With the open-door policy of the internet, it's easy to bare all when it comes to the insides of our lives. Relationships and relationship endings included.
Keri Hilson has been involved in two high profile relationships over the years, both with baller beaus. And while she said her former relationship with Serge Ibaka was an exception to her rule of no ball players, she made another exception for her boyfriend Ricardo Lockette. And just like you post your #blacklove goals for all the world to see, sometimes people are quick to let us in on entirely too much - like breakups they haven't let their partner in on yet.
We see it often; couples post pictures of themselves in the midst of their honeymoon phase and then, weeks later, we taste the dust in the air when it all crumbles. Privacy is no longer a commodity. Baring it all for social media has become a trend - some intentionally, some unintentionally - but it's more than surprising when others take the high road and remain elusive to the counsel of Twitter and Instagram commenters.
Exposing your life on social media is like allowing a million eyes to watch through the window of your sacred space. For me personally, I keep the in's and out's of my dating life off of social media. In fact, my phone is face down during my interactions with others because I believe everything is not meant to be televised.
My first relationship in college was all over the internet, and it permeated the union between us. Subtweeting became normalized for how I went about communicating my feelings and it usually ended in an argument. Our break up went viral between our friends, and it took me months to bounce back. Looking back, I looked crazy in the Twitter streets. The way we handle relationships in this new era of publicity is a direct reflection of the way we respect others and ultimately, respect ourselves.
Keri Hilson has consistently been a woman of grace when it comes to how she handles herself and her relationships on social media. Although she only showed bits and pieces of her relationship with Lockette on Snapchat, it was reported a week ago that the ex-Seahawks player broke up with Keri via Instagram - and tagged multiple news publications in the post. Instead of taking to her Twitter fingers to respond and expose shortcomings of the relationship, she spoke her truth about the relationship in a subliminally blatant tweet.
Two days later, she posted another truth:
"The root of how we conduct ourselves in relationship is based on our own self-love."
Many of my relationships were mirrors to look into. The partners I attracted were people who tested the way I viewed myself, my self-worth, and the amount of respect I had for myself. How much toxicity, turmoil, or disrespect are we willing to tolerate before we completely remove ourselves from the situations that cause us the most pain? From the outside looking in, the way Keri Hilson articulated those two tweets was a complete representation of her own self-worth.
Unbeknownst to the story behind the scenes, it is still evident that she is moving forward with a realistic and clear-headed perspective on life and love. Our relationships are meant to nurture our inner being. We are not obligated to stay with someone who does not water us or promote the ascension to our highest self. Who we become intimately soul-tied to is a decision we make on our own, and it is one that we need to be able to make for the betterment of who we truly are.
In the era we live in, I think a lot of people are afraid to be vulnerable and truthful in love because they are worried about their perception on social media. Everyone is afraid of looking stupid. Everyone is afraid of looking like they bounce from relationship to relationship after one fails. Honestly, we may be afraid of being shown to opinions about who we are that might rock the boat of comfortability. It's almost as if we're all afraid of the very things that make us flawed and human.
Keri's simple tweets are extremely pertinent to introspection on how we conduct ourselves online during and after relationships. She shows us that it's important to keep your composure, maintain your class, and don't let anyone sweat you.
When you recognize your true worth, the self-love you possess will continue to keep you centered, even after a break-up Instagram post tries to get you off your game.
Featured image via Keri Hilson/Instagram
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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