"[A boss is] someone who is creative, innovative, unrelenting in his or her efforts to bring their ideas to life. Being a boss is always about bringing other people along with me; creating space for other people to shine and be great."
A collection plate could, in fact, be passed after that tweetable gem from the Olympic track and field champion, Sanya Richards-Ross. Richards-Ross is bossed up and ready to add to her resume, which already boasts an impressive track and field career (four Olympic gold medals and numerous World Championship medals from 2002 through 2016); a luxury hair extension line; select endorsements; and even producer credit on a docuseries about her life titled "Sanya's Glam & Gold."
Some might wonder what could she possibly want next. The short answer?
The rest of her things.
Transitioning From The Track
Courtesy of Sanya Richards-Ross
Three years after hanging up her track spikes, Sanya's multi-hyphenate boss ambition is clearer than ever. Having recently founded the digital community MommiNation.com and being tapped to co-host a one-of-a-kind Will Packer-produced entertainment news show, Richards-Ross is erecting a brand new empire. And its foundation was firmly laid on the track.
She credits her Jamaican parents' sage wisdom and strong values for much of her drive to be valuable beyond sports. "I remember my parents always telling me to not be one-dimensional. I remember hearing that all through high school when track was my life. My dad would say, 'If you're gonna be acing it on the track you've got to be acing it in the classroom.' And that pushed and challenged me [to know] I can do [multiple] things at once at a high level."
And Sanya rolled that drive into Olympic success, quickly building a reputation as a phenom in the 400m and 4x400. She experienced the glory of a long athletic career but also witnessed the weight that could come with the transition out.
"I saw a lot of my friends go through a stage of depression because you go from being in the limelight, doing something you're very passionate about, to not knowing what's next. It does impact how you feel about yourself. I wanted to make sure when track and field [was] over I [didn't] go through that slump that a lot of athletes go through and I [could] find the next thing and feel valuable beyond sports."
Richards-Ross announced her retirement shortly after sustaining a hamstring injury at the July 2016 Olympic trials. In what others might have found defeat, Richards-Ross found opportunity to reflect, graciously releasing one chapter and writing the next with clarity and precision. A simple yet powerful prayer kept her perspective intact:
"Thank you Lord, for giving me this gift of running and thank You for all it has allowed me to experience. And I am now giving it back to You."
"I get emotional now saying that prayer because it was really tough for me because I did feel like I had one more Olympic cycle in me if I didn't have the foot surgeries and struggle with injuries toward the end of my career. I saw myself being a two-time gold medalist in the 400m. I [felt that I] could go back and win it one more time. It was difficult but I kept saying that prayer until I was really at peace with it. A lot of God's blessings aren't meant to be forever; they're seasonal," she reminisces.
"[After that], I started to prepare myself physically and mentally for what it would mean to walk around in this world not hearing, 'And in lane five is Olympic gold medalist Sanya Richards-Ross!'" she continues with a laugh. "And to be able to feel like I'm still standing on a pedestal humbly because I have so many more skills that I can offer to the world. I started mentally talking myself through how great I can be. I always say, 'Greatness is not fleeting. It lives in me.'"
Making Mommy Moves
Courtesy of Sanya Richards-Ross
Greatness steeped in intentionality. That's the prism through which the 34-year-old mother of one shines brilliantly. Married in 2012 to her college sweetheart, Aaron Ross - a two-time NY Giants cornerback Super Bowl champ (talk about equally yoked!) - Richards-Ross took her time stepping into motherhood. Sanya and Aaron waited seven years after marriage before welcoming little 'Deucey,' their son, into the world.
"Mentally, spiritually, and physically [we] were ready for him," Sanya says firmly. "Bringing another life into the world - I believe it should be intentional. It should be something you really want because it is a hell of a commitment. Being an athlete, it's the opposite, you have to be selfish. It's one of the ingredients of success. Having a child, you have to really be selfless."
"Being an athlete, it's the opposite, you have to be selfish. It's one of the ingredients of success. Having a child, you have to really be selfless."
She found the time beneficial for building a solid marriage foundation and focusing on the practices necessary to raise her family well.
Easing into mommyhood, Sanya looked into the digital space and noticed a void and a two-fold opportunity: to build a platform that celebrates the entirety of motherhood and womanhood and to create a support system as she transitioned from sports into motherhood. So she founded, the digital platform, MommiNation.com.
"I saw that there were some incredible mommy bloggers and blogs but what I saw was missing was a platform that speaks to moms holistically. Don't just talk to me about my little one but talk to me as an entrepreneur, as an author, as a wife, as a partner, as a friend. MommiNation was birthed out of my idea of wanting to create that same community I had in sports in a new arena. My arena has changed but my desire to be on a team and be in community hasn't."
From The Track To The TV
Courtesy of Sanya Richards-Ross
The thread of teamwork runs intricately through her life story from one venture to the next, including her upcoming five-week run as co-host of Central Ave., an urban-centric entertainment news show produced by Will Packer Productions for FOX. Sanya will be hosting alongside Julissa Bermudez, effectively helming the first entertainment news show hosted by two women of color.
"It's kinda blown my mind that it's actually happening. We have a five-week test on December 4th on FOX - similar to Entertainment Tonight/Access Hollywood but with urban sensibility," Richards-Ross says.
The show will dive deeper into nuanced content that matters to urban communities than most entertainment news shows are equipped to go. Created within the social media age, it promises to be a one-of-a-kind experience.
"Our team is really smart and keen on how we want to create a show with this social media energy. [For example] where do we get that real solid report on who Nipsey Hussle was and in-depth stories? John Singleton? They mean a lot to our communities."
Richards-Ross is very clear: She will not be pigeon-holed and delay is not denial.
Her advice for the mothers, athletes, entrepreneurs who are facing life's transitions? Be OK with not seeing the fruits of your labor right away while working hard anyway.
"My whole life I've learned how to work hard, train, believe and be OK with delayed gratification. That's what separates great entrepreneurs from the ones who don't make it. You stick with it when you get injured, when you get a bunch of no's, when no one is cheering for you. That's what makes a great entrepreneur. If you're transitioning from one career to another you have to be OK with delayed gratification. I don't get to get a gold medal with MommiNation.com because I was a gold medalist in track and field. I have to figure out how to start all over again. Be authentic transparent. Be committed to whatever that transition is. Start from ground zero and work your butt off. Greatness is in you."
"That's what separates great entrepreneurs from the ones who don't make it. You stick with it when you get injured, when you get a bunch of no's, when no one is cheering for you. That's what makes a great entrepreneur."
The one word that sums up her life to date:
"'Inspired.' That's the word that is getting me out of bed. I've put in all this work and planted all these seeds and I'm starting to see them blossom. It makes me want to keep going and stand on my own platform."
And we'll be in the stands rooting for her.
To keep up with Sanya, visit www.MommiNation.com and follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Sanya Richards-Ross
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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