To Live A Purpose-Filled Life, You Have To Leave Your Comfort Zone
At the beginning of 2018, it seemed like everyone was opening a new business.
Whether it was a new hair care line for women of color, creating handmade jewelry, or starting a new blog, millennials around the country bombarded the US Patent and Trademark Offices to begin building their own empires. I can't lie. I was one of them. After a small intervention I never saw coming, I realized that living your dreams and getting out of your comfort zone was the new wave.
A wave that I desperately needed to begin a purposeful life.
Last year, I was a full-time employee at a non-profit organization that provides mental health services to adoptive and foster care families across the state of Maryland. My career was rewarding, and I woke up every morning feeling like I was a part of something greater than myself. One day, I ran into one of my co-workers in the break room. She told me she recently received a certification in Professional Certified Coaching (PCC) and wanted to offer me a FREE consultation. I thought to myself, "A life coach?"
I was a little hesitant since she was my co-worker, but after she reassured me that the consultation required no commitment, and we could meet outside of work, I agreed. I didn't have anything to lose. She would either tell me something I didn't know or confirm what I already know.
It turns out, she did so much more. We were knee-deep in conversation when I realized I needed this session more than I'd ever admit. "I want people to take me seriously," I blurted out.
Her voice remained calm and steady as she replied, "Do you take yourself seriously?"
My wardrobe consisted of worn sweaters and flats, and I opted for a messy bun more often than I should. I had a steady career but I lost focus on the things that brought me joy. My passion for writing hit a brick wall. There I was, dedicating all of my energy towards someone else's dreams all while mine were sitting on a piece of paper tucked away inside my journal. No, I wasn't taking myself seriously, so how could I expect anyone else to?
Although I built a small following for my blog and brand, LadyLaura.co, I found myself in a cycle of mediocrity that I didn't realize I was in. After our session, I experienced a mixture of emotions that felt like passion, eagerness, and surprisingly guilt. I felt so guilty that I let all of my personal branding goals fall so low on my priority list. I didn't quite know exactly what I was going to do, but I knew I needed to start making changes quickly. Below are the three steps I took to lead a more purpose-filled life.
Saving $5,000 In Less Than A Year
One major hurdle I needed to overcome at the time was money. I needed to work a full-time job to sustain my lifestyle. I was living in the Washington D.C. Metro Area where the cost of living is pretty high. Instead of focusing on the amount of time I needed to complete my goals, I began focusing on saving money to invest in my marketing and product development. "Money can be made anywhere," my new life coach said.
I didn't quite understand her. She then forced me to think about all the extra time I had during the day and said:
"A shortage of money or opportunity isn't the issue, your shortage of drive and dedication is the only thing that will hold you back."
I secured a part-time job at the mall where I only worked weekends. I had those checks directly deposited into a savings account that wasn't linked to my checking, so I wasn't tempted to spend it. I also secured a babysitting job on Care.com that allowed me to earn an additional $500.00/month. I was always busy. I was always tired, but I was making money. Every day was a step closer to my goal.
Quitting My Job
I was working as an Executive Assistant. My job was very demanding, but I had the pleasure of working with an amazing management team who taught me so much. I never planned on quitting my job when I initially started my plan. I just wanted to save the money. The more money I was saving, and the more I thought about my career, I realized I wasn't happy after all.
Although I loved the people I worked with, I wasn't quite sure I was passionate about what I was doing every day.
I started waking up dreading the same routine, the office politics, the same job title. I had been working there for four years, so this was no easy split. In fact, that's exactly what it felt like - a breakup. I kept putting it off. It was awkward for me, and I knew I would be emotional about it. I scheduled a meeting with my boss, and I finally got the courage to quit. She was shocked to say the least, and mostly concerned that I would leave a job that was stable and offered me a steady stream of income. "How will you survive?" she asked.
With every ounce of confidence I had in my body, I assured her that I would figure it out.
Moving Out Of State
Saving money was easy. Quitting my job was bearable. Moving out of Maryland? Not something I was ready for. I am originally from Virginia and moved to Maryland when I was about 17 years old. I spent all of my adult life in Maryland. It was the place I called home.
That was until I woke up one morning and realized that I hardly had any friends there. All of my family members were back in Virginia. I spent most of my time working and connecting with people via social media. The only thing tying me to Maryland was my job. Yep, the one I just quit. It was time for a change of scenery. Although I knew I would miss Maryland, I knew I needed to move to an area that would allow me to live comfortably while I built my career as a writer.
After about a year and a half of pure hustle and risk-taking, I am now living my dreams. If you would have told me two years ago that I'd be writing full-time, I would have laughed...awkwardly. I have always known what I wanted to do deep down inside, but I was always told that writers don't make any money. I was told I should take a more lucrative career path.
As I look back at all that I have accomplished so far this year, I am amazed at the amount of strength and vulnerability it took to do what I did. Getting out of your comfort zone and turning your whole life upside down is not an easy task. It requires diligence, passion, and discipline. You will spend many lonely nights, sacrifice relationships, and have weak moments, but there is nothing greater than living a life full of purpose.
- 6 Reasons To Step Outside Your Comfort Zone | HuffPost ›
- The Science of breaking out your comfort zone (and why you should ›
- Overcoming Fear: 10 Ways To Step Outside Your Comfort Zone ›
- Why it's Finally Time to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone ›
- 5 Benefits of Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone | Psychology Today ›
- Why You Need to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone ›
- 3 Ways to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone - wikiHow ›
- How to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone | Breaking Personal Barriers ›
Born and raised in Newport News, VA, LadyLauraCo is Editor-in-Chief and creator of LadyLaura.Co, the blog and brand. As a lifetime writer, Laura hopes to reach young women all over the world by providing connections to literature and art, travel advice, and practical ways to pursue their best lives.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images