On the sex tip, I'm a huge supporter of couples gettin' theirs whenever and wherever they want. But let's be real—most people are going to opt to "engage" inside of their house and, more specifically, inside of their bedroom. And that's what got me to thinking.
In my sessions, I hear couples talk all of the time about how they wish their partner came to bed looking like sex might be on the menu rather than like they are on a sex fast—or worse, a sex strike. But when it comes to creating the right kind of ambiance, shouldn't it be about more than lingerie and sexy boxer shorts? Why is it that, when it comes to being at home, some of us really aren't in the mood to get down, but then when we're at a hotel, it's on and poppin'? Some of it, I think, is because there are certain things in our home that aren't sensual, exciting, alluring, epicurean—sexy.
This coming weekend, do you, your partner and your sex life a favor by conducting a quick inventory of your house. See if the following 15 things could be what's keeping you from treating your home like the hot and passionate love den that it should be. Shoot, with all that you're paying in mortgage or rent, you should be getting as much out of your home—especially your bedroom—as possible. And sometimes, just a little tweaking is all that you need to take your sex life up a notch or two. And what exactly are some overlooked household sexual turn-offs?
1. Poor Curb Appeal
This point might sound really weird, but first impressions are important. If it's your first time bringing someone over to your place, you might be surprised by how much they'll appreciate a well-manicured lawn, a porch that's been swept and fingerprints not being on your glass screen door. A good lover is totally into the details. Well, if you care about what your curb appeal looks like, you're quietly conveying the message that you have the tendency to be quite meticulous in some of the best ways possible.
2. A Messy House
OK, hopefully we all know the difference between "messy" and "nasty". But whether it's your first time bringing someone over to your place or you've been married for five years now, something that can be a real libido-killer is a messy house. Dishes in the sink. Clothes on the bed. Clutter all over the place. A home that is clean—or at the very least, straightened up—makes it easier for people to relax in. The more relaxed someone is, the more willing they are to have sex. So yeah, if your place is a total wreck, that is definitely working against your sex life.
3. An Old Mattress
Off top, if your mattress is more than seven years old, it's probably time to replace it (definitely don't wait past year 10). Also, if you've not been able to have the best sex of your life because you've had to worry about things like your mattress squeaking or it not being able to absorb the "shock" from all of the positions that you and your partner want to try, make sure that you select a mattress that is great for doin' the do. Ones with gel memory foam are able to offer a lot of support. Natural latex ones are made out of hypoallergenic and antimicrobial material that not only keeps stored-up bacteria at bay, but it's basically noise-resistant too. Finally, hybrids mattresses offer a cooling layer. If you're curious about how certain mattresses rate in the sex department, check out "Best Mattress For Sex 2019", "The 6 Best Beds for Sexually Active People – 2019 Reviews" and "Best Mattress For Sex: 39 Sex Therapists Share Their Tips". A great mattress is one of the most underrated tools for an awesome sex life.
4. A Bed That’s Too Big
I was just having a conversation with a wife who shares a king-sized bed with her husband. She was telling me that, whenever she tries to cuddle with him, it's like she has to reach all the way over to get to him; sometimes, she's too tired to do it. There are a ton of interior decorators and even some marriage therapists who will say that, if you want your bedroom to be a haven of intimacy, you need to have a queen-sized bed. Anything bigger than that and well, I just gave you an example of why that could end up being a really bad idea and intimacy enemy of yours.
5. Family Photos Near Your Bed
This point is something that you might have not given a lot of thought to before, but really—who wants to be in the doggy-style position, look over to their right and see their grandma and auntie staring at them from their nightstand?
Who wants to be in the middle of cunnilingus or fellatio and see their little brother or young child giggling on the dresser? Yes, everyone knows that people have sex. That doesn't mean your family is who you want to be thinking about while you're doing it, though.
Interior decorators have said for years that bedrooms should be used for sex and sleep only. Anything in your bedroom that doesn't foster those kinds of feelings and actions, they really should go someplace else.
6. Not Having a “Kink Drawer”
Massage oil. Vibrators. Handcuffs. Satin ties. Blindfolds. Edible body butter. Cockrings. Condoms. Whatever else and your partner's little hearts' desire. It's a lot easier to roll over and pull something out of a drawer that's next to you than to get up and have to walk someplace to get your sex toys 'n things. So, if you don't already have nightstands, having access to kink drawer or two is a great reason to get some.
7. Unsexy Sheets
When it comes to old-school jams, a lot of us would put "In Between the Sheets" by the Isley Brothers on the top of our sexy song list. Unfortunately, our bedding doesn't express how much we agree with its lyrics, though. While organic cotton sheets are typically the best idea overall, when you want to feel like the sexiest woman ever as you're rolling around all over your bed, opt for sheets that a 100 percent Egyptian/Prima cotton that comes with a 600-thread count. Oftentimes, they'll run you between $150-200, but they'll also keep you from getting too hot or two cold. Plus, they're super comfortable and really durable. If you happen to be on a tight budget, the next best thing are some cotton-polyester blends; they're cheaper and they don't wrinkle.
As far as colors go, a fun fact is whenever there's a linen sale, 90 percent of the sheets are white, ivory, light brown or beige. That's because a lot of people associate light neutrals with feeling fresh and luxurious (which is why most hotel sheets are white). But, as far as color psychology goes, shades of red will make you feel passionate; shades of pink will make you feel loving, and shades of purple will make you feel warm and elegant—especially if it's (pardon the pun) the color of eggplant.
8. Non-Aphrodisiac Scents
The best sex will appeal to all five of our senses—sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell. I don't know about you, but there have been times when I've walked into a man's place and, if it smelled really good, I was already "down". Yeah, when it comes to setting the scene, scent is as important and relevant as anything else.
That said, sometimes, no matter how clean a house may be, it can still smell stale if windows aren't opened up every once in a while; so, make sure you do that. Also, if you want to set the mood, get an oil diffuser or buy some soy candles that come in aphrodisiac scents like—vanilla, jasmine, rose, cinnamon, sandalwood, patchouli, orange, pumpkin, lily of the valley and/or ginger. It'll get you and your partner in the mood every time.
9. No Mirrors
Mirrors are sexy—and functional. On the functional tip, if you place them on a wall that is directly across from a door, it can make your rooms look bigger. On the sensual side, while mirrors on the ceiling can seem a bit corny, a well-placed full-length mirror against a wall can be really hot if you're a visual person who likes to watch you and your partner without actually putting anything on video.
10. Bright Light Bulbs
Something else that interior decorators tend to frown upon is bright light bulbs and overhead lighting, in general; especially in the bedroom. In order to create a romantic atmosphere, go with dimmers or, at the very least, three-way light bulbs. Or, if you want to add a little color to your place, another option is to get some remote-controlled and color-changing LED RGB light bulbs. They're affordable and, a lot of them can change up to 12 different hues.
11. A Nasty Bathroom
I remember, back in my college days, there was a guy who I kicked it with for a couple of years. While he was still in school, he was an athlete, so he stayed in one of those quad dorms. Now that I've got some "love nephews" who are college athletes, some of them talk about bringing girls to their place. Whenever they tell me about it, one of the first things I say to them is, "Ugh. I remember those days. I hope you clean that nasty bathroom first."
When it comes to sexual activity, there's a pretty good chance that someone is going to need to use the bathroom and/or take a shower. That's why, aside from the bedroom, the next room that needs to be clean is the bathroom; especially when it comes to the sink and the toilet. And ladies, if you think that this is something that only guys should keep in mind, there is a scene (at around the 18:58 mark) from a great Black web series Mind of a Single Male where a woman leaves her make-up all over a guy's bathroom counter. And yes, it totally turns him off.
I once heard a comedian explain sex to her young daughter as being an amusement park and toxic waste dump all rolled into one. No one wants to think about that when they are in the mood. Oh, but they will if they happen to walk into a nasty ass bathroom.
I know. It's kind of ironic that something called a "loveseat" is a no-no for sex. But if you've got one, you know that while they are cute and save up space, they aren't the most comfortable or durable piece of furniture on the planet. That's why, if you like to have sex in your living room, den, office or man cave, you should invest in a couch instead. Make sure it's one that is—eh hem—deep and long, and that it doesn't have those thin little arms on the side. Oh, and avoid leather. It's just gonna make things slippery and/or sticky.
By the way, if you're tempted to overlook this tip, check out GQ's "Couch Sex Is the Best Sex" and Women's Health Mag's "The 18 Best Sex Positions For Doing It On The Couch". Then you'll get why I had to bring this whole couch thing up.
13. No Plants and/or Flowers
Who doesn't like Quincy Jones' throwback joint "The Secret Garden" featuring Barry White, James Ingram, Al B. Sure, El DeBarge? Now that is a sexy song right there. Speaking of sexy, there is an entire book in the Bible that has all sorts of sexual references in it as well; that book is the Song of Solomon and one of my absolute favorite lines in it is, "Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! Also, our bed is green." (Song of Solomon 1:6—NKJV)
Green is a color that symbolizes life, energy, safety, nature, fertility, harmony and growth. So yeah, why wouldn't you want some plants and flowers, not just in your bedroom, but all over your home?
If you've got a green thumb, why not have a Hooker's Lips plant next to your bed (it really does bloom red lips, y'all)? Or, if you want to go the sexy flower route—passion flowers, roses, dahlias, orchids, roses and lavender top the sexy list. There really is something about walking into a "green space" that is very sensual and alluring. Plus, plants can calm you down and pull pollution out of the air which makes them a "win", all the way around.
14. Electronics in the Bedroom
Again, the bedroom is for sex and sleep, so no, your bedroom does not need to look like your personal office or even an entertainment center for that matter. In fact, if you've got a television in your bedroom, there's a study (of four million people) that says it will reduce the amount of sex that you have by around six percent. Another study that I checked out cited that the use of smartphones is the reason why 25 percent of women have lower libidos. So, if your sex isn't as turnt up as you'd like, there's a chance that it could be because you need to unplug more often.
15. An Empty Fridge
I can't count how many times I've given my all to a sex partner, felt famished and all they had in their fridge was a box of baking soda and some Gatorade. Listen, if you want to go a couple of rounds, it always works in your favor to have some food in your kitchen. Ones that work in you and your partner's libido's favor include watermelon, avocado, pesto, dark chocolate, potatoes, bananas, red meat, blueberries, spinach and red wine. Foods that are a no-no include canned soup, cheese, fried foods, microwave popcorn, shrimp, asparagus, deli meats, anything made out of white flour or soy and, if you're trying to make a baby, bottled water. So basically, opt for snacking on something fresh rather than ordering a pizza on Postmates and you should be good…to go. Just one more reason to go grocery shopping this week…right? #yourewelcome
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (firstname.lastname@example.org) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Amber Riley Is In Her Element
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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The 7 Best Tina Turner Quotes About Love, Life, And Legacy
The world has become a little less brighter following the loss of the indomitable force known as Tina Turner.
The legendary singer --who was crowned the Queen of Rock 'N' Roll after captivating many hearts for six decades with her electrifying raspy voice, explosive dance moves, empowering life story, and much more-- died on May 24 at the age of 83 after battling a long illness. Turner's passing was confirmed in a statement released by the star's publicist Bernard Doherty.
In a statement to People magazine, Doherty revealed that Turner had "died peacefully" in her home in Switzerland, which she shared with her husband, music producer Erwin Bach. Doherty also announced that a private funeral service would be held at an undisclosed date for Turner's close family and friends.
"Tina Turner, the 'Queen of Rock'n' Roll,' has died peacefully today at the age of 83 after a long illness in her home in Küsnacht near Zurich, Switzerland. With her, the world loses a music legend and a role model. There will be a private funeral ceremony attended by close friends and family. Please respect the privacy of her family at this difficult time," the statement read.
Photo by Harry Langdon/Getty Images
In addition to the public statement, Turner's passing was also confirmed on her social media accounts. Although, at the time, details surrounding Turner's cause of death were limited, it was ultimately revealed that the "River Deep Mountain High" songstress passed away from natural causes. This comes years after Turner underwent a kidney transplant, which her husband donated, and suffering from various health issues. The list included high blood pressure, stroke, and intestinal cancer.
As the news circulated online, many of Turner's close friends and fans paid homage to the icon by expressing how much she meant to them. The list included Angela Bassett --who played Turner in the 1993 film What's Love Got To Do With It-- Beyoncé, Dionne Warwick, Mariah Carey, Ciara, and longtime friend Oprah Winfrey.
In an Instagram post, Winfrey recounted how her friendship with Turner started. The 69-year-old explained that she was a massive fan of the "Proud Mary" vocalist, and upon meeting, the pair's bond would blossom into a decades-long sisterhood.
During that time, Winfrey shared that she was in awe of Turner's resilience from her past childhood traumas and being abandoned by both her parents to how she overcame her violent relationship with ex-husband Ike Turner. The former television host added that Turner's ability to preserve through life's hardships inspired an entire nation.
"I started out as a fan of Tina Turner, then a full-on groupie, following her from show to show around the country, and then, eventually, we became real friends. She is our forever goddess of rock 'n' roll who contained a magnitude of inner strength that grew throughout her life. She was a role model not only for me but for the world. She encouraged a part of me I didn't know existed," Winfrey wrote while honoring her longtime friend.
Photo by Rob Verhorst/Redferns
"Once she claimed her freedom from years of domestic abuse, her life became a clarion call for triumph. I'm grateful for her courage, for showing us what victory looks like wearing Manolo's and a leather miniskirt."
Winfrey wrapped up her words by recalling her conversation with Turner regarding death. The Oprah Winfrey Show host revealed that Turner embraced it because "she had learned how to live surrounded by her beloved husband, Erwin, and friends."
"She once shared with me that when her time came to leave this earth, she would not be afraid, but excited and curious. Because she had learned how to LIVE surrounded by her beloved husband, Erwin, and friends. I am a better woman, a better human, because her life touched mine. She was indeed simply the best," Winfrey stated.
With Turner's untimely death, the "What's Love Got To Do With It" singer leaves behind an immaculate career spanning over 60 years. Alongside her countless hit songs, Turner's past accolades consist of eight Grammy Awards, a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, and a Grammy Hall of Fame for three of her songs.
"The Best" songstress' other achievements included Turner earning her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, becoming a double inductee in the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame once in 1991 with Ike Turner, and again in 2021 as a solo artist, etc.
Turner is survived by her husband, Erwin Bach, many friends, and fans. Turner had four sons, two of whom she adopted while married to Ike. Her biological sons, Craig and Ronnie, both sadly passed away in recent years. To date, it is unclear if Turner has mended her relationship with her two adopted sons, who belonged to her ex-husband Ike Turner.
Turner’s music has impacted many people thanks to the beautiful storytelling and powerful words. In honor of Turner's legacy, xoNecole is looking back at her most memorable quotes on life, love, aging, and beauty over the years.
Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
Tina On Life
"If you are unhappy with anything…Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self, comes out."
-via 1986 interview with Ebony magazine.
Tina On Love
"He [Erwin] shows me that true love doesn't require the dimming of my light so that he can shine. On the contrary, we are the light of each other's lives, and we want to shine as bright as we can, together."
via Turner's book, Happiness Becomes You: A Guide to Changing Your Life for Good.
Tina On Her Greatest Beauty Secret
"My greatest beauty secret is being happy with myself. It's a mistake to think you are what you put on yourself. I believe that a lot of how you look has to do with how you feel about yourself and your life."
-via 2016 interview with Woman & Homemagazine.
Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It (Official Music Video)
Tina On Aging
"Fifty is the new 30. Seventy is the new 50. There are no rules that say you have to dress a certain way, or be a certain way. We are living in exciting times for women. Keep up with fashion, keep up with your figure and the clothes you wear. If you look good and you can still do it, then go and do it. I have never worried about age."
-via 2009 interview with the Daily Express.
Tina On Death
"Even when it's time to go and leave to another planet, I'm excited about that because I'm curious to know what it is about. Nobody can tell you because nobody has come back. I'm not excited to die, but I don't regret it when it's time for me. I've done what I came here to do. Now is [time for] pleasure. I've got great friends. I have a great man in my life now. I have a great husband, and I'm happy."
-via 2013 interview with Oprah Winfrey.
Tina On The Legacy She's Leaving Behind
"My legacy is that I stayed on course from the beginning to the end because I believed in something inside of me that told me that it can get better…So my legacy is a person that strived for wanting it better and got it."
-via 2013 Oprah interview.
Tina On How She Would Want To Be Remembered
"As the Queen of Rock 'N' Roll. As a woman who showed other women that it is OK to strive for success on their own terms."
via April 2023 interview with The Guardian.
Although xoNecole and the world are mourning the loss of the incredible Tina Turner, it is humbling to know that she accomplished so many things, personally and professionally, during her time here and continues to show why she was, in fact, "simply the best," even after death.
We will miss you, Queen. Rest in Power!
Tina Turner - The Best (Official Music Video)
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Feature image by Paul Natkin/Getty Images