

Remember those midday naps we were called away from playtime for when we were kids? I hated them. It seemed like they lasted forever and we spent more time pretending to be asleep, waiting for the moment to be told we could get up - fake yawning and returning to play - than we did actually resting. Now incorporating a nap into my daily routine is essential. I even schedule naps into my Google Calendar when necessary. I take my lunch break and will walk my tail out to my car and close my eyes for 15 minutes.
With all the conversations about self-care, I recognize that we often leave out the simplest and most important forms of self-care in favor of the fancier, pop cultural fads. Getting the daily rest we need is one of the best self-care tenants we can live by. As women on the rise, we've got people to see, things to do, and places to be and we need to be at our brightest, quickest, and most alert to make the moves we're here for. We need to rejuvenate on the regular. Adequate naps help tremendously with that.
My girlfriends and I agree: We regret the naps we goofed our way through as kids and will dare anybody to disturb the few we get now. It's hard enough trying to adult and get enough rest but when you throw in the curveball of how to get adequate rest, it can all become a bit trickier.
You might think, "Well, don't you just close your eyes and drift to sleep?" Not necessarily. Consistent studies show that there are proven ways to ensure you're napping to the best of your ability and getting the most out of each nap you take. I've taken the liberty of pulling some of the best tips to getting the best abbreviated shut-eye:
Limit Naps To 30 Minutes Or Less.
According to sleep.org, napping for longer than 30 minutes can counteract the benefits of a nap, which include alertness, enhanced performance, and a better mood. A nap is not supposed to take the place of actual sleep. Think of it as a quick recharge to a smartphone battery halfway through the day. If you charged your phone the night before, halfway through the next day you're perhaps between 65% and 55%. All the phone needs is a little boost in battery power to ensure it isn't completely dead by the end of the day.
It's Not Weird To Feel Tired Halfway Through The Day.
We've all felt that midday slump. You know, the sudden lack of motivation and energy that many of us override with caffeine. That less-than-energetic feeling around say, 2 or 3 p.m. doesn't (necessarily) mean anything is wrong. It's just that our bodies are not machines running on an endless supply of electricity. Our bodies run on what we put into them, how much (and the quality of) rest we get, our physical activity, and our mental/emotional health. Needing a rest in the middle of the day is essentially the way our bodies are designed. Factoring in how to get that rest should be a daily practice for everyone.
You Need A Good Night's Rest
If you're only getting a couple of hours of sleep each night because you're burning the midnight oil or you're binge-watching Being Mary Jane for the fifth time, a nap won't really do you any good the next day. Your body will always be struggling to make up for what it lost during the night. Naps are supplementary to your nightly sleep. The number differs by an hour or two but between 7 and 9 hours of sleep are necessary for peak productivity and better day-to-day health.
Sleeping In The Dark Is Most Effective
Light activity keeps the brain moving, expecting, waiting for something. Darkness allows the brain to settle itself and the body to relax, not expecting anything but rest. When at work, try finding an unoccupied room, setting your phone alarm for a good 15 to 20 minutes, turning out the lights, and dozing off. If that isn't an option, try using your car as Nap Central! Lay the seat back and apply a sleep mask over your eyes.
Try Meditation Apps
Apps like Calm, Headspace, Mindfulness , and MINDBODY (all available for iOS and Android) help you to practice mindfulness, meditation and rest. So, even if you can't take a nap during the day, you can still use one of these apps to close your eyes and allow your body to find its calm and center itself.
What ways can you begin to be more mindful and proactive about getting more rest? Let us know in the comments!
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
You Don’t Have To Choose: How Black Women Can Care For Others Without Self-Sacrifice
One of the primary instructions we receive before a flight takes off is to prioritize putting on your life vest first if there’s an emergency, even before assisting others. It’s funny how this rule rarely translates to the daily routine of women.
As women we are taught, directly and indirectly, to put others first. Whether it’s our romantic partners, kids, parents, friends, or even our jobs. Mental health survivor and founder of Sista Afya Community Care, Camesha Jones-Brandon is challenging that narrative by using her platform to advocate for Black women and their right to self-care.
Camesha created the organization after her struggles with mental health and the lack of community she experienced. The Chicago native explains how she created Sista Afya to be rooted in “culturally grounded care.”
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“So at my organization, Sista Afya Community Care, we focus on providing mental health care through a cultural and gender lens,” she tells xoNecole. “So when we think about the term intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, we think about the multiple identities that lead to certain experiences and outcomes as it relates to Black women.
“So in the context of culturally grounded care, being aware of the cultural history, the cultural values, and then also the current issues that impact mental health outcomes.”
Words like “strong” and “independent” have long been associated with Black women for some time and many of us have begun to embrace the soft life and are using rest as a form of resistance. However, some of us still struggle with putting ourselves first and overall shedding the tainted image of the “strong, Black woman” that had been forced on us.
Camesha shares that while there’s more and more communities being created around empowerment and shared interests like running, she still questions, “are Black women really comfortable with being vulnerable about sharing their experiences?”
Being vulnerable with ourselves and others play an important role in healing the instinctive nature of always being “on” for everyone. “I'm currently facilitating a group on high functioning depression, and yesterday, we talked about how when Black women may be struggling or have shared their concerns with other people. They may be minimized, or they're told to just be strong, or it's not so bad, or I went through something worse back in Jim Crow era, so you should be thankful,” she explains.
“So I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people. So that is probably a very common theme. I think we've made a lot of progress when we talk about the superwoman syndrome, the mammy stereotype, the working hard stereotype, the nurturing stereotype. I think we're beginning to unpack those things, but I still see that we have definitely a long way to go in that area.”
I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people.
Roman Samborskyi/ Shutterstock
While we’re unpacking those things, we know that we’re still women at the end of the day. So as we continue to serve in various roles like mothers, daughters, sisters, and caretakers, we have to make caring for ourselves a priority. Camesha reveals four ways we can still care for others without abandoning ourselves.
Trust
First things first, trust. Camesha explains, “Some of the burdens that Black women have can be linked to not feeling like you can trust people to carry the load with you.
“It's hard because people experience trauma or being let down or different experiences, but one of the things that I found personally is the more that I'm able to practice trust, the more I'm able to get my needs met. Then, to also show up as my best to care for other Black women.”
Know Your Limitations
Another thing Camesha highlighted is Black women knowing their limitations. “The other thing that I would like to bring up in terms of a way to care for yourself is to really know your limitations, or know how much you can give and what you need to receive,” she says.
“So often, what I see with Black women is giving, giving, giving, giving, giving to the point that you're not feeling well, and then not receiving what you need in return to be able to feel well and whole individually. So I really think it's important to know your limitations and know your capacity and to identify what it is that you need to be well.”
Don’t Take On A Lot Of Responsibilities
Next on the list is not taking on so many responsibilities, sharing herself as an example. “The other thing is taking on too much responsibility, especially in a time of vulnerability.
“One thing that I personally struggled with was being so passionate about community mental health for Black women, and saying yes to everything and taking on so much responsibility,” she reveals. “That affected me to do well in serving Black women and then also impacting my own well being.”
Practice Self-Care
Lastly, she notes the importance of practicing self-care. “The last thing is really practicing regular self care, regular community care, so that it's embedded into your daily life. So for me, having prepared meals, going to the gym, getting eight hours of sleep, spending time with friends and family, all of those things are part of my self care that keep me at my best,” she explains.
“Then community care, leaning into social networks or social groups, or spending time with other interests or hobbies. That's a part of my community care that keeps me going, so that I can take care of my needs, but also to be able to show up best in care for others.”
Find out more about Camesha and Sista Afya Community Care at communitycare.sistaafya.com.
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