At the beginning of 2018, it seemed like everyone was opening a new business.
Whether it was a new hair care line for women of color, creating handmade jewelry, or starting a new blog, millennials around the country bombarded the US Patent and Trademark Offices to begin building their own empires. I can't lie. I was one of them. After a small intervention I never saw coming, I realized that living your dreams and getting out of your comfort zone was the new wave.
A wave that I desperately needed to begin a purposeful life.
Last year, I was a full-time employee at a non-profit organization that provides mental health services to adoptive and foster care families across the state of Maryland. My career was rewarding, and I woke up every morning feeling like I was a part of something greater than myself. One day, I ran into one of my co-workers in the break room. She told me she recently received a certification in Professional Certified Coaching (PCC) and wanted to offer me a FREE consultation. I thought to myself, "A life coach?"
I was a little hesitant since she was my co-worker, but after she reassured me that the consultation required no commitment, and we could meet outside of work, I agreed. I didn't have anything to lose. She would either tell me something I didn't know or confirm what I already know.
It turns out, she did so much more. We were knee-deep in conversation when I realized I needed this session more than I'd ever admit. "I want people to take me seriously," I blurted out.
Her voice remained calm and steady as she replied, "Do you take yourself seriously?"
My wardrobe consisted of worn sweaters and flats, and I opted for a messy bun more often than I should. I had a steady career but I lost focus on the things that brought me joy. My passion for writing hit a brick wall. There I was, dedicating all of my energy towards someone else's dreams all while mine were sitting on a piece of paper tucked away inside my journal. No, I wasn't taking myself seriously, so how could I expect anyone else to?
Although I built a small following for my blog and brand, LadyLaura.co, I found myself in a cycle of mediocrity that I didn't realize I was in. After our session, I experienced a mixture of emotions that felt like passion, eagerness, and surprisingly guilt. I felt so guilty that I let all of my personal branding goals fall so low on my priority list. I didn't quite know exactly what I was going to do, but I knew I needed to start making changes quickly. Below are the three steps I took to lead a more purpose-filled life.
Saving $5,000 In Less Than A Year
One major hurdle I needed to overcome at the time was money. I needed to work a full-time job to sustain my lifestyle. I was living in the Washington D.C. Metro Area where the cost of living is pretty high. Instead of focusing on the amount of time I needed to complete my goals, I began focusing on saving money to invest in my marketing and product development. "Money can be made anywhere," my new life coach said.
I didn't quite understand her. She then forced me to think about all the extra time I had during the day and said:
"A shortage of money or opportunity isn't the issue, your shortage of drive and dedication is the only thing that will hold you back."
I secured a part-time job at the mall where I only worked weekends. I had those checks directly deposited into a savings account that wasn't linked to my checking, so I wasn't tempted to spend it. I also secured a babysitting job on Care.com that allowed me to earn an additional $500.00/month. I was always busy. I was always tired, but I was making money. Every day was a step closer to my goal.
Quitting My Job
I was working as an Executive Assistant. My job was very demanding, but I had the pleasure of working with an amazing management team who taught me so much. I never planned on quitting my job when I initially started my plan. I just wanted to save the money. The more money I was saving, and the more I thought about my career, I realized I wasn't happy after all.
Although I loved the people I worked with, I wasn't quite sure I was passionate about what I was doing every day.
I started waking up dreading the same routine, the office politics, the same job title. I had been working there for four years, so this was no easy split. In fact, that's exactly what it felt like - a breakup. I kept putting it off. It was awkward for me, and I knew I would be emotional about it. I scheduled a meeting with my boss, and I finally got the courage to quit. She was shocked to say the least, and mostly concerned that I would leave a job that was stable and offered me a steady stream of income. "How will you survive?" she asked.
With every ounce of confidence I had in my body, I assured her that I would figure it out.
Moving Out Of State
Saving money was easy. Quitting my job was bearable. Moving out of Maryland? Not something I was ready for. I am originally from Virginia and moved to Maryland when I was about 17 years old. I spent all of my adult life in Maryland. It was the place I called home.
That was until I woke up one morning and realized that I hardly had any friends there. All of my family members were back in Virginia. I spent most of my time working and connecting with people via social media. The only thing tying me to Maryland was my job. Yep, the one I just quit. It was time for a change of scenery. Although I knew I would miss Maryland, I knew I needed to move to an area that would allow me to live comfortably while I built my career as a writer.
After about a year and a half of pure hustle and risk-taking, I am now living my dreams. If you would have told me two years ago that I'd be writing full-time, I would have laughed...awkwardly. I have always known what I wanted to do deep down inside, but I was always told that writers don't make any money. I was told I should take a more lucrative career path.
As I look back at all that I have accomplished so far this year, I am amazed at the amount of strength and vulnerability it took to do what I did. Getting out of your comfort zone and turning your whole life upside down is not an easy task. It requires diligence, passion, and discipline. You will spend many lonely nights, sacrifice relationships, and have weak moments, but there is nothing greater than living a life full of purpose.
- 6 Reasons To Step Outside Your Comfort Zone | HuffPost ›
- The Science of breaking out your comfort zone (and why you should ›
- Overcoming Fear: 10 Ways To Step Outside Your Comfort Zone ›
- Why it's Finally Time to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone ›
- 5 Benefits of Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone | Psychology Today ›
- Why You Need to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone ›
- 3 Ways to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone - wikiHow ›
- How to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone | Breaking Personal Barriers ›
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
