OK. Raise your hand if you know that you've dated—or worse, completely fallen in love with—a commitment-phobe. You know the type—uber-charming, great on dates, sometimes even better in bed. Fine. Funny. Ambitious. On so many levels, he seems like the perfect catch.
That's until you're a few months in and you discover that he doesn't like to plan more than a week in advance, he can't remember the last time he was in a serious relationship, he hates using titles, he doesn't have many close connections (to family, friends, or anyone else) and, anything that sounds even close to the "L" word is like a cuss word to him.
No matter how hot 'n heavy things were in the beginning, give it half a year (if he sticks around even that long) and if he doesn't get ghost on you, you'll find yourself getting tired of having the same "So, what are we doing? Where is this going?" conversation/argument with him.
As a result, things end. Problem is, not too much time goes by before you find yourself in this same kind of situationship with another guy who also displays the signs of being a commitment-phobe.
What's the problem? I'm not talking about with him. I'm talking about with you.
Why do you find yourself constantly attracting commitment-phobes into your head and heart space? From personal experience, I've got a few reasons that you should think long and hard about.
You’ve Got Daddy (or Mama) Issues
One of my favorite quotes is "Adulthood is about surviving childhood." While I wish that wasn't the case, the reality is a lot of us didn't see healthy relationships as children.
If your parents were never together or they divorced when you were young (and if that is the case, check out "Effects of Divorce on Children's Future Relationships"), sometimes it can either make you attract a situation that is similar to the one your parents had or cause you to work overtime to try and convince someone to commit to you because you may not know what reciprocity in a relationship looks like.
Not to say that this reason applies to everyone, but if you're constantly in "relationships" with guys who won't commit to you, looking back at what your parents modeled to you certainly can't hurt.
Relationships Are More Like Projects for You
Listen, whomever came up with the whole "I can change him" motive for being with a man who already shows serious red flags, they should be committed; not to a man but to an institution. Not only is it unhealthy—and semi-manipulative—to try and make someone be what you want rather than accepting them for who they are or moving on to someone else, but it also turns them into a project.
A person shouldn't be a project.
If you can't recall the last time you dated someone and the goal wasn't to try and turn them something else, no wonder you keep attracting commitment-phobes. You're not dating guys who are ready for the kind of relationship you desire. You're choosing guys who you think show the potential of wanting a relationship. Maybe. Someday. To a commitment-phobe, "someday" can be an eternity.
You Don’t Treat the First Three Dates Like (Semi) Interviews
I don't care what anyone says, the first few dates are interviews in a comfortable setting. You're both trying to figure out if you're mutually-attracted, if you have similar values, and if you want the same things when it comes to a relationship.
If you're giving me "push back" on this point because you're thinking I don't want to put too much pressure on him so early on, guess what? You're signing up for him being on one page, you being on another, and possibly discovering two years from now that you totally wasted your time.
One of the best ways to not get involved with a commitment-phobe is to 1) ask a guy what his last serious relationship was like and 2) ask him if he's looking for one—and yes, to do this during the first three dates with him.
If when it comes to the first question, he has no idea and with the second one, he says he wants something casual…take him at what he said. FACE VALUE. Otherwise, you're headed towards kickin' it with at least a pseudo commitment-phobe. I'm 98 percent sure of it.
You Never REQUIRE Reciprocity
Reciprocity is a mutual exchange. You plan a date; then he plans one. You call to say, "Good morning"; he texts to say, "Good night." He knows your love language is "Words of Affirmation", so he sends you cards. You know his is "Quality Time" so you go to a few games with him. Relationships that have reciprocity in them don't need to go "tit-for-tat" to keep up with who's doing what. Things are so balanced, it's hard to keep up anyway.
But when you're the one doing most of the work, not only does this show that you are more committed than he is; it also reveals that he has no intentions of doing more than what he already is. And you know what? Chances are, if you pulled all the way back, you'd see he's not doing much. (He probably never was.)
A commitment-phobe will stick around for a woman who will give her all without REQUIRING he do the same.
A man who wants a commitment will be bothered if he's not consistently doing his part. Then he will rise to the occasion so that mutuality is evident—to you both.
You’re Afraid of Commitment (and Don’t Even Know It)
A lot of women who attract commitment-phobes don't realize that it's because they aren't as ready for a commitment as they might think.
Case in point—if a woman who really wanted to be married went on a first date with a guy who said that the thought of being a husband makes him break out into hives, her response would be along the lines of "Thanks for dinner. Take care." It's nothing personal. He simply doesn't want what she does. Why waste time?
If you are in the hamster wheel of dating commitment-phobes, ask yourself if you want to be in something serious as much as you think. Maybe you keep picking men who are wishy-washy about relationships because it's easier to blame them if things don't work out than to look within to ask, "If I want something long-term, why am I constantly settling for the opposite?"
I can personally vouch for the fact that the moment you're like, "I want what I want and I can wait until I get it", the commitment-phobes will start to evaporate. You may not get as many texts or go on as many dates but hey—you're after quality not quantity, right?
Someone who is committed to more than a date this weekend. Someone who wants just what you want—a healthy and happy long-term relationship.
No hesitation. No excuses. No phobia.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Stretch Marks Are A Part Of Pregnancy—But Here’s How To Minimize Them Safely
A mother’s stretch marks are battle scars made with love. Every mark represents nine months of her body caring, protecting, and molding one of the greatest loves of her life. It is a reminder that once their life began, the life she once knew ended for a greater purpose. Although stretch marks represent the beauty of life, it is also okay to want to keep them at bay. Pregnancy is a major time of transition that can be hard to accept. Mothers deserve to love their bodies.
It's perfectly normal to want to keep stretch marks to a minimum. Becoming a mother doesn’t mean you can’t also want the best for your skin while wanting the best for your baby. Both can co-exist! Andi Assebia, an NP-C and Skin Health Expert at Derm Artisan, believes pregnancy is the perfect opportunity for expecting mothers to love on their skin. “Pregnancies are all about improving the health and appearance of skin texture as our belly stretches,” says Assebia.
Here is a list of ways to practice skin health and minimize stretch marks during pregnancy.
Moisturize.
During this time of transition, it is important to keep the skin moisturized. This is because the skin is most likely to experience dryness, which makes stretch marks more potent. Applying moisturizer will help soothe and smooth out the area. Assebia adds, “To help prevent stretch marks, keep your skin hydrated with a nourishing crème like Avène’s Moisturizing Melt-in Balm. Remember, consistency is key.”
Assebia also advocates combining hydrating ingredients like Environ Alpha Hydroxy Derma Lac Lotion with Environ Body Oil daily. This is in pursuit of locking in as many oils as possible. Although Assebia’s recommendations are credible, it is always best to consult your physician before moving forward.
Drink Lots Of Water.
Hydration starts within the body. You’ll have to increase your water intake to keep your body hydrated. The average water intake for women is about 11.5 cups. Your intake of other liquids (hello, tea, juice, and fruit lovers!) could also affect how much water you drink. However, it is more than likely your water intake will increase as your pregnancy continues. Drinking for two is fun! Drinking 8 to 12 cups a day is advised. This will help your body’s elasticity, preventing scars, wrinkles, soft lines, and stretch marks.
Be Mindful About Your Diet.
When pregnant, it’s easy to fall into those cravings and blame it all on your little one. However, a well-balanced diet can enhance your skin's health. It’s important to consider taking prenatal vitamins and focusing on a whole-food diet filled with vitamins C, D, and zinc. Being mindful about your diet can also prevent overstretching due to excessive weight gain. Yes, weight gain is normal and acceptable during this time, but to minimize the appearance of stretch marks, we should focus on healthy weight gain.
Massage Your Skin.
A classic tummy massage can show gentle love to yourself and your little one. Give your skin the love it deserves by massaging it once daily with an oil of your choice (with a doctor's approval, of course!) or body lotion. This allows the product to seep deep into your pores, creating a foundation for the skin to be deeply moisturized. Did we mention it also enhances blood circulation, giving you that incredible pregnancy glow? Yeah, that’s right!
Soak Up The Sun.
More research must be conducted, but vitamin D is a holistic approach to stretch mark prevention. This study suggests that a healthy amount of vitamin D can improve skin electricity. In addition, another study showed that vitamin D can be helpful for fetal growth and reduce preterm birth. Both are highly beneficial to the mother and baby during pregnancy. However, it is important to be mindful of how much sun exposure you’re getting. Remember to soak up the sun in moderation, always wear sunscreen, and stay hydrated.
Treat Stretch Marks immediately.
Don't delay treatment if you spot a stretch mark in its early stages. Waiting to nurture stretch marks can make them more prominent in the future. As mentioned before, moisturize the area abundantly and apply your favorite oils with your tummy massage. Key ingredients for healing stretch marks are vitamin E, hyaluronic acid, and shea or cocoa butter. Also, check in with your primary doctor or dermatologist if unsure of which ingredients to use during your pregnancy.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Getty Images