I Got My Tubes Tied At 30 Because I Always Knew I Didn't Want Children
I can’t say I always knew I didn’t want children, but I can say I’ve been skeptical for as long as I can remember.
Even as a little girl, when my friends played with dolls and dreamed of one-day becoming mothers, I never felt that same desire. Motherhood simply never interested me. As I got older and my friends started becoming mothers, I became more certain that I wanted to focus on my career, travel the world, and live life on my own terms.
Choosing to be a child-free woman is a personal decision that can come with a range of reactions from society.
For some, the choice to not have children is met with understanding and respect, while for others, it can be met with confusion, judgment, and even discrimination. Regardless of the reactions from others, being a child-free woman is a valid and empowering choice that allows women to live their lives on their own terms.
One of the most significant benefits of being a child-free woman is the freedom it affords. Without the responsibilities and financial burdens that come with raising children, child-free women have the opportunity to pursue their passions and ambitions in a way that may not be possible for parents. These women can focus on their careers, travel, volunteer work, hobbies, and personal growth without having to worry about the time and financial constraints that parenting can bring..
Another benefit of being child-free is the ability to maintain independence and autonomy. Women who choose not to have children can make decisions about their own lives without having to consider the needs and wants of a child. They can live on their terms, make choices about their bodies, and prioritize their well-being without having to factor in the needs of a child.
However, the enormity of my decision to be child-free isn't lost on me.
Unfortunately, when a woman expresses that she doesn't want to have children, she's often met with skepticism and criticism from others who don't understand her decision. Some asserted that I'd regret my decision and told me I would change my mind eventually, while others accused me of being selfish and not fulfilling my "womanly duties."
Society has traditionally placed a great deal of value on motherhood and family, and women who choose to be child-free can face criticism and even discrimination. Some people may view child-free women as selfish or immature, while others may make assumptions about their motivations for not having children.
Child-free women need to recognize that their decision is valid and should be respected. Just as motherhood is a valid choice, so is the decision to not have children.
Women should be able to make their own choices about their lives without fear of judgment.
Over time, I noticed reactions to my decision did vary. Though some people questioned my decision, others supported my choice or were even inspired by my courage to live so authentically. Whether feedback was positive or negative, I knew that my decision was the right one for me.
Content with my decision to be child-free, and after years of suffering side effects from conventional birth control methods, I began exploring permanent birth control options. It wasn’t long before I decided that tubal ligation, or “getting my tubes tied,” was the right choice for me.
I researched the procedure extensively and found that it was a minimally invasive procedure, requires little downtime for recovery, and the efficacy rate is far higher than birth control pills, IUDs, or even condoms.
On the day of the procedure, I felt a mix of nervousness and excitement. As I lay on the hospital bed, both my doctor and the anesthesiologist talked me through each step of the process and assured me that everything would be okay. Honestly, all of the hospital staff I interacted with made the surgery process an enjoyable and exciting experience!
Once the procedure was over, I immediately felt a sense of relief and freedom. I knew that I had made the right decision for myself and my future. I left the hospital feeling so empowered by my ability to take control of my own body and life.
After having such a positive experience, I was eager to share my experience with others. By sharing on social media, I found support from others who shared my views, and I also hope to inspire other women to be thoughtful and inquisitive when it comes to making choices about their bodies and futures.It is important to recognize that having children is not the only path to happiness and fulfillment.
While some still judge me for my decision, I know that I’m living a life that is true to myself, and that’s all that matters.
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Featured image courtesy of Jasmine Blocker
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It’s almost that time when the girlies are gonna be hopping in the chair to get the most popular style of the warmer seasons: goddess braids. Goddess braids are not just a hairstyle; they're a statement of elegance, power, and divine beauty. Whether you've recently adorned yourself with these stunning braids or are considering them, one thing remains certain: maintaining them is key to preserving their splendor. In this guide, we'll delve into the art of maintaining goddess braids, ensuring they remain flawless for longer periods.
Let’s start with some pro tips from Breanna Knights, a Brooklyn-based stylist with over a decade of experience in the beauty and fashion industry, specializing in goddess braids. She takes pride in maintaining the beauty and longevity of her clients' goddess braids, focusing on ensuring their scalp and curls remain healthy and hydrated.
Knights’ expertise extends to understanding the tension level, hydration needs, and proper cleansing techniques for goddess braids.
Hydration Is Key:
Moisture is essential for maintaining the integrity of your goddess braids. Use a lightweight leave-in conditioner or moisturizing spray to hydrate your scalp and braids. Pay attention to the ends of the braids, as they tend to be the driest part. Avoid heavy products that can weigh down the braids and cause buildup.
“To maintain neatness and longevity for goddess braid styles, I recommend treating the goddess hair just as you would your natural curls," Knights tells us. "This consists of putting up your hair at night in a bonnet. I also encourage using mousse or a bottle of water mixed with conditioner to make the curls bounce back. These two options depend on if the curls are a synthetic blend, or if it’s 100% human hair."
When it comes to keeping the goddess curls refreshed and hydrated, Knights’ favorite mousse brands include:
Bumble and bumble's Bb Curl Mousse
Bumble and bumble
Bumble and bumble's Bb Curl Mousse is a lightweight mousse that enhances curls with a blend of oils and butters, providing long-lasting volume, and bounce without stiffness.
The Vigorol Mousse Olive Oil
Amazon
The Vigorol Mousse Olive Oil is a fave amongst the girlies. Reviewers say, “Product works well taming frizzy curls as well smoothing natural hair, human hair, and synthetic crochet or individual braided hair. Adds shine without looking or feeling greasy.”
Knights also recommends using Creme of Nature Argan Oil Intensive Conditioning Treatment mixed with water in a spray bottle. “These products are sure to bring curls back to life," she adds.
If you’re looking for particular techniques or tricks to alleviate tension or discomfort often associated with wearing goddess braids, Knights shares that knotless goddess braids are usually done with less tension at the scalp, rather than traditional braids. “I highly suggest gauging tightness throughout your braiding session with your stylist. Should your braids end up too tight, one of my favorite go-to's is the Bumble and bumble’s Hairdresser's Invisible Oil. It provides a cool sensation on the scalp, without over saturating the scalp with oil,” Knights says.
The stylist also suggests a spray bottle with water to relieve tension. Additionally, less styling in the first few days of installing the braids to avoid scalp irritation.
Gentle Cleansing:
One topic that can be confusing when committing to goddess braids is the washing process. Should I wash my braids? How often should I wash them? We had all the questions, and Knights came with the tea. “Everyone’s wash [day] routine is different. To each client’s discernment, by weeks 3-4, if your scalp is itchy or shows signs of dandruff, it would be safe to wash your braids.
"I highly recommend paying more attention to the scalp rather than the braids itself. Keeping the braids up in a bun while saturating the scalp will keep the curls from matting and tangling during the wash process. After washing the scalp I recommend reapplying mousse and tying the hair down with a scarf to help tame any frizz that may occur after washing.”
Protect Your Crown:
One of the biggest keys to the longevity of goddess braids is having a braid bonnet and shower cap to ensure that the braids are dry. Invest in a satin or silk bonnet or scarf to protect your goddess braids while you sleep. Cotton pillowcases can cause friction, leading to frizz and flyaways. Additionally, tying your braids with a silk scarf can help preserve their shape and prevent them from unraveling.
“Combing through the loose curls with your fingers and having a routine to ensure that the hair isn't matting or entangling into one another can help with longevity as well," Knights shares. "The same way you’d care for your curls after a successful wash day would also promote the longevity for any 'goddess' style!”
Courtesy
Regular Touch-ups:
As your natural hair grows, your goddess braids may begin to loosen or develop new growth around the edges. Schedule regular touch-up appointments with your hairstylist to re-braid the edges and ensure a seamless look. Avoid leaving braids in for too long, as this can cause tension on the scalp and lead to breakage.
Minimize Manipulation:
While it's tempting to constantly touch and style your goddess braids, excessive manipulation can lead to frizz and premature loosening. Limit the use of styling tools and refrain from pulling or tugging on the braids. Embrace the natural beauty of your braids and allow them to flourish with minimal interference.
Nourish from Within:
Maintaining healthy hair starts from within. Ensure you're consuming a balanced diet rich in vitamins, minerals, and hydration to promote hair growth and vitality. Incorporate foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and plenty of water into your daily routine for optimal hair health.
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