Even though I have some gray strands on my head in a few spots, I honestly don’t think much about graying until I go to get my vulva waxed and my waxer decides that she wants to comment on how pretty my gray pubic hair is. *le sigh*
Chile, I don’t know if she’s low-key trolling me or what, but when someone has hot wax and your cooty cat in your hands, you tend to let the sarcasm (although she says she’s being sincere) slide. Besides, what really can I do? I mean, it’s not like I don’t know how graying happens. Once we get a certain age (in large part, due to genetics), our hair follicles shift from being full of pigment to having none at all — and, as a direct result, in walks, gray/silver strands.
That’s not to say that there aren’t other factors that can lead to graying either before our time or more than we should be experiencing— and one of those is a nutrient deficiency. So, if it seems like you’ve been getting more grays than usual, umm, somewhere, and you want to slow their roll down naturally, check out these eight nutrients to see if you need to ramp any of them up into your system. Since they can help you in other ways, why not cop a few as soon as possible?
1. Copper
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Copper is an interesting nutrient because it plays a significant role in helping your body to produce blood cells, regulate your blood pressure and also help your system to absorb iron. If you happen to be postmenopausal, copper can also help to prevent low bone density, too.
The reason why copper can help with slowing down the graying process is because it also helps your body to produce and maintain pigmentation — this includes your hair strands. So, while it’s not the most common thing on the planet to have a copper deficiency (so you probably won’t need a supplement beyond a multivitamin that has copper in it), if you like to snack on foods like chocolate, cashews, or sunflower seeds, just know that you are doing your part to keep the natural color in your hair around for longer.
2. Amla
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The other name for amla is Indian Gooseberry. Ayurvedic experts are huge fans of this particular fruit because it’s loaded with the kind of antioxidants that help to regulate diabetes, boost immunity, and improve digestion and one’s memory. Another cool thing about amla is it can help to keep your liver in good shape.
As far as your hair goes, if you’re looking for a nutrient that will stimulate hair growth while reducing hair loss and excessive shedding, amla’s got your back. And, as a supreme bonus, since it’s able to increase the natural pigment of your hair strands, this means that it can help to prevent graying from happening at a faster rate — which can result in less of a need for hair color for you. Eat the fruit or take a supplement. It’ll benefit you either way.
3. Folate
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Another name for folate is Vitamin B9. Although the thing that folate is most known for is it’s the nutrient that helps to ensure a healthy pregnancy, it’s needed for more reasons than just that. For instance, some indications that you might be low in this nutrient are if you’re experiencing unexplainable fatigue, you’re feeling depressed, ulcers are popping up in your mouth, or you’re having a difficult time remembering things. Also, if you need some assistance with regulating your blood sugar levels or reducing bodily inflammation, folate can help to make that happen, too.
And why is folate on this particular list? The long story short of it is there are studies that say that people with (especially premature) gray hair are actually deficient in folate; that’s because folate helps to produce an amino acid by the name of methionine that helps your hair to maintain its original color.
4. Pantothenic Acid
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Another name for Vitamin B5 is pantothenic acid. It’s essential for your system because it helps to keep your cholesterol levels under control. Not only that but what a lot of people don’t know about this vitamin is it helps to keep your skin in a healthy state; it can also reduce the irritation that’s associated with eczema.
What some studies have revealed is, if you take pantothenic acid along with folate, it can help to reverse premature graying in some people. So, if you’re out looking for a multivitamin, make sure the label states that it contains them both.
5. Bhringraj
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Bhringraj is a type of plant that is also big in Ayurveda. And when it’s used in oil form, it’s probably the most “hair beneficial” nutrient out of all of the ones listed here. It’s great at helping you to achieve inches, it aids in reducing dandruff, and there are darkening properties in Bhringraj that can help prevent gray hair from showing up before its time.
Since this is a plant that also has vitamins D and E as well as magnesium, iron, and calcium if you’re looking for something that will hook your hair up while also improving your quality of sleep and even helping to reduce your chances of having a urinary tract infection (UTI) — look into trying this out. You may not hear about it every day, yet it is a hidden gem that is certainly worth investing in.
6. Vitamin B12
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Did you know that Vitamin B12 is a type of vitamin that your system needs yet is not able to produce on its own? And since it does everything from give you more energy and help to prevent heart disease to improve your memory and reduce depression-related symptoms, all of this is reason enough to make sure that you add foods like lamb, beef, fortified cereals, trout and milk alternatives like almond and oat milk.
Since there tends to be a link between gray hair and a Vitamin B12 deficiency, that’s a solid reason to take a Vitamin B12 (or B-complex) supplement, too, especially if you happen to be vegetarian or vegan since they tend to lack more Vitamin B12 in their bodies than those who consume meat.
7. Catalase
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If you’ve heard of oxidative stress before, yet you’ve never really been quite sure what that is, whenever your body is experiencing it, that means antioxidants aren’t working at their optimal level. And since antioxidants help to fight off free radicals so that you can remain healthy and strong — anything that helps to prevent oxidative stress is something that you should take special note of. One of those things is an enzyme called catalase.
And since it’s actually not a myth that stress can cause your hair to lose some of its pigment, anything that you can do to keep your body’s stress levels down, that is something that will benefit your health and well-being from head to toe. If stress is a “thing” for you, catalase needs to go into your diet.
8. Zinc
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Zinc boosts your immune system. Zinc gives your metabolism a bit of a kick. Zinc reduces inflammation. Zinc can help to speed the healing of breakouts. Zinc can even help to increase your libido and treat a man’s erectile dysfunction. So, these reasons alone are enough of one to make sure that you’ve got enough zinc in your system.
As far as graying goes, a low level of zinc is also connected to premature gray hair. Well, since studies reveal that zinc also helps to reduce hair loss and keep your strands strong — it’s one of the surefire ways to keep your hair in the condition that you want it to be in.
BONUS: Saw Palmetto
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Another nutrient that doesn’t come up a lot is saw palmetto, although it features enough benefits that it deserves an honorable mention. It’s a tree that helps to prevent UTIs as well as it can keep your partner’s testosterone levels where they should be while also keeping them from being diagnosed with prostate cancer.
And while studies are ongoing when it comes to whether it can prevent graying, one thing is certain is if you want to keep your hair healthy, saw palmetto can help to do so.
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You know, there’s a verse in the Bible that says, “The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, if it is found in the way of righteousness.” (Proverbs 16:31 — NKJV) So, if you’d prefer to let your gray hair shine through, DO THAT. I ain’t mad at you. Yet, if you want to ease into that level of “glory” a little slower, take these recommendations to heart. Gray hair or not, they’re good for you. And that’s enough of a reason to take them seriously — and literally.
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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