

Eczema is something that has come to fascinate me over the past few years. The reason why is because, although I know some people who have eczema (some worse than others), it wasn't until about six or seven years ago that I noticed a patch behind each ear myself. As someone who has a fungal sensitivity and really no other health issues, I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on.
When I discovered the fact that eczema (also known as atopic dermatitis) was a skin inflammation issue, that there are basically seven different types of eczema (you can read more about that here) and that while it's more probable in individuals who have family members that have it, the reality is there are triggers that can cause almost anyone to have a flare-up, I decided to share what some of those triggers are with you.
Because anyone who's had the constant itchiness and/or scaly skin and/or weeping blisters knows that if there is anything that can be done to keep eczema at bay, it's best that you do it. Anyway, here are seven common things that can cause eczema to show all the way out.
1. Diet
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Personally, when it comes to what causes the area behind my ears to get irritated by eczema, I'm willing to bet that it's my diet more than anything. While I strive to eat pretty responsibly most of the time, right around my period, I tend to be on some other ish.
For instance, remember how I said that the root issue of eczema is skin inflammation? Well, wouldn't it make total sense that foods that cause inflammation could cause eczema to happen from time to time? Some of those foods include dairy (which is my thing when I decide to go all in on ice cream and pizza during PMS), sugar, gluten, soy, tomatoes, citrus fruit, eggs and even spices like cinnamon and vanilla.
Does this mean that you have to give all of this up? Lawd, life would suck if you did, right? It's more like, what you might want to do is either go by a process of elimination to see which foods personally affect you or opt to not eat several of those foods at the same time. Besides, it's not like a lot of dairy, sugar or soy are the best things for you, anyway. A bout of eczema may be just what you need to remind you of that very fact.
2. Dry Skin
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Tell me something. How good are you at keeping your skin nice and moisturized? If you've always been curious about how you can know for sure that your skin is well-hydrated, make sure that you "seal" it by moisturizing it while it is still damp. Also, it's important to drink lots of water throughout the day and to pay close attention to if your skin feels tight or if your make-up looks "cake-y" when you put it on (by the way, signs that you're over-moisturizing is your pores are clogged, your skin keeps breaking out and/or you're noticing that your skin isn't absorbing whatever you put on it).
When this doesn't happen, it can cause your skin to become super dry, flaky and scaly. And that can definitely cause eczema to rear its ugly head. So, definitely make moisturization a priority. Your skin will always thank you for it if you do.
3. Stress
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While I'm not personally an avid Tyler Perry movie watcher, there is a line from his film Temptation that I adore and use semi-often. It's a scene from when Vanessa Williams's character said, "Good luck with your struggle." Here's the context. A bad habit that I used to have with my clients is I would sometimes find myself far more invested in them getting better than they were which resulted in my becoming more stressed out than I ever needed to be. And looka here — as you get older (and hopefully wiser), you learn that anything/anyone that comes with a lot of stress, it just isn't worth the time or even the paycheck.
One of the reasons why is because long-term stress is tied to health-related issues like obesity, diabetes, asthma, headaches, depression and even shortened longevity. Girl, no person, place, thing or idea is worth all of that drama.
And just what does all of this have to do with eczema? While many health professionals do not believe that stress actually causes eczema to occur, when we're stressed out and the cortisol (our natural stress-related hormone) increases, that can result in bodily inflammation which can ultimately lead to eczema symptoms. That's why, I don't care if it's meditation, exercise, sex, sleep or releasing some people, watch your stress levels. If you don't, your skin could alert you that things have gone way too far.
4. Allergens
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Out of all of what I've already shared, this probably makes a lot of sense when you think about the fact that airborne allergens like mold, dander and pollen have the ability to weaken your immune system over time and potentially irritate your skin which could also cause an eczema outbreak. So, what should you do in this instance? Vacuum regularly. Change your sheets no less than once a week. And speak with your physician about whether or not you should take an antihistamine. The less your body reacts to allergens, the greater your chances will be of avoiding eczema on your skin.
5. Household Chemicals
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Remember how I said in the intro that there are different types of eczema? Well, there's one in particular that is also known as contact dermatitis. It's when your skin is triggered by things like soaps, cleaning products and clothing dyes. Not only that but the chemicals in hair dyes and cosmetics, along with the perfumes that may be in all of these things, can also cause an eczema flare-up to occur. While you will need to see your doctor in order to confirm that this is the cause of the itching, burning, tenderness, inflammation or scaling that you might see, chances are that if you go with products that are as natural as possible and fragrance-free, that could help relieve eczema-related symptoms. Significantly so.
6. Hormonal Shifts
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Here's a heads up, especially if you are perimenopausal or are currently going through menopause. Something that happens during this particular season of life is our estrogen levels start to significantly decrease. Once this happens, it can be more challenging for our bodies to maintain enough fluid to keep our skin moisturized. And, as I already shared, when our skin is dry, eczema can oftentimes become triggered as a direct result.
Typically, perimenopause starts to occur between 7-10 years before the time when you go without a period for a year (which is official menopause). So, if you're noticing a lot of fatigue, hot flashes, a lower libido, vaginal dryness, irregular periods or incontinence, please see your doctor as soon as possible. They can discuss what you can do to get your estrogen levels up, so that hopefully, eczema won't be as much of an issue.
By the way, it's not uncommon for estrogen levels to teeter right before your period too. If that happens, some foods that are natural sources of estrogen include dried fruit, garlic, peaches, berries, wheat bran, flaxseeds and alfalfa sprouts.
7. Extreme Temperatures
One more. If it seems like things are all good during the spring and fall, only for all hell to break loose when summer and winter roll around, that probably isn't a random occurrence. The truth of the matter is that summer can cause excess sweating and the salt that comes from it can cause itching and lead to the spread of eczema. On the flip side, the cold winter air can cause your skin to become extra dry and we already discussed what can come from that. So, in the summer, stay hydrated and try not to spend hours in the heat before cooling down. In the winter, don't forget to moisturize and consider sleeping with a humidifier, so that extra moisture can travel through the air while you sleep and protect your skin. Just one more way to keep eczema triggers from totally bothering you.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Recently, a client and I were discussing the fact that she really missed her husband. Yes, they are together and yes, they share the same home and bed. They even have a pretty consistent (and fulfilling) sex life. The issue is that she is missing a certain kind of intimacy: kissing.
As I asked her to expound further, she basically said that, with both of their schedules being so tight, and with them also both knowing “which buttons to push” in order to get each other off, they hadn’t been losing themselves in foreplay like they used to — and one of her favorite parts of that is kissing. I get it. Kissing is endearing. Kissing is romantic. Kissing is also sexy AF. Few things can compare to a really good kiss, y’all. Whew.
That said, you should PayPal her for the inspiration that she provided when it comes to me penning this article because, with Valentine’s Day being on the horizon, I personally don’t know if the art of kissing is mentioned nearly enough because a day that is filled with well-placed and purposeful kisses? It doesn’t get much better than that.
And so, here it is. If you want to express how deeply you care for someone special this year, although dates and coitus are awesome, please don’t underestimate the power of a really good kiss. Especially an erotic kiss.
I’ll explain.
Why Do We Like to Kiss So Much?
Kissing is a big deal to me. I ain’t got no lies to tell you. Y’all, it’s so crucial over this way that I once stayed in a relationship longer than I probably should’ve because the kissing (and sex while kissing; that’s an unsung art too) was so damn good. Hmph. I also (finally) ended a relationship that had some good points because the guy was HORRIBLE at kissing (especially kissing during sex; I’m not alone on this either. I once read that 59 percent of men and 66 percent of women ended things with someone because they sucked at kissing).
And while I was sitting down to pen this, both of those situations got me to wondering why we (well, at least most of us — check out “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?”) enjoy kissing so much. Sure, it feels good but there’s got to be more behind why most of us are totally down for a passionate kiss — anytime, anyplace.
Well, from a research standpoint, first there’s the fact that our lips are some of the most sensitive parts of our body, thanks to the abundance of nerve endings that are in them. That is actually a part of the reason why lips are considered to be such a powerful erogenous zone. Then there are some scientists who say that kissing is what helps us to literally “sniff out” and select potential partners. How? Well, since scent helps to arouse pheromones and, next to sex, kissing is about as close as you can get to someone else; when you really stop to think about it, that makes all of the sense in the world.
Then there’s saliva. The hormones and compounds in it actually help the brain to process who may be a complementary fit (including who you would be a good match to conceive children with — wild, right?). There’s even a study that revealed that the reason why men are quicker to want to French kiss— you know, kissing with tongues touching — than women (typically) is due to their higher testosterone levels; ones that, in a kiss, can help to heighten a woman’s libido.
Plus, some data states that the love/bonding hormone known as oxytocin increases during a kiss which causes us to feel closer to the person who we are kissing. Also, kissing can increase the feel-good hormone dopamine in your system, which is why the act oftentimes creates warm-‘n-fuzzy feelings whenever you’re sharing a smooch. So, when it comes to science, it is quite apparent that an intimate kiss isn’t just…a kiss.
How Kissing Benefits You
Okay, so now that you know why a kiss is able to draw you in from a science standpoint, let’s briefly touch on what some of its health benefits are. Were you aware of the fact that kissing helps to:
- Decrease stress and anxiety
- Strengthen immunity
- Soothe headaches and cramp discomfort
- Lower allergy reactions to pollen and dust mites
- Improve cholesterol levels
- Increase blood flow
- Reduce tooth decay
- Tone your facial muscles
- Burn calories
- Improve self-esteem
Yep, every time that you lean in for an intimate kiss, it’s not just good for your mental and emotional well-being, your physical health is able to get in on the benefits too. And then, if it’s an erotic kiss? LISTEN.
What Is an “Erotic Kiss”?
So, what exactly is the difference between a kiss and an erotic kiss? Let’s start with what erotic actually means. Something that’s erotic is sexy. Something that’s erotic is sensual. Something that’s erotic is passionate. Something that’s erotic is amatory which means that it’s directly related to sexual love. Something that’s erotic is romantic, steamy, and hella seductive. And so, if you’re going to give someone an erotic kiss, it must be with these words — and this type of energy — in mind.
Let’s keep going. When I was reading Well + Good’s article, “These 19 Kissing Types Prove Lips Can Do Way More Than Just Pecks,” kisses like pecks, closed-mouth kisses, and kisses on the hand, in my mind, definitely didn’t “scratch the itch” when it comes to what an erotic kiss is and does. To me, French kisses, kisses on the neck (including hickeys), and kisses on your favorite erogenous zones fit the bill far more.
Why? Because a kiss that ultimately stimulates sexual activity — that is what an erotic kiss is all about and as I was doing more research on the topic, do you know what seemed to be a common thread? If you want to be a master at erotic kissing,the tongue needs to be heavily involved. Why is that?
Well, a kiss that involves the tongue is sexiest by far because, when the tongue is used, it helps to increase your and your partner’s sensory stimulation levels. When this happens, even more nerve endings are involved and that, along with what the exchange of saliva brings to the table — whew, chile.
Then there’s the fact that — well, let’s not act like tongue kissing doesn’t mimic intercourse in some ways. Mouths are wet. We (as women when we are aroused) are wet. Tongues penetrate mouths. Penises penetrate us. And doing an act simulates a peak intimacy one, that is definitely EROTIC (check out “Wanna Climax More? KISS MORE.”).
So yeah, y’all, if you want to engage in a truly authentic erotic kiss, tongue action needs to happen: kissing in the mouth and involving your tongue and also using your tongue to kiss, lick, enjoy other areas as well — earlobes, collar bones, shoulders, backs…and…anywhere else that stimulates you (and your partner). Make sure it’s hot. Make sure it’s lust-filled. Make sure it’s memorable.
How to Be an Unforgettable Erotic Kisser
Providing you with some facts about kissing wasn’t the only reason why I wanted to pen this, just in time for Valentine’s Day. It’s also because, as I’ve said in a couple of other articles before, there is such a thing as a kissing orgasm — and if you’ve never experienced one before, there is certainly no time like the present to do so…and (probably) the best way to get there is through an erotic kiss.
And here’s the thing: Even though an erotic kiss is sho ‘nuf a gateway drug to oral sex and intercourse if you want to get a bit more creative, there is data to back up that you can have an orgasm without your breasts or genitalia being (directly) involved. A kiss — the right kind of kiss — can make that happen too; especially if you follow the following five tips:
1. Go slow. Even though I’ve always found the phrase “make out” to be sort of corny, it does kind of fit when it comes to this article. You know, I’ve shared before that when it comes to the average time that most people want to spend experiencing intercourse, it’s 7-13 minutes; however, something that is both sweet and sensual about making out is, because there is not “set goal” (like an orgasm), there also is no rush. You’re kissing and enjoying each other, pretty much “just because” — and that is a great basis for experiencing an erotic kiss. Just soaking in your partner’s presence. No more, no less.
2. Work your “muscle.” By here, I mean your tongue, everyone (LOL). Gently. Seductively. Intentionally. And get creative too. This tip is not just about the classic French kiss. Lick lips. Lick earlobes. Lick necks. Find ways to use your tongue to turn your partner on without bringing genitalia into the picture as well. Yeah, there’s no doubt that one of the reasons why an erotic kiss is so supreme is because it finds places beyond the obvious to cultivate — not just sexual stimulation but emotional intimacy as well.
3. Enhance the “flavor.” I’m always going to be a fan of sex condiments (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”) and y’all, kissing with a bit of honey or chocolate syrup on your lips? Need I say more? I think not.
5. “Dance.” Something that I don’t think is said enough is kissing is a lot like dancing. There is a “rhythm” to it. Without speaking, couples are communicating. And the longer you do it, all the while paying attention to what your partner is doing, a signature groove can be found. While writing this, I thought about the best kisses I’ve ever had in my life and definitely what made them memorable is the fact that my kissing partner wanted me to really and fully experience them and I felt the same — and the more that happened, the more intensified the kissing got. Wanna have the ultimate erotic kiss? Treat it like a dance, chile.
5. Be in the moment. Then stay there. An erotic kiss is a lot like orgasmic meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) in the sense that both encourage you to get into the moment and then stay there. There’s no pressure. There’s no agenda. There are simply two sets of lips and tongues and nothing but time. Erotic kissing simply encourages you to take full advantage of this fact.
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An author by the name of Sylvia Plath once said, “Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.” I’ve always liked that quote because it’s got so much confidence in it. She basically said that one kiss from her and you’ll grasp just how significant, to you, she actually is. And gee, won’t that preach?
This Valentine’s Day, kiss your partner with that kind of resolve in mind.
Take it up a notch by making sure that it’s erotic.
It’ll be hard to forget you or this Valentine’s Day if you do.
I can damn near guarantee it.
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