It was 2009 when singer/songwriter Keri Hilson first made her debut.
She captured our lovelorn hearts and fueled us with self-worth anthems, beginning with "Energy," followed by chart-topping duets with male artists at the top of their game like Chris Brown, Kanye West, and Ne-Yo, and eventually the female empowerment anthem "Pretty Girl Rock." Miss Keri Baby had the world at her fingertips and the numbers to back up. She was at the height of her career, and on the outside looking in, lived a life anyone would dream of.
What was unknown to the rest of the world was that the In a Perfect World artist was experiencing the exact opposite of perfection. Despite the fame, the success, and the accolades, she wasn't herself. Keri was depressed.
"When 'Pretty Girl Rock' was at the top of the charts, I was bearing the weight of some personal and professional mistakes, and they just weighed so so so heavy on my spirit, and I was just not myself."
"Although I was at the mountain of my life, really the trajectory of my dream – I was at the pinnacle, you know? I was severely unhappy and then add to that, this is when I decide to jump out of an eleven-year relationship. Bad decision, bad timing," Keri added. "But it all just kind of spiraled for me, and became something I had never been through. I had never recognized myself as a person who can't pick themselves back up. I mean, I was literally on stage crying."
The media has a way of sensationalizing things to the point of kicking you while you're down, and something as seemingly miniscule as a headline can take you to an even darker place. Blogs, comments, and the Internet in general can be unforgiving to celebrities believing their words don't have power, but really, all words do. "You don't know where a person is, it's not just about what you are feeding your audience, but what you are doing to the creators. There are a lot of undeserving people that are being attacked by just a headline," Keri shared. "You don't understand some of the worst days of my life were from a lie. An attack on my character. And I am an amazing person. I do say that because I've done the work to become that and all I ever wanted to be was just a great human being."
It was at that point that Keri, against the wishes of her peers and mentors, decided to take a hiatus from her dream to focus on her mental health.
"Literally, 7 years of my life have been a battle with depression. And I can't say that I'm all the way clear, but I'm in the clear."
Depression is a villain with many faces that has tormented women of color without opposition for decades. Silence The Shame, an organization created by music executive turned philanthropist Shanti Das, is finally fighting back.
The Hip Hop professional was instrumental in developing the careers of artists like OutKast, Usher, and Toni Braxton and is now using her influence to challenge stigmas about mental illness in the black community through Silence The Shame. Keri, alongside Das, xoNecole founder Necole Kane, creator of the GIANTS series James Bland, therapist Dr. Ayanna Abrams, and mental health professional Vaughn Gay, spoke on the Silence The Shame Panel in Atlanta last month. Silence The Shame is about taking the shame away from mental health and depression in the black community and remembering your power.
Depression has gone unchecked for decades in the black community due to lack of education. If you take medicine or go to therapy, you are dismissed as "crazy" or said to "have issues." And for women and men of color, those perceptions create wounds that cut much deeper.
As women of color in particular, we sometimes feel like if we show any sign of weakness, we will be scrutinized or invalidated.
It's the double-edged sword of embodying that "strong black woman" archetype that we wear for the people who inhabit our worlds so well.
In theory, Keri was living her best life. But even at the height of her career, she found herself seeking inner peace and struggling with depression. The adage is true, just because someone seems okay on the outside, doesn't mean they are okay on the inside.
Mental illness is multifaceted and can show up in your life when you least expect it, even when it seems like you're finally getting everything you've ever prayed for. For some women, it may look like high energy and insomnia, and in others, it may look like isolation and substance abuse. If you or someone in your life, are going through depression, it is important to find a support group or a counselor and get help. "I don't know many of my peers that actually go to counseling. And I can attest to the fact that it is a process, because it does uproot things. I would have anxiety even going," Keri said.
"It uproots for the sake of healing. So it's a process. It's not that you go and sit there one time and feel good. Many days, I wouldn't feel good going or leaving."
If you're like me, and you feel hesitant about the idea of therapy: please understand, we all need help. If your tribe is not properly equipped, it is essential that you outsource. Let a professional peel back those layers so that you can finally heal.
Keri also credited a lot of her growth and healing passed her depression period to steering clear from social media. Social media comes with positives, but it also comes with its fair share of negatives and for Keri, it was important to respect the process by protecting her peace. "When we are not okay, when we are a little low or a lot low, there is a protection mode that has to happen because you don't know how much our subconscious is soaking in the criticism and the praise. Neither of them is great for us. It's all based on people who don't know the true us. Part of my protection was going away. For two and a half years, I went ghost from social media. I don't need the false love or the unwarranted hate. I don't want any of it so I just left."
"Now that I'm back on social media, that subconscious chatter that we are taking into our spirits, it doesn't resonate, it doesn't reach that part of me that it once did. So when you are not okay, take that app off of your phone," she added.
Collect additional much-needed gems about depression and mental health in Silence The Shame's honest hour by watching the video down below.
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These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyOkay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
Giphy1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
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Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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