

Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels
The interesting thing about foreplay is, a lot of people only factor in the physical whenever the topic—or the act—comes up. And while, to a certain extent, that's all well and good, the best lovers know that if you get someone's mind in the space to want to engage in a lil' hot 'n heavy coitus, the body is pretty much gonna follow. This is why I personally believe that mental foreplay is so important. And when you really get down to what it truly entails, I think you'll also start to see that it consists of a set of actions that transpire long before two people are boo'ed up in the bedroom.
Whether your sex life is currently bangin' (no pun intended) or it honestly could improve on a few levels, I've got 10 ways for you to get your mind in a space where you're totally looking forward to having sex. Good. Hot. Long. Passionate. Totally mind-blowing sex. Ready?
1. Start Your Day with Something That Makes You Feel Sexy
Again, when it comes to having a great sex life, one of the greatest mistakes that a lot of people make is waiting until a few moments before the actual act to do anything that will put them—and their partner—in the mood. Let's break out of that pattern, shall we? One way to do that is to get up out of bed with the decision to do something that will make you feel sexy all day long. It could be putting on some sexy lingerie underneath your work clothes. Wearing a scent that you already know drives your partner insane (in the best way possible, of course). Putting on your favorite red dress, blouse, pumps, or shade of lipstick (red symbolizes love, passion, and energy). It really is up to you.
Whatever you decide to do, just make sure it's something that makes you walk with more of a sway in your hips, speak with a little more "breath" in your tone of voice, and definitely makes you think of the endless possibilities between you and your boo thang all day long.
2. Shorten Your Work Meetings
While on the surface, this one might seem a bit odd, just stick with me and I'm sure you'll see the vision. An elder in my life used to say, "After 15 minutes on the phone, all you end up doing is repeating yourself." To a large extent, that is some spot-on insight. You know what else tends to be longer than it should? Work-related meetings. Two hours, shoot, even an hour, more times than not, ends up dragging along and wearing you out (whether it's over Zoom or not). So, when it comes to the meetings that you actually can control, try and shorten them to 30 minutes. You'd be amazed how it will force you and others to get to the point and get on with the day.
And just how will this tactic help your sex life? Well, by the time you get home, you won't feel quite as mentally drained. As a bonus, it can also help you to make the most of your time in the bedroom too. Hey, sometimes life gets hectic and so, while an orgasm or two sounds really nice in theory, you may have a hard time figuring out how to fit it in. Sometimes carving out 30 minutes for a lil' quickie seems a whole lot more doable than trying to pull off an all-nighter. And since work has taught you to make the most of your time, it's easier for that to translate once you're off of the clock.
3. Say “No” More Often
It was actually Steve Jobs who once said, "It's only by saying 'no' that you can concentrate on the things that are really important." When it comes to spending some quality time with your partner, I can't think of too many more things that should take precedence over that. Yeah, we all have 24 hours in a day and yet, when it's all said and done (eight hours for work and eight hours for sleep), some of us only have eight "free" hours. If saying "yes" to everyone is resulting in you feeling frazzled, frustrated or totally out of the mood, most of the time, something's gotta give—and it shouldn't be your sex life. Each week, put together a schedule. Start with the things that are of the utmost priority and work your way down. Things that can be put off until later, schedule them for that. Stuff that you know you should say "no" to, do that too. Life is too short to not be saying, "yes, yes, YES!" more often. If you know what I mean. Say "no" so that you can say "yes".
4. Hug Yourself
Tell me something. When was the last time that you hugged yourself? It might sound a lil' cray-cray; however, if you Google the benefits that come from doing just that, it includes everything from improving your self-esteem and calming you down to putting you in a better mood and even boosting your immune system. The real tripped out part? All you need to do is embrace yourself for 20 seconds in order to feel some of these effects. And we all know that the better we feel, the more interested in sex we tend to be. So do you, your partner and your sex life a favor and hug yourself a few times throughout the day. It can be the kind of mental foreplay hack that can make all of the difference in the world.
5. Listen to Some Sexy Music
Last spring, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life". Something that's a scientific fact is, whenever we listen to sexy music, it affects the pleasure, bonding and limbic (the part that deals with our emotions as well as our memory) parts of our brain. In fact, when we listen to a song that we really like, it can have a similar effect as sexual pleasure.
Lawd. No wonder listening to Jodeci (or even an indie old-school joint called "Interstate") can still make a sistah mentally "go in". Some of us are good for playing some 90s R&B or Doja Cat as a way to set the mood. What I'm encouraging you to do is to move the getting-into-the-mood space hours before by listening to your favorite sexy tunes. It's a mental form of edging that is truly unmatched.
6. Take 20-30 Minutes to “Shift Gears” When You Get Home
If you're married, something that I recommend you check out is "7 Things Married Couples Should Do...At The END Of Their Day". One of the tips that I recommend in it is that you give yourself and your spouse at least 20 minutes to mentally shift gears from what is needed at work to what is needed at home (even if you and your partner don't live together, this can be a helpful thing; to not call them all of the time on the way home, so that they can always mentally get out of "work mode"). Sometimes, we're so in a rush to get on with whatever is required in the house, that it can put unnecessary pressure and strain on us and our partner—and stress isn't sexy. Greeting them at the door with a kiss and then being intentional about giving each other some quiet time can work wonders when it comes to everyone processing the energy of the house. And you know what? This can ultimately make both of you feel so much more receptive to getting intimate…later in the evening.
7. Write Down Your CURRENT Sexual Needs
I've shared before that one of my favorite couple-related quotes is, "People change and forget to tell one another." The reality is that the person you said your vows to on your wedding day is going to change, many times, in a variety of different ways, before their life comes to an end. So will you. And if the two of you don't share each other's thoughts, feelings and needs during those different stages of transitions, it's very easy to literally grow apart—to even become strangers to a certain extent.
Your sex life is not exempt from this point. Truth is, what turned you on and got you off in your 20s may be very different in your 30s, 40s and 50s (check out "How Your Man Can Adjust To Your 'Sexual Growth Spurts'"). That's why, I don't care how long you've been with someone or how well you think that they know you, it is your responsibility to convey what your current sexual needs are. I don't mean that you be vague or abstract either. Get as specific as possible. One way to make sure that you are crystal clear is to write your thoughts down beforehand. Sex journaling is a technique that can help you to process where you stand, so that you're mentally confident enough to have the conversation with your partner. A huge part of sex is about communication. The clearer you are, the better.
8. Focus on Body Positivity
I recently had a debate with someone about the fact that, I find it really interesting that, while a lot of women will say that a man is shallow if he isn't attracted to a plus-size woman, oftentimes those same plus-size women don't ever consider dating heavier men (the double standards really are abundant out here!). When it comes to embracing body positivity, we all really need to practice what we preach. Anyway, if you're someone who always prefers to have sex in the dark, limits sex to certain positions (that make you feel less body-conscious) and/or you can't remember the last time when you had sex completely naked, please read "These 10 Hacks Will Help You Love Your Body More", "10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem" and "Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey".
If you're already sexually involved with someone, believe you me that they are already into you and far less critical than you are about your body. All they want you to do is enjoy them while they enjoy you. That's so much easier to do when you feel more positive about your body. Please make that a top priority, just as soon as you possibly can.
9. Take Clocks Out of Your Bedroom
No doubt about it. There really is such a thing as being a slave to the clock. Don't believe me? How many times have you been at home, enjoying a movie or talking on the phone, looked over at the clock and then ended either activity suddenly, just because of what the clock revealed to you? While there is something to be said for keeping a schedule, there's also something to be said for relaxing more when it comes to how we process time as well. That said, if you've got a clock in your bedroom, it could be a covert enemy when it comes to you enjoying sex more often because 1) you might deny sex because the clock says it's too late or 2) you might rethink having it in the middle of the night because the clock says it's too early or 3) you may abruptly end sex (or try to rush it along) because of the time that is on the clock. Bedrooms are for sex and sleep and that really can't be stated enough. Anything in your bedroom that is mentally, physically or even emotionally hinder either activity from happening—it's really gotta go.
10. Flirt. Then Foreplay.
Have you ever looked up the definitions of flirting before? One of them is "to behave or act amorously without emotional commitment". However, as we close this out, the one that I'm referring to is "to deal playfully". Flirting can be cool because it takes the pressure off of trying to be super seductive—at least initially—if you think that it will somehow make you feel self-conscious. Winking and/or blowing kisses at your partner. Leaving a cute note somewhere that they'll see it. Complimenting them. Initiating an impromptu slow dance. Starting a pillow fight. These are just a few ways that you can flirt as a way to bring some laughter and sweetness into the dynamic before transitioning into foreplay—which will hopefully transition into full-on sexual intercourse.
I know. Mental foreplay hacks don't get brought up often. Hopefully, though, you're able to see how they can definitely play a role in improving your sex life. Because when your mind is right—the sky truly is the limit when it comes to all sorts of sexual possibilities!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
How This Wealthy History-Making Couple Found Love By Breaking The First Date Rules
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You can't have it all?” Do you think there’s any truth to it? The more I resonate with the thought, I realize it just depends on what one considers “all.” In this “How We Met” story, I chatted with two individuals who have reached an unusual level of success but, for years, celebrated it alone. Now, they have a beautiful marriage centered around faith, family, and legacy.
But the journey to getting there required them to be uniquely intentional, submit fully to God, and practice an amount of vulnerability that I think most people would find uncomfortable – especially on the first date.
Santia Barnes, known more commonly as @Trackbaby001 on Instagram, earned the highest-paid contract ever for a woman in American football. Also, she is the first female athlete to have her own shoe company. With a combined social audience of 3 million followers, she’s established herself as a mega-influencer in the health/fitness and lifestyle space. But surprisingly, in our 48-minute phone call, we only discussed this for roughly 60 seconds. Instead, I had a beautiful conversation with Santia and her husband Isaac, a successful tech entrepreneur, about their dream-like partnership.
His company was one of the fastest growing in his county for two years, and he is the only Black entrepreneur to win a federal aviation award for being a government contractor. Plus, he previously won a $13.4 billion contract with the Air Force and Space Force (cues, "he got money" in my best Quinta Brunson voice). But seriously, both of them have such an amazing story alone – yet they made it even better by finding each other. It almost sounds too good to be true, right? Well, Santia felt the same way. In fact, on their first date, they actually tried to disqualify each other. Here’s how it went.
Let’s start from the beginning. How did you two meet?
Isaac: Well, firstly, we connected through the divine grace of God. But we met on Bumble and talked there, and she gave me such a hard time (laughs). But we built a connection online and then took it offline to the phone and eventually in person. Since that meeting, we’ve been stuck like glue.
Santia: Yes, we met on Bumble. But I’ve gotta add to that. I was pretty much done with love, relationships, and especially online dating. But it was right around Valentine's Day, and I felt like God was telling me to try just one more time. So, I created my profile and made it very blunt; I was super clear about what I wanted. I started swiping for a few days and eventually came across his profile, and I noticed our profiles were very similar.
I felt like it was rare for a man to be that intentional. Also, I like that he was attractive and an entrepreneur. I felt like he could understand my life. It took him a couple of days to swipe back, though, and I was little in my feelings. I was literally going to delete the app when he DM’d me. So, it was really the grace of God.
Tell me about your first date. What was the chemistry like?
Isaac: She was late (laughs). But we went to Seasons 52, which made sense because I’m vegan, and she likes to eat healthy. So I made reservations, but again, she was late. Eventually, she got there, and when she did, I saw the entire room shift. It was the weirdest thing. I’ve never seen that in real life. It was like the whole restaurant was looking at us. So we got a table, and immediately, it felt like our energy flowed together so smoothly.
You know how first dates can be awkward? This was exactly the opposite. She grilled me, and I grilled her. We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is.
Santia: We talked for like three hours on that date. I remember in the conversation, I said, “Not to be weird, but your energy makes me feel very calm.” That was a big green flag for me. I also remember him walking me back to my car and not trying anything but genuinely just caring for my leg. I was like, this is different. It was an A+ date.
"We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
So, what are some of these intense disqualifying questions y’all asked?
Isaac: We asked everything. We talked about our thoughts on kids, marriage, church, gender roles, family, past relationships, and trauma.
Santia: Yeah, we asked everything they tell you not to. But that’s how I knew he was the one; he didn’t get uncomfortable.
Okay, so if you were still dating, walk me through that next step. What was that conversation like when you two decided to take it to the next level?
Isaac: I had a business trip I had to go to in Orlando, and because of my connection with the Creator I knew she needed to go on this trip with me. She was overcoming tearing her ACL and just needed a break. So we took a road trip together. We drove from Atlanta to Orlando in the car for 8 hours, and we just did the work. We got into childhood trauma and aspirations. It got deep –
Santia: Like, I cried. I discovered stuff about myself I haven’t talked about with anyone else.
Isaac: In that moment, I developed a deeper sense of trust in her because of her vulnerability. And after that trip, I just knew. She still had some concerns, but I was good (laughs).
Santia: Yeah, because I felt like something had to be wrong. Like, I remember calling my mom and she tried to help me just embrace it. Eventually, I actually asked him, “What are we?” And he literally said, “You’re going to be my wife.” And I still was like, are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend though, and he did – and I said yeah. (laughs). But that was only like a month in. It was very quick.
It seems like communication has been a core part of your relationship. What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourselves individually through loving each other?
Isaac: That’s hard to answer just for this week. A lot of our stuff is self-discovery. But I’ll say, I learned how skeptical I was that this is possible. Also, I learned that all of what I went through is crafting me to be who I am today. Through this relationship, I’ve learned to embrace my 100% authentic self. Her love matters more to me than anything else, and that’s my #1 priority.
So if she accepts me how I am, who is the world to tell me I can’t be this way? She has allowed me to see myself more than any other human, and because of that, I have to shower her with as much love as possible.
Santia: I don’t even know where to start. He’s taught me a lot since day one. He made me more confident in who I am. As an influencer, you don’t always know who is there for the right reasons. But he’s made me feel 100% more confident in standing on who I am. He’s also taught me so much about business. He taught me how to open up more, not feel shame in who I am, and how to set boundaries and stick to them.
And Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. I could keep going, but overall, he has a really amazing way of teaching me in a loving way. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now.
"Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
How do you guys navigate past struggles, baggage to work toward your relationships?
Issac: On our honeymoon, I vowed that I would come into this relationship with a clear understanding of what’s holding me back so I can be my best self going through our marriage. For example, on our first day over there, we both wrote down all of the negative anchor thoughts we had around money and finances, and we literally went through every thought.
I found 50 financial aspirations, and every time I read something that I didn’t agree with, I wrote it down. And we talked about where these negative thoughts came from, going back to childhood.
Santia: We do that all the time. If anything comes up, we talk about it, try to get to the core of it, dissect it, and we solve it.
Okay, seriously do ya’ll argue at all (laughs)?
Santia: I mean, if we feel something, we say it.
Isaac: The way we got there is that we established early on that if we’re going to do this we have to be on the same team. We have a championship we’re trying to win, and that’s a family legacy. If something is going on, I’m gonna treat it like my teammate is going through it, and we’ll work through it. But it’s impossible not to have any challenges.
Santia: We don’t have to yell, scream, or be disrespectful though. We can talk in a calm voice and disagree. As long as we know that we’re on the same team, we’re good. I always know we’re not purposely trying to hurt each other, and I know that he's my partner. Looking at it from that lens changes things. We’ve only had two real arguments. It was early on, and when we dissected those too, we realized that back then, we didn’t know each other the way we do now. We weren’t sure we were on the same team (laughs).
Do you guys have any rituals or daily practices that help keep your relationship strong?
Isaac: To cement our process, we listen to our spiritual practice. We practice Sabbath every Friday evening until Saturday evening. So that means no work, no outside communication, we’re just in each other’s skin for 24 hours and experience the world together. Then we recap our week, things we’re grateful for from each other and from God, things that bother us, and then we process it right there. We do that every week.
Santia: We also go over a Bible verse and dissect it together. We have a lot of processes because when you have a plan, you can’t really fail.
Isaac: And the Bible verse always relates. It’s crazy. (laughs)
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
What are your love languages?
Santia: Mine is acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation
Isaac: Mine is physical touch, acts of service, and words of affirmation.
Are there any challenges you guys had to work through?
Santia: This is my first time living with a man. So things that guys do – like not flushing the toilet, putting dishes in the sink when I’m washing the dishes, and stuff. Honestly. I was really scared about that because I love my space. But surprisingly, I adjusted very quickly. We both work from home and have our own offices, too. So it just kinda works out.
Isaac: For me, it was going from being a single man to adjusting to her needs. For example, she likes flowers. To me, that meant I occasionally bought her flowers. But to her, that means, nah, I want them multiple times a month. Date nights meant occasionally to me; she wants them weekly. It’s just about making sure our needs and expectations are articulated correctly. We come from different worlds, so it’s important to do that.
Finally, I’ll close with how did you know it was love?
Santia: We took a trip to NOLA – another road trip. I cried again and just remembered thinking there’s no one like him. I was like, God, if he’s not my person, this is a cruel joke. But more blatantly, like three months into us dating, I was so conflicted because I was like, I’m falling, and I don’t want to be hurt again.
I remember I had a dream where I was in this dark room and there was this figure there, and I knew it was God, and in that dream, I feel like he told me clear as day that Isaac was my person. Plus, my Mom hates everyone I’ve ever dated, but she was like he’s gonna be my son-in-law. I had so many confirmations that I eventually just let go.
Isaac: It was multiple moments. I really got confirmation on the first date, but I became sure in one moment. I was sitting in my office, and she came in, and we were talking about her making history. So I started showing her some of my awards, too, and at that point, she still didn’t know what I did. And she was like, why don’t people know about this, and I showed her my Facebook page – where I had made a small post with a few likes (laughs). And she was like, do you know how many young Black children don’t know this is possible? It was different.
I felt like a hypocrite because I do everything for the next generation. So, she allowed me to see myself in that totality and still hold me accountable. The only person who had done that for me was my Dad and [he] passed away a few days before my 18th birthday. So after that, that did it for me. Then we went to the DR for my brother's anniversary, and she met my family and I saw how well she blended with my family, and I just knew.
Santia and Isaac are continuing to grow their individual businesses and love journey. Through that process, they have created an intentional dating platform on Instagram called @dateintentional1.
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Featured image courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes