Reading Together: An Underrated Form of Foreplay

Although I don't leisure read as much as I used to (if you're a writer like I am, you get how much of a challenge that can sometimes be), it really is one of my favorite things to do. Growing up, I wasn't someone who got to watch a ton of television (other than on Thursday nights when The Cosby Show, A Different World and then Cheers came on), but it didn't really bother me because I had a plethora of books at my disposal. Thanks to my mini-library, I can vouch for articles that say that reading benefits us when it comes to increasing our vocabulary, making us better writers and overall communicators, expanding our imagination (which is really awesome if you're into writing fiction) and helping us to grasp a better understanding of others. But did you also know that reading on a regular basis can also reduce depression symptoms, treat insomnia and even help you to live longer? Yep. Reading is bomb.

OK, but what does all of this have to do with sex? Patience, grasshopper. Let's ease into this thing. So, now that you know why it's a good idea to read alone, let's get into why it can pseudo be an act of foreplay as well.

By choosing to put down the electronics, open up a bottle of wine and cuddle while reading with your partner, not only will you end up spending quality time together, but it can help to reduce both of your stress levels too. Plus, a lot of couples who read together end up finding each other to be more attractive because, for a lot of us, intelligence is sexy and, when you read, you learn.

There's another benefit that can come from reading with your boo. I don't know about y'all, but whenever I'm out, I like to people watch. Sometimes, when I'm in a restaurant and I notice that a couple hasn't said a word to each other, the entire time, I feel bad for them. Geeze, has it gotten to the point where there's nothing left to say? (How awful.) One thing that could help them out is, you guessed it, reading to each other. According to an article that I checked out on Mic's site, another reason why you and yours should crack open some books together from time to time is because they can be real conversation starters; reading can put a spark in your communication connection if things have been a little less…interesting lately.

Oh, can you feel the build-up? So, reading alone makes you more imaginative. Reading with your partner strengthens your connection and now here's where the title of the article comes in—if your man reads a certain type of material, it can make him (even) better in bed.

What Men Can Read to Improve Their Sex Game

A long time ago, I interviewed a sex therapist about their thoughts on why so many couples seemed to go sexually unfulfilled in their relationship. What he said has always stayed with me. "A lot of women learn about sex from Cosmo, men learn from porn, and then you put both of them in a dark room together and it's a big ole' mess because neither source is realistic." Amen. Listen, I worked with a porn ministry for almost a decade and I can tell you that, not only can porn really jack you up mentally, IT'S. NOT. REAL. A lot of porn actors (I don't personally like the term "porn stars") hate everything about what they are doing (they told me so) and are ONLY in it for the money (not all but many). Where I'm going with this is, while the automatic thought might be that a man should pick up the most graphic erotica they can find, that's not exactly the kind of material that was featured in the study that I read.

According to a study that was published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy, what men should read more of are books on women and sexuality. A doctoral candidate by the name of Hannah Warshowsky shared that one of her passions is study the orgasm gap (which basically addresses why it seems that men are able to climax more than women and what can ultimately be done to change that). In her study, she surveyed almost 200 men about their sexual experiences. Some of the men, she asked to read the chapter, "Cliteracy for Him" in the book, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It which addresses things like women's body image and how they can obtain their own sexual satisfaction.

Of the guys who read the 35-page chapter, they ended up having a better understanding of a woman's anatomy and needs. As a result, they ultimately performed better in bed too. Reading is fundamental, after all.

Now, I will say this about the study—even the article stated that it consisted of young white men. So personally (perhaps along with Becoming Cliterate), I would recommend having your man check out a book like Sacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit by Queen Afua. Anyone who's read it before knows that it's a classic. Shoot, it had me treating my own vagina with more honor and I know "her" better than anyone!

Anyway, the reading selections are totally up to you (if you've got some recommendations, please do us all a favor and post them in the comments). I think the overall takeaway is in order for a man to give us what we want and need in bed, he has to be open to learning as much as possible about us. Yes, we can do a lot of the teaching, but there is nothing wrong with him opening up a book or two too. In fact, according to this study, him doing so can be oh so very right.

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.