're single until you say "I do"). Yet hopefully, after reading two other definitions and eight synonyms for single, you'll see that it means a heck of a lot more than that.
Single isn't just about not being in a relationship. Single is dopeness personified.
1.Unique
A word that every single woman should be totally in love with is "unique". Not only because it's a definition of "single", but because of all of the different things that it means. To be unique is to be unparalleled. To be unique is to be incomparable. One of my absolute favorite definitions of the word is "having no like or equal". A close second is "without alternative possibilities".
Gee, when you look at "single" from the perspective of being unique, how can you not want to shout out your relational status from every rooftop and social media page that you've got? It doesn't get much better than being unique. And being single is just that.
2.Original
Something that I dig (and respect) about true creatives is they are highly original. They are all about doing what is fresh and new. Not only that, but they thrive off of being independent. Meaning, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing or how popular something is. If it doesn't sit well with them or if their spirit man is calling them to go in another direction, they do it without reservation or apology. To be original is to be bold, courageous and to truly march to the beat of your own drum. And yes, "original" is a synonym of "single".
What's so cool about that is it's a reminder to approach life with a fresh and new angle; to also be bold and courageous and, when it comes to everything about your world, to be willing to do your own thing instead of what's expected of you. Taking an original approach to life provides being single with limitless possibilities.
3.Exclusive
People know that if I ever use the word "monogamy", I never apply it to couples who aren't married. That's because, in spite of how much the word may be misused, monogamous means to be married; more specifically, to be married to one person for a lifetime. So, what's the word I prefer when it comes to those who are in a long-term relationship? "Exclusive". In a nutshell, it means that you aren't considering anyone else other than the one you are currently with.
As it relates to this article, "exclusive" is another synonym of "single". One of its other definitions is "belonging to a particular individual".
As a single woman, everything about you—mind, body and soul—is exclusive. It belongs to you and you alone. And, should you ever decide to share an exclusive part of yourself, because it is so limited and private, the person on the receiving end should feel highly privileged. Access to exclusivity isn't easy to come by. Treat yourself as such.
4.Special
Not too long ago, I wrote an article on here about how the right man will complement you. Well, if you really want someone to do that, to be the ideal fit for you and your world, sometimes that takes time because, let's all be real for just a sec—if all we wanted was a date or a warm body to be around, that comes a dime a dozen. What most of us want is something much more special than that. Sometimes, we have to be single for a while in order for that to happen.
There's another definition of this synonym for "single" that I want you to take special note of, though. Did you know that "special" also means "having a specific or particular function, purpose, etc."? All of us are God's children and, according to Psalm 33:15(NKJV), "He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works." You don't have a specific purpose once you are in a relationship. You have a calling on your life regardless of whether you ever end up with someone or not. By the mere fact that the Most High has appointed you to something that absolutely no one else can do, especially in the way that you can do it, that makes you very special. For now, a very special single person. Never forget that.
5.Peerless
Once upon a time, there was a guy I loved who couldn't decide how he felt about me. More specifically, he couldn't figure out what to do about the feelings that he had. Every few months or so, he'd tell me that although he wasn't ready for the kind of relationship that I wanted (marriage), he couldn't deny the fact that a woman like me doesn't come around every day. Of course, she doesn't, sir.
I am peerless. All single women who know their worth and value are.
Is "peerless" another synonym for "single"? Absolutely. It means that you have no rival or competitor. Keeping this in mind, even on the lonely days, when it seems like everyone and their grandma has someone in their life but you, don't look at it as being overlooked. Choose to instead see it as you being so supreme (another definition of "peerless") that it doesn't make sense for you to be out here just dating "anybody". You are deserving of the kind of man who is like, "Damn girl, I can't let you get away because I'll never run up on a woman like you again!" Then nod in agreement because he's right. After all, you are peerless.
6.Exceptional
This is a synonym for "single" that is also pretty dope. To be exceptional is to be more than the average of something. To be exceptional is also to be extraordinary, and to be extraordinary is to be remarkable, noteworthy and "beyond what is established".
There is something that I really like about being exceptional as it specifically relates to being single. It's the fact that my status gives me the opportunity to represent single living in a way that goes beyond folks thinking that something is wrong because I'm not married or a mom (a great read about this very point is "Tracee Ellis Ross Doesn't Subscribe To Society's Deadlines").
"Single" is not some sort of relational purgatory or holding pattern until a man comes along. Singleness affords me the time and space to do some things that my married friends aren't always able to do with the same amount of focus and ease.
Single women (and men) are out here accomplishing some pretty amazing things. In part, because their relational status affords them the ability to do so. Honey, you are exceptional. And don't sleep. In many ways, being single is an exceptional thing to be too.
7.Rare
"Rare" is another synonym for "single". Amazing, huh? When I was reviewing its definitions, something that kept coming up was the word "unusually"—unusually great, unusually excellent…stuff like that. This means that to be rare is to be uncommon; in its proper context, that can be a really good thing.
All of this is interesting to me because, when I think of "rare" as it relates to being single, virginity comes to mind. Not in the sense of singleness and virginity going hand in hand (I'm single and ain't nowhere close to being a virgin!); it's more like, I know virgins who don't like being uncommon in the sense of never having had sex before and I know single women who are super uncomfortable with being uncommon in their circle when it comes to not being in a relationship or married.
In both instances, I'm kinda like, "Why don't we alter our perspective a bit here?" Just because you're not (currently) sexually active and/or seeing someone, that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. By choosing not to settle, by waiting until the man and time are truly right for you, that automatically makes you unusually great and unusually excellent. Waiting will bring you the kind of rareness that you, yourself, already are. Never lose sight of that.
8.Private
Privacy speaks to something belonging to one individual only. I remember a wife once telling me, "Girl, the loneliest night in bed alone beats being in a miserable marriage any day." Say that, sis! It's important to also keep in mind that private is synonymous with "single". This means that when we think of being single, we should relish in the fact that what we have is ours and ours alone. We don't have to share our bed, our resources, our time or anything else in the name of compromise in order to make a relationship work or last.
Like oh so many married women tell me, while marriage does have its benefits, the privacy of singleness is something that all of them grieve from time to time. Because of that, they make sure to tell me to never take for granted. I don't.
9.Individual
Another definition of "single" is individual. On the surface, you probably get the gist of what it is to be an individual. However, let this definition simmer on your spirit for just a moment—"separate or distinct, especially from others of its kind". Something that really does bother me is how many single women overlook their individuality and, instead, compare themselves to other women. According to what this definition of "single" is, whenever any of us do that, we're not living out the true meaning of the word.
A woman who revels in her singleness does so, in part, because she knows that her status alone defines her as being someone who is supposed to be and live unlike anyone else.
Being single is all about celebrating one's individuality. How often do you do that?
10. Without Equal
The final synonym for single that I want to round all of this out with is "without equal". When something or someone is equal to something or someone else, it basically means that it's just as great as it is; that it brings balance to it.
Until someone comes along who you can, without question or hesitation, profess that he is as great as you are, be "without equal". And be OK with that. As you've just seen, all that it means in the meantime is that you're single. And girl, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with that!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Feature image by Giphy
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images