Want Your Man To Be Better In Bed? Give Him A Book.
I already know that a lot of men check out the content on our site. So, before any of you fellas take this the wrong way, this article isn't trying to take a dig at you on any level. As you're about to see, in just a couple of seconds, this has nothing to do with overall literacy; at least, not in the way that it would appear on the surface. No, what this is going to address is how partners reading together, and men specifically reading a certain type of content, can help to improve a couple's sex life overall. Are you ready to find out, just what in the world I'm talking about? Let's do this.
Reading Together: An Underrated Form of Foreplay
Although I don't leisure read as much as I used to (if you're a writer like I am, you get how much of a challenge that can sometimes be), it really is one of my favorite things to do. Growing up, I wasn't someone who got to watch a ton of television (other than on Thursday nights when The Cosby Show, A Different World and then Cheers came on), but it didn't really bother me because I had a plethora of books at my disposal. Thanks to my mini-library, I can vouch for articles that say that reading benefits us when it comes to increasing our vocabulary, making us better writers and overall communicators, expanding our imagination (which is really awesome if you're into writing fiction) and helping us to grasp a better understanding of others. But did you also know that reading on a regular basis can also reduce depression symptoms, treat insomnia and even help you to live longer? Yep. Reading is bomb.
OK, but what does all of this have to do with sex? Patience, grasshopper. Let's ease into this thing. So, now that you know why it's a good idea to read alone, let's get into why it can pseudo be an act of foreplay as well.
By choosing to put down the electronics, open up a bottle of wine and cuddle while reading with your partner, not only will you end up spending quality time together, but it can help to reduce both of your stress levels too. Plus, a lot of couples who read together end up finding each other to be more attractive because, for a lot of us, intelligence is sexy and, when you read, you learn.
There's another benefit that can come from reading with your boo. I don't know about y'all, but whenever I'm out, I like to people watch. Sometimes, when I'm in a restaurant and I notice that a couple hasn't said a word to each other, the entire time, I feel bad for them. Geeze, has it gotten to the point where there's nothing left to say? (How awful.) One thing that could help them out is, you guessed it, reading to each other. According to an article that I checked out on Mic's site, another reason why you and yours should crack open some books together from time to time is because they can be real conversation starters; reading can put a spark in your communication connection if things have been a little less…interesting lately.
Oh, can you feel the build-up? So, reading alone makes you more imaginative. Reading with your partner strengthens your connection and now here's where the title of the article comes in—if your man reads a certain type of material, it can make him (even) better in bed.
What Men Can Read to Improve Their Sex Game
A long time ago, I interviewed a sex therapist about their thoughts on why so many couples seemed to go sexually unfulfilled in their relationship. What he said has always stayed with me. "A lot of women learn about sex from Cosmo, men learn from porn, and then you put both of them in a dark room together and it's a big ole' mess because neither source is realistic." Amen. Listen, I worked with a porn ministry for almost a decade and I can tell you that, not only can porn really jack you up mentally, IT'S. NOT. REAL. A lot of porn actors (I don't personally like the term "porn stars") hate everything about what they are doing (they told me so) and are ONLY in it for the money (not all but many). Where I'm going with this is, while the automatic thought might be that a man should pick up the most graphic erotica they can find, that's not exactly the kind of material that was featured in the study that I read.
According to a study that was published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy, what men should read more of are books on women and sexuality. A doctoral candidate by the name of Hannah Warshowsky shared that one of her passions is study the orgasm gap (which basically addresses why it seems that men are able to climax more than women and what can ultimately be done to change that). In her study, she surveyed almost 200 men about their sexual experiences. Some of the men, she asked to read the chapter, "Cliteracy for Him" in the book, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It which addresses things like women's body image and how they can obtain their own sexual satisfaction.
Of the guys who read the 35-page chapter, they ended up having a better understanding of a woman's anatomy and needs. As a result, they ultimately performed better in bed too. Reading is fundamental, after all.
Now, I will say this about the study—even the article stated that it consisted of young white men. So personally (perhaps along with Becoming Cliterate), I would recommend having your man check out a book like Sacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit by Queen Afua. Anyone who's read it before knows that it's a classic. Shoot, it had me treating my own vagina with more honor and I know "her" better than anyone!
Anyway, the reading selections are totally up to you (if you've got some recommendations, please do us all a favor and post them in the comments). I think the overall takeaway is in order for a man to give us what we want and need in bed, he has to be open to learning as much as possible about us. Yes, we can do a lot of the teaching, but there is nothing wrong with him opening up a book or two too. In fact, according to this study, him doing so can be oh so very right.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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This Luxe Hotel Made My First Time In Memphis The Perfect Vacay
Memphis is one of those cities where, when you visit, you instantly feel its soul. The southern metropolitan, nicknamed Bluff City, is located right on the banks of the “mighty” Mississippi River. It is the headquarters for some major companies, such as FedEx and AutoZone, and it is home to St. Jude Hospital and the world-famous Beale Street. Conveniently placed near the action are Hyatt Centric Beale Street and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street. These sister hotels, which are connected, have a lot to offer guests, especially those who are visiting Memphis for the first time, such as myself.
Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis
Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis rooftop bar Beck & Call
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Sitting along the Mississippi River, both hotels offer breathtaking water views from the rooms, and Hyatt Centric’s rooftop whiskey lounge, Beck & Call, which is the city’s only riverfront rooftop bar, captures expansive views of both the river and the Memphis skyline. Grab a cocktail and take in the beautiful sites Memphis has to offer or enjoy the light show the Hernando de Soto Bridge, aka the “M” Bridge, has every night. On Fridays, guests can unwind and listen to live music.
Hyatt Centric also has CIMAS Lobby Lounge, which provides breakfast bites in the morning and cocktails in the afternoon and evening. CIMAS restaurant has a delectable menu that includes Latin-infused dishes for breakfast and lunch. Other amenities include room service, an outdoor pool with a cabana and poolside dining, a concierge, a fitness center, and more. My room was comfortable and the perfect place to unwind after a full day of exploring the city. I even had a view of the river.
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis
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While I didn’t stay at Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis, I did frequent its coffee shop/eatery called Talk Shop. Talk Shop is a laidback hangout spot that encourages community among its locals through its events like Blues & Brews and everyday activities like work (for all the remote workers) or meeting a friend for coffee or a cocktail in its beer garden. Its menu is full of variety, having everything from soft pretzels to BBQ pork sandwiches.
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis is built into the historic Wm. C Ellis & Sons Ironworks and Machine Shop building. Everywhere you look, you are reminded of its history due to the building’s industrial charm. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t modern. The rooms are colorful and incorporate a lot of iron rods into the design, a nod to the ironworks building.
What is the Difference Between Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis?
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street's Talk Shop and Beer Garden
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If you’re looking for more luxury or traveling with family, then Hyatt Centric might be the better option for you. If simplicity and vibrancy are key, then you may prefer to stay at Hyatt Centric’s sister hotel, Caption by Hyatt. Either way, you can’t lose.
Memphis Attractions
Beale Street sign
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Both hotels are walkable to all the city’s attractions, but of course, I have to start with the iconic Beale Street. Beale Street is where blues orginated and it is one of Memphis’ most popular places for tourists. Walking down Beale Street, you are quickly transported into another world, especially at night. Lights fill the streets as an array of restaurants and bars entice guests with its electrifying music. If you enjoy live music, B.B. King’s Blues Club is the place to go. The restaurant was created by the legendary singer B.B. King, who got his start in blues performing on Beale Street.
BBQ Chicken Nachos at Rendezvous
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As revered as Beale Street is, it's not the only spot in town to find good food and a good vibe. For breakfast, take a quick ride to Sunrise Memphis and take your pick from the mouthwatering biscuits on its menu. If BBQ is your thing, then you are in the right spot. Memphis is known for its BBQ, and Rendezvous is one of the city’s best BBQ joints. The highlight for me is the BBQ chicken nachos, which is a Memphis stable. If you’re looking for fine dining, then Amelia Gene’s is a must. The food is exquisite as it serves food pairings that are unique and full of flavor. I especially love the food presentations of each dish, which adds to the restaurant’s ambiance.
Amelia Gene's
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Other walkable attractions are the National Civil Rights Museum, the Blues Hall of Fame, and the Orpheum Theater. The National Civil Rights Museum is located at the Lorraine Motel, which is where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. However, the motel has become a memorial for Dr. King as well as the work that many historical figures have done over the years, specifically during the civil rights movement.
The Blues Hall of Fame is near the National Civil Rights Museum, and it features exhibits dedicated to blues artists and culture. It has over 400 inductees and focuses on the history and achievements of each one. The Orpheum Theater is across the street from the hotels, and it is one of Memphis’ treasured venues. Its opulence is displayed inside and out as it stands at the intersection of Main St. and Beale St. As you walk in, you are greeted by a grand staircase and crystal chandeliers hanging above.
The Orpheum Theater
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Touring the theater, you see its beauty, but like many southern businesses that have been around for generations, you also learn about the segregated history. Walking around to the side of the building, there’s a “colored entrance” that was used during segregation. You can even watch a video from people who grew up during that era as they each reflected on their experiences of going to the theater. Many cited all of the steps that they had to take to get to the balcony, which was the only area Blacks were allowed to sit.
Issac Hayes 24k gold Cadillac in Stax Museum
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If you want to take a ride around the city, then hop on the Memphis Mojo tour. This bus tour stops at many landmarks, including Sun Studios, where Elvis Pressley and other artists recorded music. Or you can explore on foot by visiting all the haunted properities on the Memphis Ghost Tour. But we all know Memphis is known for blues, so I can’t end the story without mentioning Stax Museum.
The museum is named after Stax Records, which was a record label based in Memphis that housed a number of talented musicians like soul singer Otis Redding and Grammy award-winning artist Issac Hayes. What makes this museum exciting is that it showcases a variety of photos, records, costumes, and more from the artists on the label. But the highlight was Issac’s 24k gold Cadillac, which was put on full display.
Memphis is a charming city with a rich history and tons of activities for solo travelers, friend groups, and even families. So why not add it to your travel bucket list? By staying at one of the sister properties, Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis, you will be surrounded by everything you need.
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