

There is not enough time to get into just why I am so thankful for the male side of my tribe. What I will say, for now, is it's my personal belief that a lot of women struggle in their relationships because they spend more time listening to other women about how men think and what men want/need than men — and that can lead to all kinds of problems. This faulty approach has also cultivated a lot of myths about the male species; ones that many of the men who I interviewed for this piece (middle names were used) have said that they don't usually make time to debunk because all it typically leads to is unnecessary debates and arguments — and a lot of men don't care to do either (there goes a debunked myth right there).
This time, they get the floor, though. As I thought about some of the most common beliefs about men — especially Black men — that exist out in these streets, 20 guys took a moment to share their gut reaction to them. Hear them out.
1. Men Prefer Younger Women
Chris. Single. 26.
"Who's that guy who says that all men want women under 30? Kevin, something? That's a joke. A lot of these young women have young minds. What I will say is when you first go out on a date with a guy, you should ask him if he wants to have children or not. I mean, his own children. That is the biggest factor when it comes to the age thing. An older woman can be fine as hell and bring a lot to your life. But if a man wants to build a family, he's gonna factor in that the older a woman is, the more challenging that will get."
Richard. Dating. 32.
"I've always preferred older women. They're sexier. They're smarter. They cut to the chase a lot quicker. Anyone who tells you that younger is better is probably intimidated by what older women bring to the table. A 40-year-old ain't playin' with us. Most men know it."
2. Men Only Have Sex on Their Minds Most of the Time
Raynard. Single. 23.
"I think I read somewhere that men think about sex around 20-25 times a day. That breaks down into roughly one time an hour. Are women trying to say that they don't do the same thing? Whatever. I think women confuse us being visually stimulated with thinking about sex. Yes, when we see a good-looking woman, we're going to take notice. To say that means we automatically think about having sex with her — what are we? In the eighth grade? Men have several erections during the day and I think that can cause us to think about sex. Or, if we're in a relationship and we connect with our lady, sexual thoughts will typically happen. But when you're a Black man in America, trust me, you've got way more to [be] contemplating [about] than sex. It doesn't cross our minds as much as most women assume."
Anthony. Married. 40.
"If you do some of your own research, men naturally have more testosterone and that is what causes a lot of us to have a higher sex drive. If you've got a problem with that, take it up with God. But the notion that all we think about is sex is ridiculous. Some of y'all have been so sold on everything masculine being toxic that you think something is wrong if we're not just like you. Again, take the differences up with God."
"But no, we don't think about sex all of the time and we definitely want a woman to bring more to the table than that. And contrary to what a lot of women may think, sex really is better to us when there's an emotional connection. It's the difference between sex for a couple of months and us wanting to stroll through life with you."
3. Men Repel Marriage
Dontay. Dating. 37.
"I'm not afraid of marriage. What I'm not gonna do is be pressured into doing it before I'm ready. I think it's crazy how a lot of women talk about wanting a man to lead and yet they are trying to push us down the altar at the same time. You will never get to ultimatum me into a wedding ring. All that does is show me that you will try and take over once we're official. That is unattractive as hell. And it has nothing to do with a wedding. Or being married."
Xavier. Single. 31.
"I've been wanting to be married since I was a freshman in college. I think what a lot of women don't realize is they seem to be open to getting married over and over again when things don't work out. Men aren't wired that way. We want to meet the right one and stay with her forever. And we'll take as long as we need to feel secure that we made the right decision. A grown man doesn't fear marriage. What guys have y'all been dating?"
4. Men Don’t Like After-Baby Bodies
Charles. Married. 41.
"Remember when you said to me [Shellie] a while back that a lot of people out here aren't being 'shamed'; they are projecting? I felt that big-time. I don't know any men personally who think that a woman's body after having a child is unattractive. Sometimes the weight that remains, years after, can take some getting used to. But a woman being able to bring life into the world is sexy as hell. We don't care about no damn stretch marks. We want to get up in there, more than ever, actually. Let's make another one!"
Brenden. Engaged. 30.
"Why is it rare to see two big people together? I mean, women are always talking about how they shouldn't be fat-shamed and a lot of them do it to us. Anyway, I have two kids by two different women. Their bodies did change after giving birth, but it was the lack of sex, because they were so self-conscious, that bothered me more than anything their body was going through. A lot of y'all are super self-critical and try and put that on us. It's annoying because a lot of what you assume we're thinking about, hasn't crossed our minds at all. And what's really crazy is you wouldn't know because you haven't asked. You just assumed."
5. Men Have a Problem with Women Making More Money Than They Do
Eugene. Married. 47.
"My wife and I have had seasons where I made more money and seasons when she did. I've been married 16 years now and I'll just say that men aren't nearly as threatened by or impressed with what you've got going on in your bank account. What can be annoying sometimes is the attitude that comes with it — that you don't need to listen to any of our thoughts or input if you make more bread. So, do we have a problem with you making more money? Hell no. Do we have a problem with a funky ass attitude if you do? Hell yes."
Stephen. Dating. 39.
"We want a partner. And not a financial consultant. It's like when women talk about what they bring to the table, it's a laundry list of accomplishments and money records. I recently watched a TikTok where a woman said that men simply want a woman who brings them peace. That's what I'm talkin' about. If you make more money than we do, that's cool. If we can't have a peaceful relationship whether you do or not, I can't tell you how much we don't care."
6. Every Man Wants a Big Ass
Matthew. Dating. 33.
"Hell. This is a trick question because you know how y'all are — damned if we do, damned if we don't. This is gonna be on you because they don't know how to find me! No, all of us don't like these huge asses. Know what else? We can tell when they're fake and a lot of us hate fake anything. I like a woman whose body is real and proportioned. A little something in the back is cool. But so long as I don't have to worry about something sinking or inflating, I'm blessed."
Kenny. Single. 30.
"I think women listen more to other women about what they think men want. I like a nice ass. I do. But the past two women I've dated were pretty straight-up-and-down and they were still fine as f—k. Take good care of your body, whatever your shape is. That is what will catch our eye. Sure, men have preferences but if you're fine, we're gonna be interested. Ass or no ass."
7. All Men Agree with Kevin Samuels
Walter. Married. 45.
"I'm going to say something that a lot of women don't like."
"It's mighty interesting that when all of these women coaches out here are telling you what we think that you're fine with it. Then when a man says, 'Actually, that's some bulls — t', you're mad. Kevin is spot-on when it comes to how entitlement is unattractive, we don't care about your resumè more than your actual personality and we do factor in raising other people's legacies [children]. That brotha isn't on the mark about everything, though."
"We don't all want a size 6 and I personally don't think you should stay with a man who cheats. Bottom line, he's got some good and bad to say. Most of us think for ourselves, though…just like you do."
Terry. Single. 31.
"I'm a man and I'll say that it's a trip how men weren't trying to hear Kevin when he was telling men to pull their pants up but are all about him telling women to take their bonnets off. It's hysterical! Kevin is just the big thing right now. It'll pass. I do think him saying that we're tired of women thinking they can run all over us is on-point. We've been sick of that. But if you think most of us live on his every word, Kevin Samuels isn't your issue. You not knowing us as well as you think is."
8. Men Are Threatened by a Strong and/or Powerful Woman
Willis. Married. 44.
"Nope. Men aren't attracted to women who think they need to dominate men in order to appear strong and powerful — big difference. A man who is secure in who he is wants a woman who is a solid partner. Strength and power are two traits that can complement him really well. Some women watch too much Lifetime television."
Omar. Single. 32.
"Where do y'all get this stuff from? I swear. A strong and powerful woman, especially a Black woman, is amazing. What we don't like is a woman who thinks that strength and power means that she needs to emasculate us at every turn. If you want to 'be the man' in the relationship, get with a woman. But to think that success, money and popular platforms intimidate us, most of the women I know are like this and the men they are with think it's hot. Because it is."
9. Black Men Prefer Black Women…Who Look Like White Women
Jerrel. Single. 34.
"I've got a question. Why is it that when Serena Williams married a white man, sistahs were all 'Yes, girl!' Then when a Black man chooses a white woman, he's a sellout? Y'all bars can be all over the place sometimes. Personally, I am more attracted to dark-skinned women. Always have been. But beauty is beauty. I don't know why so many people are hung up on if someone is light or not. To me, it's if they are attractive or not — skin tone should have nothing to do with it."
Zeke. Dating. 40.
"Looks like a white woman. It's like a lot of Black people need to take a history class on what genetics look like in our culture. So, if a Black woman is light and has curly hair, she 'looks white'? There are women in Africa who look just like that and they are just as African as dark-skinned women with kinky hair. I like Black women. I've dated all kinds of Black women. They're all beautiful to me. To me, because I am pro-Black, dating someone who isn't Black isn't an option for me. So no, I don't want someone who 'looks white'. I do accept that we vary though and if the lady I settle down with has light skin and loose curls, so be it."
10. All Men Cheat
Gerald. Married. 28.
"I read somewhere that women cheat almost as much as men do, so I feel like this question needs to be presented to you guys more often too. When I was single, I wasn't always upfront with women about the fact that I was seeing other ladies. It's because I was single. I've been married for three years now and although I see beautiful women all of the time, y'all don't get how we feel when we've met our one. Cheat on her…for what? She's my best friend. The sex is amazin'. And I don't even connect with other women like I used to. All men don't cheat. The wrong ones do."
Vince. Engaged. 39.
"Do women realize how much work it takes to juggle multiple relationships? And what's crazy to me is, even though the stats continue to say that what, only 30 percent of men do it, we still get the 'all' word attached to us. A man who is about his business doesn't have time to cheat."
"I know men who have done it. I know guys who've never done it before. I cheated back in college. I haven't in my 30s at all. I'm out here trying to make money. What I will say is the guys who keep telling you that they don't want a relationship? They are prone to cheating if you keep pushing them because, what they are essentially conveying is, they like lots of women and exclusivity isn't their thing. Proceed with caution with them. But you're generalizing, big time, to think that all of us roll like that. And I thought women hated to be generalized."
There you have it. If there's any pushback, run these up the flagpole with your own male friends. For now, I'll just conclude with, if we spent a lot more time asking instead of assuming, we could probably communicate with the opposite sex a lot better. That is if we want to…which is another article for another time, chile.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
Courtesy
This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
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I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
Courtesy
Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
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