

Melanie Fiona Shares Her Emotional Birthing Experience
If there’s anything that makes you realize how little control you actually have in this life, it’s giving birth to a child.
Before I became a mother in 2014, my body was as predictable as a Love and Hip Hop hook up with a menstrual cycle I could time on a clock and a body weight that hadn’t changed much since high school. Luckily, most of the changes I experienced during my pregnancy were mild, but there were days in my first trimester where I thought I could skip breakfast only to end up light-headed not long after 11 am while trying to make it through my Monday morning commute. At a time when friends, family and co-workers told me to take it easy I thought I could still squeeze through tight doorways despite carrying a bulging belly on my 120 pound frame. I tried to lift crates of juice boxes for our after-school programs at work and even tried giving myself a pedicure late in my last trimester because there was no way my OB/GYN was going to see me with jacked up toes on delivery day. As excited as I was for motherhood a very big part of me was terrified of how much my body and my whole life was quickly becoming unfamiliar and how fast it was all changing. But as much as motherhood will make or break you, it most definitely will change you. More than anything, it SHOULD change you.
In a refreshingly honest video blog she names “It’s Time To Tell The Truth”, singer Melanie Fiona revealed the emotional challenge of dealing with a birth plan that never came to be when giving birth to son, Cameron this past March. “I thought I was doing everything right,” she pleads through tears as she talks about being emotionally, mentally and physically prepared to give birth naturally only to end up having an emergency c-section due to a rare onset of preeclampsia that took place during her labor.
“I had to deal with feelings of disappointment and feeling like a failure.”“I felt like my body failed me. And I wasn’t prepared for that.”
Melanie wipes away tears when revealing the disappointment that came from pressures that I feel many women place on themselves as well as those projected by the media. With social media giving us more and more access to the personal lives of celebs and our peers alike, we’re able to witness Draya Michele pull her son from her womb during birth or see singer Omarion share a tub with girlfriend, Apryl while she gives birth naturally at home. Unfortunately so much insight into others’ birth experiences can distract us from the beauty of our own birth stories and build fantasies of what pregnancy, birth, motherhood and even what our post-baby bodies should look like.
Fiona also emphasizes the importance of having a supportive partner to help keep things in perspective in the heat of the moment when she felt like she was losing all control:
“It just came to a point where Jared had to come in, one on one, and look at me and take my hand and look me in the eyes and say, ‘I have to leave the hospital with both of you.’ And until that moment I did not recognize how real and severe my situation was. I had never even thought I would find myself in that position.”
She goes on to speak about how she thought she had prepared well and done everything right from doing yoga and eating healthy during her pregnancy only for things to take such an unpredictable turn in the delivery room. She recounts depending on partner, Jared, and how difficult it was to deal with being unable to jump immediately back into motherhood, balancing career, family and self-care:
“It’s still taking me time to process who I am now and who I am becoming. I just think that’s something we don’t talk about enough.”
Fiona also gives some insight on how blindsided she felt when having to detour from her original birth plan with no warning of the “What if’s” that could happen or a chance to make peace with a Plan B. It reminds me about some very solid advice a nurse friend of mine shared regarding my pregnancy, “Do your nurse a favor and save her a step by throwing your birth plan in the trash.” As harsh as that may sound, it was one of the best pieces of advice I was given during my entire pregnancy. Her explanation was that as natural and instinctive it is to want to control what circumstances your baby comes into this world under, your body and baby may have other plans and you need to be prepared to sacrifice your “fantasy delivery” in order to safely bring your child into the world. Even if those plans include a six-inch incision on your underbelly, by no means does it mean your body did any less than what it was intended.
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Like Fiona, I too had to undergo a c-section when giving birth to my daughter. Fiona’s story makes me grateful for the fact that I had time to process my feelings about exactly what that meant for my own birth story and how much HOW my daughter came into this world mattered to me. I was never someone who had anything against pain management or c-sections. In fact every “birth video” I Googled during my pregnancy never left me with the superhuman feeling that I could squeeze a pumpkin through a pistachio, so I was somewhat relieved when my doctor made the decision that a c-section would be best to avoid any complications that could occur from my diagnosis of mild placenta previa.
“My job isn’t to be a cowboy. It’s to make sure that both you and baby make it through this birth in one piece,” she explained to my husband and I that first week of September. Placenta previa is a condition where the placenta either covers the birth canal entirely or is situated close to it increasing the chance that it could rupture and place both mother and baby’s health at risk during a vaginal delivery. My OB/GYN further explained that a scheduled c-section would give her time to see what she was working with once inside the womb without rushing. At that moment I had to be completely honest with myself. I had never looked forward to labor, keeping track of contractions, or pushing. The moment I heard that my c-section would be scheduled for the afternoon of October 22, 2014 was the most relief I had for my entire pregnancy. At a time I had felt much like my life was rushing right along without me, here was something that the slight OCD in me could put in my day planner and prepare for.
More than that, my case of placenta previa and scheduled c-section taught me the first of many valuable lessons in motherhood: It’s not about you. When I revealed the news to co-workers and friends it was almost as if they expected me to be disappointed about not being able to give birth like “my body was naturally made to do”. As much respect as I have for mothers who choose to give birth naturally or otherwise, no one is waiting in between those stirrups with a gold medal for the natural mamas and the silver for Team C-Section. All that matters is getting that baby into this world safe and sound.
Like Fiona, I found myself feeling very unnatural during my first few days as a mother as I was completely dependent on my husband to perfect swaddling and burping techniques. There were times I even resented his ability to get a “headstart” bonding with our newborn daughter totally neglecting the fact that I had just grew a person inside of me and just had major abdominal surgery. I felt helpless since I could barely blink without feeling the pain from my sutures and I wondered what kind of mother I was to not be able to help much with someone that had just laid on my spleen for almost nine months.
This would be my second lesson in motherhood: Know when to ask for help and stop placing so much pressure on yourself to be everyone to everybody. You’ll have the rest of your life to change diapers, make bottles, braid hair, go to parent-teacher conferences, pack lunches, etc. In the first few days of bringing life into this world you can afford to take it easy for a day or two. Motherhood is about learning to ask for and accept help when needed. Burning the candle at both ends is no good for you or your baby.
Fiona hopes to create a community where women feel comfortable sharing the good, bad and the ugly truth about motherhood and says this will be her first of many video blogs documenting her journey (Yayy!) but right now she’s taking a break from it all to bask in the beauty of being with her baby boy, Cameron. I can personally reassure her that it won’t get any easier. But the best thing about motherhood is just when you’re sitting in the middle of the living room floor while your toddler runs circles around you in a game of “hide and seek” with a dirty diaper and you think you are going to lose it, she smiles and gives you a kiss and reminds you that she is your living, breathing saying in what this world becomes. That is motherhood in a nutshell: Complete chaos punctuated by moments of indescribable bliss.
I think pregnancy and the process of becoming a parent is God’s way or reminding us of the comfort in not having control.
We live in a world where woman can easily feel they are supposed to give birth, glow like Chrissy Teigen within a week, bounce back into a boardroom like Olivia Pope and cheer our partners on from the sidelines like Ayesha Curry with a kid whose personality could rival Riley’s. Melanie Fiona’s message comes with perfect timing that regardless of how motherhood looks on you, there’s a good chance you’re getting it right if your child is the first thing on your mind each morning.
See Melanie tell her emotional birth story below. (Warning, you may want to keep the tissues close by).
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
Exclusive: KJ Smith Talks Viral Wedding With Skyh Black: ‘We Did What We Wanted To Do’
Whether it was your group chat, social media feed, or your favorite media outlet covering the spectacle, I’m pretty sure you’ve come across the viral Black wedding between actress KJ Smith (Sistas, Raising Kanan) and actor Skyh Black (All the Queen’s Men, Sistas). From their grand entrance to Jay-Z, Kayne West, and Beyoncé’s song “Lift Off” to KJ’s standout dance routine and the endless celebrity appearances, it’s an addictive TikTok scroll you can’t help but delve into.
But what many people would be surprised to know is that the couple’s original wedding plan was nothing like what it grew to be. What started as her simply scrolling through posts to get ideas eventually transformed into what the internet knows now as #TheBlackExperience. In an exclusive conversation with xoNecole, KJ walked us through her planning process, the morning of her wedding, and what she thinks of the online response.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
There’s A New 'Silent' Trend Inviting You To Leave Your Headphones At Home
I think we all can agree that if there’s one self-care practice that has drastically improved our lives over the last couple of years, it has to be the introduction of "hot girl walks."
These 30-minute to 1-hour-long strolling adventures have given us a way to clear our minds and listen to our favorite songs, all while staying active and getting our bodies moving. And while we may have grown accustomed to having a fire playlist or podcast as the soundtrack to our walks, there's a new, more mindful alternative that’s taking a spin on your sidewalk struts.
“Silent walks” are the new walking trend that’s offering a deeper mind and body connection while taking a solo walk. Sure, the thought of having to take a walk for any duration of time while alone with your thoughts may seem unnatural, but you may be surprised to learn that tapping into that silence around you could give you an extra boost of clarity that you’re looking for.
As explained by the creator of “silent walks,” TikTok user Mady Maio, the idea was sparked by her boyfriend challenging her to take a distraction-free walk without the audio support of music or podcasts. While she was resistant to the challenge because her “anxiety could never,” Maio soon found that after two minutes of her mind going “haywire,” she was able to tap into a flow state that allowed her to hear herself and her thoughts more clearly.
@madymaio #stitch with @KENZIEELIZABETH WE’RE SILENT WALKING ALL SUMMER, BABE 🚶 #walkinggirls #girlswhowalk #meditativewalk #intentionalwalk
Many times when we go on walks, the goal is to either get fresh air or clear our minds from all the mental junk that’s been floating around throughout the day. But when we don’t allow ourselves the space to sit in silence, our inner voice can be drowned out by external distractions and stimuli.
As the creator of the trend notes, God, the Universe, or whichever higher power you connect to has a tendency to speak in whispers. But if we’re unable to tap into quiet and still moments within our days, we could miss an opportunity to receive the answers that could come to us in the silence.
Silence allows us to tap into a meditative state. When we practice quieting our minds and focusing our attention inward, without the use of external guidance or verbal cues, we’re able to decrease brain fog, find solutions to our tangled thoughts, and let new ideas flow.
Silent walks also connect back to the original goals of its predecessor, hot girl walks, which encouraged walkers to focus on three main things: their goals, how they’re going to achieve those goals, and all the things they’re grateful for. Only this time, you're getting your dopamine hit from the thoughts you’re able to produce as opposed to the music, podcast, and phone calls you’re typically tuned into.
When channeled properly, silence is the gift that keeps on giving. With many people finding silent walks to be a valuable tool for reducing stress, enhancing mental clarity, and increasing overall well-being, this is your invitation to leave the headphones at home and plug into the world around you on your next outdoor journey.
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Featured image by Xavier Lorenzo/Getty Images