I remember a wife once telling me that, although she wasn't the biggest fan of doggy style, she was down for the cause because she was trying to conceive a boy. We were having this conversation on the phone so she couldn't see my facial expression. Still, I definitely did lightly chuckle as I asked, "So, you really believe that, huh?" The "that" I was referring to is sexual positions can determine a child's gender.
If you're someone who is currently trying to make a baby, two conception myths that are important to unlearn is 1) orgasms make it easier to conceive and 2) gettin' hit from the back will give you a son. The truth is, having sex while you're ovulating is what makes conception possible and, as far as a child's gender goes, what one doctor said in "There Is No Magical Position or Food to Help Conceive a Boy or Girl" is spot-on—"If sperm carrying an X chromosome fertilizes the egg, a girl or female (XX) will be conceived. If the sperm carrying a Y chromosome fertilizes the egg, then a boy or male (XY) will be conceived." It's as simple as that.
It was recalling that conversation that inspired me to address a few other common sexual myths; most of which I've directly heard come out of people's mouths. You know, it really is amazing how, like gossip, a myth can travel pretty far as if it's the gospel truth even if/when it's a flat-out lie. But the good thing is, also like gossip, if you want to get down to the facts, there is enough information available to get to a reputable source so that you are able to totally debunk a false belief.
And, as far as sexual myths go, here are 10 that need to be completely and finally put to bed—well, to rest.
1. You Can’t Get Pregnant on Your Period
I'm hoping that more people than not know that this is totally a myth. Although it's not super-duper likely, the reason why it's still possible is because, if your period is not regular, you have sex towards the end of your cycle and early ovulation occurs—BAM! There you go. The reason why it's possible to get pregnant while you are on your period is sperm, on average, can live in you for 72 hours. So, having sex on the fourth day of your period could mean that sperm sticks around for three more days and…there you have it. Moral to the story—if you don't have a regular cycle and you absolutely do not want to get pregnant, but you do want to engage in a little bit of period sex, make sure to use a condom. At all times.
While we're on the topic of sex and pregnancy myths, please don't fall for the whole "You can't get pregnant from pre-cum" stuff either. Although pre-ejaculate doesn't contain as much sperm as ejaculate does, there is some, and one sperm is all you need for a pregnancy test to end up with positive results. So again, if you're not on birth control, use a condom. And speaking of birth control, let's debunk a pill myth right quick.
2. Birth Control Makes You Gain Weight
Any time you decide to take something to alter how your body naturally functions, there is a certain amount of risk that's involved. Any reputable doctor will tell you that. But if you are shying away from the pill because you think it will cause you to gain weight, this too is a myth. Now before you give push back on this, the reason why you might pack on some pounds during the first few months of taking the pill is because a side effect can be water retention. But rest assured that, what the pill isn't doing is causing you to gain actual fat. Plus, birth control pills contain a lot less hormones now than they did back when your mama was on them, so that's even more of a reason to not be too concerned about weight gain.
3. All Men Cheat. If Not Immediately, Eventually.
With articles out in cyberspace like "The Future of Infidelity Is Female", and studies that indicate 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women have cheated in their relationship, it's clear that both genders are fully capable of being unfaithful. As far as what increases the possibility of cheating in a relationship, some of the factors include being financially dependent on your partner, men having an upcoming milestone birthday and being older rather than younger. Women are more likely to engage in an emotional affair (which is still cheating, by the way) while men stand a greater chance of participating in a sexual one. Another key point is, of half of the people who have cheated, it was with someone they considered to be a close friend.
Keeping all of this in mind, while I think that all of us know that there are probably more people who are out here being unfaithful than any study is able to reveal, still, the percentages are far too low to be out here resigning to the fact that all men cheat or will eventually cheat. Why do some people seem to not only believe but project otherwise? One article said it's due to their personal experience. Meaning, if they've been cheated on before, they think all men have done or will do it. Other people do as a form of deflection (if I put the focus on you, you'll be paying less attention to me and what I'm doing). And still, many just repeat what they hear others say.
But to come to the conclusion that ALL men cheat—not only is that not rooted in fact but it's a pretty bleak approach to men and relationships overall. Again, it's a myth. Let it go.
4. Married Couples and Seniors Have Less Sex Than Anyone Else
If you're someone who is hesitant or even scared to get married because all you can think about is how little sex you'll end up getting in comparison to your bachelorette life, this is another myth that needs to get cancelled right here and right now. According to the Kinsey Institute, while 50 percent of married young couples are gettin' it in 2-3 times a week, over 50 percent of singles haven't had any in over a year.
As far as seniors go, 73 percent of those between the ages of 57-64, 53 percent of those 64-75, and 26 percent of seniors who are between the ages of 75-85 not only still have sex, they do it at least 2-3 times a month. Not only that, but half between 57-75 and one-third between 75-85 still participate in oral sex too. Seems to me like marriage and old age are things to look forward to, not dodge at all costs.
5. Pineapples Make Sperm and Vaginal Fluids Taste Better
Anyone who is totally down for a little oral sex action has probably heard that consuming pineapples is a surefire way to make sperm and vaginal fluids taste better. First of all, if you think that any food will make either of those taste like ice cream, that is the first myth that needs to be debunked. That said, it is true that diet can play somewhat of a role in altering the smell, texture and taste of these bodily fluids. It is also true that since sperm and vaginal fluids are acidic, and so is pineapple, eating (or drinking) some can cut some of the bitterness out of both. So can other acidic fruits like cranberries, minty herbs like fresh peppermint and celery, if you're looking for something that will make fluids less salty. But again, if you think that pineapples will turn sperm/semen into a pina colada, that's (unfortunately) not true.
To me, I think the bigger point here is the more water that someone drinks, the more fluid they are able to produce. This can be a great natural lubrication tip for women. But if "less is more" on the fellatio tip, you might want your man to steer clear of Big Gulps a day or two before y'all's "session". Just sayin'.
6. Men Are Hornier in Their 20s. Women in Their 40s.
If there's a myth that I hear women say, on repeat, it's that their sex drive is higher when they are in their 40s. There are too many articles to hyperlink to this particular point, but what I will say is, far too many factors (including hormone levels, how connected she feels to her partner, medications she may be taking, the kind of body image that she has and even her diet) play a role in a women's sex drive to narrow our libido to a specific age.
The reason why men in their 20s and women in their 40s tend to be "the perfect sexual storm" for so many is young lads are so hyped about sex and eager to please at that age while us women in our 40s have come to really discover what works/doesn't work and what we want/don't want that sex with a younger man seems to work like a charm. Between their energy and our clarity, that can make for some pretty interesting sex sessions between younger men and older women.
7. The Size of a Man’s Hands and Feet Are “Penis Size Predictors”
Listen, I didn't even need to do any formal research on this one to know that it's some bullshishery. There have been guys in my past who rock a size 13 who have an average size penis while men who wore a 9 ½ totally threw me for a loop. But if you need some scientific data to break the myth, this one right here bucks the whole "feet thing" while this one here says that, although finger-length sometimes plays a small role in predicting one's penis size, for the most part, hand size doesn't reveal much either.
So how can you tell what's up before actually seeing it for yourself? I'll just tell you what my great-grandmother used to tell me—"Cop a feel. Make sure it's real." Chile, why are we out here making things complicated when all of this old wisdom is at our disposal?
8. Penis Size Matters
I don't know what makes women think that a man needs to be "packin'" in order to sexually satisfy them. Especially since 1) women's most sensitive vaginal nerves are at the first 1-2" inside of our vagina and 2) over 70 percent of women don't even have orgasms from vaginal penetration alone. Definitely, if there is anything that has been birthed out of societal pressure and "fake news", it's that if a man doesn't have a big penis, he isn't able to please his partner.
Besides, with the average size flaccid being close to 4" and erect close to 6", seems like God made sure that so long as our nerve endings could be reached (including our G-spot which is about two inches inside of our vagina), then the rest is up to technique. And believe you me, many men with 9" are wack and some with under 7" are killer (check out "Unpopular Opinion: Size Doesn't Matter To Me" on this site when you have the chance). Let this dumb myth go.
9. Men Have Higher Sex Drives
I think one of the reasons why there's such a strong assumption that men have stronger sex drives than women is because a lot of us aren't as excited at the thought of casual sex as men are. It's not because we don't like the spontaneity or even that we have to be totally in love in order to have a good time. It's just that we have to consider things like what if we get pregnant by said random partner and, fellas if you're reading this, a lot of y'all suck at casual sex. Some of you need to be "brought up to speed" concerning what your partner wants or doesn't want and, if the sex consists of a one-night stand or something sporadic, you may not satisfy your partner as much (check out "Why More Women Are Saying No to Casual Sex" and "We Asked Women How They Feel About Casual Sex"). But don't confuse taking a pass on a five-minute romp in a public bathroom to women not being down for sex or it always needing to come out of some romance novel or rom-com.
In fact, there are studies (including this one and this one) that indicate that many of our drives are actually higher than men's. The reason why this oftentimes goes undetected is because men tend to think and seek sex out more than we do. But once we're interested and down for the cause, watch out—you're in for quite a night.
10. Oral Sex Is Safer
One more. I am in my mid-40s and I can't tell you how many times I have heard people my age and up say that they have oral sex more because it's safer. What in the world?! If by "safer", you mean that you can't get (or get someone) pregnant, then yes, you are exactly right. But if by safer, what you think is you can't contract an STD, you couldn't be more wrong. Herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HPV and HIV are all STDs that can be transmitted by giving and/or receiving oral sex.
That's why it's important to take an STD test (click here for one that you can take at home), even before engaging in cunnilingus or fellatio. If you or your partner have any cuts or mouth sores, you should wait until they completely heal. And, it's a good idea to wait until you are completely comfortable before you decide to engage.
Because another myth that must be debunked as we close is, as much as people try and act like it's not, oral sex is sex.
Choose your partner wisely, y'all. That's the biggest truth of all.
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