

Something that I definitely got from my father is a nonstop curiosity for random information. Yeah, it’s pretty common for me to be in the middle of doing something and, out of absolutely nowhere, a thought will pop up in my head. One like, Why is the sense of smell so important anyway?
According to science, smell affects appetite, plays a role in determining how things taste to us, sends warning signals about potential danger (like if you happen to smell smoke before seeing it), influences our libido, helps to stabilize our emotions (wild, right?) and, as far as aromatherapy goes, various scents can help to improve your overall health and well-being (hence the motivation for today’s title).
That said, since we’re well into the spring season now, I wanted to take a moment to share with you some spring-like scents (10 to be exact) that not only complement this time of year amazingly well, they can also help you to feel better, on a few different levels too.
My two cents: find a high-quality essential oil and either wear one or blend a couple of ‘em. That way, you can get the long-lasting effects as the temperature (and humidity) begin to increase. You’ll smell divine and be helping out your system at the same time.
1. Mandarin
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A scent that is very “springy” is anything that resembles citrus fruit — and mandarin certainly qualifies. As far as benefits go, not only can it help to put you in a better mood while reviving you both physically and emotionally, but mandarin is also great at detoxing your system, increasing your blood circulation, and serving as a sedative if you’re feeling anxious or, as of late, you’ve been having a difficult time falling asleep. And since it also helps to reduce stress levels, if you like how oranges smell anyway, look at all that it can do for you if you decide to actually wear the scent.
2. Peonies
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Speaking of citrus, a flower that’s in full bloom during the spring is the peony. If you’ve ever smelled one before, it has a bit of a sweet and citrusy fragrance to it. In herb form, white peonies are full of phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) which can be beneficial if you are going through menopause and you need a bit of an all-natural estrogen boost. The root has also been helpful when it comes to treating anxiety and depression. As an essential oil, it’s loaded with antioxidants that are great for your skin. And, since they are also on the citrusy side, the scent of peonies can help to put you into a relaxed state, similar to how mandarin can/will.
3. Bergamot
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Sweet. Floral. Lime-like. Those are some of the best ways to describe what bergamot smells like. As far as benefits go, many people like bergamot because its anti-inflammatory properties help to speed up the healing of pimples. Plus, hair-wise, it soothes an irritated scalp, softens hair, and can even potentially help your hair grow longer. There are also studies to support that bergamot helps to decrease pain levels, lower your blood pressure, heal psoriasis, and even reduce abdominal fat.
However, from what I’ve read, there is a heads-up to keep in mind here: If you plan on using bergamot essential oil before spending a considerable amount of time outdoors, wait 12 hours before doing so. Apparently, it’s not the most user-friendly when it comes to avoiding sunburn. Interesting.
4. Magnolia
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If you want a scent that’s kind of like a rose-meets-a lemon-meets-some musk, magnolia is exactly what you are looking for. In extract form, it helps to treat gingivitis (just for the record). Outside of that, it’s effective as it relates to bringing relief to menstrual cramps, soothing coughs, helping with respiratory issues (hey, it is peak allergy season, after all), and lowering cortisol levels in your system. Another thing that’s worth taking note of when it comes to magnolia is that since it can also help to improve your quality of sleep, many women who are going through menopause are big fans of it too.
5. Peppermint
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As far as the smell of peppermint goes, it’s kind of hard to describe. It’s sharp. It’s invigorating. It leaves a cool sensation whenever you get a close whiff of it. Anyway, believe it or not, even though peppermint candy is popular during the holiday season, growth-wise, it doesn’t do well in the cold. Spring and summer are more of its thing. That said, peppermint is good for you if you’re looking for some migraine or headache relief, you’re trying to unclog your sinuses, you need an energy boost throughout the day or you’re looking to treat a bout of seasonal allergies (check out “Honey, Probiotics & Other Natural Remedies For Seasonal Allergies”). Since peppermint can also help with making menstrual cramps less of a pain, of course, it had to go on the list.
6. Lily of the Valley
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I’m not sure if it’s because of the lemon nuances, the sweetness of it all, or the fact that it’s got a bit of a spicy kick to it but, if there’s one scent that some find to be “signature spring,” Lily of the Valley would be the one. What I personally find to be pretty wild is the fact that, with all of the health benefits that come from using it, it’s not talked about more often. Benefits like what? Well, for starters, it helps to even skin tone and reduce the appearance of scars.
Beyond that, it helps to lessen chest pains, keeps your digestive system running smoothly, decreases symptoms that are directly associated with depression, and can help to treat UTIs (urinary tract infections) too. You know, the woman in the Song of Solomon once said, “I am the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valleys.” (Song of Solomon 2:1) If one flower (and its scent) can do all of this, she definitely said a mouthful.
7. Tulips
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Personally, my favorite flower is a tulip. Not really sure why; I just appreciate how tulips look. Now as far as scents go, it’s kind of like a mixture of honey, fresh grass, and a hint of citrus. According to the Herb Society of America, tulips can help to moisturize your skin, can bring relief to insect bites and they contain diuretic and antiseptic properties that can help to speed up the healing process of a cold.
Oh, and if you happen to be someone who prefers to go as natural as possible when it comes to makeup, it’s not uncommon to turn red tulips (or any flower of your choice, really) into a blush by crushing the petals. You can learn more about how to do that here.
8. Spearmint
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Taste-wise, if I had to choose between peppermint and spearmint, I’d probably go with spearmint; it tastes sweeter. Scent-wise, it’s actually a lot like peppermint although not quite as strong. When it comes to your health, if you’re looking for something that is full of antioxidants that is able to boost your memory, improve digestion issues, lower your blood sugar levels, fight bacterial infections, and even slow down the growth of facial hair (in women), spearmint can do that for you. Since some reports say that it can help to balance out your hormones as well as help to make morning sickness more bearable, if anything should be considered to be a “women’s health scent,” spearmint would be it.
9. Lilacs
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Lilacs are pretty cool. On the symbolism tip, white ones represent purity, purple ones represent spirituality and the ones that come with blue trim are all about tranquility. Their smell is pretty soft and feminine — somewhat like the Lily of the Valley yet a lot more subtle; some say that they are able to pick up almonds and roses from it as well. Your skin will like lilacs due to their antibacterial and antifungal properties. This flower is also helpful thanks to its ability to protect your skin from damaging UV rays and help your system to heal from fungal infections.
10. Lavender
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If there is a scent on the list that you probably saw coming, it’s lavender. Its smell is light and fresh (kind of like new linens) with a bit of sweetness and herbal undertones to it. A part of the reason why I decided to put this one at the end is because, on some levels, it’s like saving the best for last due to all of the things that it can do for you:
- Lower stress levels
- Relieve asthma-related symptoms
- Improve sleep
- Promote hair growth
- Help to heal fungus infections
- Make hot flashes (in menopausal women) easier to bear
- Speed up the healing process of breakouts
- Boost your moods
- Reduce menstrual discomfort
- Naturally treat headaches
And that truly is just for starters! No…really.
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You know, fairly recently, Harper's BAZAAR published, “The 17 Best Spring Perfumes to Keep in Rotation” and listen, if perfume is your thing, it’s got some good ones on here. Personally, I will always be about essential oils because of the aromatherapy and other benefits that they provide.
So, as you’re figuring out what you want your own signature spring scent to be this year, at least consider trying one of these 10. You’ll smell delightful and be doing wonderful things for your health too. Happy Spring, y’all!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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What Is A Mother Wound? Signs You May Have One & How To Heal
I didn’t know I had a mother wound until my therapist named it for me.
I had been describing a pattern of emotional unavailability in my choice of partners as a commonality between them. I told him how there was often a physical presence but also one paired with an emotional distance. I expressed that I felt inclined to be the "reasonable" one in my relationships. Easy to love, eager to please, emotionally contained. He gently gave me language, but some I wasn’t expecting: “It sounds like a mother wound.” That statement helped me connect so many dots, but at the same time, I asked him, "But, how?"
My mother is there for me. My mother is a home for me. My mother loves me. What I learned was that a mother wound doesn’t always have to come from abuse, neglect, or other forms of toxicity. Sometimes it comes from a very human mother who is doing her best in all of the ways you could ever ask her to and even in ways you couldn’t, but one who is also emotionally unavailable, overly critical, or dependent on you to meet her needs. (Parentification, party of one.)
My mother wound took form not because she was unloving, but because she was often emotionally unavailable. As a single mother of three and a mother to countless others working in education, she carried the weight of everything. And while I’ve always admired her strength and loved her deeply, I now understand that some of my emotional patterns were shaped by the love I craved but didn’t always feel. She is an amazing mother, and I still have a mother wound. I hold space for both truths because they both deserve space.
If you’ve ever struggled with the ability to self-soothe, people-pleasing, low self-worth, or emotional boundaries, your mother wound may still be calling the shots in your life and your adult relationships. To learn more about what the mother wound is, how it shows up, and how to start healing it, keep reading.
What Is a Mother Wound?
A mother wound refers to the behavioral patterns, emotional pain, and belief systems derived from the relationships we have with our mothers or maternal figures. It's an attachment wound that is not always caused by overt harm. Sometimes mother wounds stem from emotional absence or a lack of emotional support, criticism, passive-aggression, control, co-dependency, or a feeling that you had to earn love by being self-sacrificing or self-sufficient, "easy," or helpful.
The wound is less about pointing fingers at who to blame and more about having awareness around where your needs were left unmet, and how that impacted the way you show up in the world.
Trauma Integration Coach Ally described the impact of such a wound perfectly. In an Instagram caption, she wrote, "When there has been mother wounding, the heart defends itself and tries to close. Our whole system lives in a state of contraction and unsafety, depleted of love, nurturance, and connection."
That "state of contraction and unsafety" she refers to can look like:
- Feeling emotionally guarded, even with people you love
- Struggling to trust your needs or believe you’re allowed to take up space
- Over-functioning in relationships or assuming the role of caregiver/fixer
- Having chronically anxious or hyper-independent nervous system states (i.e., never letting yourself rest or receive)
While these patterns are often unconscious, they have the potential to quietly shape everything, from your self-worth to your romantic relationships.
The Types of Mother Wounds
5 Types of Mother Wounds You Should Know About
While everyone's experience is unique to them, some types of mother wounds show up more commonly than others. According to The Mother Wound Project, there are seven types of mother wounds, but I've also seen sources that say they are as many as 15. Because mother wounds are complex and can originate from different behaviors experienced in a mother-child relationship, it is possible to have multiple types of mother wounds depending on the parent.
To begin healing your mother wound(s), it is helpful to identify the type of mother wound you may be carrying and how it might be playing out in your life today. Check out a few of the more common ones below.
The Abandonment Wound
If your mother was physically or emotionally unavailable, or even absent from your life altogether, you might have an abandonment wound. Perhaps she worked a lot, struggled with her own mental health, or was unable to attune to your emotional needs. As a result, you might have felt unheard, unseen, or like your feelings weren't important.
How it manifests:
- Attracting unavailable or avoidant partners
- Struggling to ask for help or trust others
- Having a fear of rejection, or like you're "too much"
The Criticism Wound
If your mother had impossibly high expectations for you, was overly critical, or was a perfectionist who wanted you to follow suit, it's possible you internalized a harsh inner critic. Love might have felt conditional, like it had to be earned through success by way of accomplishments, accolades, and achievements, or through being compliant, easy, or needless.
How it manifests:
- Feeling like you're not "doing enough," not now, not ever
- Struggling with impostor syndrome or chronic self-doubt
- Fearing you might make the "wrong" choice, or that you'll fail
The Enmeshment Wound
For many with mother wounds, it’s not just about what was lacking or missing, but instead how closely they were tied to their mother’s emotional world. This is where emotional enmeshment enters the chat. This can look like little to no emotional separation between you and your mother, where boundaries between the two of you become so blurred that you don't know where her needs and feelings end and where yours begin.
If you felt responsible for your mother’s mood, well-being, comfort, or approval as a child, you might have an enmeshment wound.
How it manifests:
- Feeling guilty when setting boundaries
- People-pleasing in relationships or anxious attachment
- Difficulty when deciphering what it is you want in life (Read: "Living Your Best Life Actually Looks Like Decentering Your Mother")
The Emotional Neglect Wound
A quieter wound, but felt nonetheless. An emotional neglect wound develops when your emotional needs are constantly overlooked, minimized, or rarely fully acknowledged. Your mother might have been there physically or provided for you through material things, but she rarely asked you how you felt, let alone validated your emotions or created space for vulnerability.
How it manifests:
- Feeling like your feelings are a burden instead of a gift
- Difficulty expressing your emotions or naming them
- Feelings of emptiness or disconnection even in close relationships
The Invalidation Wound
If you grew up feeling like your experiences, perceptions, or feelings were belittled, you're not alone. You're one of many with an invalidation wound. This type of wound originates from having your reality dismissed or constantly questioned. Your feelings could have been labeled as "dramatic," your truths might have been denied or invalidated, and your experiences might have been minimized.
With time, this behavioral pattern impacts you by causing deep confusion around what you believe you are "allowed" to feel and your overall sense of self.
How it manifests:
- Struggling with conflict or trusting your voice
- Second-guessing your instincts or questioning your reality
- Feeling gaslit even in safe relationships
How to Heal Your Mother Wound
As previously mentioned, healing a mother wound is not about blaming your mother, it’s about tending to the parts of you that didn’t get what they needed way back when. It’s about creating emotional safety, clarity, and self-connection, often for the first time. And you don't need anyone's permission to do it, just the courage to start. Here’s where to begin:
1. Acknowledge what you needed but didn't get: You're allowed to name the emotional gaps that were and are still very real for you. And you're allowed to do so without guilt. Awareness is the first step in the healing and reclamation of your voice.
2. Self-parent yourself: Speak to yourself with the softness, nurturance, love, and validation you once craved. You can affirm yourself, you can meet your needs, you can reparent your inner child. You can remind yourself that you have the power and you can choose how to go about wielding it. Self-mothering is one of the ways to do this.
3. Set compassionate boundaries: You don't have to cut your mother out of your life if you don't feel called to, but it's important to remember that setting boundaries is about protecting your peace, not punishing your mother. If you need to create some space while choosing peace over performance, do that. And do so with compassion.
4. Hold your grief without shame: Even if your mother did her best, you're allowed to grieve the mother you wished you had. Honor that loss as the act of liberation it is.
5. Redefine what mothering looks like to you: Yes, you're every woman, and it's all in you, but we weren't born to do life alone, hence the need for love and connection. If your mother can't meet those needs, open yourself up to receiving love from other places and sources.
Let yourself be nurtured by friendships, chosen family, therapy, and nature. You're worth it.
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