Opting To Repurpose Relationships Instead Of Discarding Them Can Be Beneficial, Here's Why
If friendships came with instruction manuals, it would take all of the fun out of the relief you feel when finding your tribe. However, with respect to all of the evolving we do in life, the idea that your day ones will be there your whole life is unrealistic and exhausting. That concept does not honor that we all grow at different paces, and some of us reach major milestones like marriage, children, and our dream careers at different times. Some people serve their purpose and move on.
For me, friendship is a very complex subject because I went through more than half of my life having a very superficial and hateful relationship with myself, so many of those that I gravitated to reflected that sentiment to me. However, by some miraculous miracle, when I had those glimpses of times when I was being the highest, most authentic version of myself, I was able to offer support and be supported by like-minded individuals. I am lucky enough to call these women my sisters now. With that sisterhood still comes challenges.
A benefit of going through the hard stuff at an early age is I learned about different aspects of life and human behavior way before people who hadn’t faced those challenges yet.
It used to be intoxicating to look at my friend group as I conquered each obstacle with a finger pointed at them as if I was superior. Life had a way of humbling me, though. I felt I exemplified an idea of what a woman my age should look like and didn't give a damn about how one-dimensional I was. That just mirrored back how I didn't value my authentic self outside of a performative persona…and then I was just mirroring that back to people who didn't deserve to be alienated just because they didn’t approach life the way I did.
Now, I am not at all advocating for you not to shed dead weight when it comes to friendships. I've experienced crying and begging for those I thought loved me to show basic levels of support, concern, and respect for me (which I do not advise). For those types of friendships, you can just cancel and get a new one like Nino Brown.
Friendships that you look at like your favorite purse that just might be out of season for the moment are worth carefully putting in its protective duster bag and placing on its respective shelf in good view for when the right season arises. What am I saying exactly? Though each friend may not be of use to you at the moment, they are still very valuable, and your life can benefit from regarding them as such.
How? Well…
1.
Firstly, you get to learn what it feels like to love someone unconditionally (which is different than unconditionally tolerating harmful behavior, btw) without getting a pet or pushing out a kid.
2.
You give that person who played a vital part in your growth and development some compassion and time to evolve and grow. This means being able to give yourself that same grace. It’s very difficult to extend to another what you have not given yourself. So maybe…work on that?
3.
You get to have gratitude for what this friend is great at and capable of instead of focusing on what they're not. Are you a new mom right now? Once that baby is walking, you are gonna need that party friend to get you in a freakum dress and go out on the town for a few hours to remind you of who the hell you are.
Burning out in a career you hate? You are going to need that free-spirit friend that doesn't take the material world too seriously to show you that your health and well-being are the bag. Do you see what I mean? These people you meet along the way may not be in your season but are classic and never truly go out of style.
And so, I urge you to start examining your friendships with eyes of compassion and empathy with respect to your needs and overall well-being before it’s too late. Some people are so poor that all they have is money and accomplishments…no one they can trust or who values them within reach for when life gets real. You don’t have to be one of them.
Redefine and repurpose the people who bring value to your life before discarding them like trash. You won't regret it. I sure don't!
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
Tisha Campbell Shares Why She Got A Mommy Makeover & And We’re Here For The Transparency
Tisha Campbell is still here. Here. Here. Here. (If you know, you know.) The 56-year-old actress and singer is living her life loudly and without apology, all while keeping it real about the work she's had done.
While gracing the 2025 BET Awards red carpet last week, the My Wife & Kids alum let it be known that she has nothing to hide as she revealed to Entertainment Tonight that she recently had a mommy makeover. "I had extra skin from the baby and a little bit of droppage here and a little bit of droppage there," she shared with the outlet as an exclusive. "They tighten me together."
The mother of two shared that changing her body wasn't about anyone else; it was first and foremost about pleasing herself. "I'm a single mom, not ready for dating," she added. "But I just wanted to feel good for me."
Why Tisha Campbell Chose to Share About Her Plastic Surgery
Tisha isn't new to keeping it a buck and has always been transparent about subjects that others might shy away from, whether it's about her decision to walk away from the show that put her on the map as an actor or her decision to walk away from a 22-year marriage to ex-husband Duane Martin. Cosmetic surgery is simply another topic for the Tisha to be open about.
Even in a post-BBL era, cosmetic procedures are something that is still taboo to talk about, especially among women in Hollywood who have spent decades in the public eye, like Tisha. The self-proclaimed "open book" shared her why behind disclosing her surgery:
"I just think it's more important for people to know why one does it. If you wanna feel good about you. And I just wanted to be honest about it," she told ET. "I think it's more important, to be honest, to know that you know I didn't all this by myself. It's nice to be a little bit more snatched around that area."
Tisha Campbell is serving confidence and honesty about her mommy makeover 👶✨ #BETAwards #tishacampbell #kyliejenner #mommymakeover
So, What Is a Mommy Makeover?
For those who are unfamiliar, a "mommy makeover" refers to a combination of cosmetic procedures and can differ for every woman depending on her personal goals. While the overarching intention of a mommy makeover is often to "restore" their bodies to their "pre-baby" status, the procedures are customizable and ultimately based on what feels good to her personally.
This might look like a tummy tuck or liposuction, a breast lift, reduction, or augmentation, a labiaplasty, or any other nips and tucks that support how they feel in their bodies after giving birth.
What stood out in Tisha's clip wasn't just her transparency in action, but also the intention behind her decision to have surgery. She waited until her sons Xen, 23, and Ezekiel,15, were older to have her procedure and made it clear that she centered herself in her choice. In her new season life, this is how she is honoring herself.
"For me. It's not for everybody, it's for me."
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