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As I prepare to leave 2019 behind and usher in the new year, I am having a lot of conversations with myself about the words defining my year and the words I'm hoping to define my year to come. One of the words that has been a recurring theme as of late has been "rest". And let me tell you, it's with good reason.
For the past two years or so, I've been tossing and turning at night and waking up every 2-3 hours due to a combination of anxiety and a mattress that desperately needed to retire. There was a huge dip in the middle that indicated it was a few years passed its expiration date. Plus, any given day, my lower back would kill me. But you know the deal, I'd swipe my card for impromptu trips and Postmates every day in a heartbeat, but when it came to putting money down for a new mattress, I couldn't help but squint my eyes at its price tag. I was skeptical about whether or not a better night's rest was worth the investment.
However, as I am starting to relearn, a bomb mattress can save your life. Literally.
When Tuft & Needle offered me the chance to try their mattress, "The Original", I leapt at the opportunity. With 95% of their customers loving and keeping this particular mattress of theirs, I was certain I was going to thoroughly enjoy my experience with the T&N Original mattress. And to keep it all the way a buck, "rest" is now my middle name.
Read on to learn why you should consider making your next mattress purchase a Tuft & Needle mattress.
Why Tuft & Needle
Photography Taylor S. Hunter
Tuft & Needle has engineered their mattresses with customer feedback in mind so it's no wonder they have garnered over 5,000 5-star reviews on Amazon (which is almost three times the amount their top five competitors have received combined). They aim to reshape the way we view sleep. The mattress has just the right amount of firmness and resilience and doesn't sacrifice comfort for design.
And for a Queen sized bed (The Original), at $595, it is also relatively low compared to some of their competitors.
Photography Taylor S. Hunter
The Mattress Deets
Photography Taylor S. Hunter
Now, I've had a springless memory foam mattress prior to T&N, but this one took me to church! What I really loved about The Original is that it is comprised of T&N Adaptive® foam, which is a fancy way to say that the material adapts to you. This especially comes in handy as you move around in bed throughout the night, providing pressure relief to your body all the while. I noticed the moment I first sat down on the mattress, it felt like a cloud and, rest-wise, I have had that feeling of euphoria ever since.
The adaptive foam also offers hella support to the sleeper(s), meaning no matter your weight or position, it's an ideal universal mattress. So, whether you sleep on your back, on your front, to the side, or diagonally (I'm good for a diagonal sleep when I'm alone), the mattress conforms and supports you and the way you sleep. The T&N Adaptive® foam also consists of graphite and cooling gel, together these materials helps to pull the heat from your body and disperse it throughout the rest of the mattress. The end result is the good night sleep of your dreams.
The Science of Sleep
Photography Taylor S. Hunter
Admittedly, I spend a lot of time in bed. As much as I want to say I am one of those women who work from home, but have a separation between where I lay my head at night and where I work in the day, in reality, those lines are much more blurred. I wake up in the mornings, and instinctively reach for my laptop on my nightstand. And stay there for the next couple of hours. It's also how I segue into my semblance of a nighttime routine.
As previously mentioned, my nights were plagued by sleeplessness and my early mornings were plagued by aches in my lower back and sometimes my neck and thighs. And sometimes, although my bedroom was my workplace preference, it wasn't even an option because of how badly the uneven elevation of the mattress made my body feel.
While a bad night of sleep can deplete you, a good night of sleep can replenish you.
In addition to reduced stress, an improved mood, and clarity for a better work/school performance, better sleep has also been linked to health benefits like lowering your risk for heart disease and diabetes, as well as boosting your immune system. With my new Original mattress, I can check off those benefits and am happy to continue to do so. I get my full 8 hours each and every night and can work comfortably during the day. And as I'm relearning the importance of stillness and pouring into myself, rest has never felt so damn good.
Photography Taylor S. Hunter
Get better sleep 2020 is the wave. And if you're ready to ride it, click here to learn how you can invest in your rest with your new T&N mattress today.
Want more bang for your buck? Make your purchase between 11/25 and 12/1 to take advantage of the company's Black Friday sale. Click here for $200 off the Mint mattress.
Featured image by Taylor S. Hunter
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral, experience faster and stronger orgasms, or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “sideways oral” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head. (If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful.)
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris, but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia, which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus. More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
Getty Images
How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva, but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva.
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images
