Black womanhood is like an exclusive club. A sisterhood.
We are bonded by our likeness and our differences; our diversity. But we are also bonded by the adversity we face as a collective. Lucky for us (because it hasn't always been this way), social media has allowed for all Black women to feel seen, heard, and connected to other Black women. Even those who didn't have the pleasure of growing up around other Black girls. During tough times, we see heavy themes echoed amongst black women about their childhood.
Being a little Black girl is having to grow up too fast and being sexualized too young.
It's being overly self-aware in a way that other children are not.
It's being treated like an adult because you lack the "fragility" of your white counterparts, and the "boys will be boys" excuse afforded to your male counterparts.
For me specifically, being a little Black girl was being sexualized too early. It was being aware that I was not afforded the same carefree-ness as other kids. It was, and is, feeling like many aspects of childhood were privileges that I was not fortunate enough to be born into.
I did everything while keeping in mind the worst thing I could appear to be was "fast." My sexuality was being controlled before I was old enough to even think about sexuality.
I sat on top of a table at the laundromat, eight years old, legs dangling from the edge of the table, open, swinging freely. My mom was taking clothes out of the dryer with her back to me. I was going on and on about some childhood thing of dire importance at the time. My mom turned around and stared at me. I stopped talking. "What?"
"Close your legs."
I scrunched up my face. "...For what??" I questioned rather skeptically for an 8-year-old. I really didn't get it.
"It's not lady-like," she answered as she turned around to continue folding.
I was visibly irritated. "I have on pants…"
Silence.
"That doesn't even make sense," I said. "There's nothing between my legs mom… It makes more sense for BOYS to have to close their legs because there's SOMETHING there!"
More silence.
It was driving me up a wall. What did I need to close my legs for?
I felt gross. Like I was doing something dirty and obscene.
I completely understand the reason behind my mom's comment. You want to do everything you can to protect your child from potential danger. You worry that a man will see a person with female anatomy and want to penetrate. While the responsibility not to rape lies FULLY on men, the responsibility to protect your child lies on the parents. Ultimately, the responsibility to protect your child causes many parents to lean in to rape culture – telling their young girls what to do to avoid being victimized instead of telling their young boys not to be trash. I was being told to close my legs for fear that a man would see my open legs and want to enter me.
In another instance, I played outside with my older male cousin. I wanted to be just like him. I did everything he did. I was around nine years old. His dad, my uncle, drove down the street to pick him up. He jumped up and down, excited to see his dad, and I did the same. We both ran over to his dad who picked me up to hug me. I heard my mom call my name. "Brittany! It's time to come inside!"
My uncle put me down and I ran inside. "Don't let him pick you up anymore. You're too big for that now," my mom ordered as I walked into the house.
"Why not?"
"You're too old to be having a grown man pick you up. It's inappropriate."
Once again, I felt dirty. Like I was doing something wrong. Instead of the adult in the situation being confronted (although he was also doing nothing wrong in my opinion, even in retrospect as an adult), I was being confronted. The responsibility for the actions of an adult man was being placed on me. I felt embarrassed, like I had done something obscene without realizing it.
I felt it again when I was around 10 years old. My parents and I took a trip to my godparents' house. When we got there, my godbrother, who was 21 at the time, asked me if I wanted to take a trip to Toys R Us to pick out some toys. Of course, I said sure. We went, I got a toy, and returned without incident. On the car ride back home from my godparents' house, I could sense tension. I felt like I was in trouble for something, but the car was silent. Finally, my dad broke the silence.
"Next time a man asks you if you want to go anywhere with him… say no. Just to be safe."
Once again, I felt accountable for the potential misactions of adult men.
While each of these instances sound small, they sent very strong signals. They made me feel as though if something were to happen to me, it would be because of a misjudgement on my part. Like if a man one day decided to take advantage of me, somehow it would be my fault. I felt like it was my responsibility to make sure that I didn't provoke men with my barely-developed body. I was acutely aware of my body, of men looking at my body, and of seeming "fast." While this may sound "better safe than sorry," it came at the cost of a blissful, carefree childhood.
Being sexualized too early strips young Black girls of the childhood bliss afforded to most other children. As the world struggles to see us as children, we are being being thrust into a mode of hyper self-awareness that most other children aren't entrenched in until damn near adulthood. This unwanted, victim-blaming responsibility that we carry around causes a lot of shame when something happens to us.
We're supposed to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient. We aren't afforded assumed fragility. We don't get to be the victims.
It's tiring, it's painful, and it's time to stop normalizing these microaggressions.
Fortunately, now we, the former little Black girls, are in control. We're responsible for making sure the next generation of little Black girls don't have it as hard as we did. With social media making it easier to not feel so alone, we can commiserate with other Black women who may have similar experiences and ensure this toxicity ends with us. Being a #carefreeblack girl shouldn't be something that has to be learned. Little Black girls deserve to be truly carefree from the start and we're doing a damn good job of making that a reality.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
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Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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