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Want Your Man To Be Better In Bed? Give Him A Book.
I already know that a lot of men check out the content on our site. So, before any of you fellas take this the wrong way, this article isn't trying to take a dig at you on any level. As you're about to see, in just a couple of seconds, this has nothing to do with overall literacy; at least, not in the way that it would appear on the surface. No, what this is going to address is how partners reading together, and men specifically reading a certain type of content, can help to improve a couple's sex life overall. Are you ready to find out, just what in the world I'm talking about? Let's do this.
Reading Together: An Underrated Form of Foreplay
Although I don't leisure read as much as I used to (if you're a writer like I am, you get how much of a challenge that can sometimes be), it really is one of my favorite things to do. Growing up, I wasn't someone who got to watch a ton of television (other than on Thursday nights when The Cosby Show, A Different World and then Cheers came on), but it didn't really bother me because I had a plethora of books at my disposal. Thanks to my mini-library, I can vouch for articles that say that reading benefits us when it comes to increasing our vocabulary, making us better writers and overall communicators, expanding our imagination (which is really awesome if you're into writing fiction) and helping us to grasp a better understanding of others. But did you also know that reading on a regular basis can also reduce depression symptoms, treat insomnia and even help you to live longer? Yep. Reading is bomb.
OK, but what does all of this have to do with sex? Patience, grasshopper. Let's ease into this thing. So, now that you know why it's a good idea to read alone, let's get into why it can pseudo be an act of foreplay as well.
By choosing to put down the electronics, open up a bottle of wine and cuddle while reading with your partner, not only will you end up spending quality time together, but it can help to reduce both of your stress levels too. Plus, a lot of couples who read together end up finding each other to be more attractive because, for a lot of us, intelligence is sexy and, when you read, you learn.
There's another benefit that can come from reading with your boo. I don't know about y'all, but whenever I'm out, I like to people watch. Sometimes, when I'm in a restaurant and I notice that a couple hasn't said a word to each other, the entire time, I feel bad for them. Geeze, has it gotten to the point where there's nothing left to say? (How awful.) One thing that could help them out is, you guessed it, reading to each other. According to an article that I checked out on Mic's site, another reason why you and yours should crack open some books together from time to time is because they can be real conversation starters; reading can put a spark in your communication connection if things have been a little less…interesting lately.
Oh, can you feel the build-up? So, reading alone makes you more imaginative. Reading with your partner strengthens your connection and now here's where the title of the article comes in—if your man reads a certain type of material, it can make him (even) better in bed.
What Men Can Read to Improve Their Sex Game
A long time ago, I interviewed a sex therapist about their thoughts on why so many couples seemed to go sexually unfulfilled in their relationship. What he said has always stayed with me. "A lot of women learn about sex from Cosmo, men learn from porn, and then you put both of them in a dark room together and it's a big ole' mess because neither source is realistic." Amen. Listen, I worked with a porn ministry for almost a decade and I can tell you that, not only can porn really jack you up mentally, IT'S. NOT. REAL. A lot of porn actors (I don't personally like the term "porn stars") hate everything about what they are doing (they told me so) and are ONLY in it for the money (not all but many). Where I'm going with this is, while the automatic thought might be that a man should pick up the most graphic erotica they can find, that's not exactly the kind of material that was featured in the study that I read.
According to a study that was published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy, what men should read more of are books on women and sexuality. A doctoral candidate by the name of Hannah Warshowsky shared that one of her passions is study the orgasm gap (which basically addresses why it seems that men are able to climax more than women and what can ultimately be done to change that). In her study, she surveyed almost 200 men about their sexual experiences. Some of the men, she asked to read the chapter, "Cliteracy for Him" in the book, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It which addresses things like women's body image and how they can obtain their own sexual satisfaction.
Of the guys who read the 35-page chapter, they ended up having a better understanding of a woman's anatomy and needs. As a result, they ultimately performed better in bed too. Reading is fundamental, after all.
Now, I will say this about the study—even the article stated that it consisted of young white men. So personally (perhaps along with Becoming Cliterate), I would recommend having your man check out a book like Sacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit by Queen Afua. Anyone who's read it before knows that it's a classic. Shoot, it had me treating my own vagina with more honor and I know "her" better than anyone!
Anyway, the reading selections are totally up to you (if you've got some recommendations, please do us all a favor and post them in the comments). I think the overall takeaway is in order for a man to give us what we want and need in bed, he has to be open to learning as much as possible about us. Yes, we can do a lot of the teaching, but there is nothing wrong with him opening up a book or two too. In fact, according to this study, him doing so can be oh so very right.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images