Ask Ayana Iman: Guys Like Me But Never Want To Commit
Dear Ayana Iman: I just can't seem to win when it comes to love. I love myself tremendously, and I'm always told how much of a "light" I am to my suitor's lives. But when it comes to commitment, it never happens. Help?!
These suitors you speak of, are they people you've actually dated? If so, maybe (just maybe) you're reading their intentions incorrectly. My thoughts, there are two scenarios:
1. They want you, just not all of you.
Your suitors' intentions may not align with your relationship goals. They want your time, admiration, and possibly sexual favors, but anything more than that is too much. I'm sure your aura precedes you and lights up any room; however, it's not enough to block people who want to waste your time. Their intentions have no inference on what you have to offer; however, if you allow them to be a part of your life then you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to have a fruitful relationship.
2. You may have been put in the friend zone.
Your suitors may like you but not enough to want to make it official. They value your company and intellect but don't see it going any further than that. It's not the worse problem to have; you just have to be clear on your feelings and keep the situation platonic.
My advice: keep it moving. Your expectations are commitment; the reality is they just aren't that into you. If you love yourself the way you claim you do there wouldn't be a doubt in your mind that these suitors weren't it. With self-love comes discernment. It is a skill to discern which people you want to associate or spend time with. In this case, it's one-sided. Luckily, love is still a possibility.
Drop the mindset of "I just can't seem to win when it comes to love," and replace it with "I am worthy of great love."
You are worthy. Own that.
Dear Ayana Iman: Hello, I'm 18 and in my first year of law studies in France. My goal is to become a prestigious inspirational speaker and professional life coach for self-improvement, self-confidence, love etc. I want to know if you have some advice for me to know how to reach my goals, how to become a life coach and inspirational speaker etc.
Thank you for your attention.
Hello Lovely,
Thanks for reaching out. I think your goals are great and very attainable if you're willing to put the work in. What's your niche? Before someone hires you as a speaker, they need to know what topics you cover. Once you've identified that, become a Subject Matter Expert (SME) with a demonstrated above-average knowledge of what you're discussing. Utilize free tools like social media, emails, and YouTube, to market yourself by speaking about those topics. Cultivate a following by creating consistent content and engaging with your tribe.
Practice, practice, practice. There's a quote that says, "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." Will you be ready when it's time to take center stage? Use the mirror to practice your speeches, and apps like Orai that gives you feedback on your use of filler words, pacing, energy level, pauses, and clarity.
The interesting thing about being a life coach is that there are no set rules or criteria to become one. A life coach is someone that looks to empower others by helping them make, meet, and exceed goals in both their personal and professional lives. While there are certification programs like the International Coaching Federation, which is the world's largest organization of professionally trained coaches, it is not something you have to do. I personally believe having training allows you to understand ethical practices and receive help from seasoned professionals. What it comes down to is experience and niche. If you are an SME in a topic and can help a personal meet their goals, then you can be considered a coach.
I hope this helps.
With gratitude,
Ayana Iman xx
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Featured image by Getty Images
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Ayana Iman is a certified life coach, professional speaker, and mama of one based in New Jersey. She's also known for her love of big hair, travel, and cooking. Find her across social @AyanaIman.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage