Ask Ayana Iman: Guys Like Me But Never Want To Commit
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Ask Ayana Iman: Guys Like Me But Never Want To Commit

Dear Ayana Iman: I just can't seem to win when it comes to love. I love myself tremendously, and I'm always told how much of a "light" I am to my suitor's lives. But when it comes to commitment, it never happens. Help?!

These suitors you speak of, are they people you've actually dated? If so, maybe (just maybe) you're reading their intentions incorrectly. My thoughts, there are two scenarios:

1. They want you, just not all of you.

Your suitors' intentions may not align with your relationship goals. They want your time, admiration, and possibly sexual favors, but anything more than that is too much. I'm sure your aura precedes you and lights up any room; however, it's not enough to block people who want to waste your time. Their intentions have no inference on what you have to offer; however, if you allow them to be a part of your life then you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to have a fruitful relationship.

2. You may have been put in the friend zone.

Your suitors may like you but not enough to want to make it official. They value your company and intellect but don't see it going any further than that. It's not the worse problem to have; you just have to be clear on your feelings and keep the situation platonic.

My advice: keep it moving. Your expectations are commitment; the reality is they just aren't that into you. If you love yourself the way you claim you do there wouldn't be a doubt in your mind that these suitors weren't it. With self-love comes discernment. It is a skill to discern which people you want to associate or spend time with. In this case, it's one-sided. Luckily, love is still a possibility.

Drop the mindset of "I just can't seem to win when it comes to love," and replace it with "I am worthy of great love."

You are worthy. Own that.

Dear Ayana Iman: Hello, I'm 18 and in my first year of law studies in France. My goal is to become a prestigious inspirational speaker and professional life coach for self-improvement, self-confidence, love etc. I want to know if you have some advice for me to know how to reach my goals, how to become a life coach and inspirational speaker etc.

Thank you for your attention.

Hello Lovely,

Thanks for reaching out. I think your goals are great and very attainable if you're willing to put the work in. What's your niche? Before someone hires you as a speaker, they need to know what topics you cover. Once you've identified that, become a Subject Matter Expert (SME) with a demonstrated above-average knowledge of what you're discussing. Utilize free tools like social media, emails, and YouTube, to market yourself by speaking about those topics. Cultivate a following by creating consistent content and engaging with your tribe.

Practice, practice, practice. There's a quote that says, "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." Will you be ready when it's time to take center stage? Use the mirror to practice your speeches, and apps like Orai that gives you feedback on your use of filler words, pacing, energy level, pauses, and clarity.

The interesting thing about being a life coach is that there are no set rules or criteria to become one. A life coach is someone that looks to empower others by helping them make, meet, and exceed goals in both their personal and professional lives. While there are certification programs like the International Coaching Federation, which is the world's largest organization of professionally trained coaches, it is not something you have to do. I personally believe having training allows you to understand ethical practices and receive help from seasoned professionals. What it comes down to is experience and niche. If you are an SME in a topic and can help a personal meet their goals, then you can be considered a coach.

I hope this helps.

With gratitude,

Ayana Iman xx

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As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.


You know, I always find it quite fascinating that whenever the topic of cheating comes up, it’s assumed that damn near everyone in the world does it and that women barely do it when the reality is that, reportedly, only 20 percent of men cheat and 13 percent of women do (both ways, that is a minority, for sure). And then, when the topic of marriage is on the table, while there is constant dialogue about men being afraid to say “I do,” somehow what doesn’t come up nearly as much is the fact that it’s 70 percent of women who initiate divorce.