20 Dope Responses To The Question, "Why Are You Still Single?"
As a single woman of a certain age, I feel like I've often been unprepared when someone would ask me the question, "Why are you still single?" I didn't mind as much in my 20s because my single status was mostly due to circumstances where I initiated a breakup. But around 30, it started to become a nuisance of having to "explain" myself. Instead of giving in to my natural reaction of going on the defense or feeling personally attacked, I wanted to explore why the question of "Why are you still single?" is triggering because of the negative connotations that are implied.
Luckily, I've provided 20 responses including ways to redirect the conversation or turn it into a teachable moment to show why some people actually choose to remain single.
20 Ways To Respond To "Why Are You Still Single?"
1."Am I not allowed to be single?"
This response can be tricky so it's all about presentation. This could come off as defensive and that's the last thing you want to do, so tread lightly. Then again, depending on who's asking, you may want to throw off this vibe so they'll think before asking anyone else.
2."Because I enjoy the peace of mind of being solo right now."
If you haven't met someone who complements your life in a way that makes it better to not be single, that's totally fine. Between dating men with too much baggage or not wanting to commit, I once experienced burnout to the point where I decided it was best for me to be by myself for a while. My advice is to stay single until you find someone who makes being in a relationship worthwhile. After all, staying single and standing your ground is something to be commended, not shamed for.
3."I don’t know. I guess I'm overqualified."
Because sometimes a ridiculous question warrants a cute and ridiculous answer.
4."What makes you think I’m single?"
That's it. Keep them guessing because they shouldn't be in your business, anyway.
5."I’ve never really thought about it. Why? Are you still married?"
Diverting the conversation is a classic tool you can use to evade personal questions.
6."Because not everybody can handle me."
You're telling the truth, after all. Being fabulous comes at a cost.
7."Oh, I’m not single. I’m in a love affair with…"
Myself, food, my career, etc.This is a witty response with a bit of a curveball. Why not play into this uncomfortable conversation with a laugh.
8."That’s kind of personal. Would you like to tell me about your relationship?"
This answer is the perfect response to let someone know how invasive their question is. It's also an opportunity to redirect the conversation, whether you pivot to talking about your new business venture or turning the discussion back to them.
9."A relationship is not a priority for me right now (but if that changes, I’ll be sure to let you know)."
OK, so you don't have to add that last part unless you're feeling extra snappy, but there's nothing wrong with letting someone know that other things are more pressing in your life at the moment. It also gives you a chance to talk about all the great things you are currently doing.
10."I’m simply not interested in dating."
That's not to say your feelings won't change at some point, but right now, you may be more focused on a project at work, going back to school, or working on bettering yourself. If a relationship is not on your radar at the moment, that's OK.
11."What do you mean by 'still' single?"
Challenge them to elaborate on what they mean. It's one thing to ask if you're single, but when the word "still" is added, it implies that there is a timeframe that you've exceeded and that for some reason you shouldn't "still" be single.
12."I just am."
Shrug and offer no more information. Period.
13."Why do you ask?"
Probe them to find out why they're inquiring about your relationship status. Are they asking to be shady or do they know someone who would be a good fit for you? Perhaps they're genuinely interested to see why someone as fabulous as you is still on the market. If they want to ask questions, throw one back at them and see where the conversation leads.
14."Because, apparently, I’m really good at it."
Sometimes it's good to make light of a situation and laugh at yourself.
15."Currently, I’m looking for a significant income, not a significant other."
Who can be mad at a career-focused response? Perhaps you're more motivated by financial stability than a romantic partner. Maybe you're more interested in getting your degree or starting a business. These are things to be applauded, not appalled.
16."That’s not a bad thing, is it?"
Again, this is for clarification. If you can get an understanding of why the person is asking, then it may not be so triggering. For example, they may think you're such a catch and may genuinely be curious about your decision to be single.
17."Because I haven’t found anyone who adds value to my life."
You don't want to be in a relationship simply for the sake of being in a relationship and until someone comes along who makes your life better, then it's perfectly fine to stick to your guns.
18."You know, when the time is right and when I’m ready to be in a relationship, I have no doubt that my person will show up."
This great answer conveys that you are happy with your life just the way it is and optimistic about what it may hold in the future.
19."Single is the new 20."
Can you imagine getting a re-do of your 20s with all the knowledge of having lived through them? Of course, you can't get that time back, but being single at a certain age can be a chance to avoid some major pitfalls.
20."You know, I really like to keep my relationship details private. I hope you understand."
This sets a clear boundary for what you're willing to discuss and what's off-limits. And it rolls off the tongue easily with a smile. #Respectfully.
Be honest. If you're enjoying this time to focus on yourself, dating multiple people, or spending more time doing things you enjoy doing, then just say that. Maybe your last relationship gave you an opportunity to discover past traumas that you needed to heal from. Stand in your truth and embrace your decision to be single.
Featured image by svetikd/Getty Images
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Also known as The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw for her relentless love of shoes and emotionally unavailable men, DeJa K. Johnson is unapologetic in her pursuits to find love, happiness, and orgasms. A graduate of UA Little Rock, DeJa earned a Master's degree in Applied Communication with an emphasis on Interpersonal & Romantic relationships. She is also the founder of TheBreakupSpace.com, a safe space for men and women who need help getting over the loss of a romantic relationship. To connect, you can find her on all social media @TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw or send her an email to love@TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw.com.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Kimora Lee Simmons has been ripping the runway and defining streetwear culture for decades, and with her daughter, Aoki Lee Simmons, blazing a trail of her own, the supermodel is imparting a few gems to guide her along the way.
During this year’s Teen Vogue Summit 2023, Kimora joined her daughter Aoki in a conversation about navigating the modeling industry and fostering her children’s dreams.
Kimora shares how she’s been able to joyfully watch as her daughter achieves her greatest goals over the years, including becoming Teen Vogue’s September 2023 cover star. In doing so, the runway star reflects on the natural instinct of mothers to desire success for their children but expresses her commitment to letting her daughters make mistakes while providing support.
"It's a mom's natural instinct to want to impose your expectations on your kids. But I'm learning to let my kids make their mistakes and serve as their support,” Kimora shared. “As a mom, there's no one-size-fits-all approach. I just try my best and make sure that the wisdom I pass down comes from a good source."
The Baby Phat founder went on to express concerns about her daughter Aoki's modeling career, fearing she may encounter the “cutthroat” nature of the industry that can cause those within it to feel like they’re not “enough.”
With this in mind, she often reminds Aoki, “to understand that in life you will face rejection because this industry can be so cutthroat. For some, you won't be cool enough, tall enough, or petite enough. I've definitely had my ugly duckling days."
(L-R) Ming Lee Simmons, Aoki Lee Simmons and Kimora Lee Simmons attend the Prabal Gurung show during New York Fashion Week: The Show.
Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for NYFW: The Shows
Although the fashion mogul has managed to balance being in the public eye since she began her modeling career at the age of 13, along with motherhood and running an era-shaping clothing brand, it’s apparent that Kimora understands the importance of staying grounded. “Truly, who even cares?! Easier said than done. I never want her to have to deal with that part of the industry but all I can do is prepare her,” she says.
When you’ve been in the fashion game long enough to set the trends and see them come full circle, it’s natural to desire a level of evolution within the space — from the clothes to the culture. And while Kimora has seen how far the industry has come, she hopes for greater inclusion and support within the industry; especially for women of color.
“Fashion is an ever-changing industry with the same pitfalls. For women of color specifically, it's changed so much but we still have so far to go,” she says. “These brands claim to always have been so inclusive but that doesn't always pan out to be true. I wish people would practice what they preach.”
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Featured image by Vivien Killilea/Getty Images for Teen Vogue