10 "Weird" Things Could Actually Elevate Your Sexual Experience
I write about sex—a lot. That's because I read and research the topic, even more. Sometimes, while I'm out here perusing, I'll happen upon something that'll immediately evoke a light chuckle or a "For real? That's crazy" internal response. Today, I'm about to share 10 semi-weird things that caused me to do either or—sometimes both. While the overall objective is just to provide some food for thought, I'm thinking that if you actually apply a few of these things to your own sex life, it could prove to be beneficial for you. Are you ready to check out some totally random things that could improve copulation for you and yours? Let's hit it.
1. People Who Make Their Bed Have More Sex
I'll be honest. When I heard Oprah say a few years back that she hardly ever makes her bed, I felt that in my spirit. Because I make sure to get 6-8 hours of sleep and also because I am totally unapologetic about taking a nap during the day, it's rare that my bed gets made either. And since I'm currently not getting any, when I read that people who make their bed have more sex, for now, all it did was cause me to Kanye shrug. Oh, and want to share it with folks who actually are.
Apparently, there was a survey conducted that said, not only is it a total turn-off to 55 percent of people to have sex with someone who doesn't make their bed, those who actually do so are participating in coitus 25 percent more too. As a bonus, bed makers tend to get more quality sleep. So, if making your bed isn't something that you're big on, but you want to have more sex than usual, pulling that comforter up and fluffing a few pillows could be the solution to this particular "problem".
2. A Man’s Girth Is More Important than His Length
Earlier this summer, I wrote the article "BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go" for the site because, well, it's the truth. While I've indeed had my fair share of "big ums" in my day, the man who gave me the most vaginal orgasms actually had the smallest member of them all. That's why I'm not sold on the fact that a big penis is all that necessary when it comes to sexual fulfillment; especially since our most sensitive nerve endings are actually two inches into our vagina.
That's why it actually makes perfect sense to me why a man's girth (the width of his penis) would make more of an impact than his length.
From what I've read and researched, our vagina is covered in stretch mechanoreceptors; those are receptors that give our central nervous system information as it relates to things like touch, pressure and vibration. Because our vaginas are capable of stretching wide enough for a baby to come through (another reason why size is "eh"), it would make sense that the width of a man's penis would help to stimulate our mechanoreceptors more than the length of one would. So, if you're wondering what kind of penis would work more in your favor…now you know.
3. Heels Can NEGATIVELY Affect Your Orgasms
Gasp if you want, but I'm not big on high heels. It's not that I don't think they're sexy; it's just that I know what they can do to our backs over time and, the older I get, the more I care about that kind of stuff. Something that confirmed my sentiment was learning that wearing heels can also work against us in the bedroom. The bottom line reason is, many shoe companies have designed the arch of heels to match the arch of our pelvis. The problem with that is the heels can create a contraction in our pelvic floor that actually makes it challenging for us to fully climax during sex. Hey, I'm not saying you need to toss out all of your stilettos or anything. I'm just saying that wedges and sneaks might be your better bet on non-special occasion days. If you wanna have more orgasms, that is.
4. The More Water You Drink, the More You’ll Be Able to Get Off
This point isn't really "weird" so much as it is a reminder. We're made up of around 60 percent water, right? So, rather than immediately reaching out for lube, every time you have sex, how about committing to drinking more water throughout the day, every day? Hydrating your body from the inside out is a proven way to make you wetter, which ultimately makes sex oh so much better.
5. The “P” and “V” Are Low on the Erogenous Zones List
If you're someone who likes a lot of foreplay, even if it's more than intercourse itself, don't think that it makes you a high-maintenance lover. The reality is, as far as erogenous zones go, the penis and vagina count for 10 percent of "importance" when it comes to sparking sexual stimulation. That's probably why a lot of us don't get turned on if our partner immediately goes for "her" without taking a few pit stops along the way. The more you know.
6. Certain Sleep Positions Can Ramp Up Your Sex Dreams
I once read somewhere that if you want to engage in more morning sex, you can significantly increase your chances of that happening by dreaming about coitus the night before. If you just read that and thought to yourself, "Great. But who can actually 'will themselves' to have a sex dream?", it's funny that you would ask that. Word on the street is, if you sleep on your stomach, with your hands over your head, you actually have a really good chance of dreaming about copulation. It might sound crazy but before you totally write it off, try that position tonight. Report back in the comments if it sparked anything.
7. Sitting in a Chair Can Make You Hornier
All of us have something called a pudendal nerve. It runs from the back of our spine, right down to the base of our genitalia. It's a nerve that is able to send messages to our brain via our vagina (or in men's cases, their penis) and anus. Coincidentally, it's also what controls our sphincter muscles whenever we go to the bathroom. Well, when we sit with good posture in a chair, that nerve that can get stimulated which can arouse us. So, if you've been wondering why you can't seem to stop thinking about sex while you're at work, you being in your chair all day could very well be why, sis.
8. Big Guys Are Better and Last Longer
I'll be the first to say that a six-pack is really nice to look at, but if you wanna have a better sex life, you might wanna go the beer belly route instead. Yep. Apparently, men who have a little more jiggle around the middle are not only able to last longer (roughly around five minutes), they also produce more of the hormone estradiol which can also prevent them from cumming before they are ready to.
While this certainly isn't license for a man to pack on the pounds (because obesity can cause health issues up the road), it definitely is enough of a reason to not nag your partner if his body isn't picture perfect. His gut just might be able to please you more than any body builder or model ever could. Tell your man there's no need to thank me for sharing this with you. I was more than happy to help. #wink
9. Sex Can Regulate Your Cycles
Is your menstrual cycle all over the place? Something you can do to naturally regulate it is to have more sex. No joke. A part of the reason is because sex releases the natural hormone oxytocin which can reduce your stress levels. The less stressed out you are, the more balanced the rest of your hormones are so that the regularity of your period becomes more consistent. As a bonus, sex can also make your menstrual cramps less intense and sometimes, even shorten your period too. Engaging in intercourse, around once a week, is all you need to (hopefully) make this happen.
10. A Headache Can Be an Aphrodisiac
Got a migraine? Guess what can be better for you than ibuprofen? You guessed it—an orgasm. Apparently, the same brain chemical that causes us to feel horny is the same one that can also give us a killer headache. And so, what some scientists have discovered, is folks who are prone to migraines actually have an elevated libido. I actually know some migraine sufferers who can't get enough sex. I never made the connection until I read a study surrounding it. Interesting. Very interesting, indeed.
BONUS: Being in Love Makes Sex Better
Let me close out with something that isn't weird; just a reminder. Last fall, I wrote "Experts Believe Passion (Not Love) Makes Sex Better. You Agree?" for this site. I must say that, as someone who has counseled many sexless married couples who do love each other but still ain't having good sex, to a large extent, I would have to agree. That still doesn't mean that love isn't a really important ingredient in a lasting and fulfilling sex life, though. When you love someone, you trust them, you feel OK sharing all of yourself with them and you care more about being with them than setting unrealistic expectations—and yes, that makes for a much better sex life. To seal the deal on this, I wanna share an article that I read on Thought Catalog's site entitled, "18 Men Explain Exactly How Sex Is Different With Someone You Love".
So, if all you pretty much engage in is casual sex, maybe give waiting until you love someone a chance. It could be what stands between the "cool sex" you've been having and the climbing-the-ceiling sex that you're truly deserving of. You might get the sex you've been looking for without needing to personally apply all of this…weirdness.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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