Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The ‘Afterplay’?

Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The ‘Afterplay’?

Ah, afterplay. I'll be honest with, y'all—while I am indeed impressed by a man who brings his "A" game in the foreplay department, I am totally enamored with a man who is a master at afterplay. If you're not exactly sure what that is, it's basically when you've got the kind of sex partner who doesn't simply climax, immediately roll over and fall asleep (ugh). It's when you're with someone who is attentive enough, intuitive enough and into-you-enough to want to provide a little extra attention, affection—or perhaps even something more than that—once the deed is "done".

To me, not only is an afterplay man the mark of a great lover, it also shows a man who has some pretty impressive stamina and staying power too.

Why do I say that? It's because I know that men falling asleep after sex isn't something that they just came up with, all on their own; there is actually a science to it all. Long story short, when a man ejaculates, he releases norepinephrine, vasopressin, nitric oxide, serotonin, oxytocin and prolactin. Prolactin is not only tied to sexual satisfaction, it is also heightened during sleep. Meanwhile, oxytocin and vasopressin are two other chemicals that are at their peak during orgasms; plus, they are associated with relaxation and catching z-z-z's. So basically, when a man cums and those chemicals are triggered, it's like he's receiving a huge boost of pleasure and the ultimate sleeping pill at the same time. So yeah, when you take all of this into account, if a man is able to muster up the effort and energy for afterplay, he definitely deserves a round of applause.

But what if your man is, eh, lacking in this department? Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Chances are, all he needs is a little motivation to stay up, just a bit longer. My hope is that these tips will inspire him—and you—to do just that. Because if you've ever experienced real afterplay before, you know that sex only gets better—and you and your partner only get closer—whenever you get some of it.

What Is Afterplay?

1. Kiss


Kissing is hot. Lord knows that it is. But sometimes, in the moment, we lose our lover's lips in exchange for deep breathing, dirty talking and sometimes, even screaming at the top of our lungs. Something that you and yours can do to reconnect at the end of an orgasm is to kiss each other. Because kissing triggers the "love hormone" oxytocin in our system, it can immediately create a feeling of warmth, safety and even sentimentality. That way, should your man start to drift off to sleep, at least you will feel like he is present; that he didn't simply "check out" once he "got his".

2. Cuddle


I've got a girlfriend who hates to cuddle after sex. Meanwhile, her husband absolutely adores it. In the beginning of their marriage, them not being on the same page in this area wasn't that much of a big deal. Oh, but as the years have passed, it has become more and more of an issue for him. Because my friend isn't very physically affectionate, in general, her husband looks for sex as a time to be able to hug up, spoon and get close in a way that they aren't able to do as much when they are, say, watching a movie on the couch. I get that too because cuddling is a way to create, not just physical, but emotional intimacy with your partner.

Plus, cuddling is also able to reduce anxiety, lower bodily inflammation, ease chronic pain, strengthen your immune system and, ironically, make it easier for both of you to fall asleep.

So, if your man is like, "Baby, I'm trying to hang in there, but it was so good that I've got to at least take a cat nap", ask him to meet you halfway by agreeing to spoon with you. It's a classic afterplay move that tends to satisfy everyone involved.

3. Fondle


Although the findings on this kind of run the gamut, on average, it takes a man around five minutes to have an orgasm while it takes us women around 14 minutes. This is why the best male lovers know that 1) foreplay is paramount because it slows them down while giving their partner time to "warm up" and 2) it's best if they focus on their partner getting off before they do. Shoot, since a man can cum in five minutes, it's pretty much a given that he—with the help of you, of course—will find his "sweet spot". But if he puts himself before you and then he's exhausted or even needs 30 minutes or so before the next round, that could, at the very least, leave you irritated—if not mad frustrated.

If there are moments when your game is so good that he simply can't stop himself from "running ahead of you", another awesome afterplay move is to get him to fondle or even finger you. If the foreplay was there and the sex felt great, sometimes all you need is a little extra stimulation to take you right over the edge in a matter of a couple of moments.

4. Engage in Oral


A pretty much surefire way to get yours (or get yours again) is to have your partner engage in a little cunnilingus. Come to think of it, since both men and women are (reportedly) comfortable with oral action only lasting between 10-11 minutes, unless your partner is the most selfish man on the planet (which would require me penning a totally different kind of article), he can muster up enough energy for some licky-licky, even if he is too tired (at the moment) for some sticky-sticky.

5. Watch a Movie


There's a married couple I know whose schedule is so tight (partly due to the houseful of children that they have) that, the only time they are really able to get any alone time together is after 11pm. They try and make a point to, at least three times a week, stay up and hang out for a couple of hours around then. If you can relate, another way to incorporate afterplay is to watch a movie together. There's something sweet and totally stress-free about being able to curl up with your partner in bed so that you can check out a favorite past film or check out a new one together. And yes, it counts as afterplay because it cultivates intimacy. All good afterplay does.

6. Talk


I know that guys read a lot of the content on our site too. So yes, fellas, I know that this particular point is probably causing some of you to roll your eyes (in the most masculine way possible, of course). But from what my male buddies have told me, they are not opposed to pillow talk following sex. No, what they hate is "deep" pillow talking. So ladies, the whole "Where is this going?", "Are we ready to take it to the next level?" or, if you're married, talking about the bills, in-laws or work-related stuff is not even remotely what consists of giving good afterplay. Reserve this kind of talking for affirming one another, laughing together and seeing how you both can talk each other into going at it…again…at some point.

7. Eat


If you're someone who loves to work out then you can probably relate to how good food tastes after you do it. Well, sex is the ultimate form of exercise, right? A way to refuel and get some extra quality time in with your partner is to have sex and then enjoy a snack together. Now, I'm not saying that you should have a five-course dinner. But a bowl of strawberries (they remove bacteria and boost the libido), a spinach salad (spinach increases blood circulation), a couple of bananas (they will replenish the iron, potassium, and calcium that may have been lost during your romp) and—get this—pizza all top the list of being great afterplay cuisine.

And why pizza? Aside from the fact that it's pizza, there's a study that revealed that many people (2,000 millennials, to be exact) immediately felt closer to individuals who happen to like the same foods that they did. And 46 percent of the people polled liked it when their partner liked pizza. So, if you want to gas your partner up to go another round, try the strawberries, spinach and bananas. But if you want simply want to get some bonding time in and you bask in the afterglow, order a pizza.

They're all awesome afterplay moves. The kind that will make you and yours the ultimate afterplay pros.

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream

Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage

What Is 'Erotic Self-Focus' & Why You Should Definitely Try It

Here's How To Make Morning Sex...Sexier

Feature image by Shutterstock




As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.

Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.