Anyone who has turned 30 can look around and realize they might not have the same group of friends they had when they turned 20. Life happens, we relocate, we take on different journeys in life, and we just don't have the convenience of going across campus to binge TV. As much as we want to be the real-life version of Girlfriends – channeling our inner Joan, Toni, Maya, or Lynn, as we get older, our circle gets smaller and smaller. It might even turn into a triangle (or a line for those who just don't have time for the BS). Still, there's a type of friend that each of us needs during this phase in our life.
If we think our 20s are significant, our 30s are defining. But they can be the best years with these types of friends in your life.
1.Your Person:
This is your BFF, your ride-or-die. The Oprah to your Gayle. The Kelly to your Beyonce. We all need that one friend who just gets us. They've been with us through thick and thin and aren't going anywhere. They're supportive, but not afraid to tell us the truth out of love. They love us for who we are, and the feelings are clearly mutual. They know all of our secrets but would never reveal them because we know theirs too. You can be yourself around them, free of judgment, and they feel the same. It's the definition of a true friendship.
2.The Optimistic Friend:
Whether these are the years you'll experience life's biggest heartaches, or the happiest moments that will always make you smile, or both, you need a positive-vibes-only friend by your side. The optimistic friend is the one who always finds the positive in any situation. No, they're not wishing on rainbows and unicorns, but they understand that whatever is going on, you'll get through it. And they will always be there to remind you of that. They support you first and ask questions later. They're not perfect, but their attitude definitely inspires you to be better and have an amazing outlook on life.
3.The Reliable Friend:
Gone are the days of the flaky friend. Who has time for that? This isn't a push to just go and cut people off (unless you feel that's what you need), but when you're reflecting on the friendships in your life, who do you know you can depend on, no matter what? The reliable friend is a must-have in our 30s. This is a time in our lives when we're building our careers, our families, and our lives. The whole decade is a staple, and we need a friend who will show up and be consistent… and pretty much do what they say they'll do as we reciprocate the love.
4.The Beyond The Surface Friend:
Have you ever realized that some friendships that were once the closest don't really go beyond the surface anymore? Or maybe they never have. Some friendships are meant to be fun and exciting, but others are purposed to be more than social events and group chats. The beyond-the-surface friend goes deeper than the typical associate. You don't just talk about life, you do it together, no matter how much distance comes between you over time. This is one of the many types of friendships that take work. But when we have milestone moments, they're the ones who we want there with us.
5.The Adventurous Friend:
I literally have a friend who will ask, "Do you want to go to Aruba?.. Like, next week?" Sis keeps me on my toes! Obviously, seven days isn't enough time to plan or save for an international trip, but the type of friend who isn't afraid to be spontaneous is definitely needed during our 30s. They let us know it's OK to let our hair down and actually have fun! Everything doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Our best memories don't have to be the ones we plan. In fact, some of them are experienced on the fly when we least expect it. And we can live it to the fullest, thanks to our adventurous friend who isn't afraid to take a risk, try something new, and push us to do the same.
6.The Work Friend:
Who doesn't love a good work friend?! Someone who understands what you go through from 9-5. While the friendship starts out at work, sometimes it can grow into so much more. You might find yourself inviting them to your birthday parties, weddings, and baby showers. But the best part is, thanks to being around them basically all day every day, this is one of the friendships that are the most organic. You might only chat at work, or you could vent to each other after hours or during lunch. Either way, there's nothing like having a solid work friend in our 30s.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
My Female Friendships Were The Most Heartbreaking & Loving Relationships Of My Twenties
5 Things You Can Do Today To Be A Better Friend
What If You Love Your Friend… But Don't Like Her Anymore?
According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends – Here's Why
Featured image by Giphy
- The 10 Types of Friends You Should Avoid - JustMyTypeMag ›
- How Friendships Change Over Time - The Atlantic ›
- The 5 types of friends every African woman needs ›
- Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30? - The New York Times ›
- 5 Types Of Friends You Don't Really Need In Your 30's ›
- Friends for life? Keeping friendships throughout your 30s ›
- 10 Types of Odd Friendships You're Probably Part Of — Wait But Why ›
- Study: The kinds of friendships you have in your 20s and 30s ... ›
- Types Of Friendships You Should Have By 40 ›
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
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When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
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When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
Meet The Millionaire Real Estate Developer Transforming Georgia’s Landscape And Generational Wealth
Delphine Bryant is trying to change the world, one real estate listing at a time. As a breast cancer survivor, she understands the importance of building a legacy that her children can be proud of, which is why she’s using her platform to educate others to create generational wealth of their own.
A distinguished real estate developer and entrepreneur, Bryant is also a millionaire with a portfolio of over 100 luxury and affordable homes across Georgia.
Known for her expertise in crafting properties that speak for themselves, she has a keen eye for design and a strong affinity for community development. Her goal with every property and business endeavor is to transform landscapes and enrich lives in the process.
“When they tell you that you have breast cancer and it's the fast-growing one, I was like, okay, am I dying or not, but I started focusing on making my dreams bigger than my problems,” Bryant recalls to xoNecole.
“I was like, I’m going to fight. I want to be able to fight as much as I can. So, during that process of fighting, I was still looking at real estate because I started real estate in 2012 while I was still a registered nurse, which would help me have extra income.”
Bryant’s health kept her at home during this time due to a low immune system and weakness from rounds of chemotherapy, but one thing that did not change was her determination to succeed. She used the time to lock in and learn the ins and outs of the real estate world.
“Navigating myself in the real estate world, I started looking at new construction and just focusing on seeing how much profit I would get from new construction as to holding properties, which I sued to do for the first five years in the business,” Bryant explains.
“I started realizing there’s so much money in getting into new construction and learning about the development world.”
She adds, “So, I pushed myself, paid a mentor about $40,000, who taught me how to buy land and subdivide it, and then I started building new construction. That has helped me a lot. Getting into the real estate world and seeing my coworkers, who were nurses and doctors, making so much money but not investing it, I started telling them what I was doing, and they started investing in some of my projects. Many people just saw me growing and kept asking how can you do this? How can you do that? So I also began mentoring in the space.”
Having acquired over $8 million in real estate assets, Bryant knows something about investing in suitable properties and helping others get more bang for their buck. Her number one lesson is not to get caught up in spending so much money, time, and effort into making a property “look a certain way.”
“I always advise people, if you’re going to buy and hold a property, you don’t want to invest too much to make that house look a certain way,” she says.
“Because you’re holding it, you want to rehab it. If you’re buying, let’s say, a property that needs rehab, you want to rehab it but spend less money if you’re going to hold it. On the other hand, if you plan to sell it, that’s a different ball game because buyers coming in want to make it look like a brand new house.”
“For those holding on to the property, you can spend half the fee you planned to rehab it. That way, the house still looks almost the same, brand new, but you're spending less money,” Bryant continues.
“And once you send an appraisal there, you will probably appraise it for almost the same price you sell it. Then, you can cash the equity out of that house, have someone stay there paying the mortgage while you get cash flow every month, and help that house appraise every three to four years.”
When it comes to investing, Bryant says it is essential to avoid properties with significant issues, such as the foundation, plumbing, etc., because they will eat up a person’s profit. She stressed the importance of leaning on resources like a real estate inspector who can assess whatever needs to be done to the property rather than a general contractor.
“A licensed inspector will pick up everything wrong on that property, and then you can take that list, that inspection list, present it to your general contractor; that way, you know how much you want to spend on a house before you ever invest in it. It is essential, or else you’ll see a house that sometimes looks pretty, but the AC is bad, or the roof needs to be taken down, so you want to make sure that you get a home inspector to assess what needs to be done to a property before making that investment.”
Additionally, she stresses the importance of evaluation. What is the market? What’s the market trending? These are questions that Bryant says are imperative to not throwing your hard-earned money away to renovations that won’t necessarily make you a profit.
“I love what I do,” Bryant concludes. “I make sure that I do my due diligence. I’ve never lost money in real estate. I wake up in the morning feeling very grateful. One of the things is that I have a history of breast cancer, and I’m a breast cancer survivor now, so I’m just grateful to be alive. I look at life differently but wake up feeling tons of gratitude.”
“I want to encourage people that real estate is an easy way to grow wealth that is not a liability. It’s an asset. You can transfer it from generation to generation,” she adds.
“A lot of us look at real estate, and we get scared, but if you do your numbers and educate yourself in real estate, you can make so much money quickly. I always encourage people to buy a house and get into the real estate world because you can transfer those assets to your children from generation to generation."
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Feature image courtesy of Delphine Bryant