Thanks to the current season of Insecure, all you've got to do is hop onto Twitter—Black Twitter, I mean—put in the words "Issa" and/or "Molly", and you're going to see a real-discussion-sometimes-war about what it means to have a real friendship. A good example of what I mean is Exhibit A.
Shoot, everything has actually gotten so intense to the point where executive producer Prentice Penny has come to the defense of Molly in the article, "'Insecure' Showrunner: Season 4 Backlash Against Molly Is 'Unnecessary'". Hmm. As someone who has been an avid watcher of the show, pretty much since day one, I've gotta say that "unnecessary" is a bit of a stretch (more on that in a bit). Then there is Issa Rae, the show's co-creator and her take on their dynamic. In one interview, she said, "They are friends, they are real-life friends, but there exists a specific dynamic in their friendship that both of them have gotten accustomed to. They're college friends who have taken on different paths." Real friends. That's an interesting conclusion to me as well.
I don't know about y'all, but I personally think the reason why a lot of what Issa and Molly have going on has us so triggered is because (thanks to this season's impeccable writing) we either have experienced what they are going through before or, perhaps we're recognizing that the Issa or Molly in our lives has us putting up with more than we actually should. And while their relationship has a billion-and-one takeaways, for me, I think what stands out, quite possibly the most, is it seems like they both could stand to gain a bigger grasp on what it means to be a supportive friend in someone else's life; especially if you profess that they are your best friend. If you give me a sec, I'll unpack a bit more where I am coming from by sharing some thoughts on what a supportive friend should actually do.
A Supportive Friend Makes You Stronger
While I'm not going to make this entire piece about Issa and Molly, I do think they both apply to my first two points really well. On the "make you stronger" tip, to tell you the truth, I think it's Issa who could stand to remember this particular point. Although Molly really has showed her ass in a lot of ways, one area where I totally get where she is coming from is Issa doesn't seem to be the most self-aware person on the planet. There have also been times, throughout all seasons of the show, when she comes across as extremely entitled and selfish, like when she automatically assumes that Molly is going to pick up the tab while they're out (like after the Kiss 'n Grind or when Issa wrecked her car and they went through a drive-thru to get something to eat). For Molly to get to the point where she is like "enough is enough" and "grow TF up" with her bestie, that doesn't make her evil or a bad person. It's just that her timing sucked in choosing to do it when Issa was in a bind. Plus, I'm not completely convinced that Molly's motive was pure. Without a doubt, she is passive aggressive as hell, with EVERYONE. She also isn't wrong in her eyes, hardly ever. But more on that in the second point.
Anyway, for Molly to want to pull back some so that her friend doesn't always treat her as her "get out of jail free card" is a form of being supportive, because if someone is always your crutch, if they are always enabling you, how are you going to mature and evolve?
The animal kingdom has all sorts of examples of mamas who, after a time, leave so that their babies can learn how to survive on their own. If we want our friends to be able to stand on their own, sometimes that means telling them "no". Not out of spite, but out of the sincere desire for them to embrace their own capabilities. That's one of the ways that all of us become stronger individuals.
A Supportive Friend Challenges You
If I had to choose between describing myself as being aggressive or passive aggressive, I'm definitely rocking with aggressive. I don't say "I'm fine" when I'm not (or act like things are fine when they aren't). I don't hold things in while waiting for someone to read my mind. I don't seek out to emotionally punish people who hurt me. Sarcasm isn't my first language. I'm not big on giving people the silent treatment. Meanwhile, Molly? Let me tell it, she's about all of these things. And since she sucks at being forthcoming about her feelings, wants and needs—and/or acts like folks should just automatically know about them—by the time she's suppressed to the point of being fed up, she comes across as mean…if not almost evil. She was like that with Jared (the Enterprise manager). She was like that with Jidenna's character (the lawyer). She was like that with Dro. She was like that with her dad when she found out that he did the same thing that she did (he cheated while she helped someone cheat). In this season, she did it with Issa (and she tries to do it with Asian Bae, Andrew). In fact, while I can't remember where I read the comment, a man by the name of Walt Bionick brought up another great point about how Molly tends to get down when he said, "Molly is the kind of person who invalidates your feelings if they conflict with her feelings." (I mean...)
Then, whenever all of these people bring to her attention that she could stand to look at herself and acknowledge that she's the clear common denominator in her relationships, she goes on the attack and acts like a victim (when Andrew apologized to her for helping out who is supposed to be her friend only "babied" her more into her toxic coping mechanisms, if you ask me. *le sigh*). Indeed, if anyone is the walking definition of not being able to take what they and their sharp tongue can dish out, it's Molly. Hmph. Perhaps if she listened to the people who truly cared about her, it could help her to get out of the cycle of constantly suppressing and then being resentful to the point of sabotaging so often—and so much.
Believe you me, some of the biggest "ouches" I've experienced have come from people who loved me enough to call me out on my ish. Anyone who thinks that a supportive friend shouldn't do that might want to mosey on over to Proverbs 27:6(NKJV) where it says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." I once read that this means a real friend will tell you about yourself without broadcasting their views to others because their intent is to challenge you to become a better person without putting you on full blast in the process. A mature individual will get that this is a form of support because if you only want people to see you as you do, there will probably be blind spots that will certainly hinder your progress—if not now, eventually. Friends want to see their friends thrive in life. Growing pains can be hard, so we have to be challenged, sometimes by our friends, along the way.
A Supportive Friend Is Lovingly Rather Than Brutally Honest
As direct as I am, personal growth is teaching me to dislike the phrase "brutally honest" more and more. I know folks are out here bragging about being savage and everything, but goodness—that is a really harsh word. While savage can mean "fierce", cruel, uncivilized and criticizing to the point of not knowing when and how to let up define it too. And you know what? All of this defines what it means to be a brutal individual. And who would want a friend, someone who professes to love and care about another individual, to speak from this kind of head and heart space?
I don't care if it's advice on a relationship or job, offering up some news that can be difficult to hear or being frank with someone about their personality or character, a supportive friend isn't going to lie. At the same time, what they also aren't going to set out to do is be honest in a way that ultimately does more harm than good. After all, one definition of support is to hold someone up. How can you do that if your words are so damning that all you actually end up doing is tearing your friend down?
A Supportive Friend CONSISTENTLY Wants to See You Win
One of the reasons why I wrote articles on this site like, "5 Signs Your Closest Friends Are The Most Envious Of You", "6 Signs A New 'Friend' Is Nothing But An Opportunist" and "10 Signs You've Got A Close (TOXIC) Friend" is because, make no mistake about it, deception is real, alive and kicking out in these streets. And the thing you've always going to remember about deceit is it's designed to look like the real thing…even though it's nothing more than a fraud.
How can you know when someone who claims to be a friend of yours is anything but? One sign is if they don't show any signs of wanting to see you win in life. You set goals and they automatically look at the obstacles—whether real or actualized—in order to discourage you. You ask for help and they are rarely available to assist. You end up with something (or even someone) that they wanted and they aren't enthused, they act shady or they even completely go ghost on you. It's like, so long as they are on top or you are "in the struggle" it's all good. But when success is within your grasp (or you've obtained it), now there's a problem. And that? That is a problem. By definition, a supportive person encourages, a supportive person helps, a supportive person rallies on your behalf. You know what else they do? They celebrate you in your wins. Not every once in a while, either; consistently so.
I've had some people in my life who wanted to be there so that I could support them. But when it came to me and my needs, I couldn't name one way that they were of assistance. That is wack. That's also (one of the reasons) why I released them too. A good friend is a great cheerleader. If you've got a "friend" who you can't say that about, I'd encourage you to rethink the role and position that they play in your life.
A Supportive Friend Loves You in Spite of Yourself. Period.
Is it just me or would it be super shocking if Insecure's Tiffany was hiding a secret about her baby, Simone? As a doula, while I must say that they are penning postpartum in a really realistic way (bravo!), Tiffany has always seemed to have a shady side to me. I mean, she did know that Lawrence and Condola were dating and didn't let Issa in on it. I also remember when her husband, Derek said he had to get "rid" of the co-worker Fred. Plus, Tiffany once said they had separated before but didn't want to talk about it (dun, dun, dun, dun). Chile, we shall see. But whatever is up, if there is one thing that the girls—Issa, Molly, Kelli and Tiffany—at least strive to do (even if it isn't always perfectly) is love one another…warts and all. Just as a supportive friend should do.
I don't know about you, but I've been in situations where I thought I was in a friendship. However, those people only acted like my friend so long as I had the same views, did the same things or approached life in a similar way to them. But when I wanted to do my own thing, even if that meant making some mistakes along the way, it's like I was penalized, if not emotionally punished for it. That made me want to be my authentic self with them less and less—and when you can't be genuine with someone, the relationship ends up being pretty unhealthy. And unhealthy eventually becomes unnecessary.
Another definition of supportive is sympathetic. That's when someone tries to understand how you feel. It's also when they extend compassion whenever possible. If your friends ain't doing that, if you're not doing that for your friends, support is severely lacking. And if you're not able to lean on each other and have each other's back—really, what are y'all doing? Why do you even call each other "friends" to begin with? Because, if at the end of the day, supportive isn't a top defining word for your friendships, it really is time to shift—possibly even move on. If anyone runs into Issa and Molly, relay the message, OK? I appreciate it.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What If You Love Your Friend...But Don't Like Her Anymore?
Always Remember That Friendships Have "Levels" To Them
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
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Featured image via Netflix