It's over and you are lowkey devastated. Whether it was a situationship, you were ghosted, you've broken up from a long term relationship, or are in the process of ending your current one, you are shattered and confused. You have valid feelings of past hurt. But let me tell you some hard truths: no matter how much you glow up, there will still be ghosters, clowns, and players in your dating pooI. Beloved, relationships are not supposed to feel like emotional roller-coasters and when you let them continue that way, you are letting someone capitalize off of your lack of self-worth.
You really have to dig deep and ask yourself a very important question: What was the bigger problem, his inadequacy or my lack of self-worth?
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Aren't you tired? Like honestly aren't you exhausted with giving up your power, your body, your time to someone's son just for him to give you the runaround? Sit down, get a pen and pad, and let's do some work. Equip yourself with some highly potent f*ckboy repellant and remind yourself of your value with these tips:
Stop Chasing Him And Remember That You're The Prize
Why you let him bother you when you knew he didn't want you?!
We often take a man becoming distant or seizing contact altogether as an open invitation to start hustling for our worth.Though this is a somewhat natural reaction, it is often rooted in a deep down belief that you are not enough.
You've convinced yourself that that there is not an abundance of men who can offer you a fulfilling relationship, so you continue to cling to this broken one. This is not how a high value woman handles relationships and dating! You know why? She knows that a relationship is worth having is not worth losing her composure and self-respect over.
The right man will complement your life, not complicate it.
GIFER
Think about it, when you walk into the Louis Vuitton store and you can't afford that bag, do they lower their prices? Do they chase you around the store, trying to haggle? No! They tell you to come back when you're ready and go help the next customer. You have to get to that point with your heart: if he can't afford to work on a healthy relationship with you, allow yourself the space to welcome someone who will. The inability for him to see your worth does not lower your value.
Action Tip: Write down your relationship boundaries and detail behaviors that you will not accept. For example, mention any abuse, emotional dishonesty, or inconsistency you've experienced.
Define The Kind Of Love You Think You Deserve
Many of us have been socialized to think not what a man can offer us, but what we can offer to a man. Do you know what you are looking for? Because once you do, when a clown is pursuing you, you will be able to differentiate him from Mr. Right or even his fine cousin Mr.Almost Right.
Do you think that you deserve a relationship where you don't have to compromise your value? This is not a question of your worth but of your perception of it. Do you really believe that you deserve a man who is healthy for you spiritually, physically, emotionally, and who is financially stable and that he's out there looking for you? If so, i'm pretty sure you would not be entertaining Mr. Can't Afford To Take You Out This Weekend for the 3rd time in the row.
You accept the love you think that you deserve sis, and what you accept will continue.
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You will keep on meeting the same man in different bodies until you get crystal clear on what it is that you are looking for. Dating without clear standards is like grocery shopping while you're starving: you heighten the possibility of walking out with something unhealthy that was never in your intentions.
Action Tip: Write out the non-superficial qualities that you are looking for in a man. For example, do you want someone who is supportive of support of your endeavors and has the desire and ability to spend quality time with you? Do you want a partner who encourages you to get out of your comfort zone? Be intentional about choosing someone who can speak to you in your love language.
Determine If Your Desire For Love Is Making You An Easy Target For Fraud
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Love bombing is one of the most devastating and traumatic dating experiences you can encounter is often seen in combination with ghosting or breadcrumbing (where a man pulls back his affection and level of interest in a relationship until all you have left is crumbs).
Love bombing is exactly what it sounds like, a person coming into your life like a whirlwind showering you with attention and affection, gifts, and over the top gestures that makes your poor little heart explode. Things move very fast, this person starts planning a future with you, is in constant communication with you, but once you get comfortable, the rug is pulled from underneath your feet and he changes up. Sounds like a scam right? Because it is! And the most beautiful and intelligent women fall for it because a basic human desire, to love and be loved, is being used against you. A solution to this is examining your life and figuring out where the holes in your heart hide so that you can fill them up yourself.
Fill your cup until it runneth over and then let a man add some flavor! Make your life a three-course meal and allowing him to be your dessert, not your entree.
GIFER
Action Tip: Write down the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable, and realize that these are not facts, sis. Starting working on embracing you. Love yourself, or nobody else can. Finally, write the parts of your life you want to improve and get to work, sis.
In the words of Iyanla Vanzant, "Love yourself so that love won't be a stranger when it comes."
I can't promise that these tips will help you find the love of your life tomorrow but they will greatly reduce the energy you expend on the wrong relationships and help you put your value before your desire to cuffed this season. Cheers!
Featured image by Shutterstock
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
'Love Is Blind' Stars Lauren Speed-Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton Reveal How Fertility Journey Made Them Closer
Love Is Blind's Lauren Speed-Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton instantly won our hearts after appearing on the first season of the popular Netflix dating reality show. Since marrying on the show in 2018, many of us have kept up with their lives on their respective social media platforms and their joint YouTube account, Hanging With The Hamiltons.
They recently launched their podcast, The Love Seat, and during episode two, featuring Shelah Marie and Ace Hood, the beloved couple opened up about their fertility journey.
Cameron, 34, said, "The number one question we are always asked is, ‘When are you going to have a baby?’”
Lauren, 36, follows, saying that the conversation surrounding fertility isn't easy for her. "I'll be honest, I like to share a lot of things, but this is one that's still kind of tough," she said.
"But I think it's so important to talk about it so that you can see yourself in the conversation that we're about to have."
Whilst a difficult journey, Lauren said their fertility struggles actually brought them closer. "It has made us feel more connected. I think we support each other, we’re more in tune now," she said.
“I feel like in marriage, or any type of relationship, when you go through something that’s big and heavy or weighs on your heart, it creates a bond.”
She added, "I think that it’s actually made us stronger.”
Cameron shared what it has been like watching Lauren taking fertility treatments, even though it wasn't something she initially wanted to do.
"When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," his voice began to crack. "You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Later in the show, Cameron offered advice to other men who were experiencing a similar journey with their partners. "As men, our first instinct, it seems, is to want to fix things,” he stated.
“When we’ve been struggling to conceive, my first instinct is to dive into the research on fertility, IVF, try to consume everything I can, come up with a strategy, how are we going to improve the next time.”
The World Health Organization (WHO), reported that 1 in 6 people experience infertility globally. Infertility is defined by not being able to get pregnant naturally within 12 months of trying and it can affect the male or female reproductive system.
IVF (in vitro fertilization) is a common procedure that many people turn to to help them conceive, but it is costly. Back in April, singer and Emmy award-winning host Adrienne Bailon-Houghton shared that she easily spent over a million dollars on IVF treatments.
"I only did eight cycles of IVF, but that doesn't include the amount of IUIs I did and every other kind of imaginable treatments that you could imagine for fertility," Bailon-Houghton told PEOPLE. "So it was a pretty tough six years of trying to have my son."
In 2022, Adrienne and her husband, Israel Houghton welcomed their son, Ever James via surrogate.
Other celebrities have opened up about their fertility journeys, including Gabrielle Union, Eboni K. Williams, and Tamron Hall.
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Feature image by Carol Lee Rose/Getty Images