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What Happened When I Broke Up With My Phone For The Weekend

Here's how it elevated my mental health.

Inspiration

My phone and I have been in a committed relationship for the past 15 years. She has been there for me through my ups and downs. She has listened to conversations that have brought me great laughter and tears. When I felt lost and needed direction, she guided me. When moments in my life felt unreal, she was there to capture the moment. When I felt down, she uplifted my spirits with a good playlist. She never stopped me from answering a text, picking up a phone call, or blocking an ex-boyfriend.

My phone has been my greatest support system.

Recently, the relationship between my phone and I has felt demanding. The constant work emails, social media apps, and the overwhelming amount of notifications have made me feel drained at times. She is way too available these days! I mean the way she rings, vibrates, and shines her light from the moment I wake up - stresses me out. I love her, but she needs too much attention from me. After much time and consideration, I decided we needed some space. My phone and I broke up for the weekend.

Breakups Are Hard But Sometimes Needed.

When I turned off my phone, I have to admit I didn't feel so liberated; at first. I felt anxious. My mind rushed with the worry of who was texting me. Am I missing important work emails or am I missing out on the latest social media post? I almost felt guilty for turning it off. As time went by, I realized breaking up with my phone was going to be easier said than done.

I found myself not knowing what to do with my newfound time. My phone (sadly) was my main source of entertainment. I would subconsciously look for my phone, to then only remind myself that we had broken up. I realized how much my phone became a part of my life.

I knew if I wanted to have a better relationship with my phone, I would need to have a better relationship with myself.

Breakups Are Beautiful Because They Allow Us To Rediscover Ourselves.

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I figured what could be a better time for a nature walk than now. Walking into the world with no phone made me feel a little unsafe. I began to have those anxious thoughts again of "what if?" I decided it was also a good time to purchase mace.

Being in nature with no phone began to feel empowering. I had finally disconnected from the world. Normally, I have my headphones and a soundtrack blasting in my ears. For the first time, I was able to embrace the sounds of a nature walk in New York City. The welcoming vibrations of trees blowing, birds chirping, children playing, and cars passing by brought me to peace. I felt safe in the surrounding harmonies of Central Park.

My moment in nature allowed me to process a lot of subconscious thoughts I was avoiding. I was able to have a mental check-in with myself: How have I REALLY been feeling? Where in my life do I need to be more intentional? Where are my triggers coming from? These questions allowed me to face realities I normally distract myself from with a quick social media scroll. I left the park with mental clarity and peace.

My Breakup Allowed Me To Get It Together! 

After my nature walk, I arrived home and decided to get my whole life together. I was able to do some much-needed chores. Without any distractions, I was able to deep clean my house, organize my finances, write down my goals, donate clothes, and squeezed in a little nap. I was able to accomplish so much in almost no time at all. I quickly realized how much my phone held me back from achieving even the smallest task. Normally, my "get my life together routine" consisted of several 30-minute phone breaks.

I felt accomplished! I finally found a routine that had worked for me. Turning off my phone had improved the quality of my mental health and overall life. I felt less anxious and stress. I also saw a shift in my self-awareness and productivity. I even went as far as questioning if I even needed a phone at all.

Accountability Is Essential In All Relationships.

After much consideration, I discovered the root of my problems wasn't my phone, but my lack of self-control. Yes, the overload of work emails, texts, calls, and notifications did have me all the way stressed. But! I too played a role in my toxic relationship with my phone. I allowed myself to overindulge at times. Avoiding daily life duties and situations by choosing to binge on several apps and selfies. This began a vicious cycle of responsibilities beginning to pile up, a rise in my anxiety, and a decline in my motivation.

Giving Love A Second Chance.

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Once I was able to have some time for myself and reflect, I felt a lot better. My phone and I have been hand in hand for more than a decade. She watched me grow into a woman and I watched her grow into a Nextel, Side-Kick, Blackberry, iPhone 4, 5, and now 7. Despite our ups and downs, we've always been there for one another. She's always shined her light on me, even when I couldn't afford her that month. She has taught me that boyfriends come and go, but a good cellular plan lasts a lifetime.

The relationship between my phone and I have gotten better since our breakup. I have been better at managing time on social media apps and attending to work emails on my laptop. While she has been better at staying on airplane mode when needed.

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ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
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