Ah, lingerie. If there's one thing that I'm a huge fan of women owning, it's exactly that. There are a few reasons why. For starters, I think it's something that all women are able to look really sexy in. When it comes to bringing your "A" game to seduction, you can't miss when you wear it. Plus, I don't know about you but, whenever I put it on, I feel so damn…beautiful.
Sometimes, when I'm in counseling sessions and couples will bring up how their bedroom has become a bit of a yawn fest, it's not uncommon for me to ask what the bedding and the wife's lingerie is looking like. And you know what? More times than not, the response is both could use a bit of sprucing up. Thing is, sometimes wives will then share with me that they don't really enjoy lingerie shopping because they have a hard time figuring out what looks best on them. Because, after all, when it comes to lingerie, it's not really a one-kind-suits-all situation.
That's why I decided to offer up a bit of a cheat sheet. Rather than break lingerie down into specific body types, I thought it would be best to share what pieces complement different parts of the body most. That way, you can go into a store with confidence about what you want and why you need it, so that you can come home and blow you and your partner's mind—in that order too. Ready?
Bustiers Will Draw Attention to Your Breasts
If you're looking to create an hourglass effect with the emphasis being on your breasts, a bustier is the way to go. It's definitely something that will make your waistline appear smaller as your breasts appear bigger—which is why a lot of women with smaller-sized breasts prefer to wear them.
Chemises are Perfect for Long Legs
A chemise is basically a really short dress in lingerie form. It's for a woman who's more on the low-maintenance and playful side of lingerie. What I like about this particular option is if you're someone with legs for days, it can make them look super seductive without a lot of hassle.
Teddies Are Great on Women with Wide Shoulders
What if you're someone with a pair of really wide shoulders? If you want a style that will have you out here looking uber feminine, you can never go wrong with a teddy. The way they are cut can help to actually give your shoulders more of a slim appearance while elongating the rest of your body at the same time.
Corsets Create an Hourglass Silhouette
Something that I think looks unbelievable on pretty much any woman is a corset. It's the kind of garment that starts right underneath a woman's breasts and extends right down to her hips. It helps to create a beautiful silhouette and, when you choose to not wear much else but it, it can be sexy AF times 10.
Rompers Are Nice on Thinner Bodies
Rompers are cute, right? They look like short lil' playsuits. When they're the lingerie version, the shorts are about as high as boy shorts which can make your legs look great. And since it's a one-piece article of clothing, it's ideal if you're on the thinner side but want to give the illusion of being a little curvier without sacrificing comfort in the process.
Baby Dolls Are Amazing for Small Waistlines
Do you not have much of a waistline or you're a little thicker in the middle? Shoot, there's nothing wrong with that, yet if you want something that will camouflage that specific area of your body, go with a baby doll look. It's very romantic and flattering at the same time because it drapes around your hips while pulling the emphasis away from the middle of your body at the same time.
Body Stockings Are Sensual on Athletic Builds
Whether you've got a super athletic body (toned or muscular) or you're thin and your shape is kind of straight up and down, something that would be perfect for you is a body stocking. Although it does cover up your entire body, because it's oftentimes made of sheer lace or fishnet, body stockings can add dimension with very little left to the imagination too.
Thongs Are Perfect for Showing Off Your Assets
If you've got a great ass and you know it, why in the world would you hide it? Put it in the thong and strut your good stuff all over the place. If all goes well, you won't have them on for long, anyway. Right?
V-Shaped Butt Needs Boy Shorts
If you've got a lil' bit of junk in your trunk but you don't have much in the hips department, a pair of panties that would look great on you is the ones that are V-shaped. They help to create the illusion that you've got more curves in that area than you actually do. They feel really good on too.
A Square-Shaped Butt Needs Bikini Cut Panties
A square-shaped butt is basically one that looks like it could be an H-shape from behind. The kind of panties that are flattering for this particular body type are bikinis because they are able to provide full coverage in the back yet the V-cut in the front can offer up a hint of curve.
Garter Belts Are Good for a Long Torso
Do you happen to have a really long torso? If so, something that will look truly breathtaking on you is a garter belt. Since it's a belt that goes around your waist and connects to stockings or knee-high socks, it will put your partner's focus on how your waist and legs seem to never end. In the best way possible.
Black Is Slimming
It's no secret that black is very slimming, so if that's something that you're after, black will never do you wrong. What I like about it in the way of lingerie, though, is it gives a hint of mystery. And when you don't know quite what's to come, the allure of that can be a huge turn-on.
Red Is AMAZING on Black Skin
I think when it comes to lingerie, getting pieces in your man's favorite color is certainly a great way to go. However, hue-wise, a color that can never go wrong for any Black woman is red. It just tends to pop whether you're a caramel, gingerbread or Godiva chocolate kind of girl. And since red symbolizes things like passion, love, desire, confidence and sexuality—how could you possibly go wrong with it? EVER.
Bright Top/Dark Bottom Will Make Your Top Look Bigger
Optical illusions can actually be a lot of fun, even when it comes to lingerie. For instance, if you want the top part of your body to appear larger and the bottom half of you to look smaller, go with a lingerie set that is light on the top and dark on the bottom. If you want the opposite effect, flip it. (The same point goes for patterns vs. solids in lingerie pieces too.)
Satin Gives Good Coverage
One more. Lace. Organza. Polyester blends. Silk. Organic cotton. These are some of the popular fabrics that come to mind when I think of lingerie. Yet if you want something that's really seductive and, at same time is "forgiving" when it comes to hiding things like cellulite, satin is always the way to go. It's smooth to look at, soft to the touch and, at the same time, provides a really good amount of coverage so that you can feel confident in whatever piece of lingerie you decide to buy. Now what are you waiting for? Cop a few pieces and blow someone's mind tonight!
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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